Chili in Church

No one under eighteen, any resemblance to persons living or dead or in between is totally bullshit because it's all made up. It's a fantasy. A tall tale. Try to have fun with it, and be nice in your bloodthirsty comments. Darker Binding edited this, so any remaining errors are mine only.

Chili In Church

Divorce, Romance, and Chili In Church

Twenty-six years. More than a quarter century. Seems like a long time, the age of my marriage. The vast majority of those years had been good, or at least decent years. We had a fun time with each other, we had a fine time with the kids and we were best friends forever, and it was real and fulfilling. Now I remember those days as paradise lost, like a dream that I suppose just could not last forever...

And I awoke one day to find it was gone. My marriage, my wife and my best friend... Destroyed and gone with the wind. Dead and buried, although not literally, she had completely turned her back to me. I had gone to see a lawyer and called the kids, now adults and told them. There was no doubt about that. I felt like I was a complete idiot. I was the last one to know that she had found someone else to love and cherish. I was old news, I had been rejected and replaced by someone new.

The worst part was deep inside of me, I still loved her, despite all the evil she had done to me. I hated myself for that.

The depth of her treachery simply amazed me, considering all those years when I thought we were happy and in love. I was a simple trusting man, obviously way too trusting, but then hindsight is 20/20.

Four years ago my wife Gretchen, presumably going through change of life, suddenly and completely lost any and all interest and desire for sex. There had been many talks and heated discussions, but in the end... It was the end, at least as far as she was concerned. No more sex for us. My wants and needs be damned. To say that I was upset was a complete understatement.

I more or less buried myself in my business, which made a great deal of money. But all the money in the world won't assuage the lack of love and affection that she gave me, or more accurately, that she did not give me.

She had given me a few blowjobs, half-hearted attempts at best, and on my birthday and our anniversary and holidays she had even consented to try sex with lots of lube... But it was just not the same. She was just not interested in sex. My feelings were never even entered into the equation, she just did not care. I was devastated. I did not know what to do.

She held me in no animosity, but neither did she treat me like she loved and respected me. We had somehow gone completely off the rails as far as love was concerned... Gretchen certainly did not lust after me, or make any attempt at desiring me at all. That was all gone, all in the past, no matter what I tried. In fact, the more I pressed her about medical treatments, and couples counseling, the worse things got. It was at a sort of stalemate situation, not really married, but not quite separated either. Like two tigers in a cage, wanting, but not trusting or loving... And finally just not caring any more. I had an angry and mean roommate, not a wife. Even though I had done nothing but try and try to get her back, the feelings were gone, gone, gone. I still loved the bitch, but it was now a one-sided affair, a burdensome love, totally unrequited on her part. One-way love just cannot exist for too long. I persevered as long as I was able to, but I was pissing up a rope.

After several years of my chasing after her love and non-existent affection, I saw the signs of her affair. It was very subtle, but I recall how she would take phone calls in the other room. She always locked up her phone. She had passwords and passcodes now. Ones that I didn't know! She slammed shut her damned computer as I entered the room. Occasionally she was very late for no reason, and none was offered either. The signs were all there. I had chosen not to see them in a vain attempt to salvage my broken marriage. Stupid me.

I had a discretionary spending account, and I used it to get a private investigator on her case. It did not take too long, and I was initially very surprised by the report and the findings as well. I knew that we were done. There was a huge font of evidence that she had had a series of affairs, not just one man, and the investigators could not find the beginning. The evidence went back at least ten years, and because no hotels kept records longer, that was where it stopped. I guessed she had been cheating during our entire marriage. Just the last few years had brought everything to a head. I spoke to a lawyer and prepared for the ending of what was now a big joke of a marriage. Too bad the joke was on me!

I got one suitcase packed up, and another started. I packed what I needed, I would be back to get all the rest once I found a place. I had a trip upcoming and my chili cook-off. But I decided to take my time. She would never dictate my itinerary again. I would sleep in one of the guest bedrooms. I made sure the dead bolt worked that I had just installed. But lately she had not even come near me so why did I even have to worry? She probably would not even touch the door. I wondered if she would even notice that I was gone?

I had always thought that she and I were destined to live with, and love each other to the bitter end, but now it seemed like the bitter end was very fast approaching from the other direction. I had to do something. If for no other reason than my own sanity.

I was just not sure what I was going to do, and if she was going to leave me, or should I just let her have a divorce, and we cash in our chips. I was sure that living as a bachelor would not be as good as living as a married man... But that was before the cold war and pitched battles started. The evidence was incontrovertible. I decided to call it a day. No use crying over spilled milk, what's done is done, and it is what it is. I know it's just a bunch of tired damn platitudes, but based on a reality. Time to get going.

I had never thought about her cheating on me, or for that matter me looking outside of our marriage for sex... But that's what this trail of tears seems to have led me to. I had sworn an oath. I made a promise, and I had kept faith in our marriage all these years... But now...I don't know, it feels like we're not even married to each other, just maybe to the idea of marriage. It was like a switch was flipped, and she had been married, and now she was not. The covenant was not just broken, it was completely and utterly destroyed. No use crying about something that was dead. It was time to bury the dead, and move on. My heart and my love were both shattered beyond hope of repair. She had done this deliberately. Deliberately!

"Gretchen, we have to talk." I said to her. She unhappily agreed.

"Look, John... I'm really sorry that I have this medical issue." She was going to play a game of side-step. I wasn't in the mood for dancing about. I wasn't going to allow it. No more lies or half-truths. No more bullshit.

"This has absolutely nothing to do with your... 'condition'. It is unfortunately concerning your attitude." I was not going to let her get control of this argument. In fact, this was not going to be an argument. It would be me telling her what I was going to do, and that's that. I had had enough. Time for action.

"I have loved you for more than a quarter of a century. You have loved me for a long time, but now... I do not feel loved or respected by you. I want a divorce." I said calmly and in my most even, controlled voice.

"Is this about sex again? I have explained how I feel about-" she started her same old litany, lie and justify, but I was not having it. I interrupted her.

"-Shut up Gretchen, this is not about sex. At least most of it is not about sex. Love and respect are not the same thing as sex, though many people seem to equate them. No you don't have any love left for me. I think as a responsible adult you have been just going through the motions with me. For the first time in my life," as I spoke, tears welled up in my eyes, "I must ask you... Is there someone else?" I sat back, dejected that I even had to ask that question. I already knew the truth. I truly felt a bit dirty just saying those few words that said so much ...and so little. I looked at the love of my life and waited. Now was the test. Would she lie, or confess? I heard lawyers never ask a question that they do not already know the true answer to. That's what I was reduced to. Behaving like a lawyer with my wife, to ascertain what she was really doing, especially her state of mind. I don't know why I bothered to even ask. I guess I wanted some kind of closure. I wanted to confront the bitch. I guess I wanted my pound of flesh.

"Yes," she finally admitted, "But it's not what you think." As if she could deign to know what I thought! She should be glad she does not know what I was really thinking at that exact moment. Death and destruction followed pain and betrayal, like cheese followed ham. My dear wife had fucked me for the last time, both literally and metaphorically speaking.

It was time to cut the ties. She had willingly broken the bond, smashed our covenant into a million tiny pieces that could never be repaired. I had tried for years to get her to love me like she used to, but that was then, this is now. I needed to speak my mind.

"Look I have been dealing with your bitchy behavior and your anger towards me for a very long time. I have done what the good book said to do, I have turned the other cheek, I answered angry words with love, and caring for you... too many times to count. I have prayed to God to bring you back to me. He has not done so. But you have made some serious tactical errors, the biggest thing is confusing my kindness with weakness. I have let you slide on so many occasions, and now I have had it up to here." My hand gesticulated to my temples. "You have someone else? Fine. Obviously the vows to 'honor' and 'forsaking all others' are just completely meaningless now. You have completely desecrated the vows we took in front of our friends, family and God. Our marriage is now just a big pile of stinking shit." I was going to finish this now. Right now!

"I thought 'Well, we had some good years. We have some time left in our lives.' I suggest you and I get divorced in the hopes that we find that person who makes us happy. You got a bit of a head start, and from the bottom of my heart, I sincerely apologize for whatever I did that caused our rift, our dissolution, and I pray that you find your own special happiness in your own life." I told her and watched her eyes. She had no pain or remorse. I wished her no ill will, but I just had to get away from her. I suddenly did not want to be in the same room with her. I didn't want to be in the same state as she was. I had 49 others to choose from. I could hardly wait to get away from this bitch.

"Right now I am just not prepared to move out. But in about four or five months I will be. Do me the favor of not bringing your paramour here into this house. I will be gone, or we will be gone soon enough. Then you can fuck who ever you want to on the damn Whitehouse lawn for all I care." I said that I didn't care, but of course I did.

"If you violate this house, I do promise you, there will be bloodshed. Do you fucking understand me? Say it, slut." Her eyes got wide hearing me speak like that. I had never done that before. I had always controlled my anger. But the images of her fucking in the detective report burned in my mind. My anger was like a white hot flame.

I was so angry I was red faced. I don't know if she knew the depth and ferocity of my anger, and the level of self control I was using not to just kill her and be done with it. I was shaking. Truthfully, murder was on my mind.

"I do understand. I am so sorry-" I looked at her, and if looks could kill she would be dead on the floor.

I cut off her stupid wasted platitudes, "-Oh please! Just shut the fuck up. The God's truth is you don't give a flying fuck about me, or our so-called marriage. I am going to have the kids DNA and mine checked out to see if they are even mine. Not that I would have changed my life one iota with my children. I will always love them, and be their dad. I want to see how far back your treachery goes, and if I raised another man's child or not." Her eyes were wide open. She actually looked a bit concerned for at least one second. The look told me a lot.

"The children are all yours, you don't have to tell them and-" I really cut her off.

"-That would really mean something to me if I were to believe a single word out of your mouth. As far as telling the children, of course they are going to know. Unfortunately for you I will never lie to them. If you do, then we are going to have a big problem." I looked her straight in the eyes.

"So you can stay in the master bedroom. I will move to the guest bedroom tonight. Don't you dare come anywhere near me. Don't bother me with any more false apologies. Your lies insult my intelligence. I don't want to hear about any kind of feelings or apologies. No stupid bullshit explanations. In fact, I don't really want to speak with you at all. So please just leave me alone. I am going out of town tomorrow, and I won't be back for about a week, so you can have all the fun you want. Just don't do it here. So just run along to wherever you and your friend are fucking. We will be divorced soon enough and the house will be sold, or you can buy out my half. I can't wait to get away from you. I am in a bind about leaving, but the four months will go by quickly." I made my little speech.

"Where are you going?" She asked. She was giving me the cow eyes.

"That is none of your damn concern. But I am going to check out a good business opportunity. While I am gone, figure out what you want to keep, and what you want to give to me, or give away. We are going to sell the house and split the proceeds, unless you want to buy me out. There is quite a bit of money tied up in this house." In truth, I really did not need the proceeds from the house, but she had pissed me off so badly that I didn't want to just give her the house.

I continued when I calmed down, "Four months. Figure out where you are going to live. If you are leaving, get the fuck out. If you are buying me out, make the necessary financial arrangements to do so."

"Can't you forgive me John? I mean all the years we have been together..."

"One last thing. From here on out, what I do is none of your damn business, the same as what you have been doing. I'm certainly not going to ask you to remain loyal to me, as that ship has sailed and sunk. You have no reason to ask me to be loyal to you, and I won't be. I will be discrete. I won't embarrass you. I expect you to behave likewise. I will be speaking to my lawyer next week. I would suggest you do the same, but I will be fair in the split. I suggest that we just do a simple 50/50 split. We will sell the house and divide the proceeds. I want my tools, and my guitars. I want my chili pots, and the three slow cookers, and my chilli making utensils."

"I will be entering the chili cook-off as usual, and I was hoping you won't show up as usual. You haven't been there in years and years, so let's keep up the streak! It's next Friday night, so you will probably be out anyway." Her eyes were wounded, but she had made this situation, not me. How many damned Friday nights I was home alone, waiting... praying for her to get home... worrying about her... Now I knew exactly what they were doing, and it was not girl's night out, well not quite, depending on your definition.

"I volunteered to stay late and clean up afterwards... But I will probably be back before you anyway, so maybe I will go to the bar and have a drink."

"Who knows, maybe this is the year I win the cook-off instead of second place. I just found out that everyone at church already knows what you have been doing. They all said I should get a church annulment, but it's three thousand dollars, and I still have to pay for the court divorce. So I guess I will be in sin from now on. Shit happens." I was done talking. I went back to packing and moving into the spare bedroom. I had checked the sheets. They were clean as a whistle. I was getting ready to go to bed and I turned around and there she stood in the doorway, tears flowed down her cheeks. What the hell did she want?

"I have to tell you something." She began.

"Oh please spare me! What makes you think I want to hear you lie about how sorry you are, or how it was just sex, or how you never meant to hurt me. Lies and bullshit par excellence! Don't waste your time or mine." I continued to pack.

"No that's not even close to what I have to tell you. First of all, I still love you. And yes, I do have a lover but... My lover is not a guy. She is-"

"Tall, dark and voluptuous. Yes, I have seen her and we have even talked. Marjorie Bancroft. She does seem quite smitten with you. I warned her that you are not to be trusted, and told her what to look for, the signs I ignored and so forth. She is quite lovely. Be a shame to have to kill her. So don't put me in that position. Do you know she begged for my forgiveness? She even offered herself to me in an effort to 'even the scales' I think was how she put it. I said thank you, but I can't. I'm still married. But you never know, maybe after the divorce, you will be out there, and she will be all alone at home with my phone number, and her guilty conscience. At least she has one. Ha!" I paused my diatribe and looked one last time at my fuckin', cheating, piece of shit wife. She seemed shocked that I knew about her other life.

"So yes I do know that your latest lover is a woman. She seems really nice. Marge shocked me when she said that I was very sexy! It cost ten grand for me to find that out, and then gather all the evidence. The investigators told me they had evidence going back at least ten goddamned years, beyond that most hotels don't maintain any records. How many lovers has it been? Two? Three? Twenty? Do you even know? One last question." The most important question of all. I looked her square in the eyes.

"Did you ever really love me at all?" Her eyes cast down. That single gesture said it all. Everything else was just a bunch of window dressing. My heart hurt bad. I felt another spear through it.

"Why did we bother to get married? I guess your giving me children is the best gift ever, but I don't know if they are even mine or not, you know? Like a tainted gift. Well get out of here, I need to sleep." I dismissed the skag. Now I was sure that I was doing the right thing.

"I want to sleep with you. You are still my husband." She said, much to my surprise. What the hell? Why?

"Fuck you! Now you suddenly remember? Too little, too late, too fuckin' bad. You can always sleep with me. Just in your dreams though. Get the fuck out of my room ya fuckin dirty slut." I seethed with rage. I really contemplated killing the bitch, but it will bring me no joy, and me winding up in prison... Well I would just stick to the plan.

"I don't want this." She said in sadness. "Too bad," I thought. I was just a pack mule to her. A penis and a paycheck. Not any more. Done, finished, fin!

"Well, I don't want a cheating dirty slut for a wife. We can't always get what we want. How's the song go? We get what we need. I always loved the Stones."

"Is there no way to fix this?" She looked at me. What the fuck? Was she that stupid? She had pitched our whole relationship into the fire.

"Sure there is. Go jump in your time machine and go back and unfuck all those guys and girls, and then fuck me to death for the last four fucking YEARS!!" I turned and spat out my disgust. I don't know or care where my spit landed.