Confessing My Fantasies Ch. 02

"And you are saying that the moment that his penis starts rubbing your prostate would put your sexuality into question, is that it?" she asked.

"No. I think it would... dispel any doubts," I said frankly.

"Oh...! I see..." she replied, slightly surprised but full of realization.

"Yup. This I can only say for myself, of course. But the realization that I could achieve such pleasure from behind was a shock and frankly a bit humbling."

"Humbling? How so?" she asked.

"Well. Think about it. I was raised in a conservative family. I was taught to think certain things about certain people and their activities and cravings. Not with hate or anything like that, mind you. But there was always a general idea that these people were 'lost' in a way. I think you know what I'm talking about. This extends from relatives to religious teachings etc. It permeates every facet of the society I grew up in."

"Sure. I understand that perfectly. And why did you have a humbling realization?" she asked.

"When I experienced prostate pleasure for the first time, seeking it out by myself in private, I felt like I had been hit by a truckload of reality. I suddenly understood. I was kind of on the other side of the veil. It gave me the whole picture. It ignited not just the idea of pleasure down there, but also the mindset of being submissive in order to get this pleasure. I might get into that at a later time, because there were some realizations over the years that are certainly interesting for therapy."

"Well, I can't wait," she said, understanding we were deviating a bit from the matter at hand and that there would be plenty of time to discuss these matters. "Shall we continue your story now?"

"Sure. So at that moment he has reached my prostate and the pleasure is really going to begin. I think that from that moment on, my dialogue wouldn't be as planned as before. It might come out as a stream of consciousness. But it would still be very organized and clear. For example, I might feel like instead of being protected, I now have the role of having being defeated by him. So I might say:

'Conquer me, sir! You have the means. You won the battle. All I can do is take it. You could be taking me with a sword, with a bullet. But you are merciful. I am grateful that you have decided to pierce me with your cock...Your manly cock. Your victorious cock. Because you are winning... I can't do anything but take it...' "

"Wow..." she said in a whisper.

" 'Your body is too heavy. Your cock is too thick. I have nowhere to run. My legs are open wide and if I fight back, there's a big chance you'd make your friends take turns with me.'

I know that it gets a little dark but I genuinely think I would love saying something like that while being sodomized. I really, really do."

"I understand. Go on, please," she replied.

" 'I had no chance against you. I knew from the moment we started playing basketball in the park that this would be the natural outcome. I knew right then and there that I wanted to be under your body. That I wanted to be impaled by you, by your strength.'

I think at this point I would be turning the dialogue into something even more sincere and honest. I would probably begin to tear up."

"It sounds very intense, truly. And I'm guessing very liberating. There's an interesting side to being kinky and over the top while dirty-talking. But I think you know that just the plain truth can be extremely powerful as well." she said.

"I would eventually come back to the idea of him being in the army and my gratitude:

'Please know that I understand your sacrifice. Please know how sad I am about the dangers of war and how weak I feel when faced with that idea. It makes me see you as even stronger. It makes your cock feel harder...

I am heartbroken about all of those who don't make it back. I feel like I have to give you everything, just in case...' "

"Very sincere. Even a bit wholesome while still being kinky." she remarked.

"Yeah. I guess I might even feel some guilt about not going into battle. About staying behind. I mean, I'm against war of course, so for me it would still feel unfair that anyone would have to go. And staying behind, in a sort of 'feminine role', would make me feel in debt, regardless of what I think.

And in that mindset I could take it even further. I might tell him to picture me as his woman. To metaphorically... breed me before he leaves, just as so many soldiers have done for eons before battle to continue their lineage, their memory... " I said.

"I... didn't expect to hear that," she said. She sounded surprised, but it sounded like a good surprise.

"I could tell him to do so with words like these, which I imagine almost as whimpering on my part:

'Imagine I'm your woman... Do what you would do to her on the eve of battle... br-breed me, sir... Fill me up with your cum... Leave that in me, as your memory. As your way of branding me forever, whatever else happens...'

He might thrust faster and faster. I would feel his sweat on my whole body. I think at this point my eyes would roll back into my head in pleasure..."

"Quite a sight..." she said very quietly.

"And I guess that once he reached a certain rhythm, I might stop talking and everything coming out of my mouth would be either drool or moans. Actually I'm not guessing. I know that's precisely what would happen." I added.

"Tell me exactly what you would feel." she almost demanded.

"I would feel conquered. I would feel intense pleasure. I would feel grateful and useful, as if I was contributing somehow. I would feel dirty, slutty. I would feel very feminine, desired and protected. But also used and sullied. I would probably cry. I really have no words. I would feel some many things that my body would only be able to deal with it in one way."

"Which would be...?" she asked.

"All of my thought processes and the pressure in my prostate would just drive me over the edge and I would start to cum hands-free. Maybe right at the same time as he starts to breed me. I imagine it would feel incredible. There's another aspect that I think I have to mention. The fact that I would ejaculate and he would ejaculate, would kind of validate the whole thing. It would in a sense mean my body is on my side. That everything is ok. That this thing that I've done, this thing I was taught was wrong so long ago, feels so, so right..." I recognized.

"Well, yes. Although you know that thought isn't entirely true. A lot of things we do to ourselves and others could feel good but not actually be good..." she warned. And I quietly saw her point.

"You are right. But in this moment of climax, I would reach that bliss. No doubt about it."

"What would happen next?" she asked.

"Actually, that's where my fantasy ends. That is the main objective I get from it, so I never really thought further than that. Would I feel good about the ordeal? Would I want to leave immediately? I really don't know, so don't ask." I admitted.

"But at least up to the point you narrated, it would have been a positive experience?" she asked, trying to at least clarify that.

"Absolutely. I would feel both selfless and selfish, knowing how much pleasure I would have provided and how much I would have received. And all of that paired with the idea of how incredibly taboo and forbidden it all felt for me. For some reason that aspect makes it more thrilling."

"Knowing that others see it as wrong? Or you yourself thinking it's wrong?" she asked.

"Perhaps a little bit of both. But as I said, no matter my logical thoughts or my upbringing, my body, my authentic self, would feel as the most truthful. As the actual real version of me. I would've just satiated a hunger that my body felt for a long time. It would feel right...." I explained.

"I see your point. And I agree that's the most likely thing to happen. Anything else you want to add before we wrap up this session?" she asked.

I told her that nothing came to mind.

"Alright. Next time, I want you to elaborate on those realizations you had when you first experienced anal pleasure. We might talk about another fantasy of your choosing. It might be the one where you lose the bet, or it might be another one. But I'm really intrigued by what you were saying earlier. " she said. "The part where you said you felt humbled is something we really should analyze in detail. I think it will give us a lot of insight on your cravings."

I sat back up, after having been laying down for so long.

"One thing though, before we leave," she began. "I want you to make a quick summary of the story you just told me. Include your name, use proper sentences." she demanded.

I took a few seconds to gather my thoughts.

"I, [My name and last name], have an intense sexual fantasy where a masculine man in the army takes me to a hotel. He makes me pleasure his cock while I'm naked on my knees. Then he takes me face down on the bed, sodomizing me as I whimper and confess certain feelings of gratitude, admiration and submissiveness. His cock and my sincere words would jointly drive me over the edge and make me ejaculate hands-free just as he does inside me..."

"Excellent. Truly excellent. Does it feel good to say that out loud, to hear it so clearly and plainly?" she asked.

"Yes..." I admitted.

"Perfect. We will make even more progress next time," she said smiling.

And I knew she was right...

***TO BE CONTINUED***