by Dying2bTouched
Great story, keep it up dump Brian and they go off on a weekend together
Great story. I'm looking forward to chapter two. The seduction by Madison was well done and believable.
Loved the story. I see Brian GONE. Hmmmm, like the idea of threesome with Casey's roommate.
Please Mr or Mrs English Major..one word out the whole story infuriates you??? Give us a break...your critique is not helpful..this story rocks and we're all awaiting chapter 2. If your so self centered, post your name in the comments...where are your stories???
Again, awsome story, just read it again!
shutter makes perfect sense to me, and is being used onomatopoeically anyway. good story, write the next chapter please!
Very enjoyable first effort, looking forward to Chapter 2. Realistic dialogue and good pacing. Keep it up.
`
"The windows began to shutter slightly..." SHUTTER???
For god's sake, the English language really isn't that difficult. SHUDDER!
Also, incredibly unrealistic dialogue. Do you speak the way you have your characters speaking here? No, I don't think so. In fact, NOBODY speaks like this.
May I suggest a writing course?
I like the build up and the storyline..the end of the chapter is the clincher that makes you want more!
A see a threesome with the her roomate and Madison.
If brian didnt fuck around so much with his friends instead of his girlfriend caseythen she wouldnt be with madison so piss off brian i found a better girltoy.
Pat Murray
Atlanta,Ga.
You hve to continue the story. You left me hanging with what is going to happen next with Madison & possibly with her room mate. I like the way you tell what is going on in detail. Looking forward to the next chapter.