All Comments on 'Bright Blue Bathing Suit'

I usually try to be positive but I can't this time. Sorry. A romance needs more build up.The delivery was dry, almost like a high school book summary delivered by someone for the first time or they didn't care. Go into detail WHY Jessica became a good friend. Let the story develop through scenes of interaction instead of just telling us they liked each other. And the final scene, HE gets Naked and she wears a suit and no one gets excited either way. Seriously? Then he tells her to touch herself while dreaming of him and she accepts that without comment. I just don't buy this. Keep practicing before posting again.

Did I miss something? I see this is your first story here. Please find an Editor? Have them read your next story. Help you make the story interesting which this one missed. Some semblance of romance maybe? If this is a one of ok. If another chapter is coming great. To me the ending was extremely disappointing. As if you had no idea how to close it off.

1 star

DragonRider55

I think this story has potential. I can see where it would be very erotic for the guy to be totally nude in the jacuzzi while the girl wore a modest one-piece. The final paragraph is not realistic given the lack of detail leading up to that point. The author needs to fill in the gaps.

Short and to the point, but what was there was too much “tell” and not really much romance. There were several typos (I must admit to a really juvenile snicker at the “bottle of wind”) but the real problem is that the end felt very unrealistic and incomplete. He says something very intimate that he thinks is sexy to someone he’s just starting to get to know, she stares at him in disbelief, and then he paws her and they kiss? Perhaps getting Jessica’s reaction (angry?) at the beginning of the next chapter could lead to conflict that might eventually be overcome in a true romance as the main character learns and matures. Good luck.

I loved it. Keep em cumming~

We opened another bottle of wind and went back outside.

SHOULD BE:

We opened another bottle of WINE and went back outside.

My first attempt to write for Literotuca. Come a long way.