All Comments on 'Cheerleader vs. Lesbian Bully Pt. 01'

This has promise and I hope it is going where I think its going. Looking forward to Part 2.

ohh you comeback!!!! plz write more!!

jesus... your new novel is just amazing. your writing skill got great progress. ohhh i can't wait!!!! plz plz plz give me next!!!!!

This has no potential. Discouraged it is going where I think its going. Not looking forward to Part 2.

Wtf?

can i talk about this fetish?

The idea is not bad, however you are in need of an editor ASAP. There is a reason we use commas and full stops. Spend some time describing your characters. Also, your story technically goes under non sexual. 3*

Liked the story so 4 stars. Can't say I loved it, although the potential for later parts is promising. As someone has said, get an editor; having to decode what you're trying to say gets old very quickly - and this story was under a thousand words long. I'd haven given up if it was longer.

Try this: read your story out loud, and every time you find yourself pausing, consider putting in some kind of punctuation. Think of it as an act of kindness to your readers. I know we get these stories for free but we're still investing time in reading them. And time, unlike money, can't be replaced.

Hope I'm not sounding too harsh - I'm seriously trying to be constructive. Punctuation is a basic skill, but it's relatively easy to learn. Get that in your toolbox and you might find that 'likes' turn to 'loves'.

I look forward to seeing how the mom gets involved!