All Comments on 'Clarksville Pt. 02'

Decent. You should have expanded the epilogue a bit more. Sure Tess' parent got their first grandkid, but it wasn't the one they wanted and their daughter destroyed her career and her reputation. What about Eddie paying child support? Eddie's chances for a long term relationship / marriage are also diminished because he already has a kid. Wait has Eddie discovered how to use condoms or does he have more more kids? Lastly looking forward to a story about Lori and Drew - maybe their is romance in the air.

Okay ending. Still some grammar problems, but none to significant for an amateur porn site. This chapter was a tad short given it was the big confrontation scene. You weren't real busy giving details so you didn't mention she would be entitled to half of everything, including his shop. Many judges would have given her the house until the kid turns 18. Her excuses and explanations rang hollow. Did Eddie pay child support? Did he? Was no consideration given to having the child adopted? Lots of alleys for exploration. Oh - I thought you waited a little long to post chapter 2.

There was no RAAC

That would have been untenable

What, he lost his scholarship? It can't be for having f**ked his teacher and becoming a father. It seems to me that it would take a lot more than that. Heck, there weren't even police involved.

Eddie stills fucks Tess when they meet, and that’s another story….

I give you the first two stars JUST for the introduction. Well done you. The second chapter closes all the loop holes but seems rushed, a real, "WHAM BAM - you're done, M'am." Just my opinion - al we all know about opinions....

One of the dullest conclusions ever written. This is why I never score a chapter one. Anyone can write a setup. Only the good ones can write a conclusion. You aren’t a good one, just a racist.

Thanks for bringing all of us to a climax with your storybook ending , it turned out well and ‘all’s well that ends well’ ! Well gotta go Lassie just told me Timmy’s in the well again !

A little rushes but good ending

Thank you for finishing the story and having them divorce.

The only part that does not make sense is Eddie losing his scholarship. As long as a student athlete is not making negative headlines and winning games the schools don’t tend to care.

A very good story, maybe a little preachy but that is to be expected here. The biggest gripe I have us the length of the second installment. The first part was 14k and the second just 3k. Why couldn't the story be completed as one whole submission? I know there are compliants here about stories being too wordy, maybe like my comment. But, FTDS is a fair compliant in this case. Your stories and writing are very good. Trust your story and tell it in one setting. Let your readers decide where they wish to stop reading, if they want to stop. If by chance you hadn't written the ending, a practice I find extremely frustrating, then wait until you have your ending. So concludes part one of my comment, stay tuned for more, maybe.😢

I get the impression that this was written to appease all those commenters demanding a conclusion to the original. In my opinion that was a mistake, you'll never please everybody, especially the BTB cave dwellers. The first part ended OK, it left something to the imagination, we could all put our own ending to it. What's written here does absolutely nothing, it's not BTB, RAAC or cuck, it just fades out. It actually reads like the author was under pressure to add an outcome, but really couldn't be bothered to try. It was sterile, stilted and lacking any drama or emotion. It was like a business meeting, two people who knew the end result discussing the terms and conditions before signing the contract. A short epilogue in the first part would have sufficed, or nothing at all. Pandering to the lazy readership will only result in a lesser work, as shown here.

As time and again the great cuck RAAC writers of this site have reminded us pride is a sin of monstrous proportion, it's even more terrible than cheating. I am hoping that the writer will write a third part in which Drew will forgive Tess for her one mistake(she did it only once with only one black guy and therefore it's easily pardonable) and forgive her and take her back or at least establish a friendly relationship with her and her mixed child because the child is guiltless and therefore more important than Drew's wounded pride. I am also hoping the third part of the story will end with a beautifully cherry-picked quotation from the Bible reminding us how important it is for us to forgive those who have hurt us intentionally(or unintentionally).

5+++/5 stars!

Legit_Cuckyeah!_Nostra

I would like to read more about Drew and Lori, preferably in the Romance section.

I am usually a BTB type because i hate cheaters BUT this was for me a sad ending as i thought they may have had a go to try once more Looking FWD to the next installment Keep writing mate

It felt true and right.

More please.

still inconclusive with bringing Eddie back in and still not being responsible

Matured conclusion.

The way it should have ended.

No melodrama or histrionics.

Well written.

4/5

As a bastard, with two sibs from other men also, I felt pity for the child. A man willing to love another's offspring conceived in adultry would not be a loser in my book, but rather, a candidate for sainthood. After reading the first part, I was sure love would overcome all the pain. Sadly not.

Thanks for the work.

Congratulation. 5⭐

Just perfect for me and more realistic.

A simple divorce without a fight and then everyone goes on with their lives.

I also really liked 2 things:

-that the man does not take responsibility iu the cause of the cheating because, he is a good husband, a good lover, a good partner.

- that the woman takes full responsibility and assumes the consequences.

Need a Lori love story to complete the circle.

Not a bad finish. Glad Drew divorced her. That was the only outcome I could see for this situation. But there's no way Eddie would have lost his scholarship for what happened. Hell, most schools wouldn't be able to field a team if that was the case.

You write well and I hope you continue to post here. Just remember that LW is the wild west of Literotica and no matter what you write some are not going to like it. And some are going to be down right nasty. I'm not above firing off some negative comments myself when an author or story has pissed me off.

Good story!

4

THs was ok for me.

I made a lot of assumptions guided by some hints/allusions from this story that made me get the gist of this series.

But this sequel is quite good for me.

I don't think I will ever read the first one.

I think I got "what's the fuzz all about" of the story and it suffices.

/

Good thing Drew got rid of Tess.

Since he is not a cuckold, I don't think his life will be happy if he got back with Tess and the baby --

that baby will always remind him of something painful and will make his life totally miserable.

I always wonder why the cheaters would get celibate once they're caught. For Pete's sake -- Tess is single again - she should enjoy now that she's single and can have sex with college boys since she like them young -- and BLACK.

Probably the best ending possible. I assume Drew has some fertility issues that will be discovered if he tries having children with Lori. Maybe she won't break Drew's heart too.

I like the way Drew refused to hug Tess.....

Good summation of a horribly shitty circumstance. I hope you explore the Lori angle.

Good but very quick ending, part on was a excellent set up however part two let me down only3*

Should have ended with chapter 1. Nothing compelling to read here. 1*

⭐⭐⭐

A little too brief and disappointing, I really liked part 1 but this one not so much. If you had put this as the ending of the first story it would have worked just not as a stand alone.

Why wouldn’t she teach? There are no charges so nothing was ever filed so why give up a great career with benefits and a pension to be a waitress?

And why wouldn't she date?

Oh, right. This is LW, where unfaithful women HAVE to be punished for their transgression's.

Short and sweet. Nice way to finish story and probably more realistically then most. Maybe a part three with Lori involved.

Went the way it had to. Author had the MC explain it about as clearly as it ever was in any story like this. Repeated cheating by spouse; with a kid; and getting pregnant. That’s nuking a marriage beyond redemption.

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Just my opinion but….this would have been better as part of original story post. FTDS is usually an important aspect of any effort. Sure…sometimes leaving things open might make sense…but in most cases taking the tale to a conclusion is the appropriate thing to do.

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As to a future tale involving Lori and Drew: Lori, yes. Drew? Not so much…..

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3 solid *** for the logical conclusion after a strong 4 **** Part 1. Please keep writing!

If you’re going to FTDS, then do it with the same style and narrative you wrote the original. I gave it 3* for the good job you did on the initial conversation upon his return but the epilogue was just wasted words. I know you’re capable of better and there was still more story that needed detail finality. 3*

Well, it did FTDS. But it felt very procedural and ultimately unsatisfying. A bit like wanting a big juicy steak but getting a McDonalds.

The last line made me laugh. Thanks for the finish.

I love your stories. Beautiful feelings and great writing. You have a gift. Keep writing please. Thank you.

From the conclusion I am assuming this is a pause in the story rather than a conclusion so I'll give a pass on the incomplete ending. I loved your first story so now I'll hope that there are multiple additions to this story planned. If I don't see one in two months, I'll lower my score for this one. Keep writing, please! But be sure to FTDS!

Preliminarily, there is no way an attorney could handle a divorce for both parties. It is unethical. Authors should take care to write about things they know something about. But, this was not a real part of the story.

Tess cheated four times over three months. That makes the decision easy.

I think it would have been a harder question if Michael was the result of the first encounter, and Tess never cheated again.

Gave you 4 stars for finishing the story. There was really no plausible way for the marriage to survive. At least you did not waste a lit of time with Tess trying to convince him. The call from Lori was a nice touch. Working as a waitress was a little dumb though. Tess had a kid she needed to support so a teacher's job with the benefits especially medical would have been needed. If there was another reason for her never to teach, you did not state it. Plus poor Eddie, he lost his scholarship. He visited his kid but did he offer support? Yeah he was a kid who just took advantage of the offer of hot sex. He was not some naive virgin who was seduced. You had him fucking his fellow students.

Well he certainly did the right thing. Entirely her fault, her problem. He needed to move on and maybe one day find someone who will respect him. She sure as hell didn't. Now gets to ask herself everyday, was it worth it?

A letdown from the first part

Thank you for giving him back his Man Card.

"He was being brave by coming here and facing what she had done to them but there was no mistaking it."

"Brave"? In what world? Would it have been "cowardly" in your mind for him not to go there? Among thoughtless feminized authors here, leaving or refusing to have anything to do with a slut is pejoratively rendered as "cowardly" and "running away'. The presupposition behind all that is that the appropriate thing to do is to follow the the Oprah/Dr. Phil prescription of wallowing in discussions of "feelings", as if the issue is all about emotions, feelings, and other non-cognitive slop instead of moral principle. In case it hasn't occurred to you, "shunning" is a perfectly reasonable response to betrayal and other forms of gross immorality.

Moreover, as written, the writing before we get to the quoted language suggests that marriage is mainly about emotions, e.g. when the MC comments about Tess stopping loving him. This perspective is alien to the idea of marriage throughout all but relatively recent history. Instead, marriage was seen primarily as a commitment, and not one that would be cast aside because of changes in emotions. In fact, the period of betrothal was seen as merely allowing the couple to determine if each could tolerate the flaws and eccentricities of the other. Real love was something that would develop over time through the commitment that is the marriage covenant.

In the minds of too many LW authors marriage is founded on and continues on the basis of having special "feelings". If someone else comes along who elicits those "feelings" from a spouse, then we get the "I've met someone else, and I can't help how I feel." scene. It's all shallow, but it is a major part of the social and cultural disintegration we see around us.

Grammar? Poorly taught and lazy people have failed for years to make their writing clear by making sure that their pronouns match the number of their antecedents (singular pronouns for singular antecedents, and plural pronouns for plural antecedents). This is necessary for precision in communication. Woketards have taken advantage of this foible to encourage pronoun confusion because it suits their political agenda of erasing gender/sex differences. So, now ignorant pronoun usage is also political. If you want to align yourself with the morons, cowards, montebanks, and mentally ill who propagate the magical thinking that somehow Richard ("Rachel") Levine is a woman, Chastity ("Chaz") Bono is a man, and Bill ("Lia") Thomas is a woman, by all means mark yourself as a feminist/woketard and misuse "they" and "them" to your heart's content. But, then, you'll have to ask why your characters aren't announcing their "pronouns" and why you are limiting their pronouns (e.g. "ze" and "zir", anyone?).

Finally, using "disrespect" as a verb is a usage that slithered out of underclass dialect. If you want to mark your character's diction as substandard, that, and not knowing when to use an adverb versus an adjective, will certainly do it.

As minor aside, was it inadvertent that "Eddie" isn't written as paying child support?

4

Doesn't any author ever think of inserting the plan b drug into a story? If you're a worthless slut like this slag, you have to know your options to blowing up your marriage. The husband was a smart guy.

Thank you for adding another chapter.

Eddie needed some consequence. (Losing a scholarship for becoming a father seems fast fetched) He played a large part in destroying a marriage.. and he knew what he was doing. Yet... there wasn't even a conversation or a.."Gee guys. Sorry about that." He deserved a busted knee or at least a good punch in the jaw.

A very sad story, made worse by the wanton behaviour of the wife in carrying on "until he goes to college". She destroyed a marriage and damaged four lives: her own, the baby's, her husband's and the boy's. Not a BtB but more a reflection of real life!

I guess the complete story was pretty good, the ending however was weak.

Would have liked this to be a longer true sequel, the first story goes into such detail about how she fucked over her marriage but this is just a summing up of the end of the relationship. It's interesting how LW stories are so focused on the terrible end of a couple and never gives thought to showing how they move on except in miniscule epilogues. I think the aftermath and moving in is just as important as what leads to the divorce.

Good work. I like to think this is the way I would have responded in my younger years. You asked: mellow dramatic = melodramatic and dye is cast should be die is cast.

A story where a betrayed husband makes the right decision to divorce, where in the future he will be able to look in the mirror and not be ashamed of anything else.

The fact of the betrayal, in itself, was enough for the separation. But the fact that the slut got pregnant and wanted to pass the child off as his, showed the total disrespect and lack of love towards him.

The previously inconclusive story made me have a lot of "angry" at the author. But even so, she would never be aggressive or discourteous towards him.

Having finished, and having this outcome, makes me see the author with new eyes.

For me it's 4 stars. No violence, no mutilation, no action that could have put him behind bars... Just harvesting the sowing of the others involved.

Hopefully there will be a new "epilogue" where Drew returns to Austin and starts his life over.

But that's just my opinion.

Honestly I did not think it was fair Tess never taught again. She screwed up and paid a heavy price but jeez it shouldn't be a life sentence. This need in the LW category to burn wives at the stake and make husbands paragons of virtue is a bit misogynistic. I understand it is a trope of this category. But it is tiresome and inhibits good writing

For what it's worth, I thought the first part was complete and did not require a sequel

Nice writing,please continue

I hope there. Story drew. Rebuilld

Continuity error--in the first installment, you said the baby's name was Michael Levi, but in this one you said his name was Michael Finn. Details matter.

Well that was as good an ending as could be. No one died and it ended relatively peacefully which is probably how these things really end.

This is how it should have played out. Thanks for FTDS!

3 stars - only because he divorced the skanky slut.

I am a teacher and no student would ever lose a scholarship over this kind of issue. The age of the student is irrelevant, the TEACHER is bound by contract not to abuse their position of authority with any student and some contracts include a period of time after the student has moved on.

The wife/teacher is 100% at fault for using her position of authority to take advantage of this student. Every employment contract I have signed has paragraphs of rules and regulation forbidding this kind of activity - with severe penalties. We have plenty of historical data that shows every once in a while a teacher screws up - thankfully, it is still very rare. I am encouraged that you took the initiative to have this woman never be in a teaching position with young people ever again.

Still not much of an ending

But thanks for trying

Well done.

I love a well constructed BTB, but you handled an amicable split with skill and dignity.

Not easy with this audience.

Kind of clever, but the dialogue wasn't so great. D

You’ll receive more than enough comments to keep you busy if first chapter any indication, though surely fewer rants and ad hominem attacks given the way you crafted how the husband dealt with her betrayal, so I’ll try and be brief. Comments pertain to entire piece — both chapters.

Composition & Use of Vocabulary: fine

Readability: fine

Plot: almost nonexistent, deficient — all about his reaction with no real engagement, no meaningful connection across events. Tess’s character is 1-dimensional — may have betrayed his trust/their marriage but you gave her no agency/no substance. This storyline is all about him and his condescending view.

Drama/Humor: None; well, maybe some humor in Lori’s call to Tess which was a rather over-the-top way to further condemn Tess’s behavior/humiliate her. No real angst, emotion here rather a sanctimonious lecture after his Lori-driven epiphany. Get it — highly unlikely this marriage would survive, but the storyline and character development isn’t really about its demise rather a soapbox for the husband to pontificate.

Sexual Content: none other than Lori’s phone call.

Nice ending. Lots of sadness, plenty of unhappy consequences, but no vengeance (much less violence). A more realistic conclusion than in many stories here. All the sadder for being the more true. Thank you. Please keep writing.

Enjoyed the story. Thank you.

Well my apologies for pegging you wrong ( not the way the cucks are thinking as pegging goes) about this.

Your first chapter did have the general feel of the usual cuck story, especially with a black baby involved, of going full, in no way tethered to reality, RAAC.

You dialogue could use some work. But you do get an extra star for realizing not every BTB needs broken bones, bullets, explosions, James Bond type espionage et al. I think the end worked just fine for this story, but the weak wannabe Alpha males wont take it too kindly.

Lol, he lost his scholarship? Half the kids on ncaa men's ball and football teams have kids. Good grief. Don't write about things you are clueless about

Well done!!!

I’ll take back what l wrote in Chapter 1 and apologise for my comments unreservedly. That’ll teach me for jumping the gun.

You handled this story exactly as it should’ve been handled.

It turned into a very good story.

Scores 5/5

Good story, but sad ending. It did end fairly, much as I expected. Well written, good characterization.

It's time for Lori to get her story. Great character. Maybe with with a cameo from Drew or\and Bennett.

I love your story so far.

Still feels unfinished, like it should have been a RAAC story, which I am OK with. This is not a BTBB and TE have almost no consequences, and neither did the wife. Just doesn't feel like there was an ending either way.

sorry, you dont lose your scholarship for having consensual sex with you high school teacher or for having kids out of wedlock. 3*

Don't care for the weakness of Drew. His fragile ego kept him from making the right choice

Such a sad tale!

Hope Eddie is paying child support.

Contrived. So extremely contrived.

A begrudging 5 stars. You are good enough a writer to have done much better with this one and I do not mean btb (as some allude it is) or blood and guts, you are also smart enough to know what I mean.

Eventually, some one of these stories will explain how a wife who is as convincingly remorseful as this one could possibly set aside her promises, her commitments, to do what she has done. Most of the writers on here are male and can't possibly know the inner workings of the female way of being, but maybe the shear number of stories will finally pump one out. It is at least understandable if a person loses their way or chucks it all in and goes for the gusto, but to cheat knowing the risk and then be repentant to the point of brokenness (s some of these wives are) is, so far, inexplicable. Usually, the author is taken to task for being unrealistic, but the commenters never offer any insight either. We know it happens. Anyone ever heard of a book (of an kind) that deals with this?

LWlurker

This was a good but said story. It is similar to my story except the wife just got tired of me me after only 13 years. I never ever thought about cheating but she she did. I guess she was just to young when we married. She was 19 with a 2 year old and I was 25 or 26. Married her cause she was pregnant. This certainly wasn't a BTB story as she did it to herself. How could any man stay with her when her betrayal would be faced every time he looked at the child? So true to life you can hardly call this fiction. Good job.

Could have been worse (RAAC) the thing that makes me say "meh" about this story is how milquetoast the husband is. Perhaps a chapter 3 where the slutwife finds out he is bangin' Lori.

Probably one of the only few stories I've read where the divorce went really easy..

Not realistic really. In the real world the powers that be wouldn't care less if Eddie had knocked up some married white woman! As long as he scored points and added numbers to the scoreboard? Eddie splitting up happy families could be covered up and he could keep his scholarship to boot! The absolutely pure evil that collegiate and professional sports allow in order to placate and maintain their star players is mind boggling. If the average Joe did even a tiny fraction of what some star players skate by with, they would likely end up in the Greybar Hotel.

A better ending then I expected after reading Ch 1. I think the dialogue was too one sided and should have gone back and forth more. The emotions just did not seem to really come through the long dialogue from each character. I hope you keep working as you are showing improvement.

what did she have a black baby.

Excellent story. Very plausible

dye= change colour

die= singular of dice

It doesn.t liked this story think there is another couple of chapters in it with Lori, never mind the Anonymous comments if they have not got the guts to put there name to them there worthless, after all everybody needs to remember that it's fantasy and anything can happen within reason

Your decision was to make all the BTB (bitch and bastard) come from destiny. But not always destiny goes that way. And as @nixrox say students are always the victims. For him to pay other actions had to be taken.

The conclusion I found to be weak and basically unemotional, The wife didn’t offer anything to try and keep her husband, just basically accepted everything and crept back into the woodwork.

The dialogue is unrealistic. I mean, who talks like that? Also, despite claiming to still love Tess, Drew’s comments suggest otherwise. Three stars ⭐️ for this one.

This chapter took the easy way out. A reconcilliation would have been the tougher story to pull off.

Gave this 4 ⭐'s over the first chapters attempted RAAC , which I gave 2 ⭐'s .

Very good story. I liked it a lot. You are a better writer than you give yourself credit for. Please keep writing. They will only get better. I do hope you continue on with him getting together with Lori. And since I am a glutton for punishment, have them get married, maybe have a kid or two, then she also cheats on him. Maybe even have Tess find out about it and a confrontation with Lori ensues. Then Tess and Lori eventually hook up further crushing him. Yes, I know, I have a sick mind. LOL.

Take the comments on here with a grain of sand. They have nothing better to do than to troll an erotic story site. Keep writing and don't feel like you need to cater to anyone here but yourself

Good, realistic and cliché-free ending. That's worth...oh, 'bout fiddy stars!

Great story. Hopefully you'll let Lori find a happy life soon

Not too bad of an ending. For once the cheated-on husband doesn't wimp out and hold the baby and let the

cheater try to talk him into staying and raising the illegitimate baby. Not that I'm the Word Nazi, but you found a new word, did you? Abide? used twice.

Not my cup of tea. Still gave it a 3, average. With his choice of topics I can’t see him having much success.

Great story with a real common sense ending. I have noticed in reading through the LW category that while there seems to be a plethora of RAAC, BTB, and Cuckold/ess type stories, I have yet to read any that approach a cheating wife as being forced to give up the baby for adoption and all of the different aspects a story could go from there.

Either way this was a great read!

No, it didn't work at all.

I generally liked the story. It was relatively short so it is hard to do too much character development for everyone. It was more about how the husband deals with the fallout - sometimes there aren't any good options just the best one available. I'm glad he realized it wasn't about him it was all on her.

I'm no attorney but I gotta I wonder how the divorce and child support terms worked out?

Looking forward to more stories from the author in the future!