Broken Open Pt. 02 - Subspace

"What were you thinking about?" He asked me as I lay on the king size bed, naked and my body still feeling the stings of the instruments he used on me over the course of, I couldn't tell you the time if you paid me, maybe an hour? Two? It ultimately doesn't matter, time becomes suspended when engaging in authentic and connecting D/s play.

My response failed to fully capture what was going through my mind both during and after our play. I told him the last coherent thought I could articulate and it was describing a picture of a canopy bed designed for BDSM play that included hooks for suspension along with various other implements for sustained and safe play.

What was I really thinking about? I wasn't thinking, I could only feel. Feel my energy as it responded to his and how it continued to feel his presence even when he left the room.

My eyes were blindfolded and my hands tied together in front of me. He started with having me standing and my arms above me on a hook. He had me count with each strike. The counting was both grounding and distracting, almost making me feel each strike more fully. I did what was asked and felt myself panic a bit when he left the room and I almost forgot where we left off. When he returned after the first time he left, he moved me from the wall to the bench but without straddling it, I lay across it in such a way my legs were engaged in order to hold me up. The combination of having to hold myself steady in a position I wasn't accustomed to and having to concentrate on the count and having him so near was at times dizzying. But the seeming whirlwind of sensations seemed to coalesce as time went on and I tried to breathe with intention so I could take as much as possible. The pain wasn't my focus, it was wanting to please him. I knew I was highly aroused, I sometimes am in awe of how aroused I become with impact play. I sometimes don't know what I want more from him, to be bound and spanked or fucked silly. It's a tie some days.

He would spend some time striking different parts of my body and then leave for a time. I would take the respite this time offered to meditate and connect with myself and with his energy, even though he wasn't in the room. I could sense him on the floor above me and I would will myself to be patient for his return. (Patience is one of the things the universe has forever been trying to teach me, so I take every opportunity I can get to practice.)

At one of his return visits he grabbed onto my hips and as I felt him enter me, I could have melted. I lost focus as he thrust into me. It is intoxicating to be entered during impact play. My body present to what it means to be alive in the most primal way.

I was bereft when he slid out of me. But, I felt him move to the front of the bench and kiss the top of my head as he leaned over me. Relieved that he remained with me, I moved my head toward his body wanting to soak him in, I moaned as he gently stroked my hair.

He calls me kitten, fitting since more often than not I want to rub up against him, inhale his scent and nibble on different parts of his body, just like a cat.

When he decided I earned rest, he let me lay on the bed face down. I felt my body melt into the mattress like a pat of butter melting on toast. I didn't have thoughts going through my mind, rather I let myself bathe in the energy exchange that I still felt. This energy wasn't just between us, but the energy of the universe itself, of the stardust that makes up all of life. It is why we are here, to feel this deeply to connect to ourselves and others on a primal level so we know it is all worth it. All the frustrations, stress, heartbreak. None of it is in vain when we can make time to feel and connect to the universe itself.

I didn't know how to articulate all of this when he asked. I wish I had, but I couldn't form these exact words. I still don't know if I am fully capturing it all, but it's as close as I can get within the sometimes inadequate way humans express themselves through words.