Caputpedes

The air of confident finality that had emanated from the Hippogriff evaporated, and the three Justices again consulted. Now the dolphin replied.

"You may approach, Miss Wilson; together with the Government's representative, of course."

The AG and I walked forwards, the contrast between my slight form and his towering bulk felt almost comical.

"Well, Miss Wilson?"

Again it was the Dolphin, speaking for his colleagues.

"Your honors, it strikes me that this case raises more fundamental questions. Ones relating to the entire corpus of inter-species law. If, as I am sure each of you personally appreciates, the law is an ass, then surely it is the role of the judiciary to address this. Wouldn't you agree?"

It began to dawn on the Justices what I had in mind, and they seemed collectively horrified. It was unclear whether they were more scared of upending millennia of precedent, trashing their own reputations, or incurring the wrath of The Cartel, owners of the inter-species sex racket. I had some sympathy for their dilemma, but not as much as for the poor individuals languishing in BEA cells. In time-honored tradition, they fell back on procedure. This time the octopus spoke.

"My dear Miss Wilson."

I could tell immediately this was not going to go well. His appearance brought back painful memories, and his tone already had me spoiling for a fight.

"You must realize that, while my colleagues and I are, may I say deeply, sympathetic to the issues you raise, a debate on them, to say nothing of action, would require the presence of all Justices. They are busy people, but there are channels via which members of the public can table their concerns for our due deliberation."

He finished with, to my ears, an overly smug grunt.

"All the Justices? I understand. All of them. I guess I hadn't anticipated that. Thank you, your honor, for enlightening me."

I closed my eyes for at most a second.

When I opened them, I continued.

"Well now, that wasn't so hard, was it?"

The octopus gazed at me quizzically. Theatrically I shifted my eyes first to his left where three Justices had just materialized, and then to his right, where two more startled judges had also appeared.

"A quorum, right? Is that the word?"

The word was probably flabbergasted. The octopus screamed in a high-pitched voice, so different from his previous patronizing tone, for the court officials to intervene. A raised eyebrow from me left the guards frozen on the spot.

"Sorry, your honor, you were saying?"

The octopus was speechless, a massive improvement in my book.

"Right, all of you to your seats, and this court is now in session. You can go sit down too!"

My last comment was directed at the AG, who had wisely been edging away from me for a little while. He seemed grateful to have been dismissed.

It was hard to tell who was more discombobulated, the three original Justices, or their newly arrived colleagues. Indignation and confusion abounded. We now had a rather regular-looking humanoid, another with pretensions to being a cyclops, a minotaur, a very large eagle, and an additional coleoid, a squid of a somewhat smaller species than Duxie.

"Right, your honors, thank you for agreeing to gather here today."

I was enjoying myself enormously.

"We are here to discuss something important. But it's not really you I want to discuss it with. I just want you to listen, OK?"

The cyclops objected in a stentorian tone.

"This is outrageous. I demand an explanation, young lady."

"Young lady? Hmm... interesting. Well, hun. I just did explain and now I want you to listen."

"I object in the most... mmmmmm..."

I drew my fingers across my lips and the cyclops's one eye bulged as his lips were literally zipped together, a silver pull-tab dangling on one side.

"Any other questions, your honors?"

It seemed there were none.

"No, the people I want to have a discussion with are over here."

I descended the crepidoma steps, and approached the public seats. I climbed on to our table, rather laboriously given my condition, and drew myself up to my full 1.55 meters, Na-ri gazing up at me, bewildered.

"Ladies, gentlemen, and other sentient beings. I wanted to address the court. But you see a court is not the esteemed justices, it's not high-flying lawyers like our able Attorney General here, it's not even the impressive architecture. It's you. Vox populi, vox Dei and all that shit. A legal system without popular support is wholly illegitimate. Don't you agree?"

There were some murmurings of assent, though perhaps many were just scared of me after what they had just seen.

"So today's talk is brought to you by the word 'hypocrisy', OK?"

I walked up and down the table as I spoke. I'd heard this makes you seem more authoritative. It made me worried about falling off. Long dresses and heels are a bad combination; especially when heavily pregnant.

"We just heard, or rather didn't hear, a case about inter-species sex. My boyfriend, the octopus I love, was banished, eons ago. His crime? Fucking a non-Caputpederean; maybe a thousand non-Caputpedereans, I don't know, we didn't have an in-depth discussion about it."

I looked around me. Most people seemed to be listening, but perhaps they simply didn't want to antagonize the crazy towhead.

"And then, because he had the temerity, after said eons, to take comfort in the company of another non-Caputpederean, the one talking to you now actually -- I was a plain old human not so long ago -- he was locked in solitary confinement... forever."

I drew a breath.

"Now, maybe you think that's OK. Perhaps you think protecting the Caputpederean blood line is important. Not that we have... blood. Perhaps you think fucking humanoids, beings like I was, and like my friend Na-ri here still is, is a degrading thing to do. Perhaps humanoids are degenerate, lower lifeforms. Not perfect beings like, well, all of you."

My sense now was that some were actually listening, but perhaps that was wishful thinking.

"Perfect beings. Perfect beings. So I was imperfect a few months ago, a mere blink in a Caputpederean's lifespan. Then I became perfect. My imperfections purged by a machine. And so I'm now like you. But I'm not. Not really. I'm still me. I'm still not perfect. I have the same thoughts and memories and desires and faults and failings as when I was a human. I can just do some shit I couldn't before. You know, like teleport Supreme Justices."

That got a ripple of, perhaps nervous, laughter.

"My point is, I'm one of you. And I'm not perfect. Neither are any of you. How many of you were born Caputpederean?"

Maybe a little less than a third raised limbs or otherwise made themselves known.

"And so the rest of us, a majority, were once one of those lower lifeforms. Those imperfect, lower lifeforms. Aren't you still them? Aren't you still imperfect? Did you change that much? Now just hold that thought."

I paused, as if weighing options in my mind, but really, I needed a short break. I was now a stranger to physical fatigue, but mental and emotional? I still got that. I had sealed the courtroom, but I knew that, in time, more people would come. Probably too many for even me to deal with. I needed to make my points soon.

Also, my baby had been particularly active. Maybe the sound of Mommy pontificating. I put my hands on my bump.

"So, this illegal fucking of a human, me, by a rogue Caputpederean, had consequences. In another month or so, it will have even bigger consequences. But what about our bastard child? It was created by an illegal union. But now I'm one of you too. So is my baby. Does that make it OK, does it make it legal, does it make it not a bastard? Should I be locked up, or looked after? Can you not see how nonsensical the rules you live by have become? How detached from reality?"

For the first time, I found myself emotional. I wiped tears from my eyes. But I had other things to do, and limited time to do them in. I had to step things up a notch.

"So now I come to our upstanding Justices. The embodiment of your, of our, judicial system. The keenest legal minds on the planet. Your representatives."

I let my words land.

"Now, I understand that people like me can't be Justices. Only those who have been Caputpederean for at least five generations are eligible to sit on the Supreme Court. Surely they are perfect?"

I looked round my audience again.

"Well, maybe, maybe not. We'll come to that. But first, to those of you who didn't raise your limbs. Recall that we are the majority. How do these fine jurists reflect us and our experience? Isn't this just a type of minority rule? Again, hold that thought."

I could hear, and assumed so could everyone else, dull thuds on the doors of the courthouse. I could only hold them shut so long.

"Now what was the theme of this talk, can anyone remember?"

Encouragingly several voices shouted "hypocrisy".

"Hypocrisy, right. What is hypocrisy? It's saying one thing and doing something else. That's a bad thing, am I right?"

I nodded as I paced, emphasizing my points. If all else failed, maybe I could become a televangelist.

"So, how would you feel if your perfect legal representatives were guilty of hypocrisy? Would they seem so perfect anymore? Maybe not. Well let's ask them."

I floated down, dress material billowing around me, levitation could be so useful sometimes, and approached my friend the octopus.

"So this fine gentleman reminds me of my boyfriend, he's nowhere near as cute, but still. My boyfriend who was banished for fucking other lifeforms and then put in indefinite solitary confinement for fucking me. The thing is, this Justice likes humans too. He likes humans like I was, like Na-ri here is. He particularly likes Na-ri. Miss Park, will you please stand up."

Na-ri stood. She looked determined.

"Park Na-ri, can you please confirm your species?"

"Homo sapiens, Emily."

"Thank you, and have you met this octopus before?"

"Yes, Emily. With you."

"Are you sure, Miss Park?"

"Yes, Emily. It's hard to forget someone who has filled your tube."

The silence was deafening, then a clamor broke out. Voices raised, some in incredulity, others in anger.

"Please, ladies, gentlemen and other sentient beings, please. Let's hear from the Justice. Your honor, do you deny Miss Park's claim?"

I knew my cephalopod signaling, and could see indecision ripple through his skin. But my friend certainly did not lack intelligence, or indeed a soupçon of integrity, even if his manner left much to be desired.

"No. I do not deny it. I met with this humanoid and her blonde friend. We had carnal relations. She... she isn't the first humanoid I have had carnal relations with. There have been males and females."

Bands of shame ran through his body. Perhaps I had been too quick to judge him. Or maybe I just had a soft spot for octopuses.

"Thank you, I appreciate your honesty, and I think the people here do too."

I turned to the public again.

"Guards are trying to break down the door. They will succeed soon. I just want you to listen for a little while longer."

Once more I paused, conscious of selecting the right words. Balancing choices with urgency.

"I could go through the seven other Justices. I'm sorely tempted to talk to the cyclops next. But what do you think will be the result?"

Again I looked at their faces.

"Without embarrassing them further, all eight have done the same as my, rather brave, octopus friend has just admitted. All eight. And that's just with my friend Na-ri. Who knows how many other lifeforms they have had sex with?"

My pause now was purely for dramatic effect.

"And this isn't a surprise, is it? You have heard rumors surely. Maybe you have done the same yourself, or know someone who has. Maybe someone you know, a family member perhaps, has exiled themselves for fear of the BEA. You know what I say is true, you know it."

I felt the doors were close to collapse and was ready for my final point.

"I'll say this slowly. The people who are responsible for your frankly barbaric approach to inter-species sex, are having inter-species sex. So are a lot of other people."

"And here is the thing. That's OK. It's more than OK. It's wonderful. Other species are not lower lifeforms. They are people. Just like me. Just like you. Fucking other people isn't bad, it's one of the best things you can do. There is no shame, only joy."

I turned to the Justices.

"Isn't it time we repealed this nonsensical and cruel law? Isn't it time we dropped the hypocrisy? No duress, you are all free to say what you want, I won't intervene. In any case, law enforcement will be here soon. You can just wait for them to take me away if you genuinely disagree. Tell me what you think."

I unzipped the cyclops and fell silent. Then I heard Na-ri's voice.

"Repeal! Repeal! Repeal!..."

At first, she spoke alone. Then her words were taken up by a few others. Then more. Then the whole public gallery in unison.

"Repeal! Repeal! Repeal! Repeal! Repeal! Repeal!..."

I held up my hand for silence. The door of the courthouse burst asunder and law enforcement officers piled in. A single voice rang out. It was Justice cyclops.

"Officers, stand down. Stand down now. There is no danger here."

He looked directly at me as he spoke.

"Fellow jurists, let us vote on the proposal in front of us. I will start."

It felt like minutes to me, but was probably only one or two seconds.

"Repeal."

The seven others each spoke in turn, each uttering the same two syllables. The cyclops spoke last.

"The inter-species sex prohibition is unanimously voided. All people, Caputpederean, or otherwise, detained under its provisions are to be freed with immediate effect. The Supreme Court, and more importantly, the people, have spoken."

An uproar of cheering and shouting erupted, and I found myself borne on the shoulders of my new people out of the courthouse and into the sun, Na-ri beside me also carried aloft.

"You did it, Emily. You did it!"

"We did it, hun. We did it together."

Then, a hundred or so meters ahead I saw a familiar shape, floating in mid-air and with a centaur and a flying unicorn on either side of him.

"David!"

I clambered down to the floor and rushed into his many arms. Na-ri was just behind and hugged us both as well.

"Emily, as ever, you leave me speechless."

"Then don't try to speak. Just hold me. Just kiss me. Just love me."

I placed a tentacle on my swollen abdomen.

"Love both of us."

My work with Emily had brought us lavish compensation. This had bought our penthouse in the center of the capital, not far from the club where we performed. But our funds had also extended to a spacious villa outside of town, fringed by trees, with its own lake and swimming pool, and surrounded by lawns and then fields. Given how far she was into her pregnancy, and also the return of David, Emily put work on hold; I suspected this might be permanent. With both her face, and elements of her oratory, now adorning T-shirts around the planet, maybe a career in politics beckoned.

We had anticipated problems with Grace, following on from the legalization of what we did, but business was apparently booming. Maybe some regulars, for whom the illicit nature of activities was part of the allure, faded away. But they were more than replaced with first timers satisfying their curiosity. Grace did mention that she was unsure how The Cartel might view developments. We had had nothing to do with this shadowy organization, and rather hoped that it stayed that way.

I dropped the shows, I didn't want to perform with anyone other than Emily, but I continued to meet clients. We had no real need for the income, but I enjoyed my work. Emily and I had also created some helpful publicity, and, as a result, I had a lengthy waiting list. Grace even put up my rates. Who wouldn't want to spend time with the girl who had famously fucked all eight Supreme Court Justices? There were T-shirts featuring my face as well, but the accompanying text was generally rather cruder. I was aware that Emily had promised my sexual availability to the Attorney General on an ongoing basis, but he never took up the offer. Maybe he had had more than enough of the two of us. Perhaps my friend had always anticipated this, as she had with so much else.

I was also conscious of giving Emily and David space after their long separation. I spent my weekdays in the city, at our apartment, and weekends in the country, with my two friends. It seemed to work, but also felt like a holding pattern.

We hadn't really figured out our dynamics. David was immensely grateful to me for all that I had done for him and for Emily. I had an ongoing fondness for coleoids, and, delighted as he was to now have an "equal" Caputpederean partner, David still liked humanoids. Beyond that, I found he was also just a really nice octopus, kinky as fuck, but nice with it. Emily and I still had our friendship and our sexual connection, both of which were now deepened by all we had been through together. At the weekends, Emily, David and I often found creative ways to beautifully and satisfyingly entangle our three bodies. I also discovered that I enjoyed octopus tentacles, especially when Emily chose to adopt that form as well; but I remained a squid girl at heart. It was lovely to spend time with both my old friend and my new one, but I did wonder how long it might last.

Emily also seemed to have something on her mind, perhaps beyond the impending birth. She confided in me that she thought there might be unfinished business with The Cartel and events proved her right.

Emily had been in town with me for the day. I'd kept the date free. Our aim was to address what we both viewed as a remaining anomaly in Caputpederean law; the issue of consent and mind-reading. Emily had raised the issue through the regular channels, but the Supreme Court had fast-tracked approval of a change. The idea was to extend to all other lifeforms the courtesy provided to Caputpedereans, namely no telepathy without consent.

The law had already been changed; our meeting was with a senior civil servant around implementation. Stereotypically, the official had been dragging his feet, and raising all sorts of bureaucratic obstacles. In the middle of one of his interminable lists, Emily had closed her eyes. The functionary enquired, rather prissily, whether he was boring Miss Wilson. Opening her eyes, Em explained that, on the contrary, she had just been doing his job for him. In less than five seconds, she had performed the necessary rewiring of every single Caputpederean consciousness! While she was only carrying out agreed Government policy, I began to wonder whether there was any limit to her powers. That and what might happen if such abilities were ever acquired by someone less principled than my friend.

Our meeting had been at the end of the working week, and so we returned to the villa together. It was apparent that not all was well. Two sleek, black vehicles were drawn up in front of the doors, and two, large, gorillas in black suits and sunglasses guarded the entrance.

We pulled up directly in front of the villa, and disembarked. One of the gorillas opened the door, and said that we were expected -- in our own house! I was on edge, but Emily seemed calm, almost serene. Sometimes she scared even me a little.

We had a large central lounge, in this we found David, and the Misoí who tended to the grounds, flanked by two more besuited gorillas. I was not as well-versed in octopean communication as my friend, but he looked rather disconsolate to me. Two more gorillas stood either side of one of our armchairs. Perched on the chair itself was an orangutan, also in a suit, but of bottle green. I guessed he liked the contrast with his fur. He motioned for us to sit, and we occupied a large couch facing him. It took Emily a while to do this in her condition. Before anyone else spoke, David blurted out: