All Comments on 'Breaking Boundaries'

I'm a big fan of friends to lovers, but it works better if we get more of the Friends part than the late paragraph you offer here. I also think that first person omniscient is weird. The narrator shouldn't know what they cannot see, or do not directly experience. He's inside her head, in her room, in her shower. We miss the mystery, the uncertainty, and just get facts. I wonder if this wouldn't flow better if narration flipped from one POV to the other-? Just thinking out loud here.

That all being said, there's something seductive about your writing, and the storyline (colleagues' hanky panky on the road), and I will happily follow you, looking forward to what comes next and beyond. Thanks for sharing your work!

So sweet!

The POV is tricky, though. A story written in this fashion feels like he was telling her a fantasy - which isn't the purpose here. Second person seldom works well. I personally recommend 3rd person omnipotent teller (which can choose whatever POV or depth of knowledge is wanted at any instant) or then if you want to write in first person, don't go into other people's head.