Christmas Star

Meagan and I had been together about a year, and we had just celebrated Josie's third birthday. It had been an extremely long and cold winter in Virginia Beach. Meagan was working late hours at the hospital and I was overwhelmed by a heavy backlog of consulting work. Although in good spirits, we were both feeling tired and burned out and needed a break from the routine.

Meagan was due some vacation time, so we booked a small cabin well away from the city, where we could get some quality rest. We stuffed the jeep with pillows, blankets, soft drinks, and some toys for Josie, and in the morning of the day before Christmas, we started out for our hideaway.

Surprisingly it turned out to be a beautiful day: roads were dry, wind was brisk, the sky was bright and strewn with fluffy white clouds, and traffic was light for a change. I turned on the radio and was actually enjoying the drive, wending through the beautiful countryside with my two favorite girls in the world. The built-up nervous tension began to melt away, and I asked myself why we weren't doing this more often.

About midway through the trip we stopped at a Ma&Pa place to have lunch, and took out a bucket of fried chicken and some cookies for Josie, then piled back in the jeep. Josie curled up in a blanket in the back seat and was asleep in minutes. A few hours later we were deep in densely pine-forested hills, and the ground was covered by a light blanket of newly fallen snow. Like a picture from a child's story book, the scene was a refreshing change from the bustle of the city.

After a few wrong turns, we finally came upon our little cabin, located on a windswept gentle slope, sheltered by hillocks on two sides. We parked the jeep close to the door, then woke Josie and unloaded everything. The cabin was built entirely of huge pine logs, and the place gave one the feeling of comfortable coziness. There was a rudimentary electric heater, and in the center of the building was a huge stone fireplace common to all four rooms. The bedroom had two double beds that looked very inviting after the long drive.

We started a fire, then the cabin began to warm up nicely. The sun had just begun to set and the azure western sky was underscored by brilliant bands of orange and blue and silver. Outside, the air was permeated with sparkling miniscule ice crystals, a light snowfall had begun, and we all stepped outside just to gaze awhile. Josie was having fun, catching snowflakes on her tongue and making snow angels. I felt more content and at peace than I had for years. At that serene moment, surrounded by the beauty of God's creation, with the two most precious people in my life close beside me, if God had asked, "What more do you want, Nick?", I would have said, "Nothing, thank you Father, more than this, I could not want."

As we stood there taking in the beautiful pristine snowfall, the sky grew dark, and we began to see great beautiful tendrils of light, blue, yellow, pink, green, flashing above us in criss-cross patterns. The lightning was not violent and almost silent; no thunder was heard, just gentle swishing sounds. Meagan and I looked at each other, wordlessly saying,"What in the world?" The bolts gradually increased in intensity and duration, then as if shaped by a giant hand, slowly swirled and gathered, finally coalescing to form a huge pulsating sphere of wondrous golden light, hovering about a hundred meters directly above the cabin. With no small amount of trepidation, I wondered if this was truly happening or if it was a dream, and thought briefly that we should scramble for cover in the woods. But being transfixed by the astounding sight, we just stood in awed silence, like deer surprised by headlights. Little Josie was looking up at the amazing display, and she appeared amused and (unlike Meagan and I) quite unafraid. The falling snow and ice took on the radiant hues, creating a sparkling and dazzling light show all around us. The sphere's glow slowly increased until it shone so brightly that the night was as day, and we could hardly stare directly at it as we felt the pleasant warmth that it emitted, even at this great distance. And perhaps strangest of all, with the brilliant light and warmth came an almost overpowering scent of lilacs, of all things!

The 'star' continued to hover for a few minutes, growing brighter, then began to rise into the night sky, slowly at first, then increasingly faster, its brilliance increasing as it rose, until finally with a silent nova-like burst it winked out of sight above the clouds. Then a brilliant umbrella of a million glowing stars covered the velvet sky, and the snow-covered ground together with the starlight made the night seem like day.

When the star went out of sight, Josie quickly returned her attention to frolicking in the snow, making a snowgirl, while Meagan and I sat shivering on the firewood stack, watching as the powdery snow slowly transformed Josie into a little white teddy bear. I pulled Meagan close and softly kissed her cheek. As we looked at each other questioningly, she whispered meekly, "The star...from where and why...and the delicious scent of lilacs?" I didn't know what to say. We would never know what caused the wondrous light to appear at this particular time and place, but one thing was certain: this night would indeed be long remembered.

A few minutes later, and just before Meagan and I froze solid, Josie announced that the snowgirl was finished. But there seemed to be something missing, so I called upon my vast skills of sculpting and fixed up snowgirl's chest so she looked more like a girl than a boy. We all had a good laugh over that, then we went inside because it was getting windy and really cold. I threw a couple more logs on the fire, we heated coffee and chocolate on the fireplace and enjoyed the snacks we brought. Then we unpacked a deck of cards and played some fun games of concentration until we were sleepy and ready to get snug in bed.

With Josie in her wooly pajamas and Christmas stocking cap, Meagan tucked her in bed, along with two of her favorite teddy bears. She looked like a little kitten curled up by the fireplace after having had a bowl of warm cream, and was fast asleep in a few minutes. I put another log on the fire and banked it so it would burn all night. Then Meagan and I got into our pajamas and cotton knee socks and stocking caps. The bed had nicely warmed from the fire, and we thankfully lay down and pulled up the thick warm blankets. Meagan was shivering a little, so I put my arms around her, drawing her close.

"Well, Mrs. Claus, you certainly are resplendent in your green and orange elven togs and cap," I said.

"And I must say you look rather striking in your classic red and white, Santa," she said laughingly.

Now her wonderful warm and tender body was close to mine, and we felt considerably warmer. The darkness and quietness were relaxing and almost mesmerizing. Outside, the wind made low mournful sounds as it whipped up the clouds of snow and ice pattering against the windows. The fire crackled and hissed softly, playing flickering friendly shadows on the walls, and the air was filled with the delicious scent of pine. I glanced across the room at Josie and saw she was soundly sleeping and purring softly, like a kitten.

"So what do you think about our star? Did it really happen, or did we all somehow have the same illusion? I even thought briefly of searchlights, or someone playing tricks with drones, but those are very unlikely...I don't know what to make of it," I said.

"Well, everybody puts up colored lights around Christmas time, so why not God? I think it was...a sign...for us," she said.

"C'mon, are you serious...you mean a sign from Heaven?"

"Yes, why not? Some dedicate their whole lives to God and pray to see a miracle, some visual evidence of God's existence, only to die unfulfilled. I believe what we saw is just that, a miracle, and since nobody else is around for miles, it was obviously meant just for us. Maybe it wasn't physically real, perhaps God planted it in our minds. But the three of us saw the same thing, so whatever the form, it did happen. We should feel blessed, for having been permitted to see it," she said.

"I can see that you really believe that...your argument is...convincing. But what would be its meaning, then?" I said, subdued.

"It is Christmas Eve, and hopefully God found some small favor with us, and maybe it was a reminder that we should honor and love Jesus and that we should be thankful for the blessings that we possess, especially on this sacred night."

"We have each other and Josie, and I give thanks for that every day," I said.

"And so do I. But now we are talking about it openly, and for the first time giving thanks, together, for the three lives that God has gifted to us."

I said as I kissed her forehead, then lips, "I think I love you...more than life, Meagan."

She had tears welling as she said, "Without love, Nick, there can be no life."

I said, brightening, "Well, Mrs. Claus, I think that to celebrate this special night, we should give each other one small Christmas gift."

She, eyes twinkling, "OK Santa, then this is what I want!" and snuggling close, putting her arms around me, she whispered a desire.

"Mmm...exactly what I had in mind. And this is what I want," as I whispered in her ear.

"Ha, that can be easily arranged!" she smiled.

Then we proceeded to exchange gifts, the most wonderful and precious gifts that God ever bestowed upon man and woman, not once, not twice, but three times, through that long and cold and blustery winter night. Then, exhausted, in each other's arms we slept, long and dreamless and restful.

In the morning, the snow was wet and deep, so I lifted Josie and she giggled as I carried her over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes. As we were leaving, we looked back wistfully at the little cabin and I said as I kissed Meagan's cheek, "Happy Christmas, Liebchen. I hate to leave...the cabin looks lonely now...let's come back here, soon."

"Yes, please, very soon...just as soon as we can," she smiled.

The next Christmas, and the next, we returned to the cabin, hoping to see the star again, but it never reappeared.

**********

The years passed, flowing slowly like the waters of a gentle stream. The time I had with Meagan, in the latter years of my life, were the happiest that I had ever known. So when we found that I was afflicted with that most dreaded disease, I did my best to take it in stride, foregoing the senseless bitterness of rage and self pity, and I determined to live the rest of my life in as normal a manner as possible...

On Christmas Eve, three years after the 'star', we were putting up the last of the decorations and relaxing with some hot chocolate. I waited until Josie had gone upstairs to bed, then as Meagan was fixing angels on the tree, I walked up quietly behind her and gently slipped my arms about her, kissing the soft, warm nape of her neck.

She said, smiling mischievously, "Hmm...need something, Santa?"

I said, "I have something sad to tell you, especially sad because of the timing."

She turned to me, smiling weakly, an unspoken question on her lips.

"I think now that the 'star' at the cabin was telling me that my time was getting near. A star burns brightest just before it...and I have been so very bright and happy with you, Meagan. Anyway, doctor told me that this would likely be my last Christmas. So sorry, I should have told you sooner, but every time I tried--"

She said, "I knew, a few days ago."

"You knew? But how?"

"You forget, I have known your doctor for many years. When I saw how you looked after your last appointment and you avoided talking about it, I called him."

"Sorry to be speaking of this now," I said.

Blinking back tears she said, "Shush, we will think positively, and we will get you the best care we can. The doctor said that the probability of remission is low, but still there is that possibility. So we will keep our hopes, and face together whatever the future may hold."

"You are much braver than I could ever be," I said softly.

" And smarter, too! Now, didn't you say you had something to give me?"

"I did?"

She said, "Yes, don't you remember?"

"Well, I do have this one little gift for you. It's the green box under the tree."

"It's so heavy, what is it?" she asked.

"Open it and see."

She said, "Well, what a beautiful snowglobe! And there's a cabin on a snowy hill...even a little jeep, just like....I love it!"

"There's an inscription on the base," I said.

"Para Meagan, de mi corazon mas profundo, todo mi amor, hasta siempre. What does it mean?" she said.

"I'll tell you later. Flip the switch on the bottom."

She did, and a dozen blue, yellow, pink, and green stars glowed atop the globe as a myriad of snowflakes swirled around the tiny cabin, while in the globe's center a small star emitted a slowly pulsating golden glow.

"So beautiful. Wherever did you find it?"

"I didn't. I sent a sketch to an old friend in Mexico, and he made it for me," I said.

She kissed me tenderly, "I'll treasure it, always. And the inscription?"

"For Meagan, from my deepest heart, all my love, until forever. Please know that I would rather have had these last few years with you, than an eternity without you. And I hope that when I am gone, it'll remind you of the good times we had there, and you'll remember me not in sorrow, but in happiness. Will you remember, Meagan?"

Tears streaming, "Yes, love, I will...until God brings us together again...for ever, and ever."

I said, hugging her fiercely, our faces wet, "Well, Josie is dreaming of sugar plums, so what do you want to do tonight? Are we expecting anybody?"

She said, "Nope, mom and dad are coming over tomorrow. Everything is all buttoned up, turkey is in the oven, and I'm tired and ready for beddy bye...and I thought we should take some hot chocolate upstairs and have a little gift exchange, you know, like we did at the cabin...remember?"

"Oh yeah, I remember alright, how could I not, when I think of it about four times a minute?"

"Now I want something nice, Santa."

"And so do I. And I'll think of something nice, if you do," I said.

"Don't worry, Mrs. Claus is always kind on Christmas."

As we sipped our chocolate, from our bedroom window we gazed out upon the darkened and snow-covered streets, and these words came to mind:

"Yet in thy dark streets shineth, the everlasting light." [1]

Then we proceeded to exchange gifts, the most wonderful and precious gifts that God ever bestowed upon man and woman...

END

(Dedicated to Meagan)

Sources

[1] "O little town of Bethlehem", text by Phillips Brooks