Christmas Chickadee

Two hours later we pulled into the parking lot at Lighthouse Park where Lake Huron empties into the St. Clair River. It felt good to stretch my legs. I leaned back into the car and grabbed my binoculars. I noticed the spotting scope lying on the backseat and decided to get it out while Andy got his gear around.

I opened the back door, reached for the scope by grasping the tripod legs. I started to pull and found it was snagged on the far edge of the seat. I decided to extend the legs so I could gain more leverage and pull it over the seat edge. With all of the legs extended and locked I grasped the legs as far up as I could and pulled towards me so the legs would miss my body. The scope caught just a little and I pulled just a little harder. The scope released and shot out as I started to fall backward. I heard a yelp behind me as the scope came to a sudden, but firm stop. I turned my head to see Andy holding his crotch folded over in pain. I realized immediately what had happened. I stood there helpless not knowing what to do.

"Andy, I'm so sorry. I didn't know you was standing behind me. I'm so sorry," my voice almost frantic, no hint of embarrassment, just a sick feeling growing in my stomach. I wanted to reach out and touch where he was hurting, my one open hand flailing the air as I realized it was not a place a woman should touch a man in public.

I watched as he slowly came to the front of the car and leaned over the hood. His face showing pain, his eyes closed as he winced. After a minute, he opened his eyes, turned, and placed his behind against the fender as he took a number of deep breaths.

I was unsure what I should do. I wasn't sure if he would be mad or not. I realized I was still holding onto the tripod tightly. I backed away from him a few steps and set the scope up, spreading the tripod legs wide in the adjacent parking space. After another minute, Andy stood upright.

"Andy, I'm so sorry. Are you going to be all right?"

He looked at me evenly. "Yes, it'll be a few minutes yet. My privates still hurt."

It was less than a minute later before he took his first step. He looked at me as he adjusted the binocular strap around his neck and took a few more steps.

"Maybe I should carry the scope."

I didn't reply. I couldn't blame him. I had just rammed him squarely where a man just doesn't want to get hit. I felt more than embarrassed now. If I had been able to find a hole to crawl into I would have done so. I didn't know what else to say.

I followed him as he headed towards the St. Clair River through four inches of fresh snow and stopped near the bank. Andy set the scope up and took a quick scan of the water as it flowed past filled with chunks of bluish tinted ice. At least six species of waterfowl and at first blush, four species of gull, were present. I was standing at his side feeling as small as I had ever felt in my life.

"Dana, it's okay. I know it was an accident. I was just in the wrong place at the right time."

I didn't know if it was relief I felt knowing he didn't blame me, or knowing he was going to be okay. Another first in my life—I had hit a man in the nuts. I felt my eyes start to water, then a tear rolled down my cheek. I wiped it away with the back of my gloved hand. I really didn't want him to see me cry. I looked towards his voice, his face a blur. Then I felt his hand on my shoulder.

Then, with a light laugh, "Come on. I'm going to be fine. I know you feel bad about what happened. Now let's put it behind us. We came here to see birds and have fun. If it makes you feel any better my plans to get a motel room and make passionate love to you isn't going to happen. You're safe."

I wiped my eyes and saw he was smiling at me. I knew he had forgiven me and I felt the burden lift from my shoulders. Now, if I could only forgive myself. I didn't want to serve as a wet blanket after all. I had to lighten things up. I looked at him with a weak smile.

"Are you trying to make me feel better or worse?"

"Better, I'm interested in being with you, I think you should know that."

I knew what I intended to say was more than flirting. Just as I knew what he had said was more than just trying to make me feel better. He was testing the waters to see if I was interested in being more than we were at present. We hadn't even kissed yet, but I knew. I looked at him with a coy smile and placed my hand on his arm.

"Being with me or in me?"

"Yes," he said quietly.

I watched him as he put his eye to the eyepiece of the scope and scanned across the icy waters of the river. Even with his knit hat pulled down around his ears he looked good to me. After the amount of time we had spent together the physical attraction was as strong as ever. We both knew it. But so, far neither of us had been willing to put ourselves out far enough to accept the risk of rejection for something more.

I couldn't help but wonder if my trail of stupid accidents wasn't part of the problem. Never in my entire life had I been involved in so many incidents like this. What if he saw them as being symptomatic of something larger? Maybe I was too much of a klutz. At first, somewhat amusing, but now a potential source not only of embarrassment, but of physical injury. I had to admit I was beginning to feel insecure.

"Dana, here take a look. I'll check my field guide while you get a good look. Tell me what you think it is."

He stepped back from the scope as I moved in to put my eye into place. I adjusted the focus slightly and saw a gull resting on the edge of the ice. I studied the bird for almost two minutes and then gave him my identification as I continued watching.

"I'm not completely sure, but I would go with Little Gull. But I need to check the field guide to know for sure."

I stepped back from the scope and looked at him as he handed the field guide to me with the plate for gulls open. He stepped to the scope and put his eye to the eyepiece. I looked at the gull plate and compared the species it illustrated. I smiled to myself—Little Gull!

"Looks as if we agree. I don't know about you, but this is a lifer for me. I'm glad it's an adult bird. It makes an ID much easier."

I was excited as I knew it was a lifer for me too. He turned to me with a huge smile and we stepped to one another and shared a brief hug of congratulations as I announced it was a lifer. We had been standing in the cold and wind now for almost an hour and I was getting cold, particularly my feet. I felt my body shiver again.

"Dana, are you getting cold?"

"Yes. My feet are getting cold. I just have my jeans on with nothing on underneath and these boots don't stay very warm to just stand in."

"Okay. Let's head back to the car. I'm starting to feel it too."

We walked back to the parking lot, Andy carried the spotting scope as I walked next to him. The scope was placed into the back seat and we took off their winter coats before getting into the car, placing our binoculars inside on the dashboard. Andy started the car and before long the heater was providing a steady flow of warm air. Andy headed for the park located under the bridge spanning the river where we could watch for birds from the comfort of the car. We watched the steady stream of gulls and mergansers as they floated downstream with the current as others flew upstream to land and float downstream again. There were birds in the air all of the time, a swirling maze of white, black, grays, and a few brownish immatures that were mesmerizing while in flight.

"Dana, are you ready for lunch? I'm starting to feel hungry."

"Yes, I was just starting to think the same thing."

We walked into the restaurant fifteen minutes later. The sign indicated we should seat ourselves and we found a table along the wall with windows overlooking the river. I felt good, my feet had warmed up while in the car. We placed our order and then went to use the restrooms, Andy was already sitting down when I got back.

"Andy, what are you going to do for Christmas? I'm going to visit my parents for a few days. I plan to arrive early the day before, open gifts Christmas Eve, spend most of Christmas day with my family, and head home in the afternoon."

"Sounds pretty much like what I have planned, except I'll be staying a day longer after Christmas to visit with my brother and his family. Then, I'll be back to the office to review the end of year financial statements and work on a draft report I want to get done before flying to California."

We ate our meals discussing what we had observed, paid our bills, and headed home. It took just over two hours before we pulled into the parking lot at my apartment. Outside of the incident with the spotting scope it had been a fun day. But the ride home had been quiet with little conversation between us after a while. I was disappointed when Andy begged off spending time with me, saying he had last minute Christmas shopping left to do. I got out of the car and watched as he drove off after I had opened the door to my apartment. He hadn't walked me to the door this time.

I wondered now if I would see him again. Once inside, I tried to put the best face on it I could. Maybe he was tardy in getting his shopping done, just as I had always been in the past. I realized how much I was attracted to him and remembered how Jed, my last boyfriend, had become silent the last few days we were together. Men often didn't say what's on their mind when it comes to expressing feelings—especially those things that might hurt. I was certain I had blown it.

A call from Andy hadn't come. It had now been over a week. I was disappointed. I had hoped each day he would call me.

Eleven days later, December 24^th, I looked over the packed suitcase one more time to make sure I hadn't missed anything. Then I checked the large cardboard box to make sure all of the gifts were inside and then closed the flaps with a satisfied grin. I carried the box out first, placing it in the trunk of the car, then returned for my suitcase, placing it on the back seat. I walked back into my apartment, sat down, and picked up the book I had been reading the day before—should I take it along and finish it, though maybe I would be too busy to even look at it. I was mulling it over when my cell phone rang. I picked it up and looked at the number. I didn't recognize it. Probably a solicitation call, though the number looked local, maybe I should take it. I decided to answer, sighing it was a call I would regret taking.

"Dana speaking."

"Dana, Andy. Have you left your apartment yet?"

"No, I'm still here. I was going to leave in about fifteen minutes," feeling both elated to hear his voice and dreading what he might say after such a long time.

"Would you mind waiting until I get there before you leave? I'm about ten minutes away."

"No, of course not. I'll wait," wondering why he wouldn't tell me he didn't want to see me again over the phone rather than in person.

"Okay. I'll be there as quickly as I can."

I put the phone down with a frown. I hadn't heard a word from him in almost two weeks and now he was coming over? He was leaving for his parent's home today wasn't he? I looked out the window and saw snow had started to fall. For a change the weather report was correct.

My emotions were mixed. Was he going to act as a real gentleman and tell me he didn't think it was wise to continue to see me? In all likelihood, that was the reason. After all, he hadn't called me to say he had enjoyed our last date. All of the men I had dated before had done that almost without exception. At least he was going to be a man about it. But I felt disappointment creep in with the thought. I decided not to take the book with me and returned it to the bookshelf after making sure the bookmark reflected my progress.

I walked to the window and drew back the curtain to look out to the parking lot feeling melancholy. A few minutes later I saw Andy's car pull in and park. Andy got out and walked straight to my door. I opened the door and tried to put on a bright, happy face despite feeling anything but cheerful.

"Hi, I didn't expect to see you before I left to see my family."

He smiled at me, "No, I expect you didn't. I'm sorry I didn't call you earlier, but frankly I've had some things to work out. You know since meeting you I'm been a bit distracted and unsure of myself. But I wanted to wish you a merry Christmas before you left and give you a little gift." He pulled out a small, narrow oblong box with a bow tied around it and handed it to me.

"Merry Christmas. You should wait and open it with your other gifts on Christmas Eve. That way, I know you'll be thinking of me."

I felt myself relax, releasing stress I hadn't realized was there. This was so sweet! This was hardly what I had expected. My heart filled with promise. A gift! I took the box from his hand and looked at it, then up to his face. Those wonderful eyes met my gaze, soft and tender. But more than the gift was the realization he wanted me to think of him. The gift was meant to keep us engaged while we were apart. It told me so much about how he felt. Though it didn't provide an answer as to why he hadn't been in touch in almost two weeks.

"Andy, I don't know what to say. I don't have a gift for you. I mean, I just didn't think about getting one for you."

"Dana, that's quite all right, you have already given me a gift. The smile on your face when I handed the gift to you was more than enough. Now, both of us need to get on the road if we're going to arrive on time. Be careful driving. It's starting to get slick out."

"I will, if you will."

I felt unsure about what to do next. So I gave him a quick hug and released him with a smile. I wanted to do more. But this hardly seemed the time for it. He opened the door and walked out. I closed the door and went to the window to watch him as he walked to his car, got in, and drove off. My heart still beat faster than normal. There didn't seem a good reason for it, after all a man doesn't give you a gift for nothing if he isn't ever going to see you again. Does he? My thoughts raced in circles, then stopped.

He still wants to see me! Damn! He wants to see me! I should have given him a kiss. Five minutes later I chided myself for thinking the worst regarding our relationship as I locked the door and walked to my car. We hadn't even been together but three times—why should I not have thought it was over. In my experience three or four dates was often a critical point when a decision was made to keep seeing one another or not. This was definitely a sign he was interested. I was fully aware I was interested after hugging him again. I wondered about his comment regarding having to work something out and being unsure. Well, it was true I hardly knew him. What should I expect? That he didn't have concerns and problems of his own to deal with?

The drive to my parent's home took longer than expected. The snow covered roads slowed traffic down to a crawl at times. When I pulled into the driveway I saw faces looking out the front window. I pulled my suitcase out of the back seat and walked in to the loving arms of my parents and family members. My father asked if there was anything else I needed from the car and I handed him the keys to the trunk of the car. A few minutes later my father walked in with the box of gifts and we proceeded to place them under the tree.

We settled down to drinks of apple cider and hot chocolate and spirited conversation. Later, I took my suitcase up to my old bedroom that now served as the guest room and reminisced about my childhood. After dinner we sat and talked, looking at photographs of years past. Of course, there was always the same questions posed by my mother—was I dating anyone? Was I happy with work? Was there someone I was interested in? There always seemed to be an expectation I would someday arrive with a man in hand. This time, I smiled as I revealed I was dating again. I was pleased my mother hadn't asked why Jed and I had gone our separate ways.

"Yes, I just started dating a man named Andy. He's an Ecologist at a consulting firm."

"So how many times have you gone out with him?"

"Actually, only twice. But we met one time before and I'm not counting that."

"So, you're just getting to know him?"

"Yes, Mother. He seems really nice. I expect to see him when I return home. But he's going to leave just after New Years to open a new office for his firm in California. He'll be gone anywhere from two to three months. So, it may not last long."

My mother looked disappointed at the comment, but didn't say anything more. At least those questions were over and not likely to be asked again, at least not this year. Dinner was lively and festive with good food and drink. After dinner we converged on the family room and prepared to open gifts.

The younger family members were tasked with distributing the gifts and when all were delivered, the adults watched the youngsters as they tore into the gift wrapping with loud enthusiasm. Cries of joy and surprise erupted with each unwrapped gift. As the children amused themselves with their new toys the adults began to unwrap their gifts, sharing their enjoyment and saying thank you. The only gift I had yet to open lay at my side.

"Come on Dana. You have one gift left to open. Who's it from?" my sister asked.

I smiled. "It's from Andy, the man I just started to date. I don't expect it's much as we hardly know one another. Just the same it was terribly sweet of him to give me one."

I removed the bow and slowly torn off the wrapping paper. Inside was a black plastic box, when I opened it I gave a little gasp—a beautiful twenty-two inch gold braided necklace glistened from the soft velvet cranberry interior. It was absolutely gorgeous, undoubtedly expensive. Inside was a small envelope. I opened it to find a handwritten note—'A beautiful woman deserves something equally as beautiful.' I put the box down into my lap and simply looked at the necklace, almost dazed. I saw his smile and those dreamy hazel eyes. His handsome face smiled at me as if he was sitting at my side.

"Aunt Dana, are you going to try it on?"

"Yes, of course," I replied. Though my instinct was to put it back into the box as it was too expensive a gift. I mean men just don't give gifts like this to someone they hardly know. In a way, it was a strange reaction on my part, it wasn't like I hadn't benefited from my relationships in the past. I had always been given ample consideration by the men I dated. I knew it was due to my physical attractiveness and their desire to influence me. I walked to the bathroom and placed the necklace around my neck while looking in the mirror. I was astounded with how I felt when I saw it hanging gracefully from my neck. It was stunning! I walked out and sat down. My mother walked over and inspected the necklace along with my sister and niece.

"Honey, this is a gift from the man you have just started to date?"

"Yes, I wasn't expecting a gift from him. I'm not sure what to think."

"Dana, it's beautiful, no man gets a woman a gift like this unless he has serious intentions."

My sister looked at me with a mischievous grin. "You must have made quite an impression on him!"

I didn't know what to say. I wasn't about to reveal how we had met the first day, and the incident while birding was not something I wanted to even think about. So much of how we met was so embarrassing. What to think of this? I honestly didn't know.

I had dated so many men over the years but none of them had ever come close to giving me a gift this expensive. I'd spent weekends in a motel or hotel with a man where he had paid for most of it. But those trips were taken after months of getting to know one another and I had gone with the full knowledge we would be intimate, and I wanted to be.