Broken Salvation

After mass I would again clean up the church before going down to the basement to do whatever needed to be done. Thankfully, Father Boss was manly and took care of all the heavy lifting and removing any scary bugs I found down there. He was such a manly man. I knew deep down he was untouchable, the kind of man I should be lusting over.

That was hard for me, spending an evening sewing away on my ancient Singer using up some old fabric, lost in my thoughts to come to the conclusion that I was, in fact, desiring for my new priest. I so badly wanted to confess, knowing if I passed beforehand that I would end up in Hell. But, how could I do that? I tried, every Tuesday and Thursday actually. I would sit in the booth wishing I could smell that almost comforting hint of cigarette smoke, but with that screen between us, I couldn't . So I would sit looking off in the dim area and talk at him.

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned," I would start, holding my rosary tightly in my hands. So tightly, my knuckles would turn white and numb.

"What is it, my young lady?"

I would pause to think about it, considering whether I should tell him the truth, which I should or, having also spent the night thinking about it, give him my "backup sin" instead. Being human, I knew I had more than one sin to confess every week, that was just the biggest one. "I got angry with my dad the other day... he got onto me for not folding his socks correctly. So I over salted his dinner to the point of it being inedible. He was cross with me for that as well and sent me out to pick up something at the takeaway he could have,"

I think Father Boss almost laughed at that before directing me to do so many Hail Marys to make up for my offense. Still, my heart was heavy with the blossoming inappropriate thoughts I was feeling for the man on the other side. I just couldn't bring myself to tell him about it. Not yet at least, even though I wished I could so I could begin healing from this sickness. This love sickness.

It was all getting out of hand. As I worked on my new dress at home, I changed my mind and scrapped half of it as Iended up making a skirt that was still long, but it clinged to my body a bit. My curves could be seen from the high waist and I wondered if I would ever be able to wear it. It was almost sexy. Surely my parents would never allow me out of the house in it, but as I tried it on and enjoyed my form in the mirror, I imagined wearing it one Sunday. It was a lot like the dresses and skirts the other women would wear, but it was scandalous to my family. Plus, my baggy old tired stretched underwear that was always thinking about falling down was far too noticeable through it. My mom was such a hypocrite. More recently I have been regularly washing her new sexy lace panties and bras for her. I questioned it one day asking why I couldn't buy nice pretty things like that and she just dismissed it as a 'mom thing'. Along with a "Please just don't let Dad know". She smiled dreamily at me then followed up with "One day you might learn from God all about it". As she bundled up the clean underwear and marched up the stairs stopping halfway to pick up a dropped thong. I knew there and then I needed something different with my dress if I was to wear it. Or...if in this current situation, I was going to be truly naughty, possibly wear no underwear at all.

There is something about wearing nothing underneath which had me fascinated. The thought was as daring as it was exciting. So much so that I actually tried it out one day. It was a Friday and I went through mass and daily cleaning without them on. I had them in my bag just in case. But the feeling of both being naughty and exposed at the same time was enthralling. Even though I had one of my long, flowing cream colored dresses on that reached my ankles and covered my body well. It was just such a strange sensation to feel the pew under my ass and any time I needed to kneel the fabric of the dress taught against my bare buttocks I was afraid of moving the wrong way and my bottom wobbling too much and being caught by the small congregation. As I moved around I could feel the cool air under my skirt as I busily cleaned up when everyone left. I was careful while walking down to the basement, where Father Boss was already standing in the middle of the room, looking around in deep thought.

We had finally cleared out the room and I was finishing up with my deep clean that day. Soon we would need to set up the tables and chairs and get it decorated for the children. I got down to the last step and paused out of his sight for a moment to admire the older man, his strong hand under his chin, rubbing the clean shaven skin lightly as his eyes darted around. I took a further step down and the floorboard creaked. He looked across and saw me and smiled. "I am thinking... I may have a speaker system hooked up down here. I would hate for you to miss out on the entire sermon on Sunday while you're down here," he commented ponderously.

I stepped down to the hard concrete floor, humming and nodding a little at the thought. Looking up at the ceiling, I wondered if his strong wonderous voice would not be heard anyway through the solid foundations. It was an old building after all. "That's a great idea, Father." I said with a smile as I went over to the new supplies closet where we moved all the cleaning equipment. Getting out what I needed to again clean the walls, I started on my work, making sure not to get in his way. "Your preaching is so moving, I believe the children should hear it as well. Maybe as they color and make crafts to take home to their parents."

"Is that your lesson plan so far?" he asked with a slight smirk on his face.

I giggled a little as I used the mop and a spray bottle of cleaner to scrub the wall in front of me. "I figured I could start from the beginning and work my way through the bible. I have a few books at home of child friendly bible stories," I grinned as I answered.

As I busily worked, I was also careful with my movements. I didn't want to shake around too much as to tip him off about my sinfully bare crotch under my pretty flowing skirt. Reaching up to clean the top of the wall made it even more nerve wracking, but also exciting. I could feel Father Boss' eyes lingering on my body as I worked, wondering if he could tell there were no panty lines to be seen. Looking over to him, I did see that his gaze was lower than it should be, making me blush slightly. "I can finish things up here if you have other things to do, Father." I offered politely.

He nodded, taking a moment before moving over to the stairs. "I'm going to the office to look into the speaker system then. Let me know if you need anything, Julia." My name never sounded so good. I loved the way it came off his tongue. I smiled at him.

While he was away and not watching my bottom, I vigorously scrubbed all the walls and began working on the floors after that. I enjoyed myself as I cleaned though. I could easily lose myself in thoughts of the man in his office above the entire time. Wondered what it would be like for him to stand close to me. Even his firm hands could be gently touching me. I also needed to clean up my mind! It was going too far already. I blamed it all on breathing in the cleaning fluids. Digging around in the back of the new supplies closet I found something. It was a small wooden case that I pulled out and blew the dust off of. I stared down at it with wonder, tracing the cross that was carved into the top. Wanting to open it, I took it up the stairs and knocked on Father Boss' office door.

"Come in!"

"Father, I found something," I told him as I came in and set the box on his desk.

He arched his brow and reached for it, pulling it closer before he flipped open the little clasp in the front and opened it to show a few little things. A little glass vial that would be used for holy water with a cross etched on the front, an old wooden rosary, and bible that looked as if it had been perfectly maintained in the time it went untouched.

"I see," Father Boss said gently as he took everything out and looked it over for a moment. He passed the old glass vial over to me as he picked up the leather bound bible. "Looks as if it belonged to the last priest that oversaw this church. Let's see..." he opened it up and nodded. "Yep, it belonged to Father Harrison. I didn't ever get to meet him, but I have heard great things from the older people in the congregation." Letting it close again, he began running his muscular hand over the front slowly, wiping away any dust that might be there and just taking in how it felt under his thick fingers.

I was in such a daze watching this, the vial slipped out of my hand and shattered on the floor. I gasped sharply, jumping back a little. "Oh no! I'm so sorry, Father!" I said quickly, feeling horrible for breaking something so old and meaningful.

With a soft chuckle, the father shook his head. "It's alright, my young lady. We have dozens of them now." he assured me as he got up, putting the bible back into the small chest with the rosary. "No need to worry."

Even though he said that, I was already worrying as I kneeled down and thoughtlessly began to pick up the small shards. Before Father Boss could say anything to stop me I let out another shrill gasp at the sensation of a small shard slicing my fingertip. Father Boss was up and around his desk in seconds, taking the glass from my hand and dropping it into his waste bin. "A bit clumsy today, hum?" he asked with a little laugh as he took my hand into his own and looked over the spot. There was a lot of blood though, so he had me sit in one of the chairs in front of his desk and went off to get a first aid kit.

Bringing it back he began cleaning me up and I was in Heaven with how it felt for him to touch me, even if it burned a bit as he used alcohol on it and bandaged my finger. His hands were so soft and warm, not to mention large around my own. Once he had me doctored up, he smiled a little, still standing close. "There we are. All better." He mumbled, bringing my hand up to his mouth and placing a little kiss on the bandaged fingertip.

Feeling those soft lips pressed against my finger made me feel all warm and shake a little as I stood and the strangest sensation happened between my legs. I had only felt it once or twice before. Everything was getting warm and wet in a way I had started to know all too well these days. Although it had never happened to me outside of my bedroom and with me below the bedsheets at night. I was shocked into silence for a moment before pulling away with a fast motion. "Th-Thank you, Father... I should be going..." I said, backing away from him. He didn't look too surprised by my abruptness. He just let me go and nodded.

"Of course, please be careful on your way home." He said smiling with a playful tone. "I'll be seeing you tomorrow, yes?"

Saturdays were my favorites since we didn't have vigil till later in the day, in early evening time. That way, I would be able to get a lot of work done at the church before then. But, my heart was racing as I could feel my juices were flowing and with nothing at all to catch them but my now slippery thighs. "Yes, I will be here in the morning, Father." I assured him as I left the office, waving to him with a shaking hand.

When I got home I took the coldest shower I could stand, needing to cool my burning body down and get clean after such nasty thoughts literally spilling out of me. Thankfully, after my shower no one noticed how quiet I was being as I did my chores around the house. My mom didn't mind the silence as we both cooked up dinner for the night, as I helped prepare the vegetables and at the table my dad as ever did most of the talking so I got to sit there lost with my own thoughts. My exciting thoughts that were so exciting and filthy as well as shameful in equal measure. I just couldn't seem to block the naughty and exciting images from my mind.

In bed that night I still had them spinning around with me, as such I did something I had not done for a long time. I had an uncontrollable urge, and that contained blissful thoughts. I pulled down my panties and my fingers slipped down and I touched myself to my repetitive and darkest fantasies of Father Boss. I lay there and imagined him watching as my skirt dropped to the floor showing off my bare lower half as his hands and lips touched so many other parts of my body. All whilst lying there as I focused on gently caressing my now moist womanhood. It was like I could really feel him! In the end I was gasping and shaking from intense pleasure shooting through my body, my head tossed back and brown curls sweaty tangled and covering both my face and the pillow. Then as I quietly panted, it had been fun, but then the guilt began to set in. My mind had taken things way too far as it was and now I was just making it all worse. Was there redemption for someone like me? Lying there with wet fingers and sticky panties, it truly didn't feel like it.

I had now been tainted with the passionate sin of fantasizing touching myself dreaming about an untouchable man and I knew deep down that this building lust and desire was only getting worse.

Chapter Three

Looking around I was really pleased with myself. The basement of the church was really coming along nicely. It was no longer obviously a storage room, it was starting to look like a place of learning and worship. We had pictures and posters up on the freshly painted and cleaned walls, a white board up the front on a slightly wonky stand l, and tables and chairs set up in a neat row. I was getting ready to start it that Sunday, making sure I had lots of Adam and Eve coloring pages along with the books from my house that I would be using. I decided to keep them in the church now, I was very happy to allow the church to keep them.

"Oh this is perfect!" A little group of female parishioners had come down to see where their children would be spending their Sunday mornings and it was brilliant, they nodded and smiled, all looked pleased with it all. I stood up straight in my brown dress, making sure there were no wrinkles to be seen. "You are a godsend, Julia. Really, we have been talking to Father Boss about this very thing and he never accepted as he never has the time. You becoming his little shadow is lucky for all of us," One of the women, Brenda, commented as she came over to me. I blushed a little and giggled slightly.

"I am so happy I could help with this project. The children will love it, I'm sure." I said as I looked over to the small wooden desk Father Boss had set up for me. Above my new desk was the speaker on the top of the wall that would broadcast the sermon from above. I had a small remote as well that I could use to turn it up and down so I would still be able to teach during it. Again, I was sure we would hear him even without it, but I appreciated it nonetheless.

"You've been an amazing addition to the church," Brenda added with a big smile on her chubby face, getting a nod of agreement from the other women. I smiled back, feeling good that they liked me so much. I was getting on with them more than I had the people at my old church and I had been at that place my whole life.

"Thank you so much Miss Brenda! I plan on sticking around for a long time," I giggled. Forever actually. I never wanted to leave this place.

"You should consider becoming a nun!" One of the other women, Margaret, piped up and I quickly shook my head, still laughing a little.

"Oh no no. I don't think that is my calling. I want to be a wife one day and have children of my own." So, why was I pining over a man who could never do that for me? It was like I enjoyed the unobtainable.

"Ahh hello ladies," there was that booming voice traveling down the hallways. The voice I loved so much. Father Boss came down in his regular casual black clothes, smiling at each of us. "What do you think? We have been working pretty hard on it the past few weeks," he said.

"It's amazing, Father! The children will be so excited on Sunday when they can come down here and have a more soft spoken teacher to bring them to the Lord," Brenda laughed as she teased him. The father laughed as well, shaking his head.

"I suppose I can be a bit much for the young ones," He admitted. They all spoke for a few minutes before the two of us were left alone in the basement classroom while the women went off to their knitting group. I busied myself with straightening up the art supplies and such that were already put out on the tables. We would not have every seat filled since there were only a handful of children in the congregation, but maybe one day it would be a full house down there. "You seem excited," Father Boss commented.

I smiled, looking back at him over my shoulder. "Oh, I am." I said, letting my eyes linger on him for far too long as he leaned back against my small desk. There was a moment that we just looked at one another and I wondered if he knew. If he could see right through me and tell that I was undressing him in my head right then and there. He looked so handsome with his big strong arms uncovered and that smile on his face. I could melt. The man was so distinguished and handsome, like one of those actors in the action movies I regularly found him watching.

"It's a lovely day today. Would you like to come with me outside?" he asked out of the blue. I was sure He was going to have a cigarette if no one else was around. What made the moment magic, this was the first time I had ever been invited to come with him. It was not as if I could refuse. My head was nodding before I even took the time to think about it.

I found myself following him to the back door down the narrow, dim hallway and once outside the sun was almost blinding. The wind around me swirled my loose skirt a bit, making me put my hands down to keep it from going up and showing too much leg. "Wow... it really is pretty. It's normally so hot." I said as I looked around for a moment. When my eyes landed back on Father Boss, as expected he had a cigarette between his lips, lighting the end of it with his hand blocking the wind. I couldn't look away, there was something so enticing and the smell, once it was lit up, had me coming closer.

Father Boss noticed this right away and smiled a little as he took in a deep inhale. "Ever tried one?" he asked, plucking the cigarette from his mouth and holding it out to me between his fingers. "It's a horrible habit, but you are old enough, I don't mind sharing if you want."

For some reason, I did want to. My head screamed no, but my heart shouted yes. It came out of nowhere really since I had never thought of trying it myself. Reaching over, I took it from him and pinched it between my fingers, careful of the burning end. I brought it to my lips and took a very slow and careful inhale, feeling it as the smoke rolled down my throat and into my lungs. Breathing out, I thought everything would be fine but I began to cough horribly and uncontrollably. As I choked, I could hear Father Boss laughing as he took the cigarette back from my outstretched hand.

He smiled as I screwed my face up in disgust. "Takes a while to get past that part," he commented, taking another long drag from it as I was just letting a succession of smaller coughs out to clear my lugs up. My throat burned after it all, but the taste lingered in my mouth and on my tongue. It really wasn't that bad tasting. It had a bit of a mint flavor.

"I don't see how you get past it," I groaned a little, twisting my mouth up whilst putting my hand up on my chest as I grimaced as I took a few good deep breaths of fresh air.

"Just like anything else in life, it takes practice." Father Boss answered as he leaned his head back against the rough outside wall of the building. "Julia... it's been really nice having you here to help me so much. I had a helper before, but it was an older woman and she ended up needing to take it easy. Things have been getting out of hand around here with just me to take care of things," he admitted.