Chinese Whispers and Broken Hearts

What was I going to say to her? I couldn't say I knew, she would be embarrassed knowing I had heard everything. No, I would just pretend I I didn't know. As they say, ignorance is bliss.

When I walked back inside. Mum and Elsa were finishing the cleaning up. "You don't have to do that Elsa, you've done so much already."

She smiled warmly. "No, I enjoyed it."

"Where are you staying dear?" Mum asked Elsa.

She shrugged casually. "I will find a hotel. I only arrived today, either that, or I might just drive back."

"You will do no such thing. You can stay here with me, or perhaps Nina might like some company."

Was she playing match maker? Sneaky devil. "Yes, you are welcome to stay with me if you like Elsa."

"No, I don't want to impose."

"You must, it's no imposition. I would love to have you stay. I want to hear all about what you have been doing."

"Nina, I'm not sure I should, you need time to mourn. I will just be in the way."

"Nonsense dear." Mum stated in her most motherly fashion. "Nina could use company. It will keep her occupied. In fact." Mum said firmly. "You could both stay here."

"Thanks mum, but I think I would like to sleep in my own bed tonight." Glancing at Elsa, I added. "I have a spare room, it's a bit messy, but there is a bed, and it's comfy."

"So long as you don't mind?"

"I would love it. Mum's right, I could use the company."

We helped mum finish the cleaning up, as we left Elsa leapt into mums arms, and said with an impassioned sigh. "Thanks for listening."

"Any time dear. You will always be welcome here." I could see the tears welling up in mums eyes. Elsa, just clung on, as if she was scared to let go. Mum sensed it, she just held on, her hand rubbing Elsa's shoulder, comforting. "It will be all right my love."

When they finally parted, mum pulled me in for our hug. "The same goes for you missy. Stop trying to be big and strong. Let go, cry, let the tears take away the pain."

"Thanks Mum, have you been reading fortune cookies again?"

She smirked, with a shake of her head. "How did I ever raise a daughter, with such a smart mouth?"

"I don't know Mum, just lucky I guess.?

Elsa followed me back to my place, I helped her with her suitcase, and we went inside. "Wow, nice place." Elsa, gushed. "You have a lovely sense of style."

I walked into the kitchen, and turned the kettle on. "Do you want tea? I'm having camomile."

She poked her head in the kitchen. "Yes please, that would be wonderful."

Looking out over the island bench, I watched as she walked around, taking in everything. I watched as she came to a stop in front of a photo of Jane and I at Tahunanui beach. I heard her sniffle as she stared up at the photo.

She was hurting every bit as much as me. After making the tea, I carried the cups into the lounge and we flopped back on my big spongy sofa.

"What have you been doing with your life?" I asked. "You must have had lots of adventures, since we last saw each other."

She sipped her tea, her eyes diverted away from me. "I have been pretty much been focused on work, nothing exciting."

Now that I knew she was lying, what I needed was some way to get her to open up. "Really, come on Elsa, you must have met somebody, some hot spunky guy."

"Nina, I..." She started crying, not a torrent, just a trickle.

Putting my cup down, I pulled her into a hug. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"I don't want to talk about it. Look, Nina, drop it. Please, just let it go."

"No worries babes, I wasn't trying to pry. What are you doing now, like tomorrow?"

With a deep sigh, she said. "I'll just be heading home, I have work."

"Elsa, how did you find out about the funeral?"

"I was talking to Cathy, we still stay in touch, and she told me. I wanted to come and support you. I know we haven't talked much since Uni, but I still think of you all the time. I'm sorry I haven't been a very good friend."

I kissed her cheek. "It's me who should be apologising. I don't why we drifted apart."

She didn't reply, but I felt her arms holding me tighter. "Do you live alone?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm sure I'm heading for spinsterhood. I mean I share a house, but I don't have a significant other."

I sighed, hopefully sounding supportive, "I doubt that, you'll be alone. You look more gorgeous than ever. You must have guys busting your door down."

"No, not really. I don't get out much."

Everything felt so forced, I wanted to blurt it out, tell her I knew, but I couldn't do it. We sat making banal stupid conversation like strangers.

We ended up going to bed. I had been tossing and turning in bed, trying to make sense of everything. It was late when I heard the noises from the lounge. It had to be Elsa. I snuck out, to find her standing with a photo of Jane and I, she was just standing in the the dim light, staring at it.

"Pretty, wasn't she." I whispered.

The crash of the frame hitting the floor, as she jumped. Startled us both. "Oh my god." She yelped. "Oh shit, I'm so sorry." She dropped to her knees, and started picking up the bigger pieces of glass. "I'm sorry Nina." She cried, unable to look at me.

I couldn't take it any longer. I dropped down beside her, and pulled her into a hug, our faces buried in each others shoulders. She sobbed, it began as a whimper, but quickly grew into a waterfall. Her body shuddering uncontrollably.

"Elsa, I know okay. I overheard you talking to Mum."

"What!" She wailed, "you heard..."

"Yeah, I heard everything."

She leaned back, her eyes fixing on my own. "Why didn't you say something?"

"I didn't want to embarrass you."

"God, you must hate me."

"Why, you did nothing wrong, it's Jane I hate. I should be apologising to you. I didn't know Elsa, I swear I didn't. I don't know how she could do that to you."

"She just walked out, told me she met somebody else. She just walked out."

Her wretched sobbing got louder, as I tried to console. "I loved her Nina, she was my first real love, I adored her, she was so experienced and helped me find myself. Then she just dumped me. Cast me aside like yesterdays garbage."

"I know Elsa, I know. I can see how much you loved her. God I'm sorry."

I stood up, and dragged her with me. "Careful, you'll cut your feet."

She stepped over the broken glass, and fell back into my arms. "I should have gone home. You don't need all this. You have your own grieving to do."

"Grief, I have none. Al I have been feeling since I heard, is anger. She lied to me, our whole life together was a lie. She used me, nothing more. She was a bitch, right at this moment, I hate her, I hate what she did to you, the heartless bitch."

"You loved her Nina, I only have to look around here to see it. You loved her."

"No Elsa, I loved a lie, the person she pretended to be. I know now, she didn't love me."

We walked over to the sofa, and collapsed in a heap. Huddled together, rocking back and forth.

"When did you know?" I asked...

"I don't know exactly, before you came out if I'm honest."

"Why didn't you say something?"

"Because I was scared, embarrassed, ashamed. All those things, I was frightened."

"But when you found out about Mel and me, why didn't you tell me then?

She shrugged, her shoulders barely moving. "All the same reasons. I don't know Nina, I wasn't even sure. It's not like I did anything, it was just a feeling. I knew I was different, I just didn't understand."

We slipped back into silence, the early morning heavy air taking away even background noise.

I felt her move, as she tucked her legs up under herself, and she nestled against me. I draped my arm over her shoulder, holding her tight.

"Nina, why did you date Mel?"

"She was out, everybody knew she was a lesbian, god she was proud to tell anybody who would listen."

"What's that got to do with it?"

"I don't know if you've noticed Elsa, I'm a bit hopeless at reading people, especially whether they're interested in me. I would have been devastated if I approached somebody, and they turned me down and then told everybody. Without sounding mean. Mel was a sure thing."

"You used her?"

"No. That's unfair. I liked her, she was nice, and I was honest with her. Don't worry, she was pretty keen to get another notch on her headboard. It was her thing, turning straight girls."

"Why didn't you ask me?"

"Because, you were my best friend, I was scared of losing you. I thought if I did something stupid, I would lose you forever. Then, that's exactly what happened anyway."

She swallowed loudly before she said. "How much of what your Mum and I said, did you hear?"

Turning so I could see her face, I said. "Everything."

"Shit."

"Elsa, Why didn't you tell me how you felt? I thought you were repulsed because of my sexuality. I mean, you dated so many guys."

"Yeah well, I think I was trying to prove to myself I was normal, the feelings I had for you, were wrong."

She sniffled, wiping her nose on my PJ's. "Plus, I'm an idiot. I wanted to tell you. Jeez girl, when I look back on my life, all the great moments have you in them. I was broken, when you cut me off."

"I never cut you off babes. I never did."

"Certainly felt like it. You were always hanging with Mel, and her posse. It felt like you didn't want anything to do with me."

"I was lost Elsa, all my other friends wanted nothing to do with me girl, they ghosted me, made snide comments. Fuck, they even told Ms Stigbit, the PE teacher they didn't want me in the showers with them because I was staring at them."

"Yeah, that was shitty."

"Didn't stop you hanging with them though, did it."

"Christ, it was Uni, what the fuck was I supposed to do? I just wanted to fit in, find somewhere I felt accepted."

I squeezed her. "Sorry, I wasn't attacking you."

"Felt like it."

"Well, I wasn't. When I heard you tell Mum, you loved me, I was shocked. Did you mean like, in love, or like a sister love?"

"Nina, I have always loved you, I didn't always understand it. When we dated guys, I was jealous, really jealous, not of them, of you. Then, when I heard you were dating Mel. I flipped, I was furious. I said to myself. Why her, why not me?"

"I was as scared as you Elsa. I was scared shitless."

"Yeah, well how do you think I felt. I wasn't even pretty enough for my best friend."

"What!" I gasped. "That's not true babes. You have always been the gorgeous one. All the boys hit on you."

"Fuck the boys, I didn't care about them. If you thought I was pretty, why didn't you at least try?"

"The reason was, I didn't think you would be interested. I'm not pretty like you. I'm plain, you were my best mate, my bestie."

We sat staring at each other, the world got darker, time slowed, the sir denser, full of tension. My heart beat slowed, it felt like minutes between beats, my skin sticky with perspiration. I felt her move, it was slow, her head nuzzling up from under my armpit, gradually climbing, tilting.

My own head bent down, tilted, my lips, parched, opened. As her lips grazed mine, it was like being plugged into life support. My heart raced, my pulse quickened. Her lips, moist, slippery slid over mine.

Our mouths joined, opening as one. Her tongue slipped onto my mouth and my head spun.

The kiss, it was everything I had ever dreamed of, all other kisses faded into distant memories, this was the kiss, what I had always imagined a kiss would be.

Our mouths mashed together, tongues dancing, slithering around like intoxicated mating eels.

My arms encircled her, pulling her into my lap, her breasts beating wildly filled my hands, Oh my god, they were beautiful, firm and yet deliciously succulent. My fingers mauled, squeezed, massaged, rubbed. Harder and harder, my palms feeling the hard little nibs rubbing erotically on my skin.

Her moan of pleasure filling my mouth.

Her hands weren't idle, my boobs, were covered by her marauding inquisitive hands. My PJ's flung open, and as we broke the kiss, in search of oxygen. Her head fell, and suddenly, her hands were replaced by her sucking mouth.

My mouth, like the starving Vampire I imagined myself to be, dived on her exposed neck, I bit and sucked wantonly on her delicate skin. Big red blotches appearing everywhere.

I wanted to taste her kiss again, it felt like hours since I felt her lips on mine.

Now as she nibbled tenaciously on my lips, I felt her nipples, hard and erect rubbing on my own,

Grabbing a handful of her fleshy orbs, I grabbed her nips, twisting and tweaking. Pulling and stretching, as I ground the rubbery fleshy nubs between my thumb and finger.

"Oh god, Nina, that feels so good." She moaned into my mouth. Her breath sweet and soft.

It did feel good, better than good, perfect sprang to mind. Her body, I had seen it all my life, and now, here she was in my arms. I couldn't believe it.

When her hand slid up my inner thigh, I let my legs part, her hand slid higher, squeezing softly as she found her way to my sex.

The flannelette already damp as her hand pressed hard, the material squishing into my sticky opening. Her fingers, prying, questioning. I pushed my hips forward, enjoying the sensations. Her fingers, like scurrying mice, the material of my PJ's now pushed into my pouting pussy lips, the fabric coated in my sticky arousal, the air heady, the fragrant smell of my desire rich and strong.

When she fumbled with the elastic cord, I didn't fight, I wanted to feel her flesh on mine. I wanted to feel her fingers inside me.

When they arrived at my vagina, I almost sucked them inside, my need was so strong. The appetency powerful, embracing.

As her fingers worked into my slippery centre, I thrust back, urgent and yearning.

Her words floating in my ear. "Hussy."

"Yes, I am."

"You like?" She breathed.

"Yes." I croaked, my voice barely audible.

Her fingers began to intrude, in and out she pushed, my juices coating her hand, and my jammies.

I felt my pussy contracting gripping her fingers. Her palm crushed my mound, my clit throbbing under her torturous attack.

God, I love the bounds of sex, the gooey sticky squishy sounds, of her fingers interrogating my pussy brought alive quivering sensations,

I rolled her to the side, my hand pushing forcefully down into her panties, her pussy, hot, the fabric clingy and moist, the aroma flaring my nostrils. Her slit, slushy and gooey, the sticky secretions clinging to my flesh.

Her lips parted, my fingers disappearing into her depths. Her moans loud, her passion obvious.

I thrust, in and out, fucking her, my hand banging against her clit, trapping it, crushing it, the fat squiggly little beast swollen and red.

The powerful emotions drove us on, her mouth collided with mine, our lips mashed together, our tongues alive.

The explosion of lust sent me into a tremulous muscle spasm, my body shuddering, my cries of passion mingling with Elsa's. Our orgasm so powerful, we collapsed together, spent, exhausted.

I meant to close my eyes, for just an instant, but when I opened my eyes, daylight was creeping over the horizon, freakish fractured rays of multi coloured light filtering through the lace curtains.

Elsa's body writhed against mine, her skin warm and comforting, her breath inviting, and sweet. Taking stock, I stared at her sleeping face. The beauty, the cute little nose, flawless skin.

Images of the previous night flicked randomly through my mind. The mages, a random kaleidoscopic expose of lust. Her gorgeous sexy body, and it was here, against me, crushing me, caressing me.

I moved my arm, trapped beneath her, and she roused, her nose twitching, her eyes fluttering. As they opened fully, and her breathing stopped, she breathlessly whispered. "Nina..."

"Shush, lets not talk. I just want to feel you against me."

"Are you okay?" She breathed.

"Babes, I'm way better than okay. I might be truly alive for the first time in my life. I feel like I am home. This might sound trite, or cliched, but I feel like, this is where I belong."

She started crying, her arms squeezing me tight. "Oh my god, how can you say that, it sounds beautiful. Is that how you really feel though? I mean, really?"

"I've never been so sure of anything in my life. I'm sorry for everything that has happened, but if all that had to happen, to make this moment a reality, then god, it was worth it."

Her mouth crushed mine in a searing breathtaking kiss. It felt so perfect, her lips were made for mine, we fit together exquisitely.

We cuddled like that for a few minutes, but it was cold, and we needed to move.

"Can I use your shower?" She asked.

I led her by the hand, into the shower, turned on the water, and as she climbed in. I was right behind her. She giggled. "Cheeky, who said you could come in?"

"Hey, It's my shower."

"Do you shower with all your guests?"

"Only the inescapably gorgeous sexy ones."

"How many of those have there been?"

"Do you mean including you?"

"Yes."

"One."

Her arms went up over my shoulders, and we kissed again, the stinging steamy jets of water cascaded down over our melded bodies. She reached for the body wash, and her hands caressed every inch of my body, she used her body as a sponge, spreading the soapy suds.

We shampooed each others hair, we kissed the droplets from our eyes.

Words seemed impossible as we made breakfast, neither of us knowing what to say, where to start. We finished breakfast, did the washing up, and I had to try and do something to break this accursed spell of impossibility.

I just grabbed her, my wet hands grabbing her head, my fingers meshed and tangled in her hair, and I kissed her. The spell was broken, I felt her body soften and meld with mine. Her mouth opening, her tongue accepting my invitation to dance. Her hands slipped around my waist and gripped tight.

We stood, our mouths glued together in a scintillating kiss. It was heaven, absolute heaven. All other thoughts, good or bad evaporated.

It's impossible to think when you are submerged into such a kiss. Nuclear bombs may have fallen, I didn't care. All I wanted was for the kiss to never end.

Of course it had to. But our embrace continued, her head resting on my shoulder. "What happens now Nina?"

I held her tighter, scared that if I let go, she would become, just a dream. "I don't know. We could ride off into the sunset together."

She giggled, "Yeah, and how's your bank balance? Because, mine's shit."

I laughed as well. "Sorry, I was hoping you might have won Lotto."

"Sorry, I have the amazingly wonderful sum of less than a thousand dollars in my savings, a car that needs work, and I live in a shared flat."

"Wow, at least I have a house, okay, it doesn't belong to me, but I live in it."

"Seriously Nina, what happens now. I am just going to say it. I love you, I always have. I'm sorry I didn't have the courage to say it earlier, but it doesn't change how I feel."

The words melted my heart, how I loved hearing those words. "Elsa, I love you too, I'm not saying that because you did. I guess I have always known. Which is why it hurt so much, when you weren't in my life. You said it yesterday. All the good things in my life, all those snapshots, they all have you in them. Jeez, even Jane."

I felt her body tense up at the mention of her name.

"You really loved her as well didn't you?"

She nodded, her head moving against my neck. "She was my first Nina, my first real relationship. I thought she loved me. It killed me inside when she just walked away."

"I'm sorry Elsa. I can't believe how little I knew about her. She played us both. I gave her money, I let her move in with me. I let her live here rent free. Now I know what she did to you. I hate her, she was just a manipulative bitch."

We slipped out of each others arms, and walked out into the now bright morning sun. "What are we going to do Nina?" The question hung in the air.