Closing Time for Our Marriage

At one point a man about Jordan's age wearing a very sharp expensive looking navy blue suit approached their table and asked Helena to dance. She politely turned him down and continued her conversation with Jordan. This also made Jordan feel better, because the man was very handsome and obviously well off but Helena didn't even give him a second glance.

As the evening progressed he appreciated the fact that Helena seemed to be trying to have a good time but he started feeling melancholy as the night wore on. He realized that they didn't have anything new or exciting to talk about and their outing lacked energy. Their conversation tended to focus on the mundane. Helena started to talk about him retiring but the both quickly recognized that it wasn't a good time for that.

On the way home Helena genuinely thanked Jordan for a pleasant night. When they got into bed they made love but Jordan didn't feel any special spark or aura about it. It was routine and he was sure Helena felt the same. When they were finished they both rolled over to their sides of the bed. In a few short minutes Jordan heard the soft rhythmic breathing of sleep coming from Helena but he couldn't sleep. He had too many worrisome thoughts playing on his mind for that.

Jordan rolled onto his back put his hands behind his head and started to review what had occurred that night. He concluded that some of Helena's assertions were correct. There wasn't any sparks between them anymore. But after thirty-three years was that even possible? On the other hand she seemed to honestly enjoy their time together. She had routinely dismissed the gentleman who wanted to dance with her so maybe his fears of her wanting to replace him were unfounded. He accepted Helena's statement that she just wanted to feel something again at face value, but it didn't make him feel any better about the situation. It was still a baffled husband that finally fell into a troubled sleep.

Their lives quickly fell back into a familiar routine of work, eat, and sleep. Jordan felt comfortable with that but he accepted that Helena did not. Jordan was morose all day on the next Friday. Conversely Helena had been quite cheerful at breakfast, but neither one mentioned her 'date' later that evening. Maybe the best strategy was to not talk about the elephant in the room.

Jordan had gone to the local big box hardware store in the early afternoon to pick up some parts he needed to repair the lawn mower and when he returned he saw Helena's car in the garage. She was home two hours early. His depression only worsened when he entered the house and heard Helena upstairs humming to herself as she was obviously preparing for her evening. He forgot about the lawn mower and grabbed a beer from the fridge and went outside to the back yard and climbed into his hammock. He had a sense of approaching doom so he forced his mind to think of more pleasant times.

He looked over at the now decaying play set and thought of his two little girls all those years ago running from him playing and laughing as he chased them pretending to be the Cookie Monster. They would eventually let him catch them because they knew that the Monster would give them real cookies and chocolate milk before their mom got home. It was always their little secret from her.

Jordan was shaken out of his reminisces by the sound of a car horn. A short time later Helena called out from the back porch. "Jordie I'm leaving now."

Jordan didn't know what she expected from him so he just ignored her and closed his eyes for a moment.

Helena was going to snap at him because she was perturbed that he didn't say goodbye, but she thought better of it and just said quietly, "I'll be home around eleven," and walked away.

Awhile later Jordan's stomach was grumbling at him so he went into the kitchen and was listlessly rooting through the fridge to see if he could find something to eat. He found some left over potato soup so he heated it up, grabbed another beer and was sitting forlornly at the kitchen table that held so many good memories for him when Sydney walked in and sat at the table. She had a worried but sympathetic look on her face but didn't say anything at first.

"What do you want Syd, did your mother send you?"

"Actually Dad she did. She was worried about you. She said you were moping about all day."

"Yeah I guess I wasn't showing enough enthusiasm for her first date."

"Dad, she won't do anything with him. She won't break your agreement."

"Well gosh, what do I have to be worried about then?" He put his head down and starting spooning up his warmed over soup.

"Dad please..."

Jordan jumped up spilling a little of his soup as he slammed his palm down on the table and shouted. "You really think this is ok, don't you. What does your husband think of his mother-in-law's little adventure?"

"He doesn't need to know about this. It doesn't involve him."

"Maybe I should bring him up to speed, you know let him know what he has to look forward to in the future when you get bored with him?"

"You won't do that, now sit back down please. Dad, no I don't think it is ok and I would never do something like that to Denton. I just don't know how else to keep you two together. She really does love you, you know. That's why she asked me to come over here. She was worried. She wouldn't have bothered if she didn't love you."

"Syd, you know as well as I do that sooner or later she is going to sleep with one of them." Jordan's chest was heaving and tears were rolling down his face. "Please leave now, I don't want you seeing me like this."

"Dad, listen to me. Answer me one question honestly then I will go. Do you like your life, are you comfortable with what you have?"

"I was up until this shit started," he spat out.

"Take your feelings out of this for just a moment and tell me what has changed with your life. Nothing that's what. You can get through this if you just think clearly about it. Tell me you don't think she loves you. You can't can you?"

"You know Syd, I came to that conclusion already. I know she loves me. I know she isn't going to leave me for one of her fuck buddies, but it hurts you know? The funny thing is as much told me that I should date too. She knows that I won't do that though so the possibility doesn't scare her."

"Please Dad, if you just look at it dispassionately you will see that nothing has changed. She's the same and so are you, and so is your marriage. Besides you aren't going to divorce her in any case. You're fifty-five years old; do you really want to start over?

"I'm sorry to be so blunt Dad, but you need to just go with the flow and in a few years Mom will get this out of her system and your guys life will return to normal. I know it will."

Jordan was inconsolable. He was embarrassed to have his daughter see him like this. He somehow knew that their relationship would never be the same and it didn't seem possible but he felt even sadder. He looked up at Sydney and could see that she was embarrassed also.

"Dad, I uh, I have to go now. I will see you later," and she almost ran out the front door.

Jordan finally became aware of the mess he had created with his soup bowl so he went about cleaning up the mess all the while thinking about his situation. Now that Sydney was gone at least he could be alone in his misery for a while. But that wasn't to be. Apparently Helena had talked to both daughters because when he got up after wiping up the floor there was Darby with her hands on her hips staring him down.

"Not now Darby, I don't have the time or patience to listen to any more bullshit, especially from you."

Jordan looked at his youngest daughter and realized that she seemed giddy with excitement at what her mother was doing.

"Darby based on your attitude I can tell that you are very happy for your mother aren't you?"

"Yes Daddy I am. She is taking charge of her life while you just wallow in your misery."

"I bet you're really looking forward to the day you can do this to your husband aren't you?"

Darby got a dark sneer on her face and spat out her reply.

"I just have one thing to say to you Daddy," she pronounced 'daddy' with all the sarcasm she could muster. "If you don't pull your head out of your ass and go along with Mom's program you are never going to get to see your 3^rd grandchild."

Jordan was dumbstruck. "What?"

"That's right Daddy, I can't believe you would refuse her after all she's done for us over the years. Hasn't she earned this?"

"Well Darby, haven't I earned some respect for everything I've done for the family all these years?"

"She told me that she said you should do the same thing. So do it! You know she will get over this someday and things will go back to normal. I know you want to be involved in your grandchild's life, so just relax and learn to live with it."

"Right, well she's out on a date right now, so I guess I am going along with the program aren't I? I guess I really don't have any choice anyway." He was a defeated man.

"That's right Daddy you don't." She patted him on the shoulder like one would a small child and strutted out of the house in victory.

Jordan was very confused. What should he do now? He didn't know how he was supposed to react. Did he just go to bed? He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. Should he stay up and wait for her like he used to do when his daughters started dating. Like most worried fathers, he always sat in the living room waiting for them to return. He could move into one of the spare bedrooms, but why let her kick him out of his own bed? In the end, consistent with what he had become, he decided to do nothing.

He didn't really have the energy to confront the issue. If she was home before his normal bedtime, around 10PM he would be doing what he always did after dinner, watching television. He had recorded a number of old westerns favorites that he would watch over and over again. He never tired of them. He could recite the dialogue word for word from Rio Bravo. After that he would be in bed and hopefully asleep, but he doubted that would be the case.

At 10 O'clock Helena wasn't home so he shut off the television, just as John Wayne shot the guy off his horse. He took a quick shower and went to bed. Unbelievably he actually fell asleep before Helena got home.

Helena's date dropped her off back at her house just after eleven. Before exiting his car she gave him a quick kiss on the lips and thanked him for a terrific evening. He asked her if they could do it again sometime.

"I would love to do it again, I had a very enjoyable evening, but before committing to anything I better see how my husband is doing with all this."

"I thought you said he was ok with it? Would it be a good idea for me to come in and meet him so he could see there was nothing threatening about me?"

"Maybe some other time, I think I will have to spend some time smoothing things over with him. He's probably waiting up for me just like he used to do with our girls." Helena couldn't help but giggle as she said it.

In a way she was as confused as Jordan about how she should act. She'd never done anything like this before. She didn't do anything outside the agreement they had made so she didn't need to feel guilty, but truthfully she did. Hardin was a perfect gentleman all evening. She wondered if Jordie would want to reclaim her as his wife. In truth she would love to have sex with him, the whole evening had been exciting and she was aroused. In short, the time spent with Hardin was very invigorating. He took her hand in his during the movie and his simple touch shot a jolt of electricity through her body that she hadn't experienced since she started dating Jordan.

She was a little disappointed when she discovered that Jordan didn't wait up for her, but excused it thinking he might be waiting for her in bed. She got flushed just thinking about it. However, even before she got to their bedroom, she could her him gently snoring. She was terribly hurt, how could he? Did he care so little for her that he didn't even wait up until she got home?

By the time She finished her shower and preparation for bed her conflicting emotions had settled on anger. Helena felt it was rude of him not to be waiting for her. She crawled into bed but didn't sleep very much. Her thoughts switched back and forth between her anger at an uncaring husband and the exciting time she had with Hardin.

When Helena awoke in the late morning she turned over and saw that Jordan was gone. She could hear him poking around in the garden shed. It was Saturday so he was probably doing his routine of yard work. She had tried to get him to hire a gardener for years but he always refused. It was his yard so he would take care of it.

It was just about lunch time when Helena finally made it downstairs. She was still very perplexed as to how she should handle the situation with Jordan. She honestly didn't want to fight with him and genuinely wanted their relationship to continue on as it had. She self-centeredly felt that her dating activity was outside of their relationship. It filled in what was missing from her life; it didn't replace what she had. Why couldn't Jordan understand that?

She heard Jordan putting the mower back into the shed and she knew he was about finished. She quickly prepared sandwiches with chips and iced tea for lunch as was her normal habit on Saturdays.

When Jordan entered the kitchen he gave a non committal look in her direction as he noticed that lunch was prepared. He went to the sink and washed the morning's chores off of his hands and sat at the table. Without making eye contact with her he began to eat his lunch. It was very uncomfortable for the both of them.

Helena was the first to talk. She cleared her throat, and timidly asked, "Jordie can we talk about last night?"

Jordan's head shot up in mid mouthful of sandwich and stared wide eyed at his wife. He almost choked on the mouth full and had to take a sip of tea before he could respond. "Helena, I have absolutely no interest in your date from last night. If you so much as mention anything about it to me I will be out the door and be gone until I find an attorney to start the process of our divorce!"

"Jordan please, stop acting so childish. I just thought you might like to know how it went?"

He didn't respond beyond slowly shaking his head in the negative with a scowl on his face that Helena had never seen before so she didn't push the issue.

"Listen to me Helena, I do not like what you are doing one bit. You aren't in high school and I'm not one of your giddy little girlfriends asking you about your date with the 'hunky' senior quarterback. I'm your husband, your extremely pissed off husband. I am still convinced that what you are doing will end us. So don't push it!"

"All right Jordie I understand and I won't bring it up again. I simply wanted to point out to you that I went on a date and nothing changed between us. That is outside of us. I love you as much today as when we got married."

Jordan just snorted and went back outside to lie in his hammock.

The next week passed and the two of them had settled into what could best be described as an uncomfortable coexistence. There certainly wasn't any intimacy between them and meal times were mostly silent. Jordan's hygiene and manner of dress suffered. He rarely shaved and some days never showered or got out of his pajamas. Helena seemed not to notice.

Jordan also spent a lot of time alone in his hammock questioning what the future held for them. He also came to accept some truths about his new existence. First he knew that no matter what he said or did, Helena was going to go on her dates, and sooner or later sleep with one of them. Secondly, he realized that he didn't have the energy to try to 'fight' for his marriage. He didn't feel like he should have to in the first place so he was never going to ask her for another date. Although it made him forlorn and angry with himself, he knew that Helena and the girls were well aware that he wasn't going to divorce her. He was just too old and defeated. His only hope was that Helena would come to her senses and stop this madness.

One crisp late afternoon as he was wasting the day away again in his hammock, he smelled something awful and realized it was him. At that moment, he made a decision. It might have been a life and death one too. Whatever transpired, He was done feeling sorry for himself. Jordan was reminded of an old movie line, that at some point everyone has to come to a decision about their life. And you either had to "get busy living or get busy dying." He chose to live.

On a Wednesday evening while enduring another silent meal Helena noticed that Jordan was clean shaven and well dressed which was unusual. It had been almost three weeks since her first date so she felt now was as good a time as any.

"Jordan honey, I just wanted to let you know that I will be going out again this Friday evening. I will invite my date in, because it is the polite thing to do, so if that makes you uncomfortable, you should probably be gone." She closed her eyes, grimaced and waited for his outburst.

"I understand. It will probably be best if I'm just away from home then. What time should I be gone?"

An exceptionally stunned Helena just stammered out, "Uh, I guess by six or six thirty."

Jordan just nodded his head and continued spooning his meatball soup. He loved meatball or 'Albondigas' soup. It was one of his favorites and he was certain that it wasn't a coincidence that Helena had made this evening.

"Ok I'll be out of the house. The soup is excellent as usual, thank you for making it."

Helena started to say something and Jordan was certain she was somehow going to make a reference to the soup and her dating other men. Part of Jordan really wanted to hear how Helena was going to try to pull that one off, but he just stared her down and wisely she decided to not say anything.

That night Jordan slept like a baby for the first time in a long time and Helena was the one who was spending a fitful night. She got very little sleep because she couldn't decide if Jordie's lack of emotion was insulting or a sign of his becoming more comfortable with their situation. Truth be told she was hurt that he didn't make a scene.

True to his word that Friday evening as he was heading out the door he yelled to Helena who had been upstairs for getting dressed for hours to let her know he was leaving.

"Helena, I'm leaving now, just one question though. You aren't going to invite your gentleman friend in when you return from your date are you? I'm just asking so I know if I need to be gone then too?"

He was looking up to the top of the stairs and Helena appeared in a very sexy matching bra and panty set as she tilted her head to attach one of her pearl earrings. Damn she was still beautiful thought Jordan. She must have sensed her mistake.

"Uh, I'm sorry Jordan I should have put a robe on."

He dismissed her concern with a wave of his hand and repeated his question.

"No sweetheart, I won't invite him in and I should be home by 11:00 I would think?"

"Ok, thank you," and Jordan was out the door.

Jordan didn't really know what he was going to do to kill some time, so he did what he usually did. He went to Home Depot. He couldn't remember why, but he was a Home Depot guy even though his town had a Lowe's also. If you were a man, you were either a Home Depot or a Lowe's guy. He supposed it was like being a Ford or a Chevy dude.

One of the little games Jordan enjoyed playing at the Depot was to see how long he could wander around the store and count the number of 'associates' that ignored him before one of them acknowledged his existence and asked if they could help him find something. His record was 17 employees and 32 minutes.