Chronicles of a Shared Wife Ch. 15

The wilderness years.

I've given this chapter a subtitle of 'the wilderness years' because that describes how this part of our journey felt. After Chris and up to the point of our latest 'special friendship' it felt like we, myself and hubby john, were wandering around lost in a wilderness of expectation.

Knowing what we wanted but not quite finding it, or perhaps believing we had found that special guy and then having our hopes dashed by one thing or another.

Men came and went, yes we had fun, lots of it. But what we craved eluded us for several years. And that, was something resembling our very special friendship we had enjoyed with Dave.

There were lots of encounters we had over the next three years, some minor some not so minor. There is too much material for me to write about every single experience, so I've decided to pick two of the most memorable episodes from the years leading up to the events of 2020.

However before I do that, there is the important matter of my good friend Rita.

A woman who had walked into my life seemingly from nowhere and went on to occupy so much of it.

Rita, who had kept a terrible secret well hidden for so long not just from me but others that shared her life, was about to reveal all.

Although that reluctantly, still clinging onto deception to the bitter end...it's all the poor woman had known for so many years.

Now spring of 2017 my 41st birthday long gone.

Still in touch with young Chris, he had joined a dating agency after much pushing from me, and was starting to get some interest, things were looking good for him.

My son Chris our eldest, has left home. Gone to live at his girlfriends parents place. They have plenty of money and own a large four bedroom house in the country.

Acres of land too. Chris and Zoe live in a caravan on the property, which her mum and dad originally bought for her older sister who has since moved on.

Steve our youngest son left school last september and has moved up to the same college Chris attends. Now dating and spending less time at home, starting to come out of his shell. He still spends weekends at granny's house, giving us our saturday nights free.

And it's here on a saturday evening in mid april that we rejoin our story...

Sitting alone on the sofa, glass of red in hand, letting my mind wander back to a subject I've earlier been discussing with Rita, namely the hot topic of our new security guard at the store.

Tall and handsome, a mature guy in his early sixties, good posture and an air of authority about him...I like that. Piercing blue eyes and a suggestion of military background complete the attraction.

Yep, it's fair to say he's caught my eye, both myself and Rita fancy him but so far only I have managed to speak to the guy, Rita far too shy.

I've also aimed several meaningful looks his way but so far...zilch.

You can't win em all as they say, perhaps he's just not interested, I'm not exactly gods gift after all. Either that or he's a faithful husband, that mythical beast...they are rumoured to exist.

Just as I'm contemplating this I hear the hum of the boiler go silent, Rita has stopped showering. Only having a bath at home, and loving a hot shower, I let her shower here when she comes to visit.

Just then I realise I haven't called John, he's off on a 'stealth' camp this time, a roundabout would you believe at a busy junction...I'm sure he's going nuts!

It's seen as a challenge apparently. Anyway I always give him a ring to see if he's ok. Realising my phone is upstairs in our bedroom I head off to retrieve it.

Passing the bathroom door I hear Rita curse from inside, picking the phone up and going back to the bathroom door to ask if everything's alright we suddenly both recoil together in unison as Rita pulls the bathroom door open unexpectedly, she didn't know I was there and I didn't know she was going to open it.

Both yelping in surprise at the same time, Rita is completely naked amid a cloud of steam escaping through the open door.

What happens next happens fast, after the initial surprise Rita's face fills with panic and she quickly pushes the door to, "Bloody hell pip...didn't know you were there...I...I have no towel...could you get me one please love?"

My reply is delayed for a second, the shock at what I've just seen having a numbing effect, "Erm....er yeah...just a sec..."

Retrieving a fresh towel from our bedroom I pass my friend it through a gap in the door, "...here...sorry I made you jump I was just getting my phone from the bedroom."

There's a 'no worries' from the bathroom and a promise she'll be out in a minute.

Walking slowly back downstairs and to the living room, still trying to make sense of what I've witnessed.

For Rita's arms and legs are covered in scars, like cut marks made by a knife. In amongst these scars, there are small circular reddy brown marks. These are not just on her arms and legs but also cover the rest of her body, with several on each breast.

The cut marks, I've seen something similar before years ago, it's complicated so I won't go into detail, they look like self harm scars. The cause of the small circular marks comes to me as I pour myself another drink...cigarette burns.

As I ponder what to do next it occurs to me that in all the time I've known Rita I've never seen her bare arms before, she always wears long sleeved blouses and also never wears a skirt, choosing trousers or leggings.

Now I know why.

The sound of footfalls coming downstairs wake me from my troubled thoughts and I look up to see Rita coming into the living room.

Seeing the worried expression on my face she quickly looks away at the TV, which is on but sound muted, "What we watching tonight?"

Her words almost spat out with haste.

Sitting down next to me and pulling the dressing gown I let her borrow, tighter across herself.

Looking down, the long garment covers all but her ankles.

Letting my gaze wander up from the floor to her face, I ignore her distractionary question...she knows what's coming next...I can see her almost wincing.

"Rita...I...I'm sorry...I couldn't help but notice love...how did you get those scars?"

At first she denies it asking 'what scars?' Then begins playing it down with a 'oh them?' Telling me she used to look after a neighbours cat while they were away on holiday, apparently it hated her.

A fluent liar, they roll off her tongue in second nature no doubt due to decades of practice, but I'm not letting this go.

Beginning to feel angry at how easily she lies to me, her best friend...

I'm looking right at her but she won't return my gaze, staring at the TV...like it's the last thing on earth no doubt willing her lies to work while trying to act casual.

"Rita?...I know that's not true...that wasn't a cat."

She continues watching a silent TV still desperately trying to shrug my enquiry off, "What you on about now...here...where's my drink?"

Looking around, then going to stand up I put my hand on her shoulder and at this she stops, remaining seated and eventually turning to look me in the eyes.

Initially there is a defiant gaze, which stirs my anger, why lie? Or rather, why lie to me? That's what stings.

Trying again, "It wasn't a cat...was it?"

Keeping eye contact and squeezing her shoulder at the same time.

She continues staring defiantly for a brief moment, then I see it soften and a confused frown form in its place, Rita looks away, down at the floor and then begins sort of mumbling to herself in a quiet voice.

"It's your fault...should of checked...fuckin towel...never saw that one coming did you..."

Her mutterings are difficult to hear she's speaking so fast and so quietly it's hard to understand. At first I think she's talking to me but quickly realise that Rita is having a heated conversation with herself.

It's like there's two of her, each blaming the other for the scars discovery.

Her voice sounds different, so nasty and sarcastic. It doesn't sound like Rita at all and it scares me.

Gently shaking her shoulder while saying her name in a loud voice seems to break the spell, she raises her head to gaze at me with a bewildered look, like she doesn't recognise me, "You...your not supposed to know...how d..."

She's really scaring me now and I shake her again while interrupting, "Hey...hey Rita it's alright...I'm here ok?...it's me pip."

At this I suddenly see her kind of 'snap back' into herself, the distant rambling stranger evaporating quickly.

Rita's eyes well up and her face contorts, chin trembling, as the tears begin to flow, "What am I gunna do...what am...I...gunna...."

The trembling words melt into heavy sobs. We embrace and I comfort her in soft tone, "It's alright I'm here...it's alright."

But she's so upset that it takes a long while to calm her down.

All the time I'm comforting her my mind is in turmoil, I have long suspected that Rita is keeping something secret from me, something to do with her controlling hubby Carl and now it seems that my fears are founded.

Eventually I do succeed in calming my friend down, and I ask the question again.

And this time I hear the truth, all of it. From how the scars got there, continuing back through the past, Rita tells me her story.

By the time she has finished I'm in tears myself. What she has been put through by this evil man beggars belief.

I can't go into too much detail as there are anonymity issues. The cuts on her arms and legs are mainly self inflicted, some however are his handy work. The cig burns are all his, plus many broken bones over many years.

But it's when I try and do what I believe is the right thing, that this fucking animals true power over her is revealed.

After telling me her story I'm so outraged that I reach for my phone while telling Rita that I'm calling the police.

On hearing this she instantly becomes hysterical, snatching the phone away from me and almost screaming in my face, "No!"

I see utter panic and so much fear in her wild stare as she promises me that if I do get the police involved she will kill herself.

Upon witnessing this frightening behaviour from Rita I'm left with no doubt that she would carry out her threat.

All I can do is calm her down once more with reassurances that I won't do anything to upset her.

What this guy has done to Rita is not just physical but psychological too. He has such a power over the poor woman that doing the right thing has been turned on its head and is now perceived by her to be not just something negative but something so unthinkable that the mention of it drives her into a wild panic.

The abuse has been going on for a long time, even before they were married. A manipulative, cunning man, he outwardly gives an impression of friendly trustworthiness, a gentleman even. However, Rita knew another side to him, one he kept carefully hidden.

Rita's mum and dad thought the sun shone out of his arse and wouldn't hear a bad word against him even though Rita tried to tell them. They both passed away several years earlier without ever knowing the truth.

All the time he was playing Mr nice guy to Rita's family and friends he was abusing her. There was apparently no reason for him to be like this, I think some folk are just born bad.

After calming my friend down once more, I beg her to please don't go back to him, offering to put her up here in the spare room.

But she insists that she can't do that and must go back. When I ask why Rita merely replies with a resigned little smile and, "You wouldn't understand."

At one point during our conversation I let slip that I'm going to discuss the situation with John, this has a similar, although not quite as dramatic a reaction as the police suggestion, promting another promise from me.

A promise I secretly know I'm going to break, my relationship with Rita is a close one especially now, but the bond I have with John is much closer and I'm not keeping this from him.

Our night together has been a long one full of shocks, but as Rita becomes ever more weary and I might say rather drunk and who can blame her with what she has had to describe to her friend...she has one final nasty surprise to reveal before sleep takes her away.

Although Carl has taken control of almost every aspect of Rita's life, financial, social etc. There is one blind spot, one tiny chink in the armour.

Our saturday night's together, this is her one act of rebellion. It took a lot of courage to begin our friendship, she confides.

However, it's the reason that she is able to visit me on a weekend that I find particularly cruel.

Rita tells me in a matter of fact kind of way, that she's able to get away with it without him knowing because her hubby is distracted, his attention focussed on something else other than controlling her.

This 'something' is in the form of another woman, a 'bit on the side' as they say around here.

But rather than be discreet about this arrangement, perhaps try and hide the affair from his wife, Carl the sadistic cunt, taunts her with it.

His bit on the side is just as bad, joining him in the taunting and blatantly flaunting the fact she's entertaining Rita's hubby.

My jaw drops as she explains that he occasionally sends picture messages by text to her phone, explicit images of the pair together.

She has looked at the first few in the past but now deletes them without looking.

I am aghast, I can't believe what I'm hearing. This thing called Carl is tormenting my friend, I'm not only in shock at what she has revealed but my blood is boiling with anger.

And as Rita sleeps fitfully next to me in the living room where we crash, I lay awake most of the night going over what she's said and all I can think about is...I want to hurt this guy.

**

The morning after the night before sees Rita and myself at the breakfast table, a little subdued initially, I'm not sure what to say except the usual morning banter.

I'm scared about my friend going back to 'that' but I'm trying not to show it.

Then, half way through breakfast Rita surprises me by relenting on her request for me not to tell John. I think her decision is influenced by the fact that she has gotten used to John and feels comfortable in his presence.

When they first met she was very quiet and wary around him. But as time has passed and we have been in each others company more, my shy friend has come a long way.

John too, to his credit, has been very patient and understanding with Rita, respectful that she is so suspicious of men in general.

This new situation regarding Rita and John is partly due to the time of year we have just been through...I'll explain.

As I've previously mentioned, my hubby is a keen wild camper, however during the winter months he doesn't pursue this hobby much and as a result spent most weekends at home.

Occasionally he did go out with our good friend Dave, but as saturday night is the main event for most folk, Dave was usually spending time with his wife Becky.

And so it came to be that myself and Rita had company on our special 'girl's night in' time.

At first John would spend most of the night upstairs in our bedroom watching TV and having a drink on his own, this was a little arrangement that I'd agreed with him beforehand. John is very understanding and acknowledged that Rita was uncomfortable around him, also he was kind of invading the one night we as friends, could spend quality time together.

So that's how it was for a while, but soon things began to change as we got used to him being in.

And eventually, as Rita became comfortable with my hubby, he actually ended up joining us and staying downstairs for a chat and drink, even watching films together.

We joked with him that he was an honorary woman joining our sisterhood.

Although a little awkward with his presence initially, we ended up getting on very well the three of us....no....not like that, just as friends.

Although there was plenty of innuendo especially when we'd all had a drink and were tipsy.

John would tell me after Rita had gone home that he looked forward to our nights together and often imagined what it would be like....the three of us in bed.

Rita too, when we were alone would often comment on how handsome John is and how lucky I am to have such a nice caring husband.

And now, after all this had come out regarding Rita's pig of a hubby, I certainly did feel lucky.

After breakfast we have another long chat about the situation, me giving in and expressing my worries about Rita going back to Carl, begging her again to stay with me.

She just shrugs my concerns to one side, telling me not to worry and that she'll be fine.

Continuing, Rita explains that only one other person knows what Carl is really like and that is her sister. She too pleaded with her to leave him and when she wouldn't they had a big fall out years previously. Sister calling her stupid and saying that Rita deserved everything she got.

"I don't want to fall out with you Pip..."

She reaches out across the table and squeezes my hand. "...your my rock....I need you."

Nodding, I smile and squeeze back, assuring my friend that I'm not going anywhere and she can rely on me, and I mean it.

After our chat I walk with Rita to the bus stop and reluctantly say goodbye, watching her board and waving as the bus pulls away....worried sick about what she will face when returning home.

**

That following week does drag, the time till we meet up for another saturday 'sleep over' seeming to drag its heels defiantly.

I see my friend at the store during the week, each time upon meeting looking closely at her for bruises or other injuries, but there are none.

She continued to reassure me that it will be ok, and I have to reluctantly accept this.

On informing John of what has transpired he is furious. Brought up to be a gentleman and respect women, what's happening to Rita upsets him so much he offers to beat Carl up, recruiting the help of our friend Dave to make sure the job is done properly and Carl gets a nice long stay in hospital.

I'm doubtful as to what Rita's response to his offer will be, although John has promised me they will make sure there is no 'lead' back to my friend, nothing to connect it with her.

The following saturday sees Rita back at our house and in good spirits, it seems that she has had a good week, and perhaps feels better about herself for getting the truth out in the open.

I tell her about John's outrage and subsequent idea, but as I suspected she reacts by firstly showing gratitude towards my hubby for trying to 'help' but then turns the offer down as it would only make matters worse.

We change the subject and begin chatting about work and my ex boyfriend Chris, I've seen him on a date during the week and fill Rita in on the details.

It's while discussing Chris and recalling my steamy sessions with the young man, that a thought suddenly occurs to me.

Wild and risky initially, but quickly becoming more acceptable with the steady intake of alcohol.

There's something I've wanted to do for a long time but neither had the courage nor been in a position to...until now.

And the more I think about it the more excited I become, the something in question?...my secret...that is to say the secret life I share with John.

I'm suddenly gripped by an urge to tell Rita everything.

She has revealed her secret to me, so now it's my turn.

After finishing off my glass of bordeaux, and during a lull in our conversation, swallowing and beginning to feel quite nervous despite my eagerness, I shakily begin...

"Rita?....I...I've got something to tell you love...erm...something I've been keeping from you...that I don't want to anymore...."

At this point Rita turns to face me, giving me her full attention while briefly interrupting, "Ooh this sounds good...tell me more."