All Comments on 'BrokenIn Pt. 01'

Your story does have potential but as it stands it’s severely lacking in realism.

Surely in her head he’s called Bastard Rapist and not Sir, but then again he apparently has a “magic cock”.

No mother worthy of the title in the history of forever is going to curl up and submit when her child is at risk. It doesn’t matter that her child is an adult, it doesn’t matter if she starts to enjoy it what matters is her child is at risk of being used as a sex slave.

At this stage the rapist has the upper hand because he can threaten either woman by saying he will hurt the other. It won’t always be that way though.

Numerous issues with tense and voice. Also word choices in several places. Has potential. An editor could help make it a more enjoyable read. If nothing else, please read it out loud to yourself or have someone else read it aloud to you before you post. That will catch 80% of the glaring problems.

"Quit" = "stop"

"Quiet" = near silence, peaceful

I can’t wait to see where this goes another chapter please!!