Broken Pt. 03

"You look so much like Billy when he was your age," Pauline whispered into my ear.

"Well... He didn't live past it," I said, sarcastically.

"I know... honey, I can't tell you how sorry I am about that. I never wanted to hurt Billy, I was only trying to help my family. If I knew that was what had happened I would've found a way to come home. I would never intentionally leave you behind. Just things happened, things that won't ever affect us again." I saw that she wasn't telling me the whole truth on that matter. Yet I also saw she wasn't going to talk about it.

"Uh-huh," I mumbled as I got up.

"Jacob?!" I glanced down as my mother quickly turned and her hand gripped the back cushion.

"I want ice cream," I grumbled. Did she actually think I would buy that load of garbage?! If I was so damn important then why did she wait eighteen years to show up?

"Here," I said coldly, as I held out the Drumstick to my half-sister.

"What's this?" Emily asked, looking up at me with those inquisitive eyes of hers.

"Ice cream," I stated.

"It's a Drumstick sweetheart," Pauline said, as she leaned over. "Open it by pulling there," she spoke as she pointed at the little tab. "Thank you Jacob." I was a little unnerved by that smile of hers.

"That was so good!" Emily exclaimed as she threw her arms into the air. The gun shots of Dean's rock salt shotgun resounded through the speakers as I looked over at her. Shaking my head at how she was wiggling in her seat. Looking over at the clock, knowing I couldn't leave my house a mess. Plus, it would get me away from my odd relatives. "Don't you want to keep watching?!" Emily asked, as I got up.

"Not really," I stated. I wasn't in the mood.

"Then can I go back and continue to watch that Alien show?" Emily asked, I saw her eyes glancing at the remote.

"Sure, knock yourself out," I said, over my shoulder as I left the room.

The lasagna pan found its new home in the trash. Knowing Emily was going to eat me out of house and home. It was like Roy never gave them enough to eat. Rubbing my forehead asking myself: what the hell did I get myself into? I honestly don't have a clue. Wondering if I should buy a lock for my bedroom door and lay down a line of Goofer dust. And yes, I can make it. It's not hard, it's just simple Hoodoo. My head shot up; my body stilled as the sound of my mother's voice filled the room.

"Jacob, please let me help," Pauline spoke softly as she stepped into the kitchen.

"It's not much..."

"Please let me help," Pauline said, quickly stepping forward.

"Fine. You can unload the washer," I said, moving off.

"It was too much, too soon wasn't it?" Pauline asked, as she stood in front of the dishwasher. I looked over at her as I wrung out the sponge I used to wipe down the kitchen table.

"A little bit," I nodded. I looked down at the sleeve of my shirt as her index finger and thumb held onto it.

"You know I did try to run away from Roy. Emily was three at the time. We were living in this small town in Oregon. Like I said, after Mom divorced Dad he went... crazy. That's the best word I can use to describe it. He was getting into some weird things, very painful things." I glanced down as she rubbed her stomach. "When he was out one day, he had left the car behind seeing how one of his newfound friends had picked him up. Thinking he had broken me, I snatched car keys from the hook. Packed a bag for me and Emily and sped the fuck out of that hell. We were in Idaho; I don't know how he found us. I didn't use any of his cards. I paid cash. He came breaking through the door, Roy had this look in his eyes. A look that said he was going to kill me and Emily. Yet that wasn't the case, it wasn't me." Pauline turned to me tears streaming down her cheeks. "I wanted so much to see you, hold you, do all the things we used to do before all of this! Yet as Roy held our daughter in a choke hold, I tried to break it, that only caused me to be thrown into the wall. As I came to, my little baby was unconscious, and Roy held a knife to her throat. Warning me that if I tried to run ever again, that I would watch as he kills our daughter in front of me. Then he back handed me and again and again until I answered. You see it wasn't that I didn't want to come back, yet I couldn't risk Emily. I knew Roy would do it, and I'd be left to live the rest of my life with the horror of my daughter's death forever haunting me."

"Really? Kind of..."

"Look at Emily's neck right here," Pauline said, tapping the spot left of her jugular vein. "Its faint, but the scar from Roy's knife is still there. Look if you don't believe me. I wouldn't lie to you Jacob. I want to be your Mom again. I want to be in your life. I can't do that if I lie to you."

"Why didn't you go to the police?" I asked, heatedly.

"Because most of the group he belonged to were the police. I was already afraid of the things he was learning at that place, I feared he would toss me and Emily to them."

"I see," I said, turning away from her. "That's a lot to process."

"I know honey, trust me I know. If I hadn't lived it until Roy's death then I would be as skeptical as you are. Yet I did, I know I left you there on the floor. I swear I was only leaving until Billy and Mom cooled off long enough so I could explain. I knew Mom wouldn't listen given how she shot at us right then." I felt her fingers curling around the back of my shirt. Her breath on the back of my neck. I was getting far too acquainted with the softness and the curves of the female members of my family. "I never meant to be away from you for so long." I felt her hands tightening around the fabric as she pressed her forehead against the back of my head. Feeling her hot tears dripping down onto my exposed skin. "I've missed you so much, no day went by that I did not look out the window imagining watching you walk down the driveway, walking into the house, smiling like you always did..."

"Dad wasn't the only one I lost that day," I said, trying to keep my voice steady. "I lost my mother; I was so alone. No one to help me through the grief."

"Oh Jacob," Pauline said, in that soft, sweet, warm motherly voice of hers. "I know, the moment you said that... Billy..." I peered over my shoulder as I felt her trembling against me. The shuddering breath of emotions she was trying to hold back. "When you told me I was the cause of his death. My heart spilt into two. I had wanted to see him, we might not have gotten back together, but maybe be friends again, to talk. But my sweet, sweet William." My father's given name, Dad just liked going by Billy. "I've killed the only man I ever wanted!" I felt my mother's body convulse in her sorrow. Her sobs were muffled by my shirt that was increasingly becoming soaked, however, her wails resounded loudly in that small homey kitchen. I huffed in surprise as I looked down seeing how her arms had wrapped themselves around me. "Please just let me hold you for a moment." I patted her hand as she continued to weep against my back. Then I got broadsided, I just rolled my eyes as Emily joined in. Their wails pierced my ear drums as their voices began to echo off the walls. I looked down quickly as Emily nestled my arm in the valley of mana.

"Does she always not wear a bra?" I asked myself as I tried not to notice how soft and firm they were as my arm felt every curve of her orbs as she cried against my shoulder. "You two done?" I inquired their sobs were starting to give me a damn headache.

Emily whimpered as she shook her head. "How can you be so cold, brother?" she asked, as she snuggled closer to me. Bloody weird if you ask me.

"Eighteen years of abandonment will do that to you," I said, plainly.

"But we're here now." Emily looked up at me, those doe like innocent eyes gazing at me. "That has to count for something doesn't it?! Doesn't it?" Emily asked, holding my hand right against her mons Venus as she held my hand.

"What the fuck is going on?!" That was my first thought as Emily rubbed her breasts against me. I can understand wanting a brother part, yet the way she was purposely rubbing her body against mine... I so had to get out of there before things got... weird. Again, my head shot down as my mother's left hand ran up along my chest while her right lowered just enough to hold onto my left hip. Holding me tightly against her chest.

"My baby has gotten so big," Pauline said, in this soft coo.

"Okay, I think we've had enough crazy for one day," I said, breaking their hold. "How about we just clean up, you watch your aliens, alright?" My eyes glanced at the two of them as I wiped down the table.

"Yes Jacob," Pauline nodded, wiping a tear away. "I finally got to hold my baby." I heard her whisper to the ceiling as she stood in front of the dishwasher.

"Well... come watch once you're done," Emily hummed as she sashayed out the room.

******

I had a feeling Fate was purposely putting me in places I really shouldn't be. And still, here we are, my mother speaking softly in the living room alone. Emily had gone to bed about thirty minutes ago when she finished her current episode. I hid out in my bedroom after I got the kitchen cleaned. Then why was I down on the first floor you ask, well, simple, clean sheets. Who doesn't love that feeling when you first crawl into bed. Am I right? So anyway, there I was, I swear I'm not doing this on purpose. But I digress.

"Mom... I know you probably hated me, but I hope there was just a small part of you that stilled loved me. More importantly, I had hoped you could have come to love Emily like you did me. I'll never stop asking your forgiveness just like I said at your grave. I can never repay you for looking after Jacob. I know you didn't have to, yet you did, because you're the best Mom I know." I heard her sniffling as I peeked around the doorframe. Her back was to me as she stood before the mantle of the fire place. Her arms out stretched, her palms rested on the painted wooden surface. Her head bowed as she prostrated before her own mother.

Leaning back, wondering if I should make my presence known or not. Should I be the nice guy or the bastard? Maybe a little of both, why not? My shoulder brushed along the wall as I pivoted around to lean against the door way. Giving the wall a little knock. Noting how she peered over her shoulder, a look telling me she wondered if I had heard anything. Which I did, I just wasn't about to bring it up. I so didn't want to have that conversation with her.

"Yes Jacob, is there something you need? Was I being too loud?" Pauline asked, I could see she was trying not to crawl back into that shell that she's lived in for the past eighteen years.

"Maybe she isn't as broken as she appeared to be," I muttered to myself. "No, was just going to tell you, to look in the bottom drawer," I said, jutting my chin at the large, antique china cabinet.

"Why?" Pauline asked, in this confused light.

"You might find something," I said, knowing what was in there. I had found it when I was packing stuff away after my grandmother's death. I had no idea she had that, nor did I know she had hired a PI for it either. I guess she wanted to keep it hidden until she found something. Don't ask me why she was looking for her after all this time. She was getting old, maybe grandma simply didn't want to have regrets before she died.

"Jacob... what is this?" Pauline asked, even though she knew exactly what they were as she held the files in her hands.

"Yeah, I had been meaning to decide on what to do with that once I had found it in grandma's room. I can't tell you why, since she didn't even tell me she hired some guy to track you down. If she had, I would've told her: why bother? But she didn't, I don't know how close she was in finding you," I said, arching an eyebrow as I watched her arms shake. "I take it very close."

"Y-yes," Pauline nodded. "Very close." I heard her whisper.

"You know grandma kept journals or she did from that day forward," I said, looking away as I rubbed the back of my head as my mother's eyes shot towards me. "They're up in the attic if you want to read them. I couldn't, seemed like a violation of her life," I shrugged. "The boxes that are beside the wooden chest are the ones you want."

"Jacob!" I heard her hurriedly say as I turned around. I stood frozen, my arms pressed against my body as Pauline hugged me very hard and tightly. "I promise I'll make sure they're taken care of," she whispered into my neck. "Thank you, for today." My eyes quickly glanced at her as her lips brushed against my ear. "Goodnight Jacob, my son."

To Be Continued...