All Comments on 'Cheating Wife, but So Much FIXED!'

Better

The big problem I have is why he would have any sex with her knowing she'd been with someone else? Sounds like an invitation to an STD. Heather is also going to have lots of problems going home.

Ending???

Better, the first version just pissed me off.

Damn near perfect, 'Sweep!!! Great re-write!!! 5+++++/5!

This version felt much smoother. I could see some more on the end, but this was good.

Still an open ending btw.

I never read the original but this was pretty entertaining for a deranged slut story.

Then what?

this needs closure....please finish the story!

Better than the first, but unfinished again.

This had some very funny moments and that saved it. When you make me laugh, you get a five.

I didn’t read the original, so these are fresh comments based on this story.

Gotta say that you had three characters who are absolute morons. That made it impossible for me to like the story.

Better, but still unfinished. Cliffhangers without resolutions are not good.

yep, this version tells the tale better no nitpicking here

I read the original and this one. It is a shame that a story with so much promise can't be fulfilled.

This is funny coming from me I can't write worth a poop. It just seems to be missing something to me. However, I like the new ending and some of the changes/updates.

Remember this is just my opinion and we know all about those.

meh,

I liked the original one better. Liked it quite a lot actually. I didn't mind the open ending. It worked for the story

This is much improved. I am still not sure if I agree with where you ended it or not. I think I would have preferred it to continue with her reexamining the past 6 months logically to see things from his point of view wile the divorce goes through and him moving on without her, but this works.

Much better. I’m not sure I could do it, but I guess power fucking your crazy soon-to-be ex wife while her lover/ new age spouse watches could be a satisfying revenge. The delusional, selfish cunt got just she deserved.

It was a crazy story. Noah was as guilty as was his wife. Once he found out what was going on he continued playing her game. It should have ended right there.

Again, I always ask how a spouse can be intimate with someone after this ordeal. Maybe I am not wired that way, but if i was in his shoes, I would've divorced her already with no further contact unless lawyers were there. Also, finish the story...

A man is going to be uncompromising on letting his wife fuck someone else. So, there's not going to be the dilly dallying between the time he finds out she's cheating and this brilliant takedown. And the divorce shouldn't cost him an arm and a leg if he times it right. I mean, with his former wife being convicted of bigamy any judge would have to conclude she was not a party to her legal marriage

Just think of what his grandchildren will think when he tells them about his first wife.

Definitely needs a part 2 and a finish.

Are there any women that stupid to buy that kind of bullshit . interesting story but he still fucked her after finding out how far and crazy she had gone. One flew over the cuckoo nest

trouble begins when you have to say goodbye to the pussy and sex. TK U MLJ LV NV

Good rewrite. That said, Noah was an idiot as well. Having sex with heather after confronting her, was really stupid. Heather told Noah, that Steve was also trying to adjust to her idiocy. At that point, Noah should have looked at Steve, then told Steve that sharing wasn’t necessary - he could have Heather all to himself; then asked him to help Heather pack.

The other reason Noah was stupid, is for waiting to start the divorce. Once he learned of the bigamy, his lawyer could exploit that, to circumvent any attempt to force counseling.

All that said, calling 911 and allowing the dispatcher to record the violence, was brilliant.

Not sure about tbis one.

Much better! Thanks

this one needed another page to fully end the story.....needs a third rewrite or a part 2

Fuck!!!

You needed to take the story to its full conclusion, you didn’t. Such a shame, you were on a good roll too. Everything dovetailing to the divorce and what happened to Heather and Steve.

In the end you let ST1956 write a better ending to your story than what you did.

Scores 3/5 for those reasons.

let me say their is nothing wrong with having multiple partners that all consent to that arrangement. what she is doing is dead wrong because not all the people involved are aware of the situation and do not consent to being a part of it. although a consenting poly relationship can be good and healthy what she wanted was just to cheat and and for him to be ok with it

A much better story than the original. You did stay true to the characters but really took into account the amount of manipulation that Noah was going through. Loved it.

Another writer has to get you on the right track before you get across with this story? I think even the second version is not a successful one. Or are you telling me in all seriousness there are idiots who still have sex with a woman who cheats on her for 6 months with another?

I’m glad you began to address the bigamy issue. That was (to me) the biggest deficiency in the first version, even bigger than his dithering. (It went on too long. I was losing interest. Writers have to keep the action moving in some way in order to keep readers’ interest. It’s like riding a bike, it works as long as you keep moving, but if you stop moving, things go to pot.)

Crap, She not for him he should have never touched that cunt again. Easy to get a divorce when your soon to be ex wife is also married to someone else at the same time.

It's been a great couple of days! First a great story from JustWords, and now this.

Makes all the time spent here worthwhile.

Much, MUCH better story. 5*

This is where we differ.....he should have disappeared for a while, picked out a nice weapon ( like an American arms 22 caliber) and waited until his application was approved, shoved it in his back pocket and waited. Let the little bastard beat on him like he did, then pump one or two rounds in his gut. Don't overdo it because that would look too obvious......just a round or two would show that he was trying to protect instead of trying to kill. He could convince the DA that buying a weapon was for protection only. The little bastard would be gut wounded, so he probably wouldn't die, and the shitbird would learn an important lesson. DON'T FUCK WITH ME!!!!! Shitbird would still go to jail when he got of the hospital, crazy bitch would be preoccupied with the situation, give him a chance to file a TRO on both of them and he'd get a chance to finish filing the divorce papers. Game, set and match for the cuck.......he finally gets a set of balls.

So much better. Really.

I never would have touched her after I found out she was for sure cheating. Especially once I found out she was alone with the asshole for that whole weekend.

Her shit would have been packed and at her parents house and the locks changed on the front door by the time she got back from that weekend.

I just don't understand the whole "hate fuck" thing? But in this case...cumming all over her face and hair and sending her out the door to her other "love" looki my that way? Yeah. That was good. I probably could have fucked her face that way and done that sending her out to his car. Lol.

Butni wouldn't have gone anywhere near her diseased cunt with my dick.

And shit...WHY would you listen for days to all that shit she was spouting?

I will say this. I have been with many attractive women in my life. 4 of which were serious "sex pots" at the time I was seeing them. Like super hot. And without a doubt they were all 4 of them crazy as fuck. The hotter she was...the higher the crazy quotient.

So...in this story when this slut starts spouting the crazy talk...I had a flashback or two.

But cutting her out of his life was definitely the right thing to do. Explaining it all to her parents was a good thing. Proving Bigamy was a good thing to do (then she loses her job). And getting lover boy locked up and possible serious jail time was a good thing.

The dummy he was married too? Her life is gonna suck for the foreseeable future. 5 stars.

Page 4

And then he grew a spine, a pair and became a tactical genius. Awesome.

Gave it a four. Rarely give fives and this one had the MC "weeping".

Interesting, but changing locks on the apartment door would have avoid 75% of the post discovery and initial explanation bullshit. You can't argue or debate with crazy.

Three stars.

I thought you cleaned the original up nicely.

You definitely fixed that one. Absolutely a *5 from me. Great job Sweep.

This story could end here, and maybe should, but I'd sure like to read a part 2. 5 *s.

and a 5 for humor haven't laughed that much in awhile

Excellent story. Thank you.

Niiice, set the bugger up, shoulda videoed steve busting thru the door tho

He needed to kick her to the curb right away, and not go through all that dumb stuff. So frustrating. Gives the lie to the idea that all's well that ends well. D

Much better version. Like Wheel man below, the first version just left me pissed off, wanting a conclusion to the story. I feel much better about the being here.

Still not complete, there is so much more to cover and the story is just starting to get interesting... I could see at least one or two more parts to this story.

much, much better ending. Five stars

Much better but still leaves us hanging to some degree. ST did an excellent job (as usual) of finishing it for you. 4*

Agree with HDK's assessment. Liked the humor and glad you gave the story an ending.

I loved it. The ending was short and could be picked up for a part 2. Maybe Saddletramp could add a little more to the ending but truthfully my preference is when the original writer finishes their own stories. Just my preference. Thanks for entertaining me today.

This was a great story and I really enjoyed how he destroyed Heather and Steve by instigating the break-in and assault.

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I would've loved to give this a 5* but it isn't finished. You needed to wrap up the divorce as well as resolve the criminal charges against both of them. Heather treated him appallingly badly and I wanted to read how totally devastated she was when Steve was facing hard time, then she got sentenced for Bigamy.

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Finally, this needed an epilogue where Heather comes crawling back to him years later after she's released, because tantric Steve turned gay after being buggered senseless in prison. By this time, Noah is happily remarried with kids, so he tells the heartbroken ex-wife to go fuck herself. Wrap up a BtB like that, and i can pretty much guarantee you'll turn a 4.1 into a 4.5+ rated story.

One of the better versions on this theme.

While better than the original it was still … lipstick.

Chimney Sweep you did just to the rewrite. The end however didn't BTB and that disappointed me, story needs to continue on to the BTB part. However, your writing was excellent and gets my 5-star vote.

I guess you tried for humor and satire. The MC was so dumb that it is good thing he doesn't have to think to breathe

'Twas good.Enjoyed it. LP

Not too bad for half a story! How did it end?

People have been through worse shit,men raising other's kids, prostitute wives and the likes. As long as you pull your shit together, move the fuck out, you're still much a man as can be afforded. Keep it up. The rad was worthwhile

That Noah took a very looong time to figure out he has a spine and balls.

At least he did. Good riddance of a mentally ill of a wife. Can't figure out he still had sex with Heather.

I enjoyed it though most of it was painful to read, not gonna hide it I skimmed through some paragraphs.

Thanks for the effort and sharing Chimney Sweep.

lolool,,loved this little story about a fairytale marriage,,it was a fun read! things happened! nose broken, blood splattered..etc., etc.,wifey was a real piece of work!

Better but you need one more try....Finish The Damn Story! What happened to Steve? Did she lose her job? Did she have trouble with a bigamy charge? Did she and Steve stay together or did she finally realize how stupid she was? So many questions and not enough answers! *3* for Noah's backbone. Maybe an Epilogue? OR another chapter...

I agree that this is better but he should never have fucked her after she confessed to fucking Steve, I guess Noah is okay with sloppy seconds and possible STDs. We need to know what happens to everyone. What is the aftermath?

+1 to previous comment

"You may still hate my guts after this, but you can't say I didn't finish it. And you can't call Noah a cuck."

> Noah is not a cuck. Agreed

> The story ends with a start of divorce and a lot of unanswered questions. Absolutely will say "it is not finished."

I was going to give it a 1, but at the end he admitted he fucked up and let her do all this shit. Got my score back up to a 4

Better. But Noah still comes across as a dumbshit.

.

3 ***

I got a different twist to this story, I've read both stories by chimney sweep and the other version and my twist is... while Steve garnered 25 years. Heather's lawyer convinced the Judge that she trusted Steve and believed all the "Caic Tarbh" that he fed her. He also claimed to her that he was a lawyer which he wasn't. Telling her that everything that they did was legal... the only charge remaining was her failure to change her last name on her driver's license to her married name. the Judge gave her Six Months in jail.... In the meantime. she gets the divorce papers plus counseling. She still loves Noah... In the meantime, ( I'm really a romantic) Noah for those six months has a real hard time adjusting... He has dreams about her and realizes, He still loves her...deeply. So, on the day she gets out of Jail. he's there... Seeing him, she runs into his arms... and six months later, they re-marry... Life is good... they end up having children as they have relocated to another State as his Company sent him to another company location out of State...

You got 1 star for BS. BS on many levels.

First the "plan" in the end is BS because woman could easily turn everything around against "Noah" and it would be him going to jail.

Second, nobody can be "confused" for days like "Noah" was.

Third, for me the real stupid thing is the guy keeps on saying "I am looking for lawyers" "I am lawyering up" ... and yet nothing is happening other than 2 pages of idiotic discussions. It is hard to read that for 30 minutes (I did skip some more moronic paragraphs) much less to live that through for days. Who can believe this?

Trim this story down to two pages and it could read OK, it is still mediocre but at least it is short. Dragging it the way you have done without adding anything new is really BS.

Once he found out she was cheating, Noah should have already filed for divorce! That crap of not being able to get her out of the apt. could easily been resolved by filing a restraining order when the divorce papers were served!

Good for what was there. Needed to put an ending to it. Does lover boy go to jail for assault and battery? Does he go to jail for bigamy? Does Heather go to jail for bigamy? Do they actually get divorced? Does Steve owe him a lot of money? SO many questions.

A funny over- the- top story. Enjoyable, clever and entertaining read. 5 stars.

...but still not very likable. I recommend to all authors that they have at least one likable character in the mix. Personally, I wouldn't associate with any of these losers.

As for "leaving an open story" comments: get over it folks. This is a free SHORT story quorum. Get your details and ribbon bows in a novel.

Thanks for the original, and for your efforts to improve that based on commenters' input.

Keep 'em comin'.

At least you gave us a decent ending to this warped relationship. Okay, what other fantasy islands have you created for us?

You had the appearance of getting a decent closure to this one until the last paragraph where you let Noah drink himself into an alcoholic stupor. The only thing Noah might try it to have a head shrink check her out to see if there is a psychological problem that might be causing this aberration in a once loving woman.

Better

Good story :)

Thank you

A much better ending!

Great! As others have already said, much better ending. Thank you!

Better but still not complete.

Great writer with an interesting and humorous story. The dialog was captivating, funny enjoyable. But, it should have a part 2. 5 stars.

It started like shit. He was a total pussy. But he finally manned up,wimp style, and got rid of the stupid bitch. Finally. Took way to long.

Saddletramp finishes this story off quite nicely

4/5

Good rewrite, Ending has me curious about fallout. I believe the whole premise has enough for a follow up. I would like to hear about the whole divorce process of this whole train wreck.

She was definitely a fruitcake. Polyamorous relationships are not a unilateral decision, though they can work. I was the second husband in one for several years.

Hubby made the right decision, though I would have handled it better than him.

Much better ending… I love the comment I read where someone said “polyamorous relationships… they can work. I was the second husband in one for several years” lol, like a “several years” relationship is a great accomplishment. That’s like every failed girlfriend relationship I had before I got married 37 years ago. Hard to understand how you can be 100% invested in someone who’s only 50% invested in you.

Enjoyed the story. Part 2? Thanks for writing.

Ok. I am sure this sort of situation, creeps up in life. Wife cheats, gets caught, and wants to keep both the husband and boyfriend. But as a commenter mentioned, you can’t give someone 100% of your love, when they give you 50%. If the husband was ok with it, the whole thing would have happened on the up and up. The fact she hid it, tells me the bitch knew where this was ending.

So it would have been nice to have gotten a little post story of how it worked out for all of them, I do believe the ending was, the only response that could happen under the circumstances. 5 stars.

I like this ending. Good job.

Ed

AS rarely happens the cuckold realized he was a cuckold and all it entailed. Glad he was written up with some wakening self esteem.

Liked this version especially the ending. I agree part 2 if written consistent with the ending could be a 750 to 1000 word dispatch of Heather and Steve's marriage.

Only mistake? Causing her to lose her job before you divorce her. Alimony is NOT your friend.

...for a character in the story with whom we can sympathize. When all the MCs are stupid turds, I have trouble warming up to the tale. The Security Clearance is a clever plot device - kudos :)

Keep 'em comin'.

As a fan of BTB I really enjoyed this one.

This I liked

Pretty well written, good emotion, actual ending. Full marks.

Thanks CS, I enjoyed both your stories in this little miasma of despair.