Closer Cop

Then I asked, "Would you be interested in eating out tonight?"

She said that would be good. She just wanted to change out of her work clothes. She asked where we would be going, but I told her it was a surprise.

I knew this would be our last night out together. I had made reservations at the steakhouse where I proposed to her. You didn't just drop in there, so she wouldn't suspect that we would be going there. It would be a surprise. A good surprise, but far from the last surprise that I would spring on her tonight.

Yes, she was pleasantly surprised. We talked about how important this place was in our past. That led to reminiscing about so many things that meant so much to us. As our conversation continued, I had trouble maintaining a good mood. I knew it was all ending, but she didn't. She seemed to sense a change in me. She began to look worried. By the time we left for home, she looked scared.

When we got home, I suggested that we watch a movie in the den. That seemed to relieve some of her anxiety. She popped some corn while I chose the movie. We sat together on the love seat.

My computer began feeding video to the big-screen TV. The first scene featured the three of them talking on the bed. They were all naked. She was telling them how good it had been since they'd stopped using condoms.

My eyes left the video and focused on her. She looked like she was in shock. She kept saying, "Oh, god. Oh, crap. No, no, no. Not this. Turn it off. Honey, please stop it."

I had inserted stop-points several places on the video. I decided to skip the foreplay, blow-jobs, and banal sex acts. I skipped right to the beginning of the DP activities. At that point, she rushed to the TV and pulled the plug.

She said, "I know it looks bad. It is bad, but not for you or our marriage. It's not cheating. Cheating is destructive because the cheater is moving away from their spouse. I'm not in love with my cousins. I'm sure you know in your heart that there's no danger of me leaving you for them. As bad as you think this is, it's just sex. It's not even close to love. I'm sure you realize that it's no threat to what you and I have. I love you more than ever. I've been your wife in every way while this was going on."

I yelled, "Have you really? How about all those times that you told me you were 'not in the mood?' You never did that until this cousin thing started."

"I did that out of respect for you, honey. I didn't want to give you seconds. They would never be sloppy, I made sure of that, but I was determined not to give you even non-sloppy seconds. It was from respect."

"Are you trying to convince me that those orgies you've been having won't hurt our marriage? Even if I could ignore those perverted, incestuous, sex acts; I can't ignore the words you said. It's what you said afterward that doomed us. Don't you think that sex is an important part of our marriage? Don't you think I put a high value on pleasing you sexually?"

"Of course, Jake. I know that sex is a big part of our marriage. Our sex has always been great! You've always been a great sexual partner, honey. You should never doubt your sexual prowess. I sure don't."

I told her that I knew she was lying to me. While she continued to say how much she enjoyed sex with me, I advanced the video to the last stop-point. It showed the conversation that occurred following the sexual activities. Stella was speaking: "You guys have ruined me for sex with Jake. After what we do, sex with him is just boring. He doesn't excite me anymore. Sex with him is more like inadequate foreplay. I've had to fake every orgasm with him since I've been with you guys. When I'm with him in bed nowadays, I just try to get it over with as soon as possible.

"I'm trying not to mess up and reveal how uninterested I am in sex with him. Poor Jake! I think he perceives that all is not well. Our last time together, after my first fake orgasm he wanted to go again. I tried to go straight into afterglow. I still like the afterglow. It helps me show him how much I still love him. He was adamant about another round, so I faked again. When he emptied his second wad in me, he just got out of bed without even one minute of the afterglow that I have always cherished.

"I think that I need to become a better actress. I'd better kick it up a notch with him. It will be difficult to fake an intense reaction to such vanilla sex, but I need to do it. If I don't, I could lose Jake. I can't let that happen."

Her cousins asked her if she was sure that I would not be interested in joining them. She said, "I've told you guys over and over that my husband is not into any type of quirky stuff. He doesn't approve of unconventional sex of any stripe. He would never condone what I'm doing, let alone participate in it. He can never know about us. The minute he knows, I can kiss my marriage goodbye."

I turned to Stella and said, "You knew how I felt about bizarre sex acts but you did them anyway. To me, our sex life has always been a big part of our marriage. So now you say your unorthodox, freakish, off-beat activities have overshadowed and ruined your enjoyment of sex with me. The vanilla sex you share with me can't meet your new expectations. How do you think I can stay in this marriage knowing how you feel about my lovemaking? In the future, every time you deigned to have sex with me, I'd be thinking about what you said. Those words will never leave my mind. Well, don't worry about faking it with me anymore. You won't have to."

With that, I opened my briefcase and handed her the envelope containing the divorce papers. I said, "You've been served. It's a typical equal-split document covering everything we've accumulated together. Nevertheless, you should hire an attorney to protect your interests. From now on the discussion should be between your attorney and mine. Movers took all of my belongings away while we were having our 'last supper,' so the impediment known as 'Jake' has now been removed from your life. I will no longer be between you and your lovers. I won't disappoint you with a vanilla goodbye kiss. Enjoy your freedom to fuck whomever you please. Goodbye, Stella."

As I walked to the door, she ran and grabbed me around the waist in a bearhug. She sobbed, "I didn't mean any of those things about sex with you being boring or vanilla. I've already put an end to what I was doing. It's over, honey. It's never going to happen again."

I continued to walk toward my car, dragging her down the sidewalk. She wouldn't let go. Our neighbor, Sally, ran over and asked what was happening. Stella started telling her we were having a rough patch. As they conversed, I used that opportunity to run to my car and take off. I saw her in my rearview mirror. She was running after my car and waving her hands. I turned the corner and she disappeared from my view and my life.

Epilog

Stella tried twice to interact with me. She came to my door once and said she had an idea of how to get us back together. I said, "Don't waste your breath, Stella." She left crying.

The next encounter happened after the divorce became final. I was in my patrol car stopped at a red light. She pulled up in the next lane. When she saw that it was me, she waved. I ignored her. When the traffic cleared some, she hit the gas and sped across the intersection. The light was still red! It was all I could do to keep from turning on my lights, stopping her, and writing a ticket. The cop in me wanted to do it, but the ex-husband in me didn't want to be forced to talk to her. The ex-husband won.

It was the first anniversary of our divorce becoming final. Kelly and I were sitting by the fireplace having some popcorn and watching a Netflix movie. She's a social worker. Our paths crossed professionally several times on cases that fell in our shared purview. It was when we both volunteered to serve holiday dinner to the underprivileged that we got to know each other. When we finished serving, we--along with the other servers--sat down to have our own dinner. Since we had been working together, we decided to eat together too. Our conversation was very pleasant and we discovered that we had lots in common. That conversation led to dating. Dating led to love. As of now, we are in an exclusive relationship.

After our movie ended, there was a knock on the door. I looked through the peephole and saw a courier from Acme Services. We use that service at work, so when I answered the door, I assumed that it was a work-related delivery. After signing for it, I saw that it was from Stella. I opened it and began to read:

Jake, for the last time, I want to say how sorry I am for ruining our marriage. When you were leaving, I told you that I had ended the episodes with my cousins, and I had. When you drove away, I was devastated. I began sinking into despair. I knew I had to snap out of it. My way out of that morass was to call my cousins and tell them I was ready to resume where we left off.

They informed me that they had already set something up with a slut named Freda. Then they surprised me by saying that she would be happy if I joined them. They said that she was an "equator gal." Sensing my confusion, they told me that she often crossed the line between the hemispheres. I finally understood. I told them that I had never considered performing sexual activities with another woman. I thought about it for a couple of minutes before I said, "What the hell. I'm up for trying anything."

Before long, our team consisted of four guys and two gals. We had a long season and played every game imaginable. I became a switch-hitter. I tried both sides of the plate and loved them both.

After the sale of our house, when I moved to an apartment, I began to realize how much I had lost when you left. While I was living in our house, I was able to convince myself that you would eventually walk through the door. When I moved to an apartment, I knew you'd never be back.

I began to lose interest in the team. I began to see it for what it was: utter depravity. I finally resigned from the team. Actually, I was fired for "failure to perform." Anyway, it ended.

You know, if I had paid more attention in English class, I could write a book or at least an article about what I've learned. First, the old saying about nipping things in the bud is right-on. I should have stopped it at the start. I should never have allowed that debauchery in our pool. Before that, I was completely satisfied with our sex life. That all changed in just a few minutes in our pool. A fantasy was born and it invaded the very center of my mind; never to be repulsed on conquered.

Truthfully, at that very point in time, my ruination became inevitable. I had to have more. When I got more, it was never enough. I lied to you when I said that I didn't mean those things I told my cousins; those words that bothered you so much. I'm ashamed to say that what I told them was the unvarnished truth. I meant every one of those words that you hated. I was deep in the bowels of hell and there was no way back. My marriage was over. My life was over. I would never be a wife again. I would never have a baby to love. No little bundle of joy will ever call me mommy. It's all gone. There's no way back. The only way out is to never get in.

There is another old saying that applies to us. It is as wrong as the previous one was right. It says: "Actions speak louder than words." That's bullshit. It wasn't what I did that resulted in a marriage beyond repair, it was what I said. It was those words that were stamped indelibly in your mind that sealed my fate. We could never return to normal as long as those words stood between us. Words matter!

I'm leaving everything, both good and bad, and going away. I will never darken your door again. You will never have to look at the whore that your wife became ever again.

If I could go back and change everything, I would do it in a heartbeat. Life doesn't work that way. I wish you all the best. I hope if you ever think of me at all, that you will only remember the good times. We had it all, Jake, until I destroyed it. In the process, I destroyed myself.

Finally, it is with much recently-gained appreciation, respect, and yes, abiding love, that I bid you goodbye forever.

Stella

Kelly was reading over my shoulder and she became concerned. She turned to me saying, "You know what this is, right? It's a suicide note! You can't let this happen, honey."

I took her hand and declared, "I'm completely out of the picture and I don't want back in. In the enduring words of Rhett Butler, 'Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!'"

The End