All Comments on 'Carnal Desire Ch. 18-23'

I've had a difficult time formulating a response. This part of the story I enjoyed for the most part and would love more trans-type "action heroes." However, the parts of the story that impeded my enjoyment were the "Kennedy Twists" and Jordan dying. I couldn't see Kennedy's working with Drake or the double-cross as plausible. The double-cross could be more believable if it hadn't been as perfectly executed. She is an untrained high school student, after all. As played out as this is, I think she would be the damsel in distress and used as bait to lure Jordan out. As for Jordan dying, it was mostly just a downer. The cliff hangar would have been more exciting had she disappeared or if she were put into a coma.

Ultimately, these criticisms are only my opinion. If I have misunderstood something or your plan for the next update will explain everything, I apologize. Also, I'm an amateur so maybe take my advice with a grain of salt.

Author I love this story.

But with the themes and kinks in your stories, you also hit the mark with me. The topics futa/intersex, polyamory, drama and angst always arouse my interest. If you would add affairs/cheating and cuckolding/cuckquean it would be my dream story. (Just didn't fit the characters up to this point in the story.)

I also love the relationship drama between the characters. Would have been boring if they met, fucked and just had a happy ending.

I also loved how you disguised the collaboration between Jay, KD and Ms. V by withholding parts from us and giving them to us later.

But the execution could have been a little better. I didn't believe KD's betrayal either. Wasn't in her character. And at a certain point I was very confused when you repeated chapters from previous parts. I knew I'd read the chapter before and didn't know why you're repeating yourself. The new information/POV didn't differ from the original chapter.

Retelling entire chapters word for word was also repetitive. I read the scene from March 26th, where Jay and KD almost fuck and KD then confesses, at least twice before. The scene is the hottest without any questions (except for the hot threesome), but a short summary would have sufficed.

I love the poly-angle you're presenting here, but it came out of nowhere. The characters of Ms. V and KD didn't seem like they would agree to a poly relationship. But I don't want to complain about this.

I would also like to mention that I'ld be happy with shorter parts too (1-3 chapters per part). I'm a person who wants to read everything at once and for a longer part I needs more time and needs to find a day off. If you write shorter parts, then you could upload the stories at shorter intervals. Maybe worth considering.

It doesn't matter whether you continue to write here or elsewhere, I'm with you. And I hope you want to continue this story a bit longer, because I still see potential.

If Jay survives but stays in the hospital for a long time, then there must be a lot of drama and stress in the family? Or if Jay is dead, then KD and Ms. V could have problems with each other because they might lack a dominant third partner?

However. Good work. Keep it up.

Thank you for your comments and constructive criticism, I truly appreciate it. Some of the things the both of you were saying I was feeling that as well. Which is why I’ve been making the changes I feel are necessary to the story.

And just so you know DommeCat, the story isn’t finished by a long shot.

When can we expect you to continue the story?

I’m currently in the process of writing the first few chapters of the next installment. As of right now I’m not going to commit to an exact date. However, I’m hoping by the middle of May to have at least 7 edited chapters completed and published on this platform.

Great news!!! :)