All Comments on 'Caribbean Adventure'

This is just chapter 1, right!? I'm really enjoying this. Please continue it!

Thank you.

Was fine, but the end was just abrupt and seems unfinished. Was this just 'chapter 1'? If so, would have been nice to know that.

Do we assume that this is only the first part of a story?

The opening was not bad. It was disgusting, which I suppose means that it was well-written

Great story tags. These, and the story title, is what got me reading.

The author has above-average command of the language and a good writing voice; not too much voice and not too little. He has stories to tell, and I think he's on his way to telling them well. "Which is how I ended up where you joined me" is a little more meta than I personally like; I know it's first person, but I don't have an appreciation for the feeling that the story has been addressed specifically to me.

Typographically there are a number of punctuation errors, particularly involving commas, as well as extraneous words throughout the text which are obviously editing artefacts. I frequently do that myself.

However, the characters became unbelievable and I got forcibly yanked out of the story starting about half-way down the first page. Karin's dialog was too on-the-nose in spots, particularly in her vivid, eidetic description of her experience on page one. Here you had a character other than the narrator speaking in the voice of the narrator. Of course, this is a big problem in this type of first-person story where the author has a picture he wants to paint, wants to build tension by not having the narrator experience it directly, and so must do so vicariously through a third-party character. Since the vivid description is third-party, the better way to handle this may have been to write the entire story in third-person limited and switch points of view. "Karin then explained to Jason the events of the evening. While she, Margaret, and Virgil were walking to the dock to meet Rhodey and Charles..." Heck, you may even have gotten away with a flashback.

There is a huge disparity between the narrator's character logic at different parts of the story. Karin enthusiastically tells the story to Jason without worrying about his reaction, Jason absorbs and enjoys it without any worries or concerns, then he says he's worried about the meaning behind Margaret's huge smile when they meet the next day. Characters out of character.

"I could tell by the way she sucked my cock that she was in the mood for sex" was very funny, albeit unintentionally so. So I guess the author had a little too much voice at that point.

Sorry that I didn't get off the first page of this story. I don't mind a story involving willing wife-sharing or cuckolding, but if you don't foreshadow that then the characters seem unrealistic. I just couldn't justify reading any further.

I didn't rate the story because I didn't finish reading it. I probably would have given it two stars; maybe three.

Nice story line. I love Karin's 'reluctance'. But - it was either a lousy / premature ending or, there's subsequent releases to look forward to. (Is she a keeper though?" or, "I'm not ready YET, there'll be time later).". You will retain your return readers with an announcement that this is chapter 1 vice...a cold abrupt ending.

I love this story! The communication, the build up, the characterization. Really tight writing. Even a little tension from multiple angles at the end: the sex is just exciting, while there almost an ominous "roofie" vibe...

Great writing!

I enjoyed this slightly eccentric but definitely intriguing and arousing story. The Karin character and her relationship with the narrator are very nicely drawn, and the narrator’s self-deprecating asides are engaging. I’m hoping there is another chapter coming…I’ll look out for it.

Like it ended almost in mid-thought.

I can't say what the story is supposed to tell? Is this group sex or what are you doing with it? Is that going to be a longer story? I don't like stories that involve swinging and swapping. Why should young married couples need to include others in their intimacy?

Bblleeeuuurgh! You worked hard for that *1, but I gave you a *2 for this chapter.

I enjoyed it. So was it a dream or did it really happen? What's going to happen with Virgil? Is the narrator going to get with one of the locals? So much more to say between where you stopped and a more logical stopping point of them getting back on the helicopter or back to the resort. But I did enjoy it.

Not sure of course your planning. Story dragged some also if you are not sure what the other couple has planned why would you continue to drink booze and open your self up for possibly being drugged.

I felt this first part was well written all the way to the end. But, there needs to be more to this story Way too many loose ends here. just hope the next part comes out soon.

we need more

Looks like an interesting read. Thank you DeeceeBee