All Comments on 'Closing Time'

He takes in $105K per month and she doesn’t know it?

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Doesn’t she sign the tax return every year?

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Like your stories, impressive that his integrity ruins her career. She chose…poorly.

Simply superb writing skills.

I hate half baked stories…it’s like the author suffers from premature ejaculation! Can’t finish what he has started till the logical end!

Why didn't the MC explain why First Pharmaceuticals was bad idea to Sarah? Why keep that information from her? I'm mean she is wife?

Hate the lack of an ending.

what is the story? very muffled and incomplete

a half of a story

Did Jack Murphy wrote this?

Where's the story?

I'm interested what happened next.

Good story!

5

Hate when an author puts children into a story like you have here.

Also, fairly emotionless and foolish. How hard to say how large his income really amounts to. That would have taken a few seconds of his time.

Yet another dip into the "how not to raise your kids" guide. The kids insisted on going with him to meet their mom. Later he forced her to live in the basement, and effectively, with the help of the kids, he kept her prisoner there. Perhaps if he showed his kids the same discipline he showed his wife they may grow up half decent, as it is I foresee just two more unruly, obnoxious brats, and probably yet another random killing when one of them don't get their own way. Why do so many loving wives authors think it OK to expose their kids to something like this? His reasoning that she's responsible for traumatising the kids by lying about her whereabouts just doesn't wash, he had no proof that she was cheating, it was his decision to take them hoping to catch her and subsequently turn her children against her. In my opinion she's better of without the sick threesome.

It needs an ending better than this

This was extremely well written. You may have used Leonard Cohen as your inspiration but all I can hear is Semisonic.

Of course the themes are quite different.

So how exactly did Kevin know his mother wasn't in New York? How did they know precisely where she was and exactly what time she'd be leaving? And why did they all assume she was cheating? If he's such an expert on investments why not take his own advice instead of making others rich? And would serious investors of major companies really act on advice from one man writing a newsletter in his spare room? Come on, get real! I won't even start on what a controlling twat he is or how the children will probably need therapy before they become total antisocial psychopaths.

Basically a non story created to justify a BTB rant.

Too many unanswered questions and assumptions. Actions without reasons, decisions without information. Virtually everything in this story is based on possibilities and nothing on proof. It's as if the author didn't care for why, he just wanted to burn the bitch. Also, having the children witness it all and seeing their reaction just showed the thoughts of a sick mind.

Great start but much left unsaid

It isn't finished yet.

FTDS.

Please.

Some potential but too disjointed and lacking context. Unrealistic premise.

Scarce and doesn't feel like a complete story

Hope there’s a 2nd part coming. Enjoyed reading this.

Good story so far. Lots of potential. Finish it.

Meh. 1 star for unfinished tripe

Dang, wish there was more.

Part 2 please!

Great little story but needs a follow up with a finish

Is there part 2? I'm hooked!

Love Leonard Cohen and applaud your effort to build a story around his lyrics after all the wife’s behavior fits reasonably well and you could have crafted something around her. Unfortunately, the children play too much of a role — not believable and detracts. That, the basement, her lack of any remorse/understanding, and too much about him/husband. Never reaches the pain/poignancy of Cohen’s song.

A sad tale, but very realistic.

The optimal method of dealing with cheaters, liars, dissemblers and otherwise unsavory people is to hit them directly between the eyes. Funny how a wake-up call quickly follows.

No retribution necessary from those she left behind; her forthcoming pain will be all on her.

The way it should be.

I enjoyed this tale of the cheating wife, I tried really hard to give it 5 stars but I felt it really needed a complete ending. BTB if you want, even recon, but a completion, Just Saying

Less quoting and more FTDS! 2 stars for what could have been a 6 star story. Too bad.

good story but gave it a 1* - unfinished. The cutesy song or whatever at the end didn't cut it.

A great first chapter.

I'm looking forward to him serving her with divorce papers, then her dealing with the aftermath. Being ostracised by her family and left penniless, while her ex-husband keeps the kids and becomes very wealthy would be a bitter pill to swallow for the corporate whore.

I hope you are just getting started it should be a good story hopefully him and the kids burn the whore to the ground

This story was not your usual good work. Stories such as April's Fool and February Sucks, March Blows garnered 5 stars from me which is very hard.

I hope this was a one off.

Nice but sad story of a selfish woman. I hope she gets what she wants as a newly divorced woman.

Would love to see a follow up to this story.

I'd given you a five you If complete story. Please write another chapter. Divorce RAAC either way. foolish people.

Well written

Well written (technically), but incomplete.

Just feels unfinished because there is so much we dont know. Was the wife always this uncaring or is this new? Had she been cheating on the husband? Is he getting a divorce? Not enough depth to the story or characters

Could do with finishing

Unfinished.

Great start to a story, well written, but too short.

Part two on the way?

I suppose the Firstens were people she just had to meet without her clothes. Sadly for her she'll stay poor, probably even become poorer. That's how it goes when everybody knows.

Feels like there's more.....

She "didn't have sex with anyone," yet she had a hotel room?

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I was afraid he was going to deliberately sabotage the IPO, then saw that he had legitimate reasons.

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Needs more. What happens when the IPO fails? What happens when/if she finds out that he shafted it (legitimately) in his newsletter?

Nice start to a good story. Flesh it out more and give it a proper finish.

Pretty good but to short. It needed more. still four stars

Unfulfilled ! FTDS Please

Wow. One helluva story. Pulls on your heartstrings. One can forever empathize with he and the children,but never sympathize with the wife/mother. She soon won't have even the basement dwelling to rest her slutty bones. LP

I think he was doing okay with his news letter. It works out to be $605.77 and hour based on a 40 hour work week. Yet the bitch could not see what her love of money was going to cost her . Lost family over a few thousand dollars. In my mind she screws for her part in the IPO, husband files for devorice, she give up house , his income ( which she thinks is nothing ), and kids. She is thinking that once they see how poor they are with out her glorious money from the IPO they will all come back to her and kiss her ass. Devorice goes through, IPO tanks, the asshols that she is screwing business goes in bankruptcy and she is now out on the streets selling her ass like the whore she is. While the rest of her old family is doing great. Husband finds a wife that loves him for being the man that he is and does not give a damn about all the money. Daughter finds good man and at her wedding new wife is the mother of the bride. The whore only sees her daughter as the new bride as the wedding party is coming out of the church to take pictures. Ex husband with his new wife and daughter with her new husband. While the only thing the old whore can do is keep walking by looking for her next trick. Now that would be a BTB story.

Okay story, as far as it went. Felt unfinished. The confrontation and divorce would have been the most interesting part. Maybe a second part if you can find the words?

Gave you 4 stars but the story felt incomplete.

What is it with these writers and their short unfinished stories? You have the makings of an outstanding story here, yet you chose to ...to--I don't have the right words, but prick tease is about the closet I can come.

Needs to be finished with substance not a song.

First and foremost, ya gotta love Cohen! One of my all time favourite songs and poets. Tying into the story was great and I loved it all. As opposed to some of the comments, NO the story is not too short, nor does it require an ending, it closing time! She ended it it already, no need to prolong the agony or misery, its just over.

Interesting, well written story but again another unfinished story. That seems to be a sadly often reoccurring theme lately for authors. Oh for the days of authors who could write a story with a beginning, a middle, and an end. 3* is the best I can do with what we've got.

For the love of God someone FTDS and burn this bitch and both Firstens PLEASE!!!

Apparently you and a number of the newer authors in LW must have been asleep or skipped class the day your professor lectured about stories having a beginning, middle and end. We had two decent stories just today ruined by that fact alone. If you're going to put in the effort to write a story do yourself justice and do it right. Go back and read some of the legends in LW. They knew how to write a story. I also fault the 750 word bullshit for helping to foster this horrible trend of unfinished stories.

I agree with other comments. It was very good, but needs a few more pages.

More of a snippet than a story.

Psssst.... FTDS. You've got a good start with a fair head of steam under the pistons! Go for it!! 5/5 (so far).

One of the first stories that really gripped me on Literotica was "A PROFESSOR LIVING DANGEROUSLY" by j267. I was unsatisfied with its conclusion. It seemed to me there wasn't one, though the story had enough weight to carry it for a few more chapters. I imagined all kinds of plot points that would fit the characters beautifully. BUT...

Other stories of his, such as CHARITABLE CONTRIBUTIONS also left me wondering 'what happens next?' Not filling in all the blanks is a legitimate writing style, and I've resisted the temptation to write j267 to ask if I could FTDS for him. I will however succumb to your requests and write a second part to CLOSING TIME. I just can't promise when. I am preoccupied with the promotion of my fantasy novel (Amazon ads are complex), and also want to make progress on the sequel to my novel. If you want to know more about it, send me a private message and include your email address.

In CLOSING TIME part 2, I will address questions such as how much Aaron earned from his newsletter (or do the math), how Kevin figured out there's a problem, and why the kids were at the bar parking lot to confront their mother. Thank you all for your comments and interest.

Kudos to the anonymous reference to the Cohen song "Everybody Knows." I had considered making a story out of that song.

More, burn!

This needs more..FTDS please

No ending is 1 star

I hope there is a part two coming as the story would be unfinished if left here.

Well written, with an interesting, convoluted plot. The story is the story, and reviewers making judgements-based on limited data are not interested in the story, but what they think happened. I believe a second chapter will clarify the facts, and add to a very good story.

I forgot. An attention getting introduction. I like the lyrics/poem. It added to the deeper meaning which many seemed to have misses.

How would the wife not know anything about his business? He's bringing in a bit over $100K($350 x 300) a month unless he mysteriously hid it all from his family? Doesn't compute. From the little information we have in this story outline it's very hard to figure anything really except mom's a slut and a not particularly smart one.

Hubby is making about 10 kilobucks a month with his subscriptions. Apparently very low overhead costs. It sounds like the money the HornDogs will get by going public will cut out most of Sweetie’s income … So she apparently specializes in supplying drug-making substances. How that affects her business is taken for granted because she says so!

Nonetheless, she obviously has been working with them for a long time. Is there any reason to believe that a prequel would not disclose a lot of monky-business?

Too many critical factors are not explained, despite not being intuitively obvious. And, since Daddy Asshole is (or was) married, why do they want several days with a regular punch?

3*

Unanswered questions?

I don't normally do this (I leave it for sbrooks), but it's been a long, shitty day and I lost patience with the commentariat after reading such a well-done story.

—His income is 350x300x12=$1.26M. Newsletter subscribers don't care where or how it's written, they just care about ROI; apparently theirs was more than satisfactory.

—He's a poor parent because he exposed his children to his wife's behavior? "Kevin and Caroline had insisted on coming with me to confront Sarah on that fateful night at The Hamptons. I had a hard time refusing them; together the three of us hoped we could save our family."

—He's a poor parent (#2)? "'How dare you speak to your mother that way?' She extended her arm to slap Kevin."

—He's a poor parent (#3)? "'I'm your daughter. Justify missing the parent-teacher meeting this afternoon. Tell me, how could you miss the school play two days ago? We got a standing ovation. Were you proud of me? No, you were busy with these guys, pretending to be in New York.' She spat on the ground beside her.

—He condemned his wife based purely on suppositions? "'It's good to know that you didn't have sex with the Firstens.' I lied. It was terrible to hear those words from her because I knew they weren't true." How did he know? "Kevin figured out you were still in town. We worked out the rest from there." How did Kevin figure out how she was still in town? Who knows, maybe a friend said "Hey, I saw your mom yesterday downtown." Machts nichts. "She also didn't give enough due to the investigative skills which enabled me to come up with investment recommendations. Those skills enabled me to know that she would be in The Hamptons club until closing time on the night of our confrontation."

—He should have told his wife why she shouldn't count on the IPO? "If their IPO is successful. It's a big 'if.' The pharmaceutical sector is volatile. Working for them is a bad idea, Sarah. Don't do it."

—FTDS? A story is finished when the author stops writing, even if some readers want more BTB.

==> tl;dr Read the damn story!

So, when is the next installment?!?!

unfinished!!!!

Very good; notably for the technical aspects of writing but also for the unusual story plot.

What a sweet tale loved it. I for one would love that sort of payment $350x300x12=COOL ! as ROI goes up change that 350 by 5% P.A don't get too greedy though hee hee

I've submitted Closing Time FTDS. I estimate it will appear online in 5-7 days.

@Rw43 Re: Tax Return - I do our taxes with TurboTax, my wife never looks at it.

I think I'm in the minority when I say that this doesn't scream out for a follow up. It's very well written ("Ask the lady next to you" 🤣).

"You don't have to go home but you can't stay here....." Semisonic

Powerful story well written and did I say powerful ?

"You and I are going to have a serious talk about bringing the kids out so late and exposing them to this." - There shouldn't have been a "this" for them to be exposed to!

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"Was lying to your husband and children a necessary part of your transaction?" - Yes, if it was legitimate business, why lie about going to New York?

Not sure how I missed this first time around, but circled back so I could read the most recent story. 5* for this chapter. (Disagree that this didn’t scream a part 2)

1* b/c I couldn't give part 2 less than 1*

@sbrooks103x

"You and I are going to have a serious talk about bringing the kids out so late and exposing them to this." - There shouldn't have been a "this" for them to be exposed to! - No shit, Capt. Obvious.

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"Was lying to your husband and children a necessary part of your transaction?" - Yes, if it was legitimate business, why lie about going to New York? - So you are saying that it is ok to lie to your children and spouse if it is legitimate business! WOW and your wife knows this about you!

@TraLaLa, you choose to be Captain Oblivious. I NEVER said that it was okay to lie if it was legitimate business, I said that IF it was legitimate business, why would you lie?

"Rubbish" is too kind, given how the story morphs over subsequent parts. But "Rubbish" will have to do since the series is not more effort to find a better word.

A very good start. Need to see what she returns to. Expect that her belongings should be bagged and left near the driveway, and her keys no longer work. If she is able to cross the threshold, then it’s not Closing Time.

I was going to say that you left it to much up in the air, but just seen you have a second part, nicely set up just the bit different with the way you have written this so far