Confessing My Fantasies Ch. 03

I couldn't lie.

"Excited is the right word choice in this case..." I admitted.

"Which means that your fantasies worked. They replaced that traumatic part of you and replaced it with something thrilling. How do you feel about that?"

"It's a lot to take in. I mean... I didn't imagine that... Yet..."

"I know, I know. We obviously think that sexual fantasies are an adult thing and like a whole different phase of our lives, but they are usually very tied to our early development."

"Is that why some men and women choose partners that resemble their parents somewhat?"

"Sure," she admitted. "That's a very good example. Some needs and some facets of love are learned very early on. And they don't change too much over one's life, if at all. So sometimes we seek out something that seems familiar. Human minds work with pattern recognition, so we gravitate a lot towards what our minds recognize as a valid working method. That's no mystery."

I had heard similar things, and I guessed I agreed. However, it was daunting to consider humans to be so... machine-like and predictable. We made such an emphasis on free will yet there was so much that seemed to govern us underneath the surface. I felt ambiguous towards that idea. I felt the lack of control as something scary, but also exciting. Which was kind of obvious given all that I had admitted in these sessions.

"So. Just to be clear. Was my sexual fate determined so early on?" I asked in a mocking tone that couldn't quite hide a real concern on my part.

She smiled.

"Would it be different if you had had different experiences to those? Sure. But you can say that about any other part of your life, right?"

That was true.

"So don't concern yourself with that too much. In fact, you shouldn't be concerned with any of this. It doesn't make you a bad person and you now know exactly why you feel these things and where they come from. That should be comforting, right? I should take some of the mystery and dread out of it. And I hope it still leaves the exciting parts you enjoy."

"I guess..."

It was a lot to think about.

"Do you want to take some time to think about it?"

"Actually, I had another question," I finally said.

"Go ahead."

"While all of this might explain my...anal cravings. How does the whole kneeling for oral fit into this picture? I can tell you there is nothing in my past that could serve as a reference for this."

She smiled enigmatically once again.

"That's what you might think. One one hand, you have the kneeling concept as a trigger to feel submissive. Isn't that right?"

"Sure. I guess it's an obvious one. You assume a lower position, you are at the mercy of the other person etc. I even remember feeling submissive if I had to kneel in church, so there's nothing surprising about this. But on the other hand? What were you going to say?"

"Well. Think about it. You are providing pleasure of the most intimate kind. But symbolically, you are being... fed."

My eyes opened wide when she said that.

"Fed?"

"Sure. One of our most primary needs is sustenance. Food, drink. When you kneel and take that penis in your mouth, you are sort of admitting that need needs to be fulfilled. If you nurse on it, maybe even extracting some of the precum, you are effectively taking some sustenance. So it's extra submissive. And like I said, this is all symbolic and nothing more than that. You won't starve if you don't take one in your mouth. But your craving is also a part of you. It's something you must feed."

I was hard as a rock hearing those words. They sounded even more dirty than all the talk about anal that we had been having.

"Do you want to explore this idea further? Maybe you feel like telling me a very detailed fantasy that has a focus on oral?"

"I mean..."

"It could be the one about losing that videogame bet you had mentioned, or maybe another one."

"Well..."

"Take a pick. Tell me that detailed fantasy of kneeling for your friend after losing in the videogame, or maybe tell me a similar one involving one of those strong college seniors in your dorm. Your choice, as long as you get to describe what kneeling for them and tasting them would feel like, " she said with an expression that was a smile but that her eyes turned into a challenge.

***TO BE CONTINUED***

NOTE TO COMMENTERS: I will leave a few days for anyone in the comments to pick between those two options.