All Comments on 'Conflicting Emotions'

very good so far but your chapters could be longer.

Uuugh! These comenters with their 'editing suggestions' drive me nuts. It's not like it's impossible to read, we get the gist.

Just wanted to tell you I love your work. Don't quit just because a few people are nitpicky.

Good luck!

I like it. I wasn't sure what to expect due the story being in the nonconsent/reluctance category but this was pretty interesting. I like Lily and I already adore her mate. I hope you'll be adding to this soon coz I wanna know what happens.

Thanks for writing.

Sheena.

Let's just say, my ears perked up at the werewolf twist; for some odd reason, I wasn't expecting it. In a very short introduction, you've set the scene well enough visually, and introduced characters I'd care enough to know more about, and that's a hard sell in so few words.

Advice? Leaving the grammar aside (I think that might have been beaten into the ground), focus on characterization and description. The people aren't visualized yet, at least for me. As each storyteller is different, so is each reader. Lil is good, but give her some quirks. Make me care about your victim-- I mean, heroine. Descriptors for muscle tone, hues of skin and hair, and animalistic behaviors for your werewolves will be powerful identifiers for each one. Don't be afraid to make them exaggerations of their main traits.

The descriptors in anatomy and muscle tone will be important in imparting the concept that they are nude, without actually having to come out and say it. If your protagonist is shy, but sexualized, that will give you ample fodder for jacking with her state of mind. You've already screwed her over, so, good start!

I personally abhor first person, present tense writing, but you again surprised me; with werewolves, being half-animal, as they are, the present would indeed be the only thing they are interested in, thus the viewpoint. Well played. The human half seems to have some foresight, but not enough to make first person, past tense make more sense for them.

Good beginning, and looking forward to more,

Brasstacks