All Comments on 'Burn in Hell'

Did he at least break the fucker's nose?

It was a pretty decent story until you went soft in the head at the end. I don't think another chapter is necessary, but I could see a Romance story of Jeff finding somebody to help him rebuild his life, a Loving Wives story of the next husband "Tim" cuckolds not settling for money and going for blood, or even a NonConsensual/Reluctance story of Cindy finding herself forced into being the agency whore. What I can't see is any story where they get back together.

Decent story.

What I'd probably prefer is a 2a and 2b follow up with alternative takes on the outcomes.

Please continue.

I know I'm a bit of a sap, but I'd like to see a reconciliation. But she would probably need to give up her job and do much more for that to be possible.

Punctuating Dialogue

. When one paragraph ends with a quotation mark and the very next one starts with a mark, that indicates the character speaking has changed. When one character is speaking and is not uninterrupted by narrative or another character talking, every paragraph starts with a mark, but only the last one has a closing mark.

Id like to see more pain brought to the movie star and the wife. And then, strangely enough, I'd like a reconciliation. lol. Not holding my breath but we will see.

A follow up story would be nice to just see where they ended up

The law firm of Sue, Grabbit & Runne--classic! That's right up there with Dewey, Cheatum & Howe! One quibble: when the same character speaks through multiple paragraphs, never close a paragraph with quotes until that character stops speaking. Otherwise, the reader is left wondering if the speaker changed. Also, the runaway/ghosting husband has become such a throwaway cliché. Readers want to read about that conversation. It also grows you as a writer. Kudos to MC for speaking with his wayward. The repeated change from first person to third and back person ruined the flow of the story. Pick a POV and use it. Finally, turning Cindy into the stereotypical clueless bimbo in the confrontation scene took the air out of this story. LW writers are unable to express true contrition, conflictedness, or any of the higher complex emotions and incongruencies of the complex human animal. Whoooosh... and it was gone. You redeemed yourself somewhat with their final chat. Three stars and that's rounding up.

I think that a continuation of the story would be good

DO NOT GIVE IN TO THOSE WHO WANT YOU TO CONTINUE.

You came close to admitting that the opposite of love is not hate, but it is indifference.

Let it go.

You have plenty of good work ahead of you

The problem is that she worked among celebrities. So who is so stupid or naive to not be aware that celebrities feel entitled to Anything they like and want? And in so doing they wreak havoc among all the people who ALLOW them to use and abuse them? Cindy loved getting being a whore for this famous person, her only regret being that she got caught. It is most likely there will be other marriages and divorces in her future. Serves her right.

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But nowhere in the story is there described some great change in Cindy's personality and character. She was being her authentic self when she became a whore. And she was a whore for months before the husband had any real concern, and he had to see her flaunting her whoredom in his face, then be told in exact detail, before he Knew she had become a slut. Which means being a slut was being herself. So the husband got what he married; he got what he deserved. Let's hope he does a better job of evaluating and discerning his next romantic partner. He really fucked up marrying this brainless entitled star-struck moron.

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Thanks for the effort.

I really liked this story. I think Tim shouldn't have got off so lightly but maybe karma is in the future for him.

Cindy truly realised she fucked up and, if Jeff took her back (and she changed jobs) then she almost certainly would not repeat her actions.

On the other hand you can see how Jeff felt totally betrayed which is why he went ballistic. He is a broken man.

So,we have two totally miserable and destroyed people, albeit he is now rich.

I'm not a RAAC guy and I like a good BTB tale, but in this case she is so truly repentant that I would like the author to explore where these two ruined people should go from here. And, how Tim loses his looks, his fame and his balls.

Average because so predictable and character driven — 3-dimensional husband and 1-dimensional, bimbo wife.

would have made the asshole actor match the offer and make all of it tax free. Then would have slept through the 1 hour joke and moved on. But you marry someone in the entertainment business just be ready for when and not if. They are 95% moraless assholes who will fuck anyone to be advanced or noticed. Loverboy was just lucky it was just his nose that got rearranged. He would have had no shot at spreading his DNA to further infect the next generation.

Well Jimmy you certainly lit a fuse with this, the same as George Anderson did! The only way forward, IMHO, would be an alternate ending beginning with your MC not taking the deal and setting the world on fire!!! Well Done. 5*

Okay story, it had technical issues that others point out, word usage, awkward structure.

Tim would likely get his comeuppance. If Jeff punched him out you can bet someone would capture it&it would be on the Daily Mail website in like an hour 'action star with chin of glass' and the like, he would be humiliated ( would be great as part of a chapter 2).

Jeff was right to divorce Cindy, she fell under the aura of a celebrity and totally ignored him. She made no effort in Cannes to spend time with him,she fucked Tim ,Jeff didn't exist. More importantly she would likely do that with any star she worked with, it is obvious she got off on that,no way he could trust her.

In real life doubtful the agency would care about Cindy cheating with Tim&I doubt would worry about a lawsuit. Tim was a client of the agency&there really is nothing they could be sued over,not unless they told her to seduce Tim or encouraged it.

I think there is room for a follow up. Jeff needs help,he is angry and bitter and Cindy if we leave it here is a Martian Slut Ray victim, doesn't explain why she would fuck over Jeff like that since it seems like she does love him.

Could there be a reconciliation? As they are now,no. Cindy would need to come to grips with why she debased herself like that,did things for Tim she wouldn't do for Jeff. She also would need to quit her career if she had any hope of not repeating and as a sign of real repentance since she loved the job. Jeff would need to get a hold of his anger and be able to see himself as a guy who deserves a good woman,after her betrayal he had to feel like he was somehow lacking.

I don't know if they could reconcile, depends on how much he loves her still&if the hate can go and if Cindy is willing to sacrifice her ego to show repentence. She really has to show Jeff that she can explain why she did it with an obvious jerk like that&why she wouldn't ever again.

No need to continue this trash.

A well told story, another wife who felt she could get away with fucking the guy, because he's a celebrity and so selfish that she thinks her husband would accept it and let her continue in the marriage! Yes, I would like to see more about the story and the outcome of their single lives. I notice an issue where you used live, instead of life (was more than once), "I knew that love of my live had finally given up and gone away". 4*

Your best yet. You are improving a lot so please keep it up. A few niggling editing errors here and there.

This story definitely has more potential and I for one would love to read a follow up.

Good story, please continue.

Story of corruption, her employers should have been sued and there repetition destroyed they knew she was screwing the bastard they did nothing to stop it. They showed a lack of ethics or morals in there company crap.

Wouldn't mind an follow up showing what happens when karma catches up with Tim. Nice story, the only criticism is that sometimes it was first person and sometimes it was second person. Otherwise, good job!

No more. Only thing you could do now would be to fuck up a good story.

4 stars - yes, there was something missing - the SLUT had either no brain, or just a single digit IQ.

How could anyone fuck up so badly and NOT expect to lose everything - it boggles the mind of sane people?

She got exactly what she deserved - NOTHING.

Superb!!!! Yes its a fictional story, but 99% of the spouses in real life in his shoes would not reconcile. Once or twice maybe but not what she did and if u are the 1% then more power to you I guess...

No follow up or additional chapters needed.

I just wish Jeff had said “Be who you are, a three hole cum dumpster for celebrity clientele” then walked out of their final meeting.

Great story. Another part would be most welcome but please no unmotivated RAAC. When its dead its dead and given a few years it settle down to being no more than a fading memory. I can't conceive of any revival of interest between these two, but you, being a talented writer, might come up with something plausible. 5 stars for a well written story.

Really like. Thanks for sharing, and I would love to see a continuation of it.

Good story and a cautionary tale about making big decisions before you have had the time and space to work out what you are going to do. Should you write chapter 2? Your call! This sad story felt done to me though.

It's dead so bury it and movfe on. Well written.

The hurt will too much knowing the woman he loved did all the sexual favours to another man and not him. You cannot heal that in life time. That's why burning the bitches are needed in the society.

Really she loved him and betrayed him like that. They even let him go to Cannes to witness the cheating. Over the top story.

So he becomes another "John Wick", a master of death!

IN SUBSTANCE, IT DESERVED FIVE STARS...BUT, I'VE ENJOYED ALL I COULD STAND OF IT.

If you've ever read any of my stories, you know what I'm going to advise: stop right there. It was a damn good story and ended well. I give it 5 stars.

I'm inundated with email pleas - exclusively from Americans - to write more after my stories are over. I try to explain that Brits like cliff-hanger endings but to no avail. One guy sends me an email every week; pleading for a sequel to one story.

Leave it be mate. Job done. Sorted. Write another.

J

This story is just fine ending where it ended. A continuation would be pointless unless you want to turn this into a RAAC story, as this woman clearly did not love her husband. You don't repeatedly betray someone you love that deeply. He would never be able to trust her again, especially now that she has shown she is vulnerable to being impressed by famous people and her job would constantly put her in that positon again. No sane person would put themselves in a position to be hurt again after being betrayed like this. I liked the story as is, and gave it a favorable rating, but any continuation is not only unnecessary, but bound to disappoint.

Yes please another chapter would be good. You wrote an excellent story and l for one would like to see how it pans out.

I’m a BTB man but he divorced her and that ended that story. Justice was done, and if you want you can reconcile them but don’t let him remarry her. Just FWB is enough.

Scores 5/5

Do not do a RAAC. Show him getting counseling and living the good life and her as a slut who has aged too quick with no one to love her.

Why would a non disclosure agreement be sought? All publicity is good publicity, and top actors, male and female, love having stories of their affairs made public. All this story does is make action hero Tim look studlier.

.

LW is a real fantasy world, in which an adulteress is shamed, scorned, and shunned. In the real world, that’s not what happens. In the real world, the adulteress is celebrated for taking control of her sexual life, and the only one whose reputation suffers is the cuckolded husband who wasn’t good enough in bed to keep his wife at home.

A very dark story. All I can say is 'death to Tim.' D

Another chapter would be good if only to see Tim get his just desserts.

Very good story. Well written and thought out. I think it would be natural to continue the story.

I liked the story but would not have read it if I knew I'd read "you suck your shit off his cock". A tag about anal would have made me skip the story. No Rating from me.

Would be nice to see a followup story but overall not necessary. Just an interest in a "what happened next" type deal. The story's good & well written, along with it being interesting, though I question the non-disclosure bit. While I see the point that the action hero's knocked down by an irate husband's contrary to his status, I also realize that almost any action- good or bad - is mostly good for that actor.

--- Next, he's told that without that non-disclosure agreement, but she demanded 1 hr to meet with him. Then after she ran out of the room, she claimed she was short changed for that hour. Initially, her saying she wouldn't agree without that meeting, he could've told them he's not going to, & if she fights the divorce, it becomes a claim of adultery. Of course, he has those agreements in hand. Would've also been nice to record the talk with Tim- always good to have, & if not needed, could be deleted in time.

---- Especially after the divorce, I wouldn't have sat down at all with her, but told her I'm giving her the respect & quality that she gave me when fucking Tim. One part would like, during or after counceling, he meets & eventually marries another woman. ...

--- Another part of me would like, down the road, they talk, he tells her to quit the agency or at least change her job there, she refuses, then he meets that other woman. Seeing that, she tells him she reconsidered, but he tells her it's too late. Then there's a leaked story to a local newspaper, but when he's accused of violating the agreement, he can prove he didn't do it, even tho in reality he did. While I've a couple more, in no way is there a total reconciliation.

--- But I digress. Again, good story, a continuation's welcomed but not needed. 4 stars Bob

It’s not worth doing a follow-up story. You finished this one just fine.

continue writing it, I enjoy your stories.

Do a follow on why not. Would he forgive her years down the road? Or live his best life? He is loaded now that's half the battle. Better yet real plot twist they set the company up and it's all theatrics. Either way do something with it you already set up the characters.

RR, I COULD be wrong, but maybe the NDA was to keep the agency involvement out of the public eye. There were probably too many witnesses, not to mention Tim's seclusion while he recovers, to keep Tim's affair secret.

Tim MCCOY was a famous actor

I think you took the story about as far as it can go maybe a paragraph or 2 more saying Jeff, to lived happily ever after, and Cindy rots in hell, or not. Maybe Tim gets a horrible facelift failure. It could happen.

Having been told the end at the beginning of the story, really dampened the plot. i enjoy a well written story, which it is, but there was no mystery to the conclusion.

Perhaps, a third chapter would allow the couple to avenge their marriage destroyed by the asshole actor.

No revenge on the wife, not even financial. No revenge on the actor of any type. Husband got cucked out of a 5 year marriage for a pay off. The only ines that suffered were the Agency and the readers of this story. Should have stayed married and just pimped her out to another actor down the road and cashed in again....

I liked it.

Except for two things.

LW doesn't need one more crazy and/or stupid slut.

There are far too many of them here.

The second thing is too little meat on the bones.

It's not just an abrupt ending.

We first hear of friends and family after the drama.

Some would say it's better to leave them out entirely,

than to mention them as an afterthought.

4 out of 5 from me.

This, while good, felt unfinished. I got to this last page and found myself looking for the next page.

Tim Roth ( Love story etc ), Tim Curry ( Rocky Horror Picture Show ) Timothy Olyphant ( Justified, Hitman ) and i am not even trying lol.

I love the involvement you get with multipart stories developing the same characters so am all for a continuation.

Think another chapter say 5years later would be good with her having moved on met someone and gotten married with a child or two and him not able to be in a relationship. Hubby bumps into her at a mall with her hubby and kids in tow. His anger is gone but his sense of loss is there when he see’s her happy and the kids that could have been his. From that point it’s up to the author to fill in the ending.

Not a bad story but sort of fizzled out at the end.

Jim from the infamous Feb Sucks epic should take lessons from this guy. LaValliere should have been worth a few million. This was a great story about handling a cheating star fucker. A very good story with a good ending.

Please keep going

Right move. That woman ain't ever gonna be right.

Next big star would have her bent over the couch in his suite in no time flat. Before long, the little stars would too.

Agency now has another willing whore. He signed an NDA, but they can disclose whatever they want about her whenever they want if she doesn't go along with their program.

Go for the extra chapter please?

Why? Why the fuck do writers insist on ruining their stories by starting at the end? It's so friggin frustrating.

Almost as much as writers insisting on inserting the damn high school/college origin story that nobody cares about.

I'm a little disappointed that all he got in was a punch to the nose. It seems to me that if you're gonna commit to assault, you might as well go for a full-on stop just short of murder. 5 mil seems a bit on the low side as well, for the kinds of figures that usually flow through those places, but what do I know.

Lately, I've been a bit melancholy and I've liked RAACs better, but yeah, there was no real coming back from this one. Not with the length of time, and the sex acts involved.

I'd vote no to a followup.

Tim Robbins was a good actor. I'm thinking you must have been mad at the world when you wrote this one. Maybe next time something a little less dark and a little more thought out.

It was a very good story, but it could use another chapter.

WHOLE THING READ LIKE A RERUN. NO ORIGINALITY NO REAL ENDING. At least you didn’t end it with her waiting tables in a dumpy bar. That was worth something.

So, a UK story and dollars come into play duh, use your own currency! Nothing wrong with 5 million pounds!

4 though mostly on the hope there is a follow up. This was not a bad story but felt incomplete, at times a bit underwhelming with the revenge VERY lacking and the pay off both for the revenge and the ending lacking. The actor got a bop in the nose without a loss of his fame or anything else, the agency lost some money that they probably made back in a week if even that, and while the wife lost the love of her life she was not hurt financially. Not saying I wanted this to be a BTB, heck I'd probably be fine with a second chapter having a reconciliation after the wife does some growing, but would have liked some lasting revenge on some of the parties involved.

A follow up would be great about all players in this tale. I’ve known people on the small end of the famous industry and the stars actors, athletes , models and super rich all attend these huge events with parties all the time. They all party and hook up with each other but target the not famous as an easy fuck that will do it all married or not they get star struck . His friend who is also married and travels a lot with a pr firm that represents all of these famous people. She’s been used sexually over a five year period very often . He said on one trip very drunk and they talk about who they fucked so her as a target grows . She had a night getting fucked by two superstar black footballers to the point she called him around 10 am the next day . She was fucked or destroyed by both double teaming her all night . Super in shape athletes with double dose of viagra . One was averaged dize dick the other was fat and long. He got to their room and she was a mess . They were laughing how they love the hot married snowflakes that are star struck and intrigued by a black cock. He actually had to help her naked body to the shower. She had slight tear between her ass and pussy which was causing the pain along with inside from the constant pounding. He took her back she changed and he got room service for them in his room . He told her enough of this shot your happily married and these guys are abusing you for your desperate for there fame and you can’t even tell anyone not to mention your hubby is a great guy and would be devastated. That was an eye opener as a few days later when home she had to play she had a stomach bug to finish healing up. About sad I’d months later she as she always stayed close to the guy I knew went to his room after drinks and he slept with her . The next dss as y she said it was great and a thank you for being a great friend and yes he did gently take her ass as he described as spectacular. Now working with her gor 15 years she will give a random blow job when traveling but that it’s it and he still says it makes you look like a whore to them but she laughs and jokes that she probably has had more famous people than famous people. Her poor bastard hubby , at least he doesn’t attend any events ever . Maybe deep down he doesn’t want to find out anything or maybe he gets his own a doesn’t even think about it

I think he was to kind towards both Tim and ex-wife.

jopstorm1945

Maybe a follow up on how Cindy covertly hands Tim his ass in a bottle for being the dick wad he is. Thus destroying his career along with throwing the agency under the bus for being a pimp agency. Possibly write a book about all the corruption condoned cheating, destroyed marriages and pay offs only to make money.

I don’t see a need for a follow up as it’s so very unlikely that they will meet up again.

This story is complete. The reality of the personal destruction that comes from infidelity, and money that never makes the victim whole. Yes, their lives continue, but a story of that continuation would weaken what you already have here.

sloppy writing with bad punctuation ruined what had the potential to be a good story.

I agree with 26thNC in that's how you hurt rich people...you take away their money. If Jim had done that to LaValliere, that whole story would have fallen apart and ended. Just look at the SVB bank that lost a bunch of money, who's crying now??

This feels like a revised version of February Sucks. At least he got 5 million out of it, and kept his business. He should probably sell it off, and relocate somewhere else and find a new woman to keep him company. Of course after he goes to counseling to get over her.

Souless and bland

Definitely a sequel.

Please keep writing!

A follow up where Jeff grows a pair and reconciles with her, asks her to forgive his unconscionable behaviour and he starts to act like a real man. He needs to make up for his lack of acceptance for her to be human and make mistakes. His over the top reaction is totally unacceptable from a loving, caring and honourable man who professes to love his wife. His lack of compassion makes him a snivelling little wimp

Good decisive husband. We shall see if he relents in the future with her. Take her back, tat slut on her bikini area, bdsm that ho, might as well dominate that slut if he is unable to let go of the crushed love. I mean if she can tock a micro minimus bikini then she aint all bad

Loved your story and vote to read a sequel. Five stars!

Thanks

For fuck sake, please no sequel. The dialogue from Tim was so bad it was like a deliberate parody.

Quite like it. Can't see any point in adding to it.

Love this story, pretty realistic actually, sometimes funny, and I didn’t have to follow the cuckold all the way through his recovery.

Great job.

I gotta say, this story hits all the points for me other than him maybe getting his happy ending that does not include her.

Great. Only possible followUp is at least 10 years later on.

Great story, I would love a follow up, but as one commenter writes, it would have to be somewhere in the future

Another story, of a Wife who wanted to trade up. It’s kinda like fishing. You find a group of bass, bluegill or crappie. One is way bigger than the rest. You just keep pulling away your bait from the smaller ones ,until the big one rips in and smashes it. That’s life. Everybody wants, what someone else has. Many women screw up their lives, trying to get with the guy, everyone else wants. This is the big reason, why the current generation is so unhappy. Women become like men, and then can’t understand why, men don’t want to marry them. Men decide women aren’t worth the trouble of marrying, and would rather stay single. Go on tic toc, and listen to all the women complain about this- but they have themselves to blame. You all want a guy like grandpa, but you don’t want to be the woman, grandma was.... You live in a reality, you created. 4 stars.

Why is he even need to give her a peace finally? This is not burn in hell.

Well done.

Well written. I understand that you made the choice to keep the story relatively short but there was enough here that it would have benefited from more character development and somewhat more about the "signs" of possible infidelity he said he missed. I gave it 5*****. It is definitely worth a follow-up story. Cindy's revenge on Tim as the springboard several years later to a reconciliation she has to earn? Just a thought.

same old crap, done 1000 times before already. and no, not at all well written.

follow up

No notation of her repeated lies. All we got as a sticking point is the physical acts that hubby was offended by due to his lacking. What of the repeated assurances by her for months nothing was going on? Is that not a significant trusting point, yet no words presented whatsoever regarding this. Speaks to a very shallow point of view.

Good storey, yes with a follow up. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I vote yes, especially if Tim loses his nuts to a rusty machete.

Not an original story or told differently, or even having a different result. The wife lied about things, which he never brought up, by saying nothing's happening. Meanwhile, she's having some serious sex with this actor, allowing him willingly to do things to her, & her to him, that never happened in her marriage with her husband. He, on the other hand, was too trusty. Letting his wife travel with this actor for weeks at a time?

---> My return to her saying she got cheated out of her talk time would be that now we're a bit more even, as I got cheated out of a loyal wife for months. And not return to the room for the talk. But he did, & I'm wondering if he asked her, for the sake of their marriage, if she'd quit her job, what she'd say.

---> Continuation of the story? Outside of the actor getting either a major hurt on, or the husband suing him for ending his marriage (questionable where the non-disclosure comes into play), I don't see it. It's not like they're going to reconcile at all, unless he loses his spine & balls along the way. Overall, for the effort, I'll give this 3 stars. I feel generous as the husband took no shit & asked the actor, as his wife was approaching, if he wants to keep her. Best part for me! Bob

Great Story!! Loved it!!