All Comments on 'Broken AC'

I've got some mixed feelings about this one. For one thing, even though it is fiction, it isn't a Lord of the Rings style fantasy where the rules of science can be altered. One of those rules is that heat rises and cold sinks. So this following quotation bothers me:

"Alice nodded and ran off to get the fans and began setting them up in her room. Her room was always the coldest in the house, so it made the most sense.

...

He trudged his way up the stairs to his sister's room."

Okay, so if I were going to analyze this and make excuses for it, I would have to say that Alice's room was always the coldest when their air conditioner was running properly. In any case, the siblings should have taken refuge on the ground floor or in the basement if one exists. 🤔

Next up, we have the following:

"He looked down at the dark shadow of her body beneath him, his little sister reduced to fucking him on his bed."

James got sleepy and went to his room only to discover that he had forgotten to bring one of the fans to his room and he couldn't tolerate the heat. So he returns to his sister's room and they sleep together in her bed.

I realize that this was basically a simple overlooked mistake. But I wanted to point it out anyway. You instantly teleported us to James' bedroom. 😆 🤣 😂

The story has a few rough spots that could stand to be polished up and the brevity was disappointing. I also would have preferred that they both have a deeper love for each other. Their intercourse seems 80% lust driven and 20% emotional driven. My preference is to reverse that and make the love for each other their primary focus.

It was a good offering though. I've read stuff that was would far worse. 3/5

Good start.

Couldn't even get to the halfway point.

Everything was too convenient, too fabricated.

"Oh, I have to sleep with my sister, accidentally start f ucking her, we're both into it, yay!"

Yawn.

Good quick sexy story, just what I need at this moment in time

You got a sympathetic four (4) despite the grammer and punctuation.

Imagine what you might change if you, or someone else, Proof Read this before submitting?

4 Stars, good story, I personately thought she gave in too quickly, maybe if it started with her thoughts about wanting hi? Oh, BTW, a typo, "reduced to fucking him on his bed"

I liked this story. Hope to see a sequel some time.

Story started off slow then sped up fast very hot.

Good set up but difficult to suspend disbelief. They don't act how siblings act: They wouldn't moan each other's names the first time he penetrates her, it should be shocking and abnormal, there should be more hesitancy. Perhaps have a longer build up with more questioning of emotions.