Breaking a Good Man

She looked at me. She took a few moments, then with emotion and sincerity in her eyes she said, "I will admit it, it was one of the best sexual experiences I have ever had in my life. But truly, I am done with it. It was just sex. I could have been having sex with a machine with how much it was just plain sex. Seriously, I love you. I want you, and I have no need to ever do that again with anyone, ever. Because of how much it hurt you, I wish you would not have made me do it. I won't lie and say it was not good. But it was nowhere near good enough for me to ever put our relationship in jeopardy again. You are the love of my life, and will stay that way." She then leaned forward and hugged me hard.

We sat back, and I said, "Alright. You have me. You do know how much it hurts to know you wanted another man that much. But, nothing you said told me there was some incredible emotional connection between you. I mean, you could have just had sex with him once and left as quickly as possible, but I think we both know that would not have been enough to maybe get this desire out of you so maybe you can move on completely from it. Given everything you have told me, I believe that you can. I believe that we can. I am hurting, but I'll be alright in time if you remain devoted to me, and only me. Now let's try to get some sleep."

We went to bed, and both fell sound asleep having reached a real agreement.

I wanted what I had written so far to be the end of the story. It is now Saturday afternoon exactly six weeks since that fateful day when my wife of 15 years told me she needed to be with another man. We came through that afterwards, and reached each other emotionally more than we had in a long time. I thought that would be it, and I was starting to heal my destroyed self worth.

But this morning everything changed faster than I could have ever thought. We got up around 8AM, and were having breakfast. While we ate she was texting a little. There was nothing new about that. She often had her cell phone out, and she always let me read over her shoulder, so I never had any worries. It was always just her girlfriends talking about shopping, or what they were up to. But this time I noticed she held the phone a little bit up, and when I tried to look over her shoulder when I got up to get some coffee she abruptly put the phone down on its face. I still didn't really think anything of it until she got up to use the bathroom, and took her cell with her. She never did that. Every morning she would text a little catching up with friends, then put the cell onto the charger next to the coffee maker.

I noticed she took her phone with her, and wondered what was up. When she came back, I asked her if everything was alright because she never took her phone to the bathroom. She just said, "Yes, everything is fine, it's just that Anna and Margie want to go shopping for shoes this morning, and want me to come along because they like my eye for style." Meg did have a pretty good eye. All of her friends depended on her to help them find the best cloths, so it all seemed fine.

I did notice though that while she was telling me this her cell vibrated again with another incoming text that she did not look at with me sitting there. We finished breakfast, and she said she was going to go take a shower and get ready to go. I told her I was going to go out for a walk. I put on my shoes, and headed for the door as she headed for the bedroom. I waited by the front door until I heard the water turn on, and I heard her step into the shower.

I then quietly went back in the bedroom and there on her dresser was her cell. I picked it up, and entered her security code, but I found she had changed it. I guess I wasn't that surprised. I mean since I had used it to track where she was, I am sure she wanted a little of her privacy back. So I thought a few minutes. The 4 digits she had used were 0419, for April 19^th which was our wedding anniversary. In keeping with this I put in her birthday, 0614 for June 14^th with no luck. I then tried my birthday. Then I thought a moment. I input 0402 for April 2002, the month and year of our marriage, and the cell opened.

I went immediately to the texting app, and the last set of text messages. I opened them, and my heart immediately dropped to the floor. There it was. There were texts throughout the month. Then starting early this morning the conversation was:

"When can I see you again? Come on, please it's been a month. I need to be with you."

Her response, "I don't know. It's hard right now. I told you when we were together that it would be a while. I need to make sure I make things right with my husband."

"I don't care about him. I want you so bad. I need to see you. Do you still want to be with me?"

Her response, "You know I do. You made me feel like no one else ever has. I want that badly. But baby, we need to be super careful."

"OK, let's be careful. Do something you would normally go do, and I will meet you there. I have to see you. Can't you break away for just a couple hours today?"

"I shouldn't. He might suspect something." She wrote.

"He won't. Besides, he already knows we were together, what's the big deal. When?"

"It is a big deal. I still care about him. I can't hurt him. He said he would kill himself if I cheated. I will not have that on me." She responded.

"After a month, he won't suspect. Besides, do you really think he would kill himself? I think you just don't want to see me." He followed this with another text, "I need it. If you don't want to be with me, I will move on. Should I be finding someone else?

She responded within 10 seconds on this one. "NO! Please, I want to be with you more than anything. I'll make it up to you. You know I can."

"You can make it up to me by seeing me today. Make an excuse. I don't care, but if you want to keep me, prove it. Come to me today."

She was slower but finally wrote, "OK, I will meet you at the Nieman Marcus women's shoe section at 10AM. I'll only have a couple of hours, so you better arrange something close for us to be alone."

"Don't worry about it. I got it covered. I am so hot for you. See you at 10."

That was it. It was over. I carefully put the phone back down, and left the house.

I watched from a block away until she left, then went back. I made sure everything was in order, grabbed my computer and the other things I needed. Finally I wrote a short letter putting it on the dining room table and left.

My name is Thomas. I have a good job, a nice home, and am generally a good person. Until 6 weeks ago I was happily married to a beautiful woman who I love completely, and who I thought loved me as much in return. But I was wrong.

Now I am a broken man sitting in the far reaches of a Saveland parking lot having taken enough pills to kill me twice over. This story I am sending you to be published is my final act. It is my one way to tell the world who I was, and to caution those out there who are in a good and loving relationship. If you think you can go off and be with someone else, and it will all work out, think hard first. You may be hurting someone more than you think and they may break permanently. I did.

*

The Final Letter

My Dearest Meg,

This morning I found the messages to Trevor on your phone. You know where I have gone. Please don't be sad about this. It is for the best. Even as I write this, I love you more than I could ever tell you, and more than my life. As promised, I waited to do this until I knew, and now it is clear that your greatest chance at real happiness is with him. All of the financial arrangements are made. You will be free to live your new life with him, and find what I could not give you. And know that if there is any part of us that lives on beyond death, then there is someone out there that will love you until the stars go dark and there is only nothingness left.

Yours forever,

Thomas