All Comments on 'Chrissy and Zach Make a Move'

Hi I read this. Whilst the story has potential you should consider an editor. Try reading it slowly aloud to yourself. If it doesn't sound right then it probably isn't. Breasts do not giggle,

I like the three stories but feel there are some large jump discontinuities between the three. For example: where did Jacob come from; how did Jacob and Vanessa hook up? Since the posting dates do not reflect the story sequences and the titles are almost unrelated to each other maybe you should add a note defining the sequence of the previous two stories.