Body Swap with Sister's Boyfriend Ch. 02

"So here we are Dakota and Richie, safe and sound at school," said Richie.

"Troy, why are you driving like an L-plater this morning?" Dakota asked.

Richie tried to sound casual. "Oh, just trying to be careful in the busy traffic."

"It isn't busy this morning Troy, in fact it's quiet. Just don't drive like that tonight, I want to arrive at the Gold Coast some time in the early evening. If you drive like that tonight, we won't make it until after midnight."

"Um Dakota I was thinking that maybe we should catch the train and then the tram tonight?" Richie suggested hopefully.

Dakota's facial expression indicated that she did not think this such a great idea, and Richie tried to convince her otherwise. "If we drive to the station, we can catch the train to Roma Street, change to the Gold Coast train down to Helensvale and then pick up the tram down to Surfers. Easy."

Dakota rolled her eyes. "Troy, we are not catching the train and tram at night. There's too many drunks and weirdos getting on board through Logan, and anyway it takes about 40 minutes on the tram to get from Helensvale to Surfers. But even that's probably faster than the way you're driving today, Troy."

"How about you drive Dakota?" Richie suggested, trying to put Plan B in place.

"Forget it, I'm not driving I want to have a few drinks," said Dakota. "Is this what it's all about, Troy? You want me to drive so you can have a few beers? That's so selfish. You are driving tonight Troy, and that's it. End of discussion."

Dakota put her petulant look on her face. "Um ah, sorry Dakota," Richie offered.

Dakota looked into the back of the car, where the bemused Troy was watching the argument with a look of amusement on his face. "Something funny, Richie?"

"No, sorry Dakota," mumbled Troy.

"I'd better be going in," said Dakota, collecting her things and exiting the vehicle. "Thanks for the lift to school Troy, it's been um, really weird to be honest."

Troy climbed out of the back of the car and Richie out of the driver's seat, and Dakota looked even more puzzled. "What are you doing Troy?"

"I'm going with Richie," said Richie, thinking up a convincing story. "There's this online game I'm interested in and Richie doesn't know that much about it but Chad and Lachlan do so we're going to see them. Right Richie?"

"Right Troy," agreed Troy. The two young men attempted to smile reassuringly at the most suspicious Dakota. But they succeeded only in grinning vacantly at her and annoying and un-nerving her in equal measure, and raising her suspicions even more, much like the bumbling duo had done with Troy's younger brother Justin earlier.

"Since when do you play online games, Troy?" Dakota demanded. She sighed and rolled her eyes dramatically. "I don't have time for this, I have a netball team meeting. Go and hang out with my nerd brother and his nerd friends if that's what you want to do, but if you get yourself arrested for hanging around a high school, don't say I didn't warn you."

Dakota flounced away, Richie and Troy watching her leave. Troy grinned. "She looks so hot when she's angry like that."

A male science teacher who knew the Mitchell twins happened to be passing by looked over in shock having heard what seemed to be a brother making sexually suggestive comments about his sister to her boyfriend, and Richie hastily pulled Troy away.

"Don't say things like that, it will just make everyone freak out," Richie admonished Troy. "Now we just need to find Chad and Lachlan and get the Ouija board, and then things will go back to normal. Well, we hope things will go back to normal. I don't want to have to go out on a date with Dakota tonight, and I sure don't want to play football for the Roosters tomorrow."

Troy was trying to remember Richie's friends. "Lachlan, he's the fat blonde guy and Chad, he's the Chinaman right?"

Some girls passing by looked in shock at who they assumed to be Richie Mitchell using such a politically incorrect term, and Richie again had to pull Troy into line. "It's the other way around, and you can't say Chinaman, its racist."

Fortunately Richie soon caught sight of his friends, and he headed over to them with Troy in tow. "Now you need to go up to them and act casual. Ask if we can go and talk privately behind the swimming pool, and when we're all on our own with no teachers around then ask Chad for the Ouija board."

"What's a good reason you - or I guess I - would want the board back?" Troy asked. "And why are you - or I guess me - with you or me? It's all getting real confusing."

Richie hadn't thought about this, and quickly came up with the best explanation he could think of. "I was telling you about the Ouija board, you told your cousin about it and she said that old Ouija boards and other vintage board games can be worth a lot of money. That's what I'll say. Now remember, try and act natural."

Troy and Richie approached Chad and Lachlan, Richie dreading how badly this could go if they fucked up, something that seemed to be happening a lot this morning.

"Um hi um, Chad um and ah hello Lachlan," said Troy, trying to act like Richie and failing badly.

Chad and Lachlan looked back at them, wondering what the fuck was going on. Richie was acting weird and what the hell was Troy doing here? If he had come to see Dakota, why wasn't he with her rather than with Richie?

"Yes, hi Richie, hi Troy," said Chad and Lachlan, both boys clearly unsure of what was happening.

"I want you both to come to the swimming pool with Troy and me," said Troy.

"Excuse me?" Lachlan asked.

Richie tried to put things back on track. "Oh Richie just meant that he wants the four of us to talk privately, you know where there's no teachers who can hear. It's about the text message I - I mean Richie sent you this morning."

Not sure at all what the fuck was going on, Chad and Lachlan went with Richie and Troy to the private grassed area near the school's swimming pool where no students, teachers or support staff were around to over-hear what they were saying.

"So Chad, do you have the board like Richie texted you this morning?" Richie asked.

Chad looked puzzled. "Text? I never got any text."

"Sure you did," said Richie. "Richie sent it to you this morning, asking you to bring the Ouija board with you."

"Troy, Richie never sent me any text," Chad protested. He picked up his phone, and looked sheepish as he did indeed see the text sent very early in the morning by Richie Mitchell. "Sorry Richie, um yes you did."

Lachlan laughed. "You need to check your texts more often Chad. And you text like an old person, spelling out every word in the Queen's English. What's with that?"

"Um guys, focus, me and Richie need the Ouija board," said Richie, thinking it was better that he did the talking and not allow Troy to mess up.

"Why, Richie was scared of it when we showed him yesterday," said Chad.

"Yes, he was," said Richie, again thinking about how strange it felt to be talking about himself in the third person. "But then Richie was telling me about the Ouija board and how old it was, and I've got this cousin who I told about the board, she said it could be worth a lot of money. Lots of vintage 1970s board games are worth heaps if they're in good condition. So I said I would take the board and get it valued, and who knows? We might make a lot of money."

Chad and Lachlan looked sheepish. "I wish you or Richie had said something earlier," said Chad.

"Why, what's wrong?" Richie could feel they were about to say something he didn't want to hear.

"We um, kind of don't have the board any more Troy," said Lachlan.

"What do you mean you don't have it? Where is it?" Richie's apprehension was growing by the second.

"We burned it," said Chad.

"You did what?" Richie exclaimed.

"Oh fuck no, why did you fucking burn it?" yelled Troy, Chad and Lachlan looking shocked at his reaction.

"After what happened last night I went home and was looking up on the internet about cursed objects," said Lachlan. "It was quite freaky, there were cursed dolls, toys, furniture, mirrors, books, antiques and heaps of other stuff. Even cars, would you believe? But Ouija boards came up so much and given what I read about and what happened with your Mum and her family when she was a kid, I told Lachlan and he agreed we'd better not take any risks. So this morning before school, we burned the Ouija board."

"It burned weird too, the flames were blue and red, really odd, so we were glad to be rid of it," said Lachlan. "Now you say it might have been worth a lot of money?"

Richie tried to act casual. "Maybe, but probably not. Anyway, we don't know and we never will now. Come on Richie, let's walk back to my car together."

Troy and Richie departed, Chad and Lachlan both utterly confused.

"What was all that about?" Chad asked.

"God only knows," said Lachlan.

"Richie, what are we going to do now that the Ouija board is gone?" Troy asked.

"We don't know if touching it again would have worked anyway," said Richie, trying to stay hopeful. "Who knows, but maybe it's just a Friday the thirteenth thing, and we'll change back at midnight anyway? But whatever the case, for the moment I have to be you and go to work, and you have to be me and go to school."

"What were Chad and Lachlan saying about your Mum?" the confused Troy asked.

"Best you don't know, and never bring it up," said Richie. "So, I'll see you after school then?"

"Yeah, see you then," said Troy.

Richie went into the car park, entered Troy's car and drove away with the painful slowness of a learner driver, hoping he could make it home - not to his house but Troy's house without any accidents on the road and in time for work. And he also hoped that Troy would not fuck up at school while attending in his place. But he knew that the chances of the latter were probably close to nil.

*

Dakota while obviously not a nerd like her twin brother nonetheless had plenty of brain power which might be expected given she was the daughter of a doctor and a dentist. Like Richie she took all the smart subjects at school, and again this was to be expected given she aspired to being a geologist.

That she was in so many classes with her geeky brother did not impress Dakota all that much, but this Friday was something else. First up was home room, where Richie sat vacantly staring into space, then looking at her in a creepy way, almost like he was perving on her similar to the odd way he had behaved at the house earlier in the morning. Dakota immediately dismissed this thought, it was too weird, but things were so odd this morning, not least that Richie was hanging out with Troy, and Troy had turned up with Richie in the morning insisting on driving both of them to school, driving like a learner driver the whole way. None of this had ever happened before, and was just so weird.

The first actual subject for the day was English Literature, where Richie and his nerdy friends sat across from Dakota and her friends. Chad and Lachlan could not work out what was up with Richie today, he seemed like a space cadet. And what was it with Troy coming to the school asking questions about the Ouija board which they had now destroyed? This was all pretty odd.

Of course neither they nor Dakota nor any of the other students or teachers had any idea that this was not Richie, but Troy occupying Richie's body. Trying to blend in as Richie was not easy for Troy, although at least he had one thing going for him. As a former student at this school at least he knew where everything was and what the majority of the teachers employed here. However, he knew that Richie took all the smart subjects, and the thought of having to do them filled him with great apprehension.

English Literature presented Troy with problems close to insurmountable. Troy was not a fan of books, and books were never kind to Troy. He had not attempted to read a book since leaving school and was more than happy with this situation. When at school and reading texts far easier than those in this class, Troy always found that when he reached the bottom of the page he had forgotten what he had read at the bottom of the page, and when he returned to the top and re-read it he forgot was at the bottom.

The book the class was currently studying was a book by Charles Dickins, and the class was taught by a Mrs. Fletcher, an older woman close to retirement age. Troy did not understand one word of the book, it all seemed terribly old-fashioned and Troy reckoned that this mysterious Mr. Dickins should write something more modern if he wanted to sell more books. The group class discussion about the book's commentary on society was even more confusing, and Troy hoped that he would not be called on to answer any questions about it.

Trying to blend into the background, Troy stared vacantly at the cover of the book. In life Troy always found amusement in phallic things, and the author's name was no exception. Thinking about the word dick, Troy began to snigger and then burst out laughing, attracting the attention of the other students and unfortunately the teacher.

"Is something amusing you today, Richie Mitchell?" Mrs. Fletcher asked, the teacher standing over his desk, clearly unimpressed.

"Um no," stammered Troy, trying to contain his laughter with no success.

"I see, so you normally laugh when reading about and discussing children forced to work 16 hours a day in mills, mines and factories in Victorian-era England, do you Richie?" Mrs. Fletcher put her hands on her hips, staring at Troy through her glasses.

"No," said Troy, trying to stop smirking.

"Just grow up Richie and if you can't offer anything sensible keep quiet," said the teacher. "This really isn't like you. I will be very interested to read your essay on this book when you hand it in next week."

The rest of the class was seemingly unimpressed by Troy - or in their observations - Richie's immature behavior, not least Dakota who sighed dramatically at her brother uncharacteristically acting like the class clown, and Chad and Lachlan who could not work out what the fuck was happening.

Troy was relieved to leave the English Literature class and go to advanced maths. This class was too boring and confusing to cause any amusement to Troy, which was a good thing. Troy sat utterly perplexed looking at the teacher writing up these peculiar calculus type equations full of letters, and when the calculus component finished the equations were wiped from the board and replaced by weird triangles and strange things called tangents, sine and cosine, of which Troy understood not one word. He passed the time by puzzling over Richie's scientific calculator, pondering why it produced an error whenever he put the number 90 in followed by the tan button. It made no sense at all.

Morning recess between classes brought some relief to Troy, although he found himself all at sea again when Chad and Lachlan talked to him about a superhero movie they had watched with Richie last weekend and how much they had enjoyed it, and how they were looking forward to the sequel. Troy of course had not seen the movie and did not know anything about it, so just had to nod and agree with everything they were saying.

Troy looked at the humid, overcast Brisbane sky on the way to the science center and double period physics and chemistry, wondering how Richie's morning was going up on Mount Coot-tha.

*

After leaving the school, Richie had nervously driven back to Troy's house. He was scared of driving as it was, but without Troy and Dakota both of whom obviously held their licenses in the car he was absolutely terrified. However, he managed to get both himself and Troy's car back to the house in one piece. Well, apart from his dignity. Getting honked by an impatient truck driver for taking too long at a stop sign, scaring the shit out of a young female cyclist by straying too close to her bike lane and earning a mouthful of abuse and getting overtaken and beeped at by a car full of old ladies impatient to get to their bowling club early were all part of the drive back.

Fortunately Richie did not have to negotiate the busy traffic all the way to Mount Coot-tha. By means of a miracle he had made it at the same time his father and Kaley's husband Dwayne - a tall skinny bogan guy with a number of tattoos - were leaving and had been able to travel with them.

Mount Coot-tha, located to the west of the city, was the highest point in Brisbane and its close proximity to the CBD made it a popular spot for locals, Queenslanders from other parts of the state and interstate and overseas tourists alike. With its scenic gardens, native Australian bushland, walking and hiking trails, cafes and magnificent lookout that gave panoramic views of the skyscrapers in the Brisbane CBD, the Brisbane River and the suburbs of Brisbane, there were many marriage proposals and innumerable selfies taken here.

The contract to landscape some of the areas here was a valuable one to the Turner family's landscaping business, and a crew of guys were toiling hard to ensure that the job was completed on time and budget. Richie was at a huge disadvantage. Despite having Troy's muscular body, he was no landscaper and struggled at filling up the wheelbarrows with mulch and spreading it around the garden beds.

Secondly and more significantly, Richie was supposed to know the other guys in the landscaping crew. He of course did not. He did not know Kaley's husband Dwayne, he did not know Troy's two cousins - the sons of Troy's maternal aunt, he did not know the two Irish backpackers in the crew, he did not know his Uncle Brian - Troy's father's brother - and he did not know Jim Turner, despite having to masquerade as his son.

Richie tried his best to blend in, simply agreeing with everything that everybody said, but still the guys were picking up that something seemed a little off. Dwayne at one stage asked him, "You okay today Troy-Boy, you're not coming down with the flu?"

Richie wished he was getting the flu, if he did get the flu he would not have to play football tomorrow. Richie tried not to think about football at all, but it was hard work. All of the other guys were football fanatics, and the main topic of conversation that morning was of course football.

To Richie, he might as well have been in Poland or Saudi Arabia. The discussions about football were about as comprehensible to Richie as if they were speaking in Polish or Arabic. They talked about Rugby League, Rugby Union, Soccer and courtesy of the two Irish guys, Gaelic football too. The only football code they did not discuss was American Gridiron, possibly as it wasn't played much in Australia. And of course they discussed Australian Rules football, talking eagerly about how Troy was one of the best afield for the Roosters last Saturday, his four goal performance securing a 33-point win over the Marlins and putting the Roosters at 3-3 on the ladder and into the Top 8, which Richie could only guess was a good thing. Richie was much praised for the magnificent game he had played to help his side defeat the Marlins and was informed that a similar game tomorrow against the Crocodiles, who sat at 2-3-1 on the ladder and just outside the Top 8, was expected.

Richie looked at the Brisbane skyline and further to the east, and then checked his watch, wondering what was going on at school. English and maths were out the way, and Richie hoped Troy hadn't managed to make a fool of himself - or to be precise made a fool of Richie - or drawn even more suspicion upon himself. It was now morning recess, and Troy would be going into the double period of physics and chemistry. Richie dreaded to think how badly this could go.

But as Richie, sweating in the unfamiliar attire of high-vis workwear filled up the barrow with mulch, he wondered how he would cope with physics when - and if - they changed back and he returned to high school. Richie, courtesy of this bizarre body-swap experience, knew without doubt that the accepted laws of physics he and the rest of his class was studying were absolute crap.