Cockatoo Pt. 25

'Shit,' said Shane, 'Try to stay calm. Don't say anything.'

The door was pulled back and the man who had been at the back was in the open door pointing his gun at Shane and shouted something in Thai. 'He say get out and kneel on ground, hands behind head.' Nin said. Shane put his hands up and edged towards the door. He stepped down and we could see the man waving his gun around in Shane's face. Shane didn't take his eyes off the guy's face, and the man was getting wilder and wilder, screaming at Shane for some reason.

'He tell you to stop looking at him, he shoot you if not.' Nin shouted to Shane who slowly dropped his gaze. Nin was looking at Shane wide eyed, obviously scared, but I was angry that once more, someone was waving a gun around in front of me. I had to stay calm, I knew I might have only one chance to make something happen, and I didn't want to miss that chance. The guy from the front came round to the open door, pointed his gun at me, 'Where your bag?'

'I don't have a bag, it was stolen on the ferry.'

'Don't lie, where your bag?'

'I told you, I don't have one, someone stole it on the ferry.'

Nin said something to him in Thai, I guess telling him the same thing.

'Take the bags, if that's what you want,' shouted Shane, and got hit on the back of his head with the gun. 'Shut up,' screamed the one with his gun on me. It had a been a blow that would have dropped an ox, and yet Shane was only down on his hands and knees shaking his head, trying to clear it.

'We want your bag,' he screamed at me, 'where you hide it?'

'I don't have it, it didn't come off the ferry. Can't you see it's not here.'

'Liar, tell me or I shoot your friend.' He pointed his gun at Nin.

'No,' I shouted, 'I don't have my bag, there's nothing in it, why do you want it?'

The man guarding Shane looked over to see what was going on in the mini bus, and like a cobra striking, Shane stood up and hit him under the nose with the flat of his hand in one motion. I heard the man's nose break, and he flopped like a sack of rice onto the floor. The guy inside the bus turned to see what was happening, and I shoved him hard in his back, his head whipping back against the door frame and the gun tumbling out of his hand. He fell out through the open door and Shane stamped on his hand before picking up the gun. He bent down, stuck the gun in the man's ear and said, 'Listen, we don't have the bag, it was stolen on the ferry, tell your bosses to look at the crew, one of them has the case.' The man nodded his head and Shane clubbed him over the head with the gun.

The taxi drivers were jabbering away in Thai and although Nin was still shaking she said, 'They want to get away now, they really scared.'

The two men who had held us up were moaning on the ground and Shane frisked them, removing their phones and wallets. He threw the guns into the darkness and said to Nin, 'Tell the drivers to wait while I disable the car, then we can get going.'

'Hurry Shane, they say they only wait a couple minutes.'

Shane sprinted over to the car and we could hear him smashing the windscreen, and the lights died. He came back after a few minutes, folding up what looked like a very serious knife.

'Slashed the tires, ripped out the wiring and threw the keys into the river over there. They won't be going anywhere soon.'

He jumped in, closed the door and the taxi driver floored the accelerator and we shot off. Shane reached out and gave Nin's hand a squeeze, she smiled at him but I could see she was still shaking. I went to sit next to her, and I hugged her tight.

'Nice move Jamie,' said Shane, 'I'm not sure I could have reached him in time if you hadn't done that. Took some guts.'

'I'm sick of people waving guns at me,' I said.

He raised an eyebrow at me and I shook my head, 'Long story, Shane, for some other time. What do you think this was all about?'

'I can only guess but I think someone slipped drugs into your case while it was on the trolley in Samui. Happens a lot, innocent travellers can be used as unwitting mules for carrying drugs. You got unlucky. Maybe the guy they caught on the pier was a diversion. I think it all went wrong though. You were meant to collect your bag, and then it would have disappeared, maybe on the bus. I guess one of the crew members got greedy, stole your bag on the ferry, took whatever was in it and probably chucked the bag overboard. It threw the reception team over here off guard and they had to pull this stunt to see if you had stolen or hidden the drugs yourself.'

Nin had stopped shaking by now, and as I looked at her I couldn't resist giving her a quick kiss. She smiled and said, 'Kap kun ka, Jamie.' She snuggled closer into my arms and I saw Shane giving us a glance. The taxi drivers were talking quietly to each other and Nin was not able to hear what they were saying. We had just arrived in a small town when they pulled over to the side of the road and turned off the engine. The driver turned to Nin and said something that obviously wasn't good judging by the dark look on her face. She turned to us and said, 'They refuse to take us any further, they too scared. They think we are bad luck and want to go home. They say hotel here or get new taxi, they turning round now.' Superstition is never far away from everyday life in Thailand, so if the drivers had decided we were bad luck, that was an end of it as far as they were concerned.

The second driver was already unloading Shane's and Nin's bags from the back of the minibus and it was obvious that this was the end of the road for the two drivers. We all got out of the bus and stood there as the driver spun the wheels and headed back to Chumphon. We looked at each other, all of us thinking the same thought, could this journey get any worse? Shane and I sat on the bags whilst Nin went in search of another taxi. I was surprised to see that even as tired as I was I had remembered to hold my wrap-around skirt properly and I sat there with my knees together.

'Shane, if you'll tell me, where did you learn to take guys down like that?'

He didn't reply immediately but then looked at his boots and said, 'Australian Special Air Service, two tours in Afghanistan. Then into private security work, close protection and other stuff.'

I nodded, didn't say anything, hoping Shane would say more. He didn't, so I said, 'What made you leave the army?'

He looked away, and I knew he wasn't going to volunteer the reason.

'Was it because you're gay?' I said it quietly, half hoping he wouldn't hear me.

He picked up a stone from the roadside and started to turn it in his fingers. He played with it for a few moments before looking at me and said, 'How did you know?'

'Easy really. You seem to like me but you know I'm transgender. I think the friend you talked about who transitioned was more than just a friend by the way you spoke of him. A few other things, I don't have a gaydar, but it just seemed to explain things.'

He turned the pebble in his fingers a few more times, 'I guess I always knew I was different, but I grew up in a shit hole mining town in Western Australia and there you couldn't be different.' He made exclamation marks in the air with his fingers as he said the word different. 'I left as soon as I could to join the army, I really thought it would put me on the straight and narrow.' He paused and tossed the pebble into the road. 'It didn't work, of course. I could play the macho role as well as any of them. You had to, especially when I got into the special forces, but I knew inside I was still different. I suppressed it until one day in Afghanistan I got shot up, not too badly, but I had to spend sometime in the base hospital. One of the nurses was a guy from Sydney and we kind of hit it off. There was some clumsy fumbling and kissing behind the hospital area and we got caught, of course. We were both offered the choice of resigning or being discharged. The military was pretty uptight even recently. The irony is that it wouldn't happen now.' He blinked and wiped something away from his eye, He coughed once and continued. 'Niall and I got together when we got back to Aus and for a while it was fine.'

I knew there was a big but coming.

'Niall wanted me to, but I couldn't, or wouldn't come out, and he got fed up waiting for me to sort my life out. He always wanted to transition, and he went ahead and started the process. I couldn't cope with it and joined a private security outfit who didn't ask too many questions about my background. Ironically, I was sent to Kabul and then onto Bangkok. Of course, Niall was unwilling to compromise, and we split up. I don't blame him at all. He, or rather she, is Emma now. Doing well and having SRS this year.'

I reached out and touched his arm, 'I'm sorry Shane, I didn't mean to make you sad.'

He blinked a couple of times, looked at me and said, 'Jamie, no worries, it's good to talk about it to someone who understands.'

At that moment Nin arrived back, and we knew it wasn't good news by the look on her face. 'Don't tell us, no taxi?' She shook her head. 'No taxi in this shitty town. We can get one in the morning from next town. Good news there is hotel, bad news they only have one room.' Shane and I burst out laughing and Nin looked puzzled. 'Just when we thought it couldn't get any worse,' I said.

'I guess that's it then girls,' said Shane, 'I don't think I snore, but if I do, I apologise in advance.' We traipsed up to the hotel which didn't look too bad, but I was prepared to put with pretty much anything to have some rest after what we had gone through. The room they showed us was basic, but it had air-con and a clean looking bathroom. It had one large double bed and a none too comfortable looking chair. We dropped the bags and looked at each other.

'I'll sleep on the floor, you girls can have the bed.'

'No, Shane.' Nin and I chorused almost as one.

'No arguments, do you think there's any food? I could eat a scabby horse.'

Nin looked alarmed. 'He just means he's very hungry,' I said, and she looked relieved. 'There is restaurant down the street, I don't know how good.' I realised I hadn't eaten properly since breakfast and suddenly I was ravenous. We found the restaurant, and the food was good but very fiery. Nin was in her element but Shane and I had to have some lime cucumber raita to cool things down. A couple of Leo beers each rounded off the meal. By the time we got back to the hotel we were all pretty much spent. Shane reversed the chair and propped it up against the door handle. 'Habit,' he said as explanation.

'Nin, don't you think you should just let your mother and father know we are OK, but might be a bit later now?' I wanted Alex and Areeya to know we were OK, the details could wait until later. It was then that I realised how much I missed them, and how much I wanted to be back with them. Nin looked up from her phone with a grin. 'My mother and father understand delay and hope we are well. Father says Scarlett should be careful.'

'Scarlett?' Shane looked puzzled.

'My nickname,' I said hurriedly, 'no idea why.'

Shane pulled some clothes from his pack, spread them on the floor, and put a sheet from the bed over them. He stretched out and laughed, 'Welcome to the Ritz.' Nin and I took turns to visit the bathroom and I took off my blouse and skirt and hung them, although they were looking pretty crumpled by now. I decided to keep the bra on but put on a fresh pair of knickers from my shoulder bag. I wrapped a towel around me and came back into the bedroom. Someone had turned out the light, so I had to feel my way in the dark and managed to kick Shane on the way to the bed. Nin was under the covers and already fast asleep so I slipped inside the sheet and said 'Good night Shane and thank you for what you did today. I haven't said thank you properly.'

'No worries, Jamie, you did well yourself babe, G'night.'

I tried to sleep but there was so much flying around in my head that I just lay there staring at the ceiling in the dim light. I wished that Alex and Areeya were here, I wanted to hold them and to feel their warm bodies against mine. I felt so alone and scared after what had happened, and in desperate need of someone to hold.

'Shane? Are you awake?' I whispered, half of me hoping he would say yes, and half of me dreading that he would.

'Yes, Jamie, I am. What's up?'

'Just wondered how your head was, you took a big thump out there.'

He laughed, 'It's fine Jamie. My noggin is pretty hard, but thanks for asking.'

'That's good.' My throat was dry and I could barely say the words, 'Can I come down there?'

There was silence for what seemed an eternity. 'Are you sure, Jamie?'

I wondered what he was thinking, and what he would expect if I went down there, and what I was prepared to give.

'I need to hold someone,' I said.

'Sure, Jamie, slide on down. There's plenty of room down here.' I took a deep breath, checked that Nin was still asleep and slid off the bed onto the floor. I pulled the towel closer around me and crawled over to where Shane lay. I found the edge of the sheet, reached out my hand in the dark and my fingers brushed warm skin.

'You found me,' he said.

I sidled a bit closer and realised he was holding up the sheet to let me slide in. I moved over and shuffled right up against him. He was laying on his back and I could feel his warmth through the towel I was wearing over my bra and knickers.

'You OK there Jamie?' he said. I couldn't see but I suspected he was smiling as he said it.

'Thanks, Shane, I just wanted to feel someone next to me.'

'Happy to help,' he said.

I could tell he was naked under the sheet and I wondered yet again what the hell I was doing. I wanted to feel someone lying next to me, but was it more than that? If it had been just that wouldn't I have cuddled close to Nin? Shane was a lovely guy and I owed him big time for what had happened tonight, but what did I really feel about him? Aside from an adolescent crush on a school friend I had never been attracted to a man. I was in love with Alex, but surely that was something completely different? With her I had cast aside my British middle class inhibitions about what was and wasn't normal. Between Alex and Areeya and Pao, I had done things which I never would have thought myself capable of only a few months before. My boundaries had been blown away, and I was not sure where my new boundaries were if indeed, there were any.

Shane was gay, at least bi, and yet here I was, laying next to him, with his arm draped over me and feeling good about it. I knew he was attracted to me, and there is always something exciting about finding out that someone likes and wants you. I had told him I was TG so none of this would be his fault. If anything happened it would be because I wanted it to happen. So, what did I want to happen? Did I just want just to be held because I was tired and alone and scared? Or was I curious about what might happen? Was dressing as a woman for a couple of days all it took to change my perspective so completely? I decided I was overthinking this and told myself to shut up and see what would happen. I could tell Shane was still awake, his breathing hadn't changed, and I wondered what he was thinking.

I was lying facing him and I put out my hand onto his chest. It felt as hard as granite under my fingertips and he flinched a little at my touch.

'Sorry,' I whispered.

'No need, babe. I enjoyed it.'

My fingers found a hard ridge of skin where it should be smooth. 'Was that where you got shot?' I asked as I followed the ridge across his chest.

'Yeah, it was an ambush. I was lucky, the bullet caught me as I was turning and it went straight across me. A few centimetres the other way and I would have been toast. I got the little bastard who did it though. The rest of the guys dragged me out and I got choppered out to the fire base.'

'That's where you met Niall?'

'Yep,' he didn't want to talk about it, that was clear. 'Jamie, if you keep stroking my chest like that I might get the wrong idea.'

'Do you want me to stop?'

'That's not what I said, babe. Just that if you keep doing it, I might have to do it back to you.'

My fingers stopped, and I thought, this is it. I can stop and it's all over, or I can go on and then I could never say I wasn't warned. My fingers started to move again, stroking Shane's chest, he sighed and rolled over towards me draping his arm over my hip and pulled me closer towards him.

'I told you if you kept doing it, I would have to do it back to you.' He moved his hand from my hip and tugged at the edge of the towel. I hitched up my body, and the towel was pulled away leaving me in the bra and knickers. His hand slid up my back and with the other he pushed back my hair.

'You sure you want to do this, Jamie? It's not too late to stop if you want me to.'

I say a word, just put my arm around his neck and pulled him towards me and his lips met mine.

To be continued.