Castles in the Sky

'You joke James, but she does care about you.'

James snorted. 'I've yet to see any evidence ever that she cares about me in the slightest. If she cared about me, she'd move out of here and get a life of her own instead of being a weird, thirty-something, parasite leaching on our marriage.'

'James! What's with you today? Have I upset you? I thought we were good but ever since.' She paused for a second. 'Ever since you've had your oats, you seem to be in a right strop.'

'I'm sorry, Lou. Certain topics trigger me and ...' he trailed off, pulling his tee shirt on to complete getting dressed.

'We spoke about two things. Briony and children. I didn't realise either of those topics were going to upset you.'

She pulled up her jeans, wriggling to get them up her hips. She looked at herself in the mirror, checking that she looked the way she wanted to and quickly teasing her hair into a ponytail.

'Coffee?'

'Yeah.'

James followed her downstairs, enjoying the sway of her buttocks in the tight jeans. It was one of his favourite views of her and it didn't disappoint. She had a spectacular backside, a pleasure to follow down the street or around the house. It was a tough fight between Nita and Louise who had the nicer backside. A fight he could happily spend hours contemplating.

He sat down at the table as she bustled around making the drink.

'Can you put into words what's bugging you about the idea of kids?' Louise asked whilst she prepared their drinks.

James stopped and thought.

'Are you prepared to relocate to Manchester?'

She shook her head. 'No. I'm settled down here. You can reduce your hours, you're the bloody owner for heaven's sake. You used to only work three days a week, now you're up there more than you're down here.'

'You've never complained. You knew where the business was when we were dating. You knew the commitment upfront, before we got married. It's always suited you to ignore Manchester. You could have come to Manchester. The two of us settle there, rent this place out. You chose to be here, despite that meaning the two of us living our lives apart.'

'I love you and I understand what that place means to you, to us. I can't complain, can I? But live in Manchester? I'd get stabbed if I taught there, you know how feral the kids are up there.'

'Come up there, spend a week with me and I promise you Lou, you'd fall in love with it. You've a weird, twisted view of the place. It's as buzzing as anywhere outside of London.'

There was a snort by way of reply. He decided to try a different tack.

'I thought me being away gave you what you wanted. If I lived here, was here all week, surely that's going to muck up your life?'

'No. No, I don't think it would. I'd have to make changes, but I'd cope.'

'Would you still be able to have the life you want?'

'I think so. But it's a pipe dream, isn't it? You're not going to stop going to Manchester.'

'No, I'm not. But I want you to see why this isn't working.'

'Is that you're only reason for not having kids, the distance and our lives?'

'No, I'm afraid that if we have kids, the baby will be calling Briony daddy and I wouldn't get a look in. Briony's part of that conversation. You ask about kids, I see Briony being their second parent not me. Baby would have two mummies not a dad and a mum.'

'That's stupid.'

James shrugged. He watched as Louise pushed the plunger down carefully and then slowly poured their drinks. She bought them over to the table and set them down.

'Not from where I'm sat. From where I'm sat, Briony would be here four days a week, I'd be here three.'

'Then change it. Be here more.' There was annoyance in Louise's tone.

'No. I have responsibilities in Manchester. People who depend on me. Come and live with me in Manchester. We can rent this place out. Briony can finally be a damn adult, fly the nest and you can relocate up there. Move up to Manchester and we can have kids.'

'That's unreasonable James. My life is here. Everything I love is down here with one exception and that's you. I'd be even further away from my parents. I'd need a new job. What you ask isn't feasible.'

'Then we're stuck. I don't know how to get round it. We've been here before and neither of us is moving. I hate playing part time Dad and to be a dad for just three days would suck ass. That's my biggest obstacle to overcome. That I'd be a bit player in my children's lives.'

'Second one is that Briony would be more important to them than me. She's here four days, I'm here three. She'd get to spend more time with the babe than what I would. I hate that she gets to spend more time with you than what I do, so why would I add another person into that mix?'

'Finally, our life works as it is. Its delicately balanced with none of us getting quite all that we want. Especially when you look at the wider picture. But everyone is getting enough and is happy. Why fuck that up? Sorry Lou, I can't see it.'

'Move the business down here.'

'I can't. I made commitments, people rely on my work to pay their mortgages. I'm part of the community. The centre of the industry is in Manchester. I move away, I'm no longer a local business, I'm corporate. I lose a key part of my brand's story. I tell you what, you get Briony out of your life and I'll move the business. How's that for a deal?'

'What kind of deal is that? What's Briony got to do with your business?'

'I'd be here full time. I could repurpose her flat to make it an office for me. I'll sell the business in Manchester and start up another project down here.'

'You're being silly. Why can you move the business or sell the business if Briony leaves and not otherwise?'

'You want me to make a colossal, even stupid sacrifice for you. But you won't do the same for me. You won't come up to Manchester and live with me. Despite me saying I'll have kids with you if you do.'

He could feel his temper bubbling and he took a breath before he continued. 'OK, so no to Manchester. Then I'll come here. I'll make a sacrifice, but you damn well give up something. You do the same as me and give up Briony. Because I asked you to. To show me that us being together is more important that you two being together. I'll do my bit. Can you say the same?'

She shook her head. Her words were quick and angry. 'You're being either crazy or spiteful asking that. I don't see why they're linked. I've been friends with her the whole of my life. She's no threat to you, to us, to us having a family. Stop making her part of this.'

James stood up. 'I'm going out for a walk. I'll see you later.'

'We've not finished talking.'

'You seem to have finished listening. You want me to give, you have too as well. I've said all I want to on the subject. See you later.'

James started to walk away.

'What about your coffee?'

'Tip it down the sink.'

Chapter Six -- Peace and Goodwill to all men (and women)

Three weeks later, James pulled into the drive scowling that there was nowhere for him to park. He swore and pulled back out onto the small road. He scanned up and down looking for a place to leave his car, there was nowhere obvious. He pulled out and began to drive around the local area and eventually found a spot about five minutes' walk from the house. He grabbed his stuff, the bag full of presents and strode towards the house.

He knocked on the door and was let in.

'Happy Christmas James, lovely to see you. Come in'

He walked in, appreciating the warmth of the house and shrugged off his coat. He put his bag down and kicked his shoes away. He followed his hostess through to the kitchen and accepted the proffered coffee. It was one of the pod device coffees, but beggars can't be choosers he thought as he took the beverage in hand. He put the presents down on the side, he'd tuck them under the tree later with all the others.

'You're the last person to arrive. Everyone else is here.'

'Long trip in the car.'

'Must be a real drag having to commute up to Manchester.'

'Not really. It'd be nice if Louise was willing to relocate. But she isn't, so we do what has to be done.'

He walked into the living room, it was a large space that combined the dining area and a more informal, relaxed area. He saw that everyone was there including Louise's parents. He greeted everyone with hugs and warm handshakes. Louise got a kiss.

'Everything get shutdown, OK?'

He nodded. 'It's been a crazy week. Normally, this time of year is dead in the industry, but this last couple of weeks have been frantic.'

'How did the Christmas party go? Did everyone behave?'

He nodded. 'Yeah, a couple of the young 'uns got hammered and made tits of themselves, but no-one crossed any lines. Everyone enjoyed the food; it was a good evening. Pity you couldn't make it, I think you'd have had fun.'

'Sorry darling, I don't have a shell suit.'

'That's Liverpool, you cheeky mare!'

'If there's a difference, no-one south of Birmingham would notice. Anyway, you finally ready to relax and enjoy Christmas?'

'Yeah. I've been so busy running around trying to make sure everything got done that I haven't had a chance to start feeling Christmassy.'

'Well, you're here now. You can put your feet up and have a drink. Christmas is catered for, so for the next few days, let's enjoy being with our families.'

She gave him a kiss and he sat down. He felt a wave of tiredness, the last week had been so busy, in work and out of work. He wasn't sure that he should be here. A big part of him thought that he should be in Manchester. He'd voiced his concerns to Nita, but she'd given him short shrift. Not that it had made him feel much better. He'd spent Diwali with Nita and the kids; they were a bit too young to understand quite what it was or rather Jasminder was a bit too young. Aisha was way too young, still a babe in arms. But Jas was now a big three-year-old and knew about Santa Claus and was looking forward to his visit. He'd wanted to see her eyes when the presents were opened, but he couldn't think of an excuse good enough to miss Christmas with Louise.

He drank his coffee and tried to tune into the different conversations, it was a challenge. Too many busy days and a long drive had left him feeling drowsy and he could feel he was beginning to nod off now that he was sat down in the warmth. He was gently shaken awake by Louise.

'They're about to serve up dinner. Do you want to go and wash your face?'

He nodded and pulled himself out of his chair. He saw his coffee had gone cold. He looked at the clock on the mantlepiece.

'About an hour. You must've been tired.'

'Yeah. Long day, long drive. Thanks for giving me a bit of space.'

He trudged up the stairs and into the bathroom. Splashed his face with cold water until he began to feel human again.

He walked downstairs and took the vacant seat. He noticed that Louise was at the other end of the table. She gave him a wave as he sat down and then carried on the conversation that she was having with her father and Briony. James was sat with Briony's brother, Terry on one side and Briony's mother on the other. Louise's mother sat opposite him.

He nodded at them as he sat down.

'This looks lovely, Sybil.'

'Dig in. We don't stand on ceremony here.'

He reached over and began to serve himself as the different dishes were passed down the table. He had enough food. He sat down and began to eat as the others around him did. The food was good, he was hungrier than he realised.

'So, next year we're going to hear the patter of tiny feet. Fingers crossed.'

'I'm sorry?' James said to his mother-in-law, not sure what he'd heard.

'Louise tells me that you're trying for children. Finally. I was worried that I'd end up not getting any.'

James shook his head. 'If we're trying for children, it's news to me. Last time we spoke about it, the conversation never went anywhere.'

His mother-in-law nodded. 'I know, she told me. She was quite upset. I told her I'd have a chat with you. Point out your responsibilities.'

'Polly, I'm not going to have this conversation with you. This is between Louise and I. I'm sorry, this is a matter for us to resolve.'

'Nonsense. This is an issue for all of us. We all have a stake. Louise is quite hurt that she's waited patiently all these years. And now, let's be honest, she's only got a few good years left, you're still dithering.'

'I'm not going to discuss this with you, Polly. I don't get involved in your marriage. I won't let you get involved with mine.'

That should put that one to bed, James thought as he put another mouthful in. He was surprised that Louise had discussed their disagreement with her mother. She'd not done that before. He had a good relationship with Polly and Arthur, but his marriage wasn't their business. He wasn't going to let them think that a child was coming along. That'd be a decision he'd be an active part of, not something that he'd be pushed into.

'Briony said that Louise was upset by your indecision.'

'Briony has discussed this with you, has she?'

James said turning to Briony's mother.

She nodded in response.

'I know that my daughter isn't going to give me any children. Not with her life choices, if you know what I mean.'

James saw the thinning of the lips as she made that comment. It made him wonder what these life choices were that she was referring to. Briony wasn't out of the closet. As far as anyone knew, including him, she was looking for Mr Right. The way that her mother spoke suggested she knew different. Did she know about Briony's relationship with Louise? Surely not. Surely the two of them would've been more damn careful than to let slip to their parents.

'Not really. I think we should be looking to get Briony settled down with a man.'

He saw from the reaction to his words that her mother knew that Briony wasn't looking for a man.

'That way we can get you the children that you want.'

Her mother laughed at his words.

'I'm with Polly. The most likely way that I'm going to get a child from Briony is through you stepping up to the plate and getting Louise in the family way.'

He must have looked puzzled; he didn't say anything. She looked up from her plate and continued.

'You don't have any family, do you? Hell, with the amount that you work away, Briony will be the other parent. So, I'll be the other grandmother. Polly will be her grandma and I'll get to share those duties. The babes will have two sets of grandparents, they won't miss out at all.'

'No, I think ladies, that Briony is going to be much more likely to be getting pregnant than Louise.'

He heard the polite laugh his comment generated from the two ladies. He carried on eating, filing away the conversation for later discussion with Louise, when they were alone. That was why he'd been sat down this end of the table, the chance for these two to work him over. It wasn't an accident. It was going to be a long couple of days if this continued.

'So, what's new in the world of E-liquid, then Bunkie?' Terry asked.

'Not a lot. We're doing alright. The market is stable at the moment, there have been a couple of players fall out of the market.'

'Fall out of the market?'

'Yeah, either gone bust or sold up. But to be honest, it's not a bad thing. We're sitting pretty. Got a couple of sweet little deals on unwanted machinery and picked up a few fat accounts.'

A thought niggled at him.

'Bunkie?'

Terry laughed. 'Yeah, you're in with me for the next few nights. Air mattress on the floor. I hope you don't snore.'

James felt thick headed and confused. He gave Terry his full attention.

'Sorry, I'm what?'

Sybil took over the conversation.

'You're sleeping in Terry's room. We've put an air mattress down on the floor for you.'

'I thought we'd be in the guest room.'

'No, Louise and Briony are in Briony's old room, same as normal. You're the extra, so we've put you in with Terry.'

She saw the look of puzzled concern on his face.

'Don't worry, he doesn't sleepwalk.'

James put his knife and fork down and wiped his mouth with his napkin. He hadn't discussed the sleeping arrangements with Louise when she told him where they were spending Christmas. But to think they would be in different beds, her in with Briony and him happy with that. What the hell was she thinking? He could feel a surge of anger.

'Sybil, I'm sorry, I think you need to review the sleeping plan. I'm not comfortable sleeping in a separate bed from my wife. That doesn't work for me.'

'Sweetheart, it's for two nights. The girls usually sleep together, I figured you'd be OK on the floor. This way we have enough beds for everyone. What's the problem?'

'The problem is my wife sharing a bed with Briony whilst I'm sleeping alone. That's not going to happen.' He could hear the tightness in his voice. Their casual comments were starting to irritate him. It was like they didn't hear the words that they were saying to him.

'Louise said it would be OK. We did check with her.'

'Perhaps for her, not for me.'

'Look, I have a solution.' Polly interjected. 'Come and stay with us. We've space, that way you get a bed. You can come over in the morning. It's not a problem.'

James thought for a moment. It wasn't ideal, but they had the room. Might put Briony's nose a bit out of joint, but better hers than his. He nodded.

'Thanks, Polly.'

He picked up his cutlery and continued eating. He felt himself starting to calm down. The casual way that first they were speaking about him and Louise having children. Then the unsuitable sleeping arrangements had wound him up. As if he was going to let his wife sleep with another person. The idea was staggering and the fact they thought so little of it struck him hard. He took a sip of his wine and switched over to the water. The way he was feeling, the tiredness and the tension, alcohol wouldn't do anything good for him. He wanted a clear head.

He listened to the others talk around him, he wasn't part of the conversation. They'd seen that what they were saying had got under his skin and didn't want an argument. The conversation flowed around him and he sat and took in the atmosphere. Polly finished her meal and walked down the table, she squatted next to Louise and he could see them talking. He saw Louise look down the table at him and she nodded her head to her mother.

'It's settled. Panic over.' Polly said as she retook her seat. She took a sip of her wine.

'Louise said she's OK with you staying with us if you don't want to sleep on the floor.'

He could feel his breath tightening in his chest again at her words.

'I'm sorry. I'm not comfortable with my wife sleeping with someone else. Not I mind sleeping on the floor. If she was sleeping on the floor with me, then I'd be fine with that. It's not the bed, it's the fact that she's planning on spending a night with another person.'

He could hear the tension in his words as he spoke. His breath was shortening, how did they not understand what he was trying to say? Was he not being clear enough?

'It's Briony. Why would she sleep on the floor when there's a bed? She can share with Briony. You stay with us, and everyone is fine.'

He did a double take as he understood what she was saying.

'Sorry Polly, but I think we're talking about two different things. Or maybe I've not understood correctly. Why would she sleep with me? Perhaps because I'm her bloody husband. Why am I getting upset? Perhaps because my wife is planning on sleeping with someone other than me tonight and you all seem to be OK with that. I don't know, perhaps I'm being silly.'

He heard the sarcasm in his voice, and he saw that Polly had realised that he was upset.

'James, you're being silly. She's not sleeping with Briony, they're just sharing a bed. It's not like you and her sleep together every night. As I understand you spend more time apart than you do together.'