All Comments on 'Change of Control Ch. 01'

Nice first story, not too over the top (which is good) and lots of fun / excitement.

Seems very well written.

However, it is marred considerably by a handful of typos that show with was not even spell-checked, let alone checked for proper usage.

occurance (wrong spelling)

taught -> taut (meaning tight)

complete void of (ideally devoid of... but not that bad)

ambitous

sleaves (repeatedly. Not just a single typo).

etc.

I am not a spelling nut but there are so many in what is otherwise a very good story that it does detract. I gave it 4 stars but would have given 5 without so many jarring errors that took me out of my own head space. (At least you did not spell college as "collage" which is what probably kills me the most when I come across it! )

the grammar and usage errors really took me out of the story flow.

I gave it a 5* because of the story and the content and as encouragement to continue and finish the story, hopefully with more or better editing!!

A well put together story for your first attempt (at least here on Lit). I am looking forward to more fun between Derek and Katie. And, please, do find an editor to help with the grammar and spelling.

This was a fun story and I appreciate the sane and consensual nature of the play. I would like read more. I would like to read the internal dialog of how the actions of the story are making the characters feel. I did not find the minor language errors to be a distraction.

Thank you for the positive feedback. I have submitted an edited version with corrections as I loaded a draft version, sorry about that.

Also, I have 9 chapters planned out, just finding time to write is difficult.

Thank you again for the positive support, very encouraging.

What a start! This is an excellent groundwork to what should be a gripping adventure. Your sense of character, both of them well drawn, has me intrigued.

You did have the funniest typo I have seen in awhile, in the description of the restaurant: " the ceilings unfished original beams". Because I always hope the beams in a ceiling have all their original fish.

I love and crave this kind of control! Fantastic story; too the point without feeling rushed, stimulating in a mental and physical way. Truly art.

Nice premise.

Good buildup.

Would have liked it if there's been some involvement of/with his cock and balls. Having her look at them to see how excited HE was. Some contact. Maybe even him slowly jerking his own cock while she was forced to watch and imagine how much fun she'd have if she was allowed to masturbate him.

Four stars.