All Comments on 'Caught by Flatmate Ch. 02 - Further Control'

I absolutely loooove the idea of the story, both this one and the one before. Sadly enough your use of the English language was something if a dealbreaker for me. I'm not saying that I can write perfectly, but if you want people to read and enjoy your stories, then your language needs to improve.

Just the first sentence: "due to us slept very long" contains a grammar mistake. The verb should be in another tense in this sentence: "due to us sleeping very long".

It's the multiple mistakes like that that took me out of the story and made me stop halfway trough.

Please get help, let someone proofread your stories and alter them a bit. The idea in them is way to good to not be read because of language reasons!

I appreciate your comment, and I would like to work on improvement.

You really need to learn the basics of writing in English. If you search for something like "dialogue in writing" you will probably find a guide that only takes you an hour or so to learn from; you simply have to be willing to take the time to do it.

I appreciate your comment and suggestion.

Maybe you could find someone with better English to help you re-write this?