All Comments on 'Christmas visitor Pt. 01'

Didn't even come across as erotic, rather sick joke and disturbing for women of age to play on a sibling you hate to begin with....... The hate will grow and she will pay ultimately down the road.

FTDS

This story begs for more parts, are they truly gay or just experimenting like college girls do.

"FTDS"

,

What part of Pt. 01 was too hard for you to understand. Are you really that fucking stupid?

An easy 5 rating, (Very easy 5) BECAUSE "dropping to her lightly haired pubic mound," this was NOT a shaved razor burnt pussy with upcoming pimples about to form the next morning. Again, an easy 5 for that very specific reason!!!! The story also sounds somewhat believable. While it needs to be a bit more erotic in nature, I could almost see it unfolding as a real event. Additional chapters (HAIRY) need to follow along after this one.

This story and its predecessor have lots of potential to be great stories, but are plagued by numerous problems. Lack of punctuation that yield complex and confusing run on sentences, numerous spelling errors, pronoun confusion; to name a few. The use of a Literotica editor prior to publishing online would have caught many of these issues, and provided much stronger stories.

Please don’t take my criticism as a general rejection of the stories themselves. I know how difficult it is to create good erotica, and I applaud your efforts; your stories are certainly better than anything I could write. I hope you will continue with more installments of this story, and go on to other new stories