Broken Dreams

"Momma gives the best hugs," David informed him seriously. "You're upset, and Momma was hugging, so I came over to hug too." He kissed Travis on the temple. "Momma says that it's OK to be upset and cry sometimes because emotions are like a big steam engine, and if you don't let the pressure off they could explode. I don't want you to explode." He nodded seriously. "Would you like ice cream? Ice cream always makes me feel better."

"He's sad because his girlfriend didn't tell him about you like she said she would."

"Well, that's not his fault, Momma." David said firmly, "That's the mean lady's fault."

"Yes, yes it is," Clover agreed, still holding Travis in her arms, her other arm had moved to hold David as well. "So, remember the conversation we had with Grandma and Grandpa about family?"

"We build a family together, one step at a time," David said stoutly. "And now I have a Daddy and a Momma and Grandma Rosemary and Grandpa David and Grandma Debra and Grandpa Calvin." He looked at Travis expectantly.

Travis slowly lifted his head to look at the young boy. He had let him down for five years, whether it was his fault or not. He would not allow that to continue. This was his son. He nodded a careful and deliberate movement. "Now you have a Daddy," he agreed, his voice choked up with tears and mucus.

Clover gently released him and David, then reached into her pocket, she pulled out a packet of kleenex, taking one and then handing Travis the packet so he could clean his own face up. "Now, why don't we go have some ice cream, we'll figure everything else out, one step at a time."

Travis pulled a kleenex out and wiped up the mess from his face and then slowly got up. As they walked, he tried to put a mask on so that he didn't make David feel any worse. "So... what is your favorite... flavor of ice cream?" he managed, looking down at his son.

"Mint chocolate chip," he said with a happy smile. He reached up and took Travis' hand and then Clover's hand swinging between them as they walked. He started chattering away about his favorite ice cream with all the resiliency of a five-year-old.

"He goes to bed at seven," she murmured. "He has school tomorrow. I can take the day off if you'd like to meet up and talk. I have pictures of him."

He looked at her, hesitating for a moment, then nodded. "Yes, please," he breathed.

"Alright," she murmured. "How about I come out to your parent's place in the morning? Say nine?"

He nodded, "Would... you like breakfast?" he asked softly. "I don't... usually... burn eggs..." The Travis she knew would have said that as a joke. This one said it more like a preemptive apology.

"Breakfast would be nice," she responded. She looked up at him. "I'm not mad at you, and I know you're not going to listen, but you shouldn't be mad at yourself either. Things happened but now... we're able to work together." She gave him a soft, sad smile. He could see the distress in her eyes, the lingering pain but no condemnation, no anger at him. "We'll figure it out."

The pain in her eyes twisted the dagger in his heart. Why had she left? Why hadn't he been enough? This whole mess wouldn't have happened, he reasoned as they walked inside. The pair led David back over to his mother and father and he murmured, "She will be coming over tomorrow morning at nine. I will cook her breakfast."

"Alright son," Debra smiled, "I'll help if you need me to." She looked at Clover worriedly who simply gave her another wan smile. She slid into the booth, then David hopped in beside her and tugged Travis down to join them. "How are things going with your work dear?"

"They're fine," Clover murmured. "Being able to work remotely has been wonderful. It gives me plenty of time with David." She stroked her hand over David's head.

"And the Church?"

"David and I go on Sundays, but I am going to let him decide if he wants to go on a mission. He's not eight so he hasn't been baptized yet, but Rosemary and David agree with me that even then, it'll be better to wait until he's old enough to understand."

"I thought you had to... go on a mission... thing," Travis said softly, his brow furrowed. "Like some sort of... requirement."

"Only when your parents insist so they look good for the ward." Clover murmured, her gaze dropping to the table, "Including saying that you won't get your college fund and be disowned if you don't. Especially if it's over some 'boy'." She shook her head to clear it of the memories. "No, it's usually a discussion between parents and child, I'm going to give David the option of refusing."

He winced and shrank inward. He'd had no idea that her parents hated him so much. "Oh... God...," he breathed, barely audible. Why hadn't she told him? He, they could have figured something out. He was sure of it.

"Stop it," Clover said without looking up from her plate. "You weren't to blame. They hated anyone I spent time with. They wanted me to marry Aaron because he's such a sweet 'Mormon boy'. Never mind that he only had eyes for Denise." She rolled her eyes, "So I went on the mission, sent you emails... the past is in the past."

He nodded slowly, struggling to keep his emotions under control, for her sake, for David's sake, because he had no idea what else to do. His life, their life, was a wreck, and he didn't have any idea how to go about fixing it. "All right," he murmured.

She reached over and touched his hand, getting his attention. At his look, she smiled, "Hi, my name is Clover. Want to be friends?" She echoed the words she said so long ago when they first met, always the extrovert.

He choked out something between a laugh and a sob, wiping his eyes on his sleeve as he looked up at her, remembering that day with perfect clarity. "God, yes...," he managed. "More than anything..." It had been fifth grade when they had been put in the same class, and after that, they had been almost inseparable, at least at school. Then, at sixteen, he got a junker for a car to teach him some responsibility despite his family's relative wealth, and that bond had extended to other hours of the day too.

She gently squeezed his hand, smiling at him as David giggled between them. "Mommy and Daddy are funny. I'm glad we're together. Daddy can come to my birthday party right?" He looked up at Travis, "I'm going to be five years old. You don't have to bring presents though, cause you're family and family is enough."

"Well you know," Calvin said, cutting in to hopefully dispel some of the tension. "Maybe we could do a pool party at our house?"

"OH!" David looked excited, then looked up at Clover, "Can we Momma? I've never had a pool party and it'd be the bestest most funnest thing ever!"

Clover raised a brow at David's enthusiasm, then looked at Calvin before a small smile appeared, "Yes, I think we can talk with Grandma and Grandpa and your Daddy to make it happen."

Travis looked at Clover and mouthed, "Anything he wants that you're OK with... I'll make it happen."

She smiled at him, then squeezed his hand gently in acknowledgment. "We'll figure it out together, as a family." She looked down at David, a small smile at the way he was rubbing his eyes. "Getting sleepy?"

"No Momma, want more time with Daddy." He said stoutly, then yawned and rubbed his eyes.

She bit her lip, her eyes turned slightly worried, then she murmured. "Why don't we have dinner, then maybe Daddy, Grandma, and Grandpa can come over, then Daddy can help me put you to bed?"

"Not sleepy... but... OK," David said, yawning again.

Travis nodded and squeezed her hand reassuringly. "That's just fine," he murmured.

They ordered, and she cut up David's food for him before she ate. Despite his declarations, he was drifting off against Travis. She smiled softly watching him, a pang in her heart at how this could have been all along if it wasn't for that woman. "Go ahead and sleep baby, I promise that he'll still tuck you in bed."

"OK, Momma," David shifted around, then put his legs over Travis's then his head against Clover's chest. A few moments later he was out and softly snoring.

Travis looked down at him and a soft tear trickled down his cheek. "He's... amazing," he breathed.

"He was my light in the darkness," she squeezed his hand gently. "We'll figure it out."

"I'll... I'll do whatever it takes. Anything," he breathed. "He won't have to grow up without...," he trailed off.

"We'll figure it out together," she repeated firmly. "Now, stop blaming yourself or I'll kick your ass the way I did in high school." She smirked at him, "Plant my foot right on your butt."

"Oh is that why he came home with that big muddy footprint on his rear that day?" Debra asked curiously.

"Yes, he was being an obstinate pain so I put my foot on his butt and shoved. He laughed at me, then chased me around the football field."

"I have never... in my life... been an obstinate pain," he groused. "You were simply being... sensitive."

She rolled her eyes, "Yes, sensitive, I mean who likes to be tickled incessantly to the point they're almost peeing their pants." She stuck her tongue out at him, the playful memories coming back in that moment.

There was a flicker of a smile on his face as he remembered that day. She had gotten less than a perfect grade on a test, which was unusual for her. She had always been brilliant. It was not a bad grade at all. A ninety-eight percent. He had tried to console and then logic at her to no avail. Finally, in frustration, he tried tickling. Anything to see her smile again. By that time in high school, her smile was worth more than anything in the whole world.

She turned back to Debra, "Obstinate pain," she said, "but I wouldn't have traded it for the world."

Calvin looked at the two, wanting to scream in frustration how obvious it was that the two of them were perfect for each other. It was everything he could do to keep his expression neutral to positive and offer, "He talked about you every single day when he came home. 'What did you do at school today? Well... Clover and I...'. I couldn't get him to tell me anything about his classes. That had to wait for report cards. But he'd talk about you."

Travis looked at his father, then down at the table. "I shared what was important," he said softly.

She squeezed his hand gently, at his words. So many missed years, but now, maybe they could start rebuilding. "So, my place to put little man to bed?"

He nodded, looking at her. He took out his cell phone and opened it, quickly creating a contact for her, then handed her the phone. She entered her phone number and address, then went to his settings and unblocked her number for him. He sent her a text with his information, all of it, and waited until her phone chimed before nodding. "Never again," he murmured.

"Never again," she agreed. A small smile appeared on her lips, "Your parents also friended me on Facebook. They wanted more pictures of David when he was little."

Travis nodded. "Thank you for that," he murmured. "I've never been very good with pictures, but... they always liked them." He glanced at his parents and ducked his head.

"Rosemary took lots of pictures, she adopted me after everything happened with my parents." She trailed off, "Their doctor thinks that they had started suffering from dementia when I was in high school, which was why they suddenly got so paranoid and crazy about everything I did. When they disowned me I was sad, but it was also a relief, no more having to be the perfect daughter."

Travis reached over with his other hand and joined it with the one that was already holding her hand. In a quiet, barely there voice, he murmured, "You've always been perfect... to me."

She looked up at him, blushed, and ducked her head. Her smile continued, a quiet, soft one, memories flowed over her mind, then she looked up at him. "You always showed me that, too."

"You made it easy," he replied with a shrug. "You were... you." One thumb slowly rubbed over the back of her hand under his other one. He glanced down at David. "Do you... want to take this one back to your place?"

"That's probably a good idea," she slowly released his hands and stroked hers over David's back. "David, honey, let's get to the car and get you home."

"Daddy...," he murmured, accompanied by a soft whimper.

"I'm gonna be right behind you guys, little man. I promise," he said quietly, but with a firm undertone.

"OK..." he sighed, "Right behind us." She managed to get him up, and he was still sleepy so she picked him up despite his grumbles to carry him to her car. It was an old beat-up jalopy, "It runs," she said with a slight shrug.

He chuckled, remembering his first car. "There's a lot to be said for running," he observed.

She giggled, then nudged him, "Remember the moonlight..." she trailed off and blushed, realizing that his parents were right behind them. "See you at my house?"

He did indeed remember the moonlight, smiling softly at the memory. His car had been like hers. It ran, but it was nothing to look at. Nothing to look at, unless, she was naked on the hood and writhing under him in the moonlight. Then, his car looked better than any muscle car he had ever seen. He went with his parents back home and then got in his car that they had gone to get from the city along with some of his things and, using the address she had given him, he drove out to her house. His mom and dad opted to stay home, giving them some time.

When he got there, David was sitting up on the couch pouting, "See, here he is," Clover said with a smile. "I told you he'd come and he wouldn't forget, he just had to go get his car."

Travis walked up to the door and knocked softly, his eyes appraising the house and nodding. It wasn't much, but for two of them, it would be enough as long as the interior and utilities were up to snuff. When she opened the door, he smiled. "Sorry it took me so long. I forgot that Deekin is split in two and you have to go around on Haven Boulevard."

"DADDY!" David screamed and ran from the couch to slam into his legs hugging him. "You're here just like you promised."

He looked at Clover in surprise, his emotions coming to the surface once again. "Is this OK?" he mouthed, glancing down toward David.

"Yes, it's OK," she stepped forward and pressed her hand to his cheek, the way she always did when she wanted his attention and focus. "I've never hidden who you were from him." She looked down, "Why don't you take Daddy to your room and show him your picture album."

David brightened up and took his hand and started tugging him towards a room. The house was clean and warm, but the furniture was old, worn, and mismatched. It was obvious she didn't have a lot of money to spend. David's room, on the other hand, had brand new furniture and he pulled a book out from under the bed. It was filled with pictures of him and Clover, and of just him, the goofy smiles, the graduation gown that he had opened up the minute he could. "Momma made this for me so I'd always have memories. Grandma said she'd get more pictures of you for me." As he turned the pages, he saw Clover, extremely pregnant, with a woman and a man supporting her, then pictures of David growing up.

The tears came despite his best efforts, but he held David in his lap and continued to look. Complimenting him and her, he occasionally added his own short stories of them when they were young. Finally, David looked up at him. "You're not going to go away again are you?" he asked.

Travis' heart shattered into a million pieces and he held David to his chest tightly, pressing his cheek to the boy's hair. "No, David. I'm not going anywhere. Never again. You'll always be able to count on me now. Just like your amazing mother."

Clover smiled, her lower lip trembling, then she walked in to join them, wrapping them both in a hug. "He's not going anywhere and neither am I." She kissed the top of David's head, "We'll cuddle for a few more minutes, then you'll go change into your night clothes and we'll put you to bed, together. How does that sound?"

"OK, Momma," he agreed, basking in being surrounded by his mother and father for the first time. This was even better than winning at four-square in gym class.

They cuddled for ten more minutes, then she shooed him off to clean up and get ready for bed. When he came out she pounced on him and nuzzled him before checking behind his ears. "I suppose it'll do." She tickled David and the room filled with laughter. "Bedtime my little cookie monster."

"Rawr," he growled, then bounded over to climb into bed, taking Travis's hand. "My family," he smiled and closed his eyes. It took a few moments, but soon he was sound asleep. Clover moved to the kitchen and quietly fixed the two of them glasses of water.

Travis lingered with David, then gently brushed an errant hair out of his face before murmuring, "Good night... son." He stood and quietly walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

She turned when he emerged, a soft smile appeared on her lips. Her eyes searched his, "Hi. Do you need a hug? Do you want a hug?"

He hesitated for only a moment before he was across the distance and she was in his arms with a soft whimper. His arms held her tightly to him as the tears flowed again. "You l-left. You left, and I didn't know. I didn't un-understand. I thought I wasn't g-good enough. And then she... I thought she loved me. And then she... with some... guy. And she left and... Why wasn't I good enough that anyone stayed?" he asked. "And now you're back and... I can't... I can't lose you again...," he wept, clutching at her. "And I won't lose him..."

She held him as he wept, her own tears started. "My mission was only for a year and a half. I went because my parents demanded it and I was too afraid of not being the perfect daughter. I sent you... God, I sent you so many emails every chance I could I was at the library and emailing you... there were never any replies... I thought you forgot me... then, when I was sent home I called. I was told you had moved on... that you didn't ever really want me." She shuddered, "That I was just a temporary fun time... so I gave up... I sent you messages about him because he still deserved to know his Daddy even if I wasn't the one wanted anymore."

He shook his head, "Always been you. Always. I'm so s-sorry... I didn't... I'm such a screw up. I'll never do it again. I swear. Just don't leave again. One more chance. I swear I won't screw this one up...," he pleaded with her through his tears.

She swatted his rear, the abrupt strike shocking him. "You're not a screw-up." She lifted her hand to his cheek, "It was a communication error." She led him over to the couch. She pressed him into it and then curled up in his lap to cuddle him the way she always did so long ago. "We'll figure it out, together. Move forward, together. One step at a time, one day at a time."

He was tense for only a moment before her presence in his lap calmed him the way it used to. "All right," he murmured. "One step at a time. So... what's the next step?" he asked. "What can I do to make this right?"

She was quiet for several long moments, then murmured. "We can't go back to the way things were in high school. We've both grown and changed." She cupped his face before he could tear up again, "Answer me honestly. What do you want? What do you want the future to look like? With David and I?"

"What do I want?" he huffed. "Clover... I've only ever actually wanted you. The only reason I ever... was because I thought I couldn't have you. If you tell me that I can have you... and David... then I'll do whatever you want for that chance. I lost you once. I'll be damned if I'm gonna do it again, Clo...," he said, his voice thick with emotion.

She held him for long moments, her emotions and her mind swirled as she thought it out, not just for David's sake but for her own. "I never stopped loving you," she murmured after a long moment. "Never stopped wanting you, needing you. I tried to let you go because of her... but..." she trailed off with a soft sigh. "I want a marriage. I want a forever with a ring and a collar."