Closing Time for Our Marriage

Now Jordan was the one fazed. His eyes had expanded noticeably. In his lifetime he never imagined words like that coming from, never mind a conversation like this with his daughters. Darby looked like she was going to add something but much to his relief she appeared to have thought better of it and kept her mouth closed.

"Dad, let me ask you a couple of simple questions ok?" Sydney appeared genuine in her desire to mediate the situation, but Darby still looked angry. Maybe it was the pregnancy, but her demeanor was worrying him.

"Shoot. I don't have ideas anyway."

"Do you still love her?"

"Of course, you don't fall out of love with someone that easily."

"Do you think she still loves you?"

"I think she believes she does." He paused to give it more thought. "Yes I guess from her perspective what she wants to do has nothing to do with her love for me. At least that's what she told me."

"That's why you have to go talk with her. You can't just avoid her forever. You guys have too much of a good history to let this end you."

"It was never my intention to evaporate Syd. I just needed to calm myself, try to understand and maybe get her to see reason, but I was so shocked and angry I was afraid of what I might say or do."

Darby gave a snort of disgust or disbelief. Jordan wasn't sure which.

"Let me ask you Syd, do you think what she wants to do is appropriate for a married woman, do you think it will make our marriage stronger?"

"Dad it really isn't important what I think, I'm just focused on getting you two to at least talk with each other. She is worried about you."

"Sorry Syd, not good enough. Your mother talked to you about having sex with other men before she even mentioned it to me." Jordan was back to being threatening. "Give me an honest answer, and I will go talk with her."

Sydney sighed and was thoughtful before speaking. "I understand where she is coming from, but no, I don't think it is appropriate. I also don't think it's worth breaking up a 30 year relationship though. At least not before you talk it over and try to understand her, and at least work out a compromise of sorts."

Jordan wasn't happy with her response but he felt Sydney was being honest. The girls were naturally closer to their mom than to him.

"Darby honey, you think I'm being unreasonable don't you? You believe what your mother wants is reasonable and perhaps she even deserves this selfish pleasure don't you? Do you think I am in the wrong here?"

Before she could answer Sydney put a grip on her arm that was going to leave marks for a while. Darby understood Syd's intent and snapped at him. "Just go talk to her will you please?" She pulled her arm away and began to rub it, Sydney's finger nail marks were already bruising.

He didn't bother following up the question, he had his answer.

Jordan thought for a couple of minutes. He still wasn't sure what he wanted to do, but he knew staying in the motel room plan had its shortcomings.

"All right ladies, tomorrow is Sunday, tell your mom I will be home in the afternoon and we can talk." He turned and stared Darby down, and snapped back at her. "Alone!"

That's great Dad! Bye." Sydney grabbed Darby's arm again and pulled her towards the door.

"Ouch that really hurts damn it," screeched an angry and hurting baby sister Darby.

Jordan couldn't help but laugh at that as the door closed behind them. It reminded him of when they were young. Darby had always need Sydney to keep her out of trouble.

He fell into another troubled sleep. At about three AM he awoke with a start. He had an epiphany. Well maybe it wasn't that significant, but he had an idea. There was some risk to it, but it might bring this dating nonsense to an end. It could also end his marriage and despite his anger at Helena he didn't really want a divorce. His life was comfortable, if not exciting, but he was too old to start over, wasn't he?

Jordan walked into his house in the early afternoon to find Helena sitting pensively on the living room couch. She looked like she hadn't slept in several days. Jordan was glad to see he wasn't the only one who was a mess. He stood there silently waiting for her to say something, then thought better of it and started in on her.

"You know Helena, no matter how this ends up for us, the one thing I will never forgive you for is talking to our daughters about your desire to have sex with other men before you even had the decency to at least speak with me about it first."

"Wait, you have to understand why...."

Jordan put his hand up in the 'talk to the hand' position and interrupted. "What have I ever done to you to deserve that level of disrespect from you? I mean really, the hubris you have shown. And what really made me angry, and I mean angry to the point of maybe doing you bodily harm which is why I had to leave immediately, was that I knew why you did it!

"It was two things really wasn't it? First it was so you could get them on your side, which by the way you succeeded with Darby and I think you still have a chance with Syd. The second was if they freaked out and said no way, then I never would have heard a word about it, would I?

"Your selfishness has cost me my relationship with my daughters."

"But I...."

"Just don't Helena, just don't. I still love them and I suppose I always will, but I have lost respect for them and I'm sure they for me. You took it upon yourself to damage my relationship with them. The only reason I am here is because I promised I would talk with you before I made any decisions. Maybe by doing so I figured I might start down the road of repairing my relationship with them. So help me Helena if you say one word in reference to my daughters' involvement in this mess I will be out of here. If you pulled this shit on me twenty years ago we'd already be divorced.

"All that being said, it's your dime, so start talking." Jordan suddenly felt old and very tired so he flopped into his well worn but favorite recliner and waited. His wife hated that chair and had told him numerous times to get rid of it because it was tattered and didn't match their décor. But he always refused, he just felt it was getting broken in properly.

Helena waited a full minute before she could speak. "I am sorry, I know I handled that poorly, but can I please say something about why I spoke with them without you flying off the handle or storming out the door?"

"Only if you answer me one question first, why is Darby angry with me? What did you say that would make her angry with me?"

"Jordan honey..."

He visibly cringed when she called him honey but didn't interpose himself however, she noticed it.

"I honestly don't know what I said that would cause her anger, but you know she has always been a momma's girl and maybe she just naturally assumed you had done something wrong, which of course you haven't. Maybe that's part of the problem?"

"What? You would have liked it better if I was abusive to you or a serial cheater?" Spittle was coming out of his mouth.

"Of Course not, I just meant that you are very predicable.

"Let's put the girls aside for now. They are both grown and married and neither of them really needs us any more. We had a relationship before them and one after they left the house. It's you and me, mostly me that I really want to talk about."

"I concur. Can you start off by doing a better job of telling me why you want to do this?"

"Yes Jordie I will try. I've had several days to think about it. I think the best way for me to describe how I feel is to ask you a few questions, is that ok?"

He just slowly nodded his head.

"Jordan, when is the last time you and I did something together for the first time?"

"Well I don't really remember anything recently." He was genuinely stumped. "But Helena at our age it's harder to come up with new things. You know our retirement plans were all going to be doing things together for the first time. If you retire now, we can start doing all of that together. Plus aren't we contented with where we are?

"You might be, but I'm not. Our retirement plans will wait and they will be fun, but I want to feel the excitement that one gets when doing something new maybe even a little risky.

"We never go out together anymore. We haven't for sometime."

"Now that's not true. We go out to dinner all the time!"

"Jordie, we go out to dinner once a month or so. We always go to Graziano's and you order the lasagna every single time. That's all we do, no movies, no day trips, nothing else."

"I didn't realize that Helena. It's just that I'm tired all the time from work. Maybe we can do it more now that I retired?"

"You did what?" She shrilled and rose up. "You should have talked to me before you did that Jordie. Sheesh I wish you hadn't done that. What are you going to do?"

"But Helena that was our plan all along."

"No Jordan that was your plan. Let's come back to this later. Do you think I'm attractive?"

"Of course I do. I know I don't say it often enough, but I'm still very attracted to you. That should go without saying I think."

"Ok, what do you think when you see me naked Jordie? Do I take your breath away do you start to get an erection like you used to when we were young or do you ever have an almost irresistible urge to throw me on the bed and make mad passionate love to me. Do ever just have the urge to ravage me?"

She was crying gently as she continued. "Do you remember when we were first married how we would make out in the car at least once a week all over town? I remember when we used to take our nude car rides late at night and how excited it got me. I want that feeling again."

"Helena you're not being fair, we've been married over 30 years and we are in are 50's for god sakes. You can't expect us to have the same level of desire we had as kids. Marriage is about being comfortable with each other. We have earned the right to slow down."

"Are you satisfied with our sex life Jordan, are you really? I feel like we only have sex because we think we have to. Neither of us crave sexual contact anymore. Hell when we get into bed we are like boxers after the bell rings to end a round and we go to our respective corners. We only have sex a couple times a month and I want more and I want to feel that hypersexual heat again."

Jordan remained silent; there really wasn't anything to say. What was he supposed to do, tell her that she was wrong to feel that way?

"I know it hurt you the other night when I told you that the only time I felt alive is when I was at work but its true. I love the excitement I love the adult conversations with important people. I love the problem solving the atmosphere and yes Jordie, I love the attention too.

"I know I told you about the guy who asked me out at work and that I wanted to say yes. What I didn't tell you was that when he asked me I immediately got wet and felt myself flush. I have missed that feeling so much."

"Why didn't you tell how you felt about all this? I feel terrible; I guess I let you down."

"It's not all on you Jordie, I should have done better myself, but at this point there really isn't anything the two of us can do. That's why I wanted to look to the outside for the feelings I need. Maybe if we both feel young and excited again it will help us reconnect. But..."

"So we're going to have an open marriage is that it?"

"Don't be crude Jordie, it isn't like that at all." She replied scornfully.

"Really, tell me how it would be different? I guess I'm just supposed to sit home like a good little boy while you go out a fuck anyone you want, is that it?"

"Jordie please. To be honest this isn't just about sex. I haven't thought that much about that part; it's more about the excitement of a new relationship."

"What are you going to do if I refuse to go along with this insanity?"

"Jordie you aren't going to refuse me this. I know you love me enough to let me do this. I still love you and ten years from now I will probably be ready to be just as satisfied with what our relationship will be as you are happy with it now. Then we can both be retired and do the traveling you want to."

"Ok Helena I've listened to what you are saying and I understand where you are coming from, but now I need you to understand my position.

"What's so wrong with feeling comfortable? I think I have earned the right after all the things I've done to support our family to have some peace and quiet. I worked all those years at a job I came to hate to support my family. I'm tired and I don't want that kind of stress in my life anymore. Don't I deserve that?"

"Of course you do sweetheart, all I'm asking you to do is put it on hold for awhile. If you don't want to get your old job back, find something else to do until I work through all this then we can do the traveling and spoil our grandchildren together."

"Listen to me Helena, I will not be able to handle you having sex with other men. I just won't. But, maybe I can propose a compromise that works for both of us. You give me the opportunity to be a better husband to you and I will agree to your going on occasional dates, but just platonic dates. You told me the sex isn't all that important to you. After all these years don't I deserve a chance before you take that final step that could end our marriage?

"If you're being honest with me you can wait awhile on the sex part can't you? I mean if the relationship part is more important anyway?"

"Well Jordan, I don't know how to respond to that. I mean it sounds reasonable enough, so let me think about it for a bit. In the meantime can you return home please? I think it's childish and besides I worry about you taking care of yourself. Just come home."

"Yes Helena, I will come home, but I want an answer from you on my suggestion before I do. And the second thing I want is for us to work out a written agreement, a post-nup if you will, that your 'dates' will just be platonic and any violation of that triggers a divorce with the settlement heavily weighted in my favor."

"What are you serious? I will do no such thing. You will just have to trust me."

"Ok, I will just talk to a lawyer tomorrow and get the ball rolling on the divorce." Jordan doubted that he would actually go through with his threat; he felt he was too old to start over. He was just trying to buy time and hope he could convince her to stay with him. Jordan got up and started for the door praying Helena would stop him.

"Wait Jordan, stay for dinner and let's talk about this some more. I will probably have some questions and I'm sure that you will have questions about how all this would work. So Please stay, I will whip us up a quick dinner and we can talk."

Jordan acquiesced and stayed. They ate a simple pasta dish with a bottle of wine and talked. In actual fact they talked until about two in the morning. At some point Jordan realized this was the most meaningful conversation between husband and wife than they had in years. It also made him recognize how far apart he and Helena had grown. Coming to understand the depth of the chasm was staggering for a man who, up until a couple of weeks ago thought he had a great marriage.

On the other hand Jordan was encouraged because he noted that Helena really hadn't thought much about the actual process of dating. He was relieved because a big part of him assumed she had a boyfriend all lined up and ready to go. He also became more comfortable that she wasn't just trying to find a replacement for him. It was now obvious to him that she was unhappy and looking to find more excitement in her life, but hadn't really thought past that point. He felt he had some time.

Three days later at dinner Helena announced that she was going on a date a week from Friday. Jordan literally dropped his fork onto his plate. He was crushed and his eyes started to water up.

"Jordie, please don't do this. We talked about it and we agreed."

"Yes but, but we haven't even drawn up our agreement yet?" He was whining and he knew that he sounded like a little boy who had lost his favorite toy, but he couldn't help himself.

"You're the one who wanted the agreement Jordan. What have you done about it? I'm betting nothing and I'm not putting my plans on hold waiting for you." Helena snapped impatiently.

Jordan was aware of that fact and was hoping to delay it hoping she might change her mind. In fact all he had done since their conversation was mope around the house and lay in his hammock feeling sorry for himself.

"Besides Jordie you haven't asked me out on a date yet so I don't plan on sitting home waiting for you to do so. I will be going out for dinner and a movie with a friend. He will be picking me up here at six." She said efficaciously. "If you want I will introduce you to him?"

"No! I don't want him here. He will not come into my house."

"Quit being childish, of course he will pick me up here. However I will acquiesce to your request that he not enter the house this time. But for the future, my dates will be invited in. It is the polite thing to do and if you can't handle it you shouldn't be around when I go out." She was being condescending now.

Jordan sputtered and turned beet red, but didn't have an adequate retort for her so he remained silent.

"Just draw up whatever agreement you want, but do it quickly. And instead of wasting money on an attorney we will just have Sydney read it and notarize it. She is licensed you know." Helena snorted dismissively and promenaded out of the room.

At first he was shocked at the suggestion but then thought better of it. If Sydney was involved in the process Helena would have a harder time not sticking to the rules she agreed to, so he concurred.

Later that evening after recovering, Jordan asked Helena very formally if she would like to go out Friday night. "I would love to Jordie, why don't you surprise me with what we are going to do?"

Jordan had two things to do now. Draw up the agreement and figure out what the hell to do on a date. It had been over thirty years. Helena had said that her first date was dinner and a movie so he thought maybe they could go out for dinner and dancing. That should impress her.

Jordan drew up the agreement and they had Sydney and her family over for a visit. Jordan had a great grill, even though it was ten year old, and the weather was nice so they had a barbeque. They both loved their grandchildren and all their troubles were forgotten for a brief time while they played with them. When they had a few moments of privacy with her the three of them went through the agreement.

Sydney's only comment was directed at Helena. "Are you sure this is what you want to do?" Helena simply nodded in response and all three signed it.

Based on Syd's lack of emotion, he was fairly certain that she and Helena had discussed the contents ahead of time in some detail. It made him uneasy, but there was nothing to be gained by bringing attention to it. Besides at least Darby wasn't there giving him her death stare. That thought reminded him that he hadn't seen or heard from Darby since the night in his hotel room. That just made him sadder.

Friday night arrived and as Jordan and Helena were getting dressed to go out Jordan simply put on one of his old work suits and a well worn pair of loafers. He hadn't been dancing in forever and didn't want his feet barking at him. Helena on the other hand was putting on a brand new black high split party dress and obviously new shoes with three inch heels. She had the pearl necklace on that he had bought her many years ago. She looked great and he told her so.

"Why thank you Jordie. Not bad for an old broad huh?"

"No, not bad at all." He responded with genuine affection. He offered his arm to her and they walked out together.

Their date went ok, and Jordan had the good sense to go to one of the new Japanese teppan restaurants in town instead of Grazianno's before heading to the Elevation Bar and Lounge. The EBL as it was often called was smaller than most dance clubs in town and catered to a more mature crowd. The music didn't hurt his ears either so he felt pretty comfortable. He managed to spend some time on the dance floor with Helena without completely embarrassing himself.