Closing Time for Our Marriage

Wife wants to feel the passion again

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

"Closing Time"

Semisonic, 1998

This is a long one folks, about 20,000 words. There's no sex to speak of. The story involves unwilling cuckold principles. There is no BTB element to it either. You have been warned. Proceed at your own risk.

Main Characters:

Jordan Billings, aged 55, married to Helena for 33 years

Helena Billings, aged 56, mother of two adult children.

Sydney Billings-Browning, aged 30, married 2 kids of her own.

Darby Billings-Hobson, married age 27, seven months pregnant with first child

Anita Bozeman, aged 51, divorced 2 years after 26 years of marriage

Story:

Jordan Billings was spending a lazy Fall Sunday afternoon swinging slowly in his hammock that was strung between the two mature sixty foot Sycamore shade trees he had planted for this exact purpose over thirty years ago. There were still plenty of leaves on the trees that were now various shades of green, gold, and brown for him to enjoy. It was one of the simple dreams he had when his wife Helena and he had purchased this house they raised their two daughters in. His wife used to tease him about how hard he worked at getting those two trees to survive from saplings, but he never gave up and they grew tall and strong.

The fall was his favorite time of year. The summer heat was gone and two of the three great loves in his life, playoff baseball and college football were in full swing. Of course his greatest love was his family. He still couldn't believe that so much time had passed them by. Where did it all go?

His alone time in his hammock was always a time of reflection. He turned his head and could still see the remnants of the sand box and play set he had crafted from his own hands for his children. Helena had been after Jordan to demolish them so she could plant a vegetable garden, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

He thought to himself that the old saying, "young people look to tomorrow, and old people long for yesterday" was really true. Jordan was a realist. A pragmatic man, and while he wasn't depressed about it, he felt that at his age even an optimistic person had to know that at least two thirds of their life was gone. He didn't dwell on it but just the same, he understood that in his family the men rarely lived to see 75 years old. Well at least 75 years old with their faculties still intact.

He could retire any time now as he had just completed his 30^th year at McHenry Logistics. His plan was to use the IRS Rule of 55. He was looking forward to it because frankly he couldn't stand it anymore. It just wasn't the same since old man McHenry sold out and left for Florida. The work environment at McHenry was constantly changing and he was tired of changing with it. It seemed like a regular occurrence now that they hired some twenty-eight year old who had recently graduated from an Ivy League business school with all of two to three years experience in the workforce, as the COO. The new "whiz kid" of course said everything they had been doing was wrong and couldn't believe the company had survived for over 100 years. Six months later Mr. Whiz was gone and another clone was hired to take his place and the process was repeated.

When he reached sixty-two he would also draw his social security, not because he needed it but, because he didn't want to take a chance on dying before he could get some of the money back he had paid into it for his whole life!

His wife Helena was an account manager with Hastings Investment Group and as she had over 25 years their retirement years would be very comfortable. She had her own well funded 401k as well as other investments she had made with money she received from her grandmother's will.

The only problem with the plan was Helena. They had argued good naturedly for months about it, because she had no intention of retiring any time soon. But last night when she told Jordan that she loved what she was doing and because she was only 56, she planned on working for the next ten to fifteen years he was shocked. When they were young all they talked about was retiring around age 55 so they could really enjoy their retirement years.

Oddly, she had been angry when she couldn't talk him out of retiring. She had almost insisted that he continue to work because, "he was way too young to retire!" She continued to argue that she didn't want him lying around doing nothing. It was like she had forgotten all the plans and sacrifices they had made to reach this point in time. In fact up until about 6 months or so ago Marie was usually the one who brought up how much she was looking forward to their retirement goals together. He didn't understand when she had changed or why for that matter. He was so upset by Helena's revelation that he had taken the day off from work. He didn't need much of an excuse anymore to do that. He never missed a day of work in his first twenty years at McHenry's. Now he made sure he used all of his sick and personal days every year.

Things would be clarified for him later that evening.

There had been a definite chill in the atmosphere around the house after their argument. In fact Helena had left the house in the morning before Jordan even awoke. Normally it was their habit to spend the time before work together.

He was still trying to sort everything out when his thoughts were disturbed by the sound of Helena's voice calling to him. What the hell, he thought then glanced at his watch and realized he had been out there all afternoon. It was Helena's normal time to arrive home.

She walked onto the patio and said, "There you are, didn't you hear me calling you?" She wasn't angry in fact her mood seemed very upbeat and pleasant. "I'm sorry about last night sweetheart, let me call for some takeout from Graziano's, and then we can talk after."

Jordan thought maybe there was hope for their retirement plans after all and he heartily agreed. After he and Helena were done and had cleaned the kitchen, which mostly consisted of throwing the takeout debris away and pouring a fresh glass of a California Grenache for each of them. That state was crazy but they certainly knew how to make a good wine. They moved to the living room for their talk.

"Jordie honey, I'm really sorry about last night. I'm afraid I didn't handle things all that well and I would like to explain myself in better detail. I really need you to grasp where I'm coming from and understand where I'm at in my life, and the changes I think we need to make."

Well that certainly got Jordan's attention. "That was quite a mouthful....."

"Please Jordan," Helena jumped in to interrupt. "I was practicing what I wanted to say to you all day at work and I want to get it all out and then we can argue it back and forth."

Jordan just nodded. This wasn't all that unusual a process for Helena. She was a deliberate person which was one of the reasons they were originally attracted to each other. He leaned back to get more comfortable and motioned for her to go on by gently tilting his glass to her.

"Honey I know we have made all these plans, and I still want them like you do, but I am enjoying my work so much more these days. It's the only thing I'm happy with in my life right now."

He understood. Just because he was unhappy at work it didn't mean everyone should be. Wait, what did she say? Jordan sprang from his chair. "What are you talking about?" He practically shouted it out.

"Jordan pleeeease? Just sit down and listen. I want you to know that I still love you very much. Marrying you was the best thing I did in my life. You gave me two beautiful daughters and years of a happy and fulfilling life."

Jordan sat back down but alarm bells were clanging in his head. This exchange was not at all going the way he thought it would. Come to think of it, it was more of a lecture than a conversation. He again motioned for her to continue but his heart was racing now.

"I know you understand that I haven't been happy lately."

No, he was like most long term husbands and had no clue that his wife wasn't happy. He was very content with his personal life and up until a second ago thought she was too. However, he was smart enough to know he shouldn't blurt that out. He responded with what most experienced husbands do in situations like this and merely said, "Hmmm."

"Listen sweetheart, I know this is going to hurt but please believe me, this is more about me than you."

Oh shit! thought Jordan, this just keeps getting worse. It's not you it's me? He was prepared for the worst. She wants a divorce.

It was as if she had read his thoughts and she quickly exclaimed. "No, no honey, I don't want a divorce, oh shit I'm not doing this right. I'm messing it all up." She was close to tears.

A husband goes through phases with a wife's crying. In the first few years of marriage he can't figure out why she cries so much. She never did that when they were dating, the crying only starts when he asks her to marry him. After about ten years the husband will do most anything to make her stop crying. If she says between her sniffling, "you don't love me anymore." He will go buy flowers, candy, lingerie, or even a new house if need be to get her to stop. But, by thirty years into a marriage he has come to understand that sometimes women just shed tears as a normal emotion. It doesn't mean they are weak, scared, or manipulative. It just is. It's the same for guys except they just yell and scream instead.

Jordan waited until she had dabbed her eyes with a tissue. And that's another thing, how is it that a woman always has a tissue available? She could be naked and if she started to cry, a tissue would suddenly appear out of nowhere. He shook his head in wonder.

Jordan cleared his mind and just gave a quick sigh. He needed to move this along. "Helena, why don't you just tell me what it is you want? If you mess it up, I'm sure I will understand." He really wasn't at all sure he would but it seemed an appropriate thing to say.

"You're going to be angry with me, and I know I'm going to hurt you with what I say, but can we please have a civil conversation between adults?"

"Helena, for the love of god, just spit it out!" He raged; just a normal male reaction to an emotional situation after all.

"I'm not happy Jordan. I feel like I'm dead inside. We are just going through the motions of being married. I feel like we are roommates not lovers or even friends. We get up we go to work, we come home and eat dinner, then go to bed.

"I just want to feel something again. Do you remember how it was when we were dating? I felt so alive. I was excited, scared, nervous, and happy all at the same time. I was constantly tingling with anticipation. A little while ago a guy at work asked me to go out with him on a date...."

"A date, a date? Are you shitting me?"

"Oh relax honey, I turned him down, but I have to admit it made me feel young and vibrant again."

Jordan relaxed a little, Helena was still a beautiful woman and Jordan always assumed that like most women in the workplace she had to put up with occasional inappropriate advances. He learned long ago that jealously was a waste of energy. Besides Helena was a grown woman and could take care of herself.

"That's normal I guess, but we've been married over thirty years. Our relationship has matured to such a point that you can't expect the same electricity you did when we were young. Haven't we earned a little 'ordinary' in our lives?

"Besides, isn't that what our retirement plans are all about? Traveling and doing the things we want to do, just the two of us? We talked about getting a motorhome and traveling to all thirty major league ball parks the first summer we could? What about our planned road trip to the top ten National Parks? Yellowstone, Zion, Rocky Mountain, etc. Golf at midnight in Alaska and most importantly our Mediterranean cruise. Our retirement was to be our time to reconnect. You know just the two of us.

"That being said you know I love you, what can I do to help make you feel better? I will do most anything."

Helena's eyes lit up. "I'm so glad you said that. I have to be honest with you. All those things were more important to you than to me. I went along with them because I knew it made you happy. And I will still do them with you someday, but what I'm talking about is making me happy. I need to do something for me as an individual. I know it's selfish of me but...."

"Helena, you still haven't told me what it is that you want!" Jordan was exasperated by this point and his head was starting to hurt.

"I want to start dating again. I want to feel the rush of the unexpected, the nervous excitement, and yes the attention. It's like the feeling you get when you do something for the first time."

A very relieved Jordan sat back into his chair surprised it took so long to get here. "Shoot Helena, that's an easy one. Let's do a date night once a week; I will even take dance lessons with you. I know that is something you enjoy and I'm lousy at."

"Jordan, I want to date other men."

There was dead silence. The only sound was the ticking of Helena's grandmother's clock in the main entrance counting off the seconds.

While not completely unflappable, Jordan was shocked. He could have gone through the usual litany of bullshit most husbands would do at this point. Most of which would make him look like a spoiled child or a victim. He decided that would be counterproductive. Besides being in a state of shock could lend itself to him losing control so he did what he felt was the smart thing.

He did have trouble getting the words out. He meant his tone to be somewhere in between anger and capitulation but he wasn't sure he was successful.

"Please explain in more detail what you mean." It sounded inadequate but it should buy him some time to think.

Helena seemed surprised that Jordan wasn't being more emotional. She had expected more of an outburst from him. She was emboldened and plunged ahead.

"Not all the time, just maybe a couple of times a month. You know dinner and a movie, that sort of thing. Maybe the ballet, a concert or a play something like that. Maybe going to clubs to dance now and then?

"I just want to experience all those emotions again from when I was 18 and my hormones were on fire. I want to feel alive again."

He kept rolling his hand impatiently signaling Helena to continue. He knew what was coming and he was going to force her to say it. He wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of making him speak the words.

"Well maybe sex would be a part of it with the right man." She spoke sheepishly waiting for the inevitable explosion. She had a whole speech she had worked out with her sister Sheridan, and of course Sydney and Darby, about how to deal with that from him.

Jordan just sat stoically staring at her. He knew she wanted him to explode and be the bad guy in this so he had to stay cool.

"How did you arrive at this conclusion?" He responded with a feigned calmness, because his insides were roiling and his chest was starting to tighten. He could taste metal in his mouth. He was probably grinding his crowns to dust. Most people don't know it but the human jaw is capable of exerting more pressure per square inch than an orangutan's. Jordan was approaching those limits now.

"Well, I was talking with Sheridan and the girls about it..."

"Wait, you mean you actually discussed this with our daughters before speaking to me?" He wasn't worried about Sheridan, of course Helena would have discussed it with her slut sister.

Jordan was incredulous. He couldn't believe this woman he had known for so long could be so callous of his feelings that she would actually discuss her desire to be unfaithful with his own daughters. At that point he lost it. In his anger he knew he had but two choices, he could kill her on spot or get away. He chose to get away. He jumped to his feet and began stumbling towards the front door. He picked up his keys and his wallet in the bowl in the entryway they kept there for that purpose. He could hear Helena saying something to him but it was unintelligible, and then he was gone.

He stayed gone for a full week. He never answered his phone because he shut it off. The only thing he did besides thinking about his situation and feeling sorry for himself was to go into work and quit. No notice, nothing. He walked into his boss' office handed him his office key and said, "I quit," and walked out the door without looking back. He filed his retirement papers. Jordan hated that job and there didn't any longer seem to be a point in continuing with it. That single act gave him more relief than even he had imagined.

As he lay on his bed in the rented motel room he thought about his circumstances. He had calmed down considerably so he was able to think rationally about what she had said. In some ways he could relate to her need for passion in her life. He too felt something was missing, but that is why he felt so strongly about them retiring. Another part of him felt it was simply Helena's attempt to rationalize a base desire to try out new cocks. The thought that caused the most angst in his mind was that she was trying out his replacement. By doing it this way she would have something safe to fall back on waiting for her if she couldn't find a suitable substitute.

He had yet to come up with a competent plan when there was a knock on his motel room door. Who could that be? It's nine o'clock.

He looked through his peephole and saw Sydney and Darby standing outside in the cold night air. They had found him. Well why not; he wasn't exactly hiding because he had used their joint credit card for everything. It was never his intention to run away. Just stay away until he could handle the problem rationally.

He exhaled and opened the door. "Come in girls." He poked his head outside and looked in all directions. "You didn't bring your mother with you. Did she send you?"

"No Dad, the two of us wanted to talk with you alone, but yes she knows we are here." Obviously Sydney had been elected spokesperson. She was always the more clear thinking of the two. His younger daughter Darby was more emotional and was giving him looks that clearly demonstrated her displeasure with him. It was probably Syd's idea that they both come.

He waved them to the only two chairs in the room so he sat on the end of the bed. "Well?"

They became fascinated with the faded pattern of the carpeting. Jordan decided that going on offense was a good idea.

"Did it seem odd, or say even inappropriate to either of you for you mother to be discussing her game plan to be unfaithful before she even spoke with me?" He alternated his steely eyed glare between the two of them.

They still hadn't decided if they liked the carpeting or not. Surprisingly Darby was the first to look at him. "Not really Dad. Mom has been unhappy for some time now."

Sydney at least had the decency to look embarrassed.

"So in your opinions, is it just about her desire to have sex with different men?" Again he was being accusatory. He was sure the conversation wasn't going like they anticipated.

It was like Sydney came out of a short term coma. "Dad you have to talk to her..."

"You didn't answer my question Syd."

"Of course that's part of it, but Dad women think differently about sex than men. It's more about the emotional connection. I believe she just sincerely wants to have relationships that will return some zest to her life. Maybe give her a new perspective. Mom isn't the type to just go out and look for bigger dicks to fuck. Excuse my French."