All Comments on 'Camping Adventure in Gettysburg PA'

Constructive criticism....

I almost didn't make it past the first sentence.

Lose the aggregations.

PA for Pennsylvania is bad enough, but "...USA Civil War" instead of "...The American Civil War" makes the story look like it was written by a non English speaker.

If you don't believe me look at any professional piece of writing.

Spell out words, you are not sending a text.

Constructive critisism...

Lose the abbreviations in the first paregraph.

Spell out Pennsylvania.

Using "...USA civil war battlefields" instead of " American Civil War" makes you sound like English is your second language.

This is supposed to be literature, use proper words, you are not sending a text.

It doesn't cost any more to use full words!

If you don't believe me, look at any book or even online media.

In short, your high school English teacher would not let you get away with these shortcuts.

Aside from that, not bad.

A good read. I was expecting to learn that some of the 4 beautiful women were married or had boy friends and were on a girls only camping vacation. Maybe he lied about being sterile and someone got knocked up. Will there be a sequel when he goes to Philly for business?

I got lost in all the different, yet almost the same women. Like having 27 redheads named Sam and a guy named Sam, which person is even getting what when.

The overall scenarios was hot, and the individual scenes, and there was a good level of detail (other than lacking descriptions of the women) but the other comments are correct that a bit of editing could improve this. One of the quirks that I noticed was when you had people speaking who weren’t the main character, it seemed like they said ‘me’ when it should have been changed to ‘you’ to refer to the main character

But still a good story, and will now go look to see if you continued it, as your stories aren’t obviously marked as to which are continuations of others