All Comments on 'Ch. 01 - Vegas Vacation Day 01'

Eve is a seriously unstable slut who needs some major therapy. They have no marriage, she belittles her husband but gives herself willingly to a complete stranger. Maybe you could do all of us a favor and just skip to the obvious ending where the STD's get her!

What a great story! It"s nice to read when you describe how lust takes command - and if the protagonists are honest to themelves, everyone involved benefits. Especially Eve experiences a kind of rebirth this night when the fiery red vixen in her is revealed again after months and years of being trapped under the veil of a want-to-be serious housewife. And her husband loves it. Hopefully this emotional high will last. And hopefully Melissa will be honest to her husband as well, and he gets also aroused by that incident.

I like especially how you manage to take us to Vegas mentally by describing the special mood there. Our two couples may stay uninhibited - whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Why do authors always tell us that the wife loves her husband, she really, reslly does; but everything dhe does is disrespectful, demeaning and emasculating.

Good story, not great, but enjoyable. One suggestion: write in the past tense. When you are not writing in the first person, the present tense reads like a gramnar book. That's because of the POV. Very, very few authors have managed the present tense.

I'd like to thank everyone for their ratings and comments. This was my first piece and the comments have been extremely helpful and greatly appreciated. My hope is that my stories get better with each one. The feedback is essential so that I can improve upon them.

To the first anonymous comment, while these characters and the story are complete fiction, they are vaguely based off real people. Yes, Eve is seriously unstable and needs therapy.

@Kater001 - Thank you! You completely hit the nail on the head, that is exactly what I was going for, lust taking command and if you're just honest your desires will come true. The one thing, I'm really disappointed with is that my original intent was to focus the story around Gary and his sister-in-law Melissa accidentally having sex. That was the initial fantasy that prompted the story. In my attempt to lay the character backstory it ended up making Gary and Eve the focus. Once it was done and I realized the focus change it just made too much sense, at least to me, the way I had it.

@Whackdoodle, you have a very good point, and your observation is spot on. I don't have a good answer, I have a few thoughts on it. In this story, as mentioned in the first comment, Eve is unstable and needs therapy. In general, perhaps it's because some people can separate love and sex. Maybe, it's hard for some people, especially heavily religious women to admit that one person can't always meet every need, want and desire of their partner and trying to explain or express that comes out wrong. Communication is hard. You are right though, the actions of these wives' show's a major lack of respect and therefore questioning their love is understandable. It's also part of the fantasy :)

Prior Anonymous comment. Thank you! Honestly, I struggled with whether to make it past tense or present tense. In the initial draft I had both and it was awful. I really appreciate you mentioning that, I just pulled two pending submissions to correct them. Unfortunately, Ch. 03 is going to read the same way as Ch. 01 and Ch. 02. since it's already approved and about to go live. I feel bad redoing it and having the moderators re-read and re-approve it.

Thank you all again!

I liked it but you should proofread your story before publishing it. The swapped names in a couple of places was confusing.

Love your story can’t wait until next chapterssss

Love the accidental fucking between the brother in law and sister in law

Accidental is fun, hope to see ither incest taboo - two brother & their wives or fatherinlaw & daughterimlaw aciidental

Total turn on. One of the best I've read here

Sorry 1 star, can't get over the constantly calling the other a bitch. I'm not sure who it turns on, but it totally turns me off. I know it's a chapter 2, but it's a total different thant ch 1