Cheating May Not Work Out

I was aware that without her love, her care packing the house might have killed me emotionally. Nearly half the garage was filled with boxes by seven that evening. I left a note on the dining room table.

It said, "We'll be back tomorrow to collect my things. Everything left here after tomorrow you may keep, sell or discard without any further regard for me. By tomorrow evening we are done. Please remember, it is in your own best interest to maintain this property in good condition so it can bring both of us the best price. Walt"

We closed the garage door and as we drove away I saw Colleen's car parked where she could watch us leave. I was glad she had not come home while we were there.

Jenna's Explorer was parked at the curb when we got home. When the door from the garage to the kitchen opened I smelled cooking smells. She greeted us with hugs and quiet kisses. Kathy led me to the bathroom and we cleaned up enough to have dinner.

Shepherds Pie and iced tea were what was on the table when we got back. Comfort food. I needed it. Five bites in I looked at Kathy and said, "Music, please." She kissed me, left the table and I heard the Mama's and the Papa's soon after.

It was loud enough to listen to and not so loud we couldn't talk.

Kathy came back and sat next to me on my right. Jenna was at my left elbow. After my last spoonful of dinner I said, "I am hurting more at this moment that I believed I would hurt. I wanted to believe that Colleen and Stan could embrace the new game and have it work for all of us for a very long time. I wanted it to be so... and I almost knew they wouldn't do it. They forced me to become a monster." As I spoke they both touched me, gave me their love, their support, freely and without asking for anything.

"When I was a boy my dog got in a fight with three coyotes. They killed him as I watched helpless to help him. After Dad and I buried him I went to bed and covered myself and cried for a whole day. Right now is the first time since I was nine that I've wanted to get in bed and stay there for a day, crying. I think it would be best if the two of you came with me, held me and helped me grieve for what I've lost."

We left the dirty dishes in the kitchen, the leftovers on the stove. We showered, dried and got in bed together. Jenna and Kathy pulled the top sheet up far enough to cover us completely and we cried.

I woke up needing to pee. Slowly and carefully I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. When I was done in there I looked at the two women in bed before me and smiled. I was done. Grieving is a long process and I knew I'd revisit it from time to time but for the moment I was at acceptance and ready to smile, laugh and enjoy life again.

My bare feet carried me into the kitchen. I cleaned up dinner. I got ice cream out of the freezer and made a big sundae with chocolate syrup on top and some whipped cream. I got three spoons and went back into the bedroom.

As I got back into bed I turned on a bedside lamp. Jenna made a noise of protest then sat up. She said, "Chocolate!" I handed her a spoon. She giggled and took a bite. I took a bite and we both made appreciative noises. Kathy rubbed her eyes and asked, "Wha?"

Her eyes opened and she saw a spoon in her future. Five seconds later she took her first bite. We ate it all, licked the drips off each other and Jenna even tried to lick the bowl clean. When she couldn't lick the bowl clean I asked, "Do you know why they make bowls you can't lick clean?"

Kathy answered, "No. Why do they make bowls you can't lick clean?"

"Cause if they did no one would ever do the dishes!"

"EEEWWWW!" They both said. I took the bowl from Jenna and said, "I know how to get the bowl licked clean."

"Oh?" Jenna asked. "Show us."

Very quickly I turned the bowl against Jenna's breast and turned it. All the left over chocolate and melted ice cream stuck to her breast and when I pulled the bowl away I latched onto her with my mouth.

She laughed and squirmed as both Kathy and I cleaned her breast. Kathy and I also kissed each other. They both tasted like ice cream and chocolate.

"Are we going back to sleep?" Kathy asked. One look at the clock told me it was 0622. Early to be up, but not by much.

"You can," I said. "But I think I'm going to get up, make a huge breakfast for us and get ready to move!"

We all got up and they watched as I made Walt's Chiliquilles. As it went into the oven I said, "Half and hour and it's ready. Let's shower and dress."

Jenna asked, "Why did you ask if I'd dress sexy for moving day?"

"Two reasons. Number one because I like looking at you and number two to rub a little salt into Colleen if she's at the house."

Kathy asked, "Want me sexy too?"

"Cut offs and a halter top?" I asked.

"Nope. Cut offs and a bikini top. Blue, yellow or a Hawaiian print."

"Yes! I want you both sexy!"

Kathy asked, "Will you dress sexy for us?"

"Anything you pick, I'll wear." I said. They ran to my closet in the "guest" room and came back with Lee jeans and a long sleeved Wrangler shirt. Jenna threaded a ranger belt through the hoops when I had the jeans on. Kathy helped me on with the shirt. They each rolled up a sleeve. I wore my oldest hiking boots and they both approved of the look.

I approved of how they looked as well. They loaded an ice chest with beverages and snacks and stashed it in the back of Jenna's Explorer. We were on the road and singing along with a compiled CD Jenna brought with her. It began with Alison Krauss singing "Baby, Now that I've Found You." Followed by the Limelighters, "Joy Across the Land."

Until we turned the corner onto the street where I used to live I was Ok. We turned that corner and I saw Colleen's car in the driveway. Kathy got out the cell and dialed my old home number. Colleen answered, crying, "Hello."

"Are you planning to be at home when we come by to finish up?" Kathy asked.

"No! I'll be gone in ten minutes."

"Thank you." Kathy ended the call. Jenna turned the car and we went to a nearby shopping center to wait. Kathy and Jenna kept up a banter, I think intended to get my mind off Colleen. Internally I kept repeating a new mantra, "She did this to herself."

We waited twelve minutes before we drove back to the house. Her car was gone.

Kathy and Jenna went into the house asking me to get things in the garage ready for the truck. A few minutes later they were back and sad.

"What did she do?" I asked.

"We want to buy you a new recliner." Kathy said. "One wide enough for three." Jenna said.

"Anything else?"

"No. We didn't open the door to your old bedroom."

"Make a sign for the door, would you. Do not open this door."

Jenna turned and went inside the house. Kathy and I heard a truck outside the garage. I opened the door. Marlene was jumping down from the bobtail truck she drove. She was in khaki cargo shorts and a Hawaiian print halter. One look answered lots of questions about her. She owned the truck. She made her living driving it and hustling things in and out of it. She was physically fit and her sexual preference was not clear. She smiled and walked to us. She hugged Kathy first and it was very physical and affectionate. They kissed cheeks and she turned to me.

She reached out and touched my shirt. "Nice. Someone dresses you sexily."

"I had help this morning." I said.

"I hug." She said. I opened my arms and she stepped in. It told me she was much stronger than I thought, that she was holding back and that she liked the hug. As the hug ended I asked, "How can I thank you for helping us?"

"A few bucks for fuel and a couple of nice hugs will go a long ways." She squinted at me a little and added, "And, love my sisters with everything you have available."

"Happy to oblige." I said.

As she turned back to open her truck she said, "He did well."

With a dolly and a ramp boxes started going into the truck. Some other friends arrived and brought out my desk, book shelves and other furniture items, but not the recliner. I went inside and saw it, covered with a sheet.

I didn't touch it. I called and had a pizza delivered with a Chinese chicken salad. We ate sitting around the front porch and open garage. We were packed and ready to go when a small delivery van stopped in front of the house. I got up and the young women who got out of the truck asked, "Walter Peterson?"

I nodded. She offered me an envelope. I recognized it. The upper right corner had Colleen's return address on it, crossed out. She smiled at me, said, "Have a nice day" and left.

I went back and sat down holding the envelope.

No one spoke for a while. Finally Marlene said, "Waiting won't make the news any different."

I opened the envelope and found a single printed page.

"Walt, I did this to myself. None of this is your fault. Your dick is big enough in fact it fit me perfectly. You are the best lover a woman could hope and dream for. Don't believe me? Ask Kathy. Something in me wanted what I saw Stan offering. I can't justify it at all.

I'm sorry for cutting up your recliner. When I sat in it last night and thought of you sitting in it holding Kathy I came a little unglued. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being so screwed up.

Don't hire a lawyer to serve me. It would be a waste of money. Do me one last undeserved favor tho, Ok? On my stone use our last name, not my maiden name." It was signed in her own hand. Colleen Peterson.

I read it twice. The second time tears fell on the page. Kathy reached for it, took it and read it out loud.

When she finished we all hugged. When the hug ended Marlene said, "We aren't alone."

I looked and saw a California Highway Patrol car parked in front of Marlene's truck. The officer got out of the car and approached. Kathy handed him the letter. He read it and said, "I'm so sorry. Her car hit the overpass where the 405 and 710 meet. No other cars were involved. She was alone in the car."

Jenna walked him back to his cruiser and got the information from him about getting Colleen's body and disposing of the car.

The rest of Saturday was in a fog. All the stuff from the house got packed into Kathy's garage. The For Sale sign went up on the other house. Notification calls were made and arrangements for a funeral at a graveside were made. I called my boss and let him know what Colleen had done. He said, "Take the time you need."

Kathy and I were back at work on Thursday. My boss, John, hadn't said anything to anyone about the divorce or Colleen's suicide. I met with him and thanked him. Together we put out a memo letting everyone know that Colleen was gone and that the service for her would be private.

Both Kathy and I wore black each work day for a week. The three of us went to the service for Colleen. It lasted ten minutes. She was buried at nine in the morning. It was a foggy humid morning.

That afternoon I got a call from Al Jenkins. He had a position open for Jenna. I gave him her cell and home numbers and an hour later my office number rang. Jenna needed to move!

Stan got a divorce. He lives in a small studio apartment above a pizza parlor in south L.A.. I have no idea what I would say to him if I ever encountered him, face to face.

Kathy, Jenna and their Dad are taking me on a pack trip into the Tetons next week. We leave from Jenny Lake.