All Comments on 'Boys Movie Night Pt. 02'

I'm really enjoying this story. I really like the character development and the story. I tend to prefer erotica over the "word porn" type entries on here, so this definitely hits the spot. Great job! I will admit sometimes it's hard to understand who is talking, or who is doing the mental monologue. If you could separate the paragraphs each time the perspective changes (from one boy to the other), that would really help. Because there were a few times where you would have a character start saying something, then cut it with a paragraph break like this:

"So, I was thinking," he said

"How about you and I, dinner, next weekend?" adding on "It could be our first date night." He was smiling through his words, aware how cheesy he might sound.

--That kind of thing really threw me off because for a while I didn't know who was speaking, and then I realized the two paragraphs were coming from the same person. Or maybe I still have that wrong, but that's the just the problem, I don't know who's speaking unless you consolidate their words or thoughts in exclusive paragraphs. I know sometimes its difficult to make the reader understand who's speaking when you're trying to avoid constantly saying "Matt" or "Casey", so you could assign them an alternate alias that the reader would know. Instead of being limited to "Casey" you could sometimes call him "the submissive boy" or something like that, and Matt could be something like "said the older one". That kind of thing helps me in my writing.

Other than that, I'm loving this and really looking forward to the next part in the series.

FeelingCreative534, Thank you for your input! I had the feeling my dialogue wasn't the best. I'll have to work on improving that! Thanks a bunch for reading

I like it you should write more

I’m really getting into this story, it’s nice with two guys guys starting a relationship after being close friends able to say I love you. I think you should pick up your pen and keep this one going, you have a great start it’s too early in the story to just end now. That’s my hope anyway.