Castles in the Sky

'I didn't cheat. I never cheated on you, not once. I stuck to my vows.'

'Games, you're playing fucking games. You were dishonest, you never told me that what I thought our marriage was, was wrong. You hid your relationship with Briony from me. You know damn well, I'd have never married you if I knew you and Briony were together, so you hid it. You lied to me again and again and again. You cheated on me. That whole vow thing is just convenient bullshit to make you feel better and you know it.'

'James.' Nita's voice cut across him. 'Can you take five minutes? Go for a walk around the block. Get us a bottle of milk from the shop.'

James pushed himself up from the table and walked out of the room. He pulled on his trainers and slipped out the door. He could feel his blood pumping with anger and knew that Nita was right to pull him out before he said something that couldn't be taken back. He could hear Louise crying in the kitchen as he left the house, he didn't feel bad about it. It was time she realised what she'd done to their marriage and how he felt about it.

The cool air of the morning helped calm him down, by the time he was heading back he was back thinking clearly. He walked into the kitchen; the three ladies hadn't moved. He put the milk into the fridge and offered a cup of tea out. He made himself and Nita one and when it was brewed and made, he sat back at the table.

'You, OK?' Nita asked him and he nodded.

'How's she?' He asked, nodding his head in her direction.

'I think she's beginning to realise the hill she's got to climb.'

'Nita, I don't want to give the wrong impression here, I don't see how this situation can end in her having children with me. I don't see it.'

'That's not what I mean. I was referring to fixing your marriage. And for my money, my two pennies, you can't take this completely off the table. It's too damn big. I think you need to give a thought to what conditions need to be in place for you. But you need to shift from there's no way ever, ever, regardless. Otherwise, your marriage is fucked and we all lose out.'

'Do you lose out, Nita?' Briony asked. 'If that happens. Seems to me you get James full time.

'Which I don't want.' Nita replied calmly. 'I was married before and I won't be dependent on a man again. With things like this, I can cope. I have my freedom, it might be more of an illusion than a reality. However, I like this. If James was here full time our relationship changes in a way I don't want. I'd have him at work full time and at home full time. That don't work for me, we'd implode. His time away is a release for me.'

Everyone had been listening to her speak and looking around James could see the nods of comprehension.

Louise looked up at him, he could see her eyes were red rimmed and swollen from where she'd been crying, and he guessed whilst he was out Nita had shared a few home truths.

'James. You've never been second choice. Never. Not to me.'

He shook his head. 'Sorry Louise, you can say it, but your actions don't agree with your words. Briony knew what was going on, I didn't. Briony had a choice to end the relationship if she didn't want to share, I didn't. Given a choice between a family life with me and Briony, you weren't prepared to sacrifice your relationship with Briony. How does that make me first choice? I give you the same choice, but with me and children and you make the opposite choice. I'm not your first choice, never have been. Surely you can see how our marriage looks from my point of view?'

He could see that his words were registering. There was a look of horror on her face as she began to understand what his words meant.

'I didn't mean to. I really didn't. James, I love you. I always have, you must believe me.'

'I do, but like I said, I think each time Briony edges me into second. I don't doubt you love me, that's clear. But for me to want children with you, I must be better than second best.'

She was shaking her head, softly repeating 'You're not second, I promise. You've never been second. I've got to show her that she matters to me because she's second to you. When you're around she doesn't get me. She sees me with you and I know that hurts her. So sometimes, I have to show her that she's important to me as well. She is important to me. But you're not second.'

'Feels like it from this chair. Do you get why if I feel like I'm second in your life, I won't want to have children with you?'

She nodded her head. 'I promise you, you're not second.'

'Words, Lou, words. Your actions say otherwise. Now, let's take it up a notch. I feel like I'm second best to Briony. That given a choice, you choose her over me. I've shown you why I feel that way and there's nothing you've said that's changed my mind on that.'

He could see all three women staring at him.

'Yep. I'm second choice, we've discussed that. Now, let's say we have the kids. You're with them full time, I'm a part-time dad because I'm away half the week. Briony is always there, always in the background when I'm there. There in the foreground when I'm not.'

He took a sip of his drink, flinching at the heat.

'Both of your families have been quick to tell me that they'll be the best grandparents. I don't have family. I'd get crowded out and be at best, a part time dad at your whims. You'd go to your parents at the weekends, Briony's parents as well. I could hardly complain, after all they need to see their grandparents and you work during the week. So, when do I get to be a dad?'

He shook his head. 'I'd be so far down the queue, have so little say. You want children with me, you say. But when you think about how much I'd get to be with the children, you have to see that I'm just a sperm donor. You'd have the children, you'd have Briony and what would I get? My guess, a shitty year or two of being your second choice and a part time dad before you decided on a divorce and you two waltz off into the sunset with each other and the kids.'

'James ...'

'When you sit there and ask me for children, and you tell me I've got to do it. That I'm being unreasonable, all I can see is the two of you fucking me over again and I ain't going to fall for it twice. No way. You'd probably get the house if you had the kids. You'd get custody, especially with me having kids with Nita already and being away as I am. You'd get a chunk of change from me as well. I'd be completely fucked. Heartbroken and completely fucked. I guess my consolation would be I could tell Nita that I told you so.'

'I would never, ever do that.'

'Sorry Louise, are you asking me to trust you? Fuck me, that's ballsy. Look what happened the last time you gave me your word? Ten years later I find out you're cheating on me with your best mate. You've got a poor history of being honest, as poor as treating me as your priority.'

'Hell's teeth.' Briony spoke, just loud enough to be heard.

'Yeah, I get it as well.' Nita said, her voice sombre. 'I didn't see it before, but I can see why you're reluctant. Sorry James, I didn't get it.'

'It was hard trying to put it into words. To explain what I was feeling and why I was so dead set against it. Hopefully, you can see the problem.'

Nita and Briony were nodding, Louise looked aghast.

'Good, now you can work out how to solve the problem, because for the life of me, I can't.'

He made eye contact with each woman in turn.

'I tell you what. Because I love you and you should be happy that I do love you. Because I'm reasonable. I'll say that I'm willing to have children with you, Louise. It's not off the table. But before I do, all that I've spoken about has to change. Real change, not Mickey Mouse change where you tell me it's changed and I don't notice any difference, but real, tangible change. Then, I'll give you kids.'

She didn't look any happier. He could see she was thinking and coming up blank.

'You were the one who created this situation, you and Briony. You played me for a fool. Now, if you want to work it out, it's on you to do so. Next weekend, I'll be home, like I used to be. Try and twist my arm about having kids, I'll walk out and come back up here.'

'I'll do my best to be a positive part of any solution, to listen, to be patient, but I don't know how to fix this. It does kind of piss me off that I'm being asked to. I didn't cheat, I didn't make this damn mess. You two were the ones being double slippery. The ball is now in your court.'

He swirled his drink around in his cup, looking at it.

'Ladies, when you cheat, you fuck everything up. Absolutely everything.'

Epilogue -- What does happily ever after look like these days?

'Challenge accepted.' Was the simple answer Louise gave to her husband.

The children were returned by their grandmother and Louise and Briony joined James, Nita and the girls for a roast chicken dinner before they travelled to Letchworth. James could see Louise was already thinking and it made him smile. He loved that resilience. She got an answer and was now going to move heaven and hell to get what she wanted. That was the woman he married, the woman he loved. He was curious to see what she was going to do.

James had promised to return that weekend, to return things back to how they were before Christmas. Louise took down the address carefully and not just James's other telephone number but also Nita's as well.

Over the following weeks James knew that things were changing. He returned as promised and spent a weekend, a good weekend with Louise. Briony went to her parents and gave them some space. The weekend was about reconnecting and when James came to return back to Manchester, it was with a smile on his face. Louise hadn't disappointed him. He'd been curious how she would deal with the situation. He knew she'd spoken with Nita, but the contents of the call weren't shared.

'What's your plan?' he asked her, glass of wine in his hand.

'You can have 100% of a small pie. That's our marriage. As soon as Nita and Briony were involved, the maths changed. Now we have 50% of a larger pie. What we lost is compensated for in what we gained. Basic economics, you can't argue with that. My challenge is to make the pie good enough.'

'OK. I get how that could work.'

'Good, you're following me so far. My family, Bri's family, Nita's family all want what we want. A happy, stable family dynamic with children. I'm going to enlist their support. They will help make that pie bigger still. Help make sure we don't forget what we're doing and why.'

'Will it work?'

'Time will tell. But this was the only option I could see to answer your concerns. Lift up the stone and shine a light on what we're doing and why. Trust and share with the people we love and ask them for their support and their engagement. There's a win in it for everyone. They just have to work with us to get it. They have to help us hold true to our commitments.'

Work was work. His life with Nita in Manchester continued. He fell back into the rhythm comfortably. This life worked for him. He had two beautiful, intelligent women as his partners. He had his children, he had his job, he had his friendship with Briony. Briony avoided him the first weekend he returned, but then she was there as usual for the subsequent ones. She behaved as she always had, her relationship with Louise was kept out of his sight whilst he was around and he was grateful to both for their discretion.

He took Nita and the children down to Letchworth during February half term. Louise and Briony absolutely fawned over the two young girls. They also acted as babysitters giving Nita and James the chance for a night out together; something parents always appreciate. He could see that Louise and Briony were going all out to make their rather unusual relationship work for everyone. When Louise was around him, even though Nita was there, she made him feel like he was her focus. Briony stayed discretely in the background. That dynamic caught James by surprise.

As much as James was happy, part of him was waiting for the shoe to drop. He knew there were conversations going on that he wasn't part of. He knew that Louise and Briony were in contact with Nita and the three of them were talking and getting to know each other. That in itself didn't worry him. He loved Louise and Nita and had a lot of affection for Briony. He knew they were working on his challenge to Louise. He was quite glad he'd stepped himself out of that mess.

The first seismic shift, as James considered it, came one weekend in March. Louise and Briony came up to Manchester for the weekend. It was planned and it was good fun. But on the Sunday morning, Nita's mum dropped off the two girls and then stayed to meet Louise and Briony. That caught James by surprise. The meeting was amicable, everyone was friendly. Everyone was introduced correctly, tea and coffee were drunk; conversation made.

At Easter, James bought Nita and the girls down to Letchworth. The idea was to capitalise on the two teachers being away from school and to enjoy some time together as an extended family. This time they were joined by Louise's and Briony's families. They stayed at a nearby house, renting it using an online site to get the two weeks at a good price. After apologies for Christmas, they spent time getting to know Nita and the girls. It was a touch surreal for James, watching them all together. There was a bit of dancing around to make sure feelings weren't being hurt, but it was great to see the bonding between the different groups.

There were a few conversations where it was made clear to everyone exactly what the relationships were. Louise and Briony's parents had been warned ahead of time, the element of surprise removed to ensure things stayed positive. It was clear that the strategy being employed was to create a wider family, all cognisant of the relationships and all valuing the relationships. Using that wider family to help stabilise the relationships between James and Louise, Nita and Briony.

Nita and the girls went down to visit Louise's parents for the summer half term. James taking Louise away for a break at the same time. It worked. As much as James had struggled to see it, he could see everyone involved working at it.

By Christmas, Louise was pregnant. The following Christmas, Briony was. She had found the experience of Louise being pregnant and giving birth such that she wanted to experience it for herself. James worried that the grandparents would shut out Nita and her girls, but it didn't happen. Nita's parents similarly treated Louise and Briony's children with the same love as their own grandchildren.

No relationships are ever perfect and there were rows, misunderstandings, jealousies and tension. But they were able to work through them. Their best life, was a shared one.