Controlled by Love

When I wake I'm too warm. His head is on my chest and his arm and a leg are tightly wrapped around me. I turn onto my side to free myself from his hot tentacles. I feel his hand on my hip as he presses his hardness up behind me. He kisses my shoulder. Fuck. I've woke him. His hand slides between my cheeks. His fingers roll then slide up into my ass and twist gently back and forth. I smile as I shake my head. "Good Morning Ben."

He pushes me face down as his full weight moves on top of me. His feet push my legs apart. I feel his breath on my hair. "Good morning Greg." I bite into the pillow as his cock prods then enters my ass. He licks then kisses my ear as his pace quickens. It doesn't take him long before I feel the quick short thrusts as he comes. My eyes scrunch as he pulls out of me. I can feel dampness seep under me. Fuck, I realise he didn't use a condom and just came inside me.

He moves my hair and kisses my cheek. "I love you. Go back to sleep. I'm going for a shower." I whisper I love you too as I relax and close my eyes. I smile as he kisses my cheek again before he leaves for work. This is a side to Ben I never knew existed.

I get up and shower and call Tony at work. He's weirdly quieter than normal on the phone. Surely, he's not pissed I'm dating a guy and didn't tell him. Peter's phone is constantly on busy. I'll put money on it he's on the phone with Tony. Sure enough I receive a call from my other BFF thirty minutes later and he's in a testy mood. I was expecting him to laugh and call me a dark horse. I thought he'd be happy that I was now gay too. Instead he starts throwing accusations that Ben has lied about Beth and that he will be the one hiding my stuff and that I should leave immediately. I end up hanging up on him. Fucks sake he was the one that was pushing me towards Ben in the first place.

It's no disaster. Peter and I argue all the time. He's like a woman with permanent PMT but his heart is solid gold. I receive a message from him thirty minutes later. 'I felt safer when you were straight. You have worse taste in men than Uncle Tony, keep me updated bitch.' I reply back 'will do, love you too.'

I'm bored wandering about his apartment. I'm not really a tv watcher, I prefer to be on my laptop or gaming. I bring up google maps on the phone and try to find the bar I was at. I call, but no keys, wallet or phone have been found. The guy is even good enough to look outside but tells me there is no car fitting my description. I was so sure, but it must have been a different bar. Fucks sake. Can't believe I've forgotten where I parked my car. Wait, Ben came and got me. He will remember. I pour myself a coffee. I google how to order new car keys in case I can't find them.

My boyfriend comes back at 7pm with an apology for being late. I don't care. I hug him. I'm just glad he's home. He gives me a bag with new underwear and toiletries and things he thinks I might need. I assure him I will pay him back when I find my wallet. His kisses are deep and needy and within minutes I end up with no underwear and him on top of me. He tells me he's missed me as he thrusts his love inside me.

As we lie together, I broach the subject of the bar. I see a strange flicker of irritation in his eyes as he glances at me but he agrees we should look for my car on our way to dinner.

I get a message from Tony the next day asking if I've looked for my car. Fuck, I tell him we didn't have time. Ben was so cuddly and clingy in the shower we were lucky to make our dinner reservation on time. I assure him I will go this evening and look for it. He doesn't message back. Peter calls and tells me Tony has found my car. It's outside my house. He then immediately descends into the, I need to get the fuck out, speech again and Ben's crazy. They are both convinced he has my keys. I refuse to listen, and we fall out again.

Ben and I go out to see a movie. I'm learning he doesn't like public displays of affection and freezes like a board even if our shoulders accidently touch. At first, I found it amusing to watch his inner conflict knowing he desperately wants to touch and hold me. Now its fucking irritating me. Our fingers touch in the dark and I grip his hand briefly before he pulls it away. I sigh at his rejection. Who cares if we are two guys that like each other? For all his muscle I'm realising he isn't that tough on the inside.

On Sunday I sit alone on the balcony and drink a beer. Ben's gone to his parents for dinner and he won't be back till tomorrow. I know I can't go. Even I realise you can't break up with someone's daughter then date their son. But will our relationship always be a secret? It makes me questions what lies ahead. Will I be spending every Christmas and other holiday alone when he is with his family? It feels like a knife turning in my gut. I sip my beer. I'll be thirty in a few years. I always dreamed one day I'd be married and have children. I'll probably have to give that up too. I feel fucking depressed.

I wake to the sound of a phone ringing. I remember Ben is at his parents. I rise when it continues to ring. I wander into the hallway. "Hello." It sounds like some pointless sales call, but I look for a pen to take a message just in case. I pull open the drawer under the phone. I beep the end call button and put it down. I stare at my wallet, keys and phone. I didn't want it to be true. In under a second I go from blissfully happy to raging foul mood. "Aaaargghhh whyyyy?"

My phone is dead. Where the fuck is his charger! We have the same brand of phone. I almost pull the cable from the wall as I lift it and plug it in. I need to calm down. I'm gonna kill him. What kind of psycho hides their 'boyfriend's' stuff! He even gave me a new phone! Why would he do that? What the fuck is wrong with his head! I start up my phone. I shake my head as old messages arrive from Tony and Peter demanding where the fuck I am and that I contact them immediately. I message our chat 'you were right, sick fucker hid my phone, wallet and keys. I just found them.'

Peter offers to collect me, and I send him the address. I read 'on my way'. I leave the drawer under the phone open. When the deranged fool returns, he will know I've found my stuff. I leave the phone he gave me in the drawer. I unplug my phone from the charger and head down the stairs. I don't know when he is returning, and I don't want the chance of running into him in the elevator.

Outside I stand, hidden, behind a wall until I see Peter's car and I wave to him. As soon as I get in I apologise for being an ignorant prat. He shakes his head at me and pulls away. I look at my hand. It's shaking with rage. He pulls up behind my car.

Peter grips my sleeve before I get out the car. "Do you want to stay over at mine for a few nights?" I shake my head. I just want to go home. I can see he is reluctant to let me go. I grip his shoulder and tell him it's fine and I'll see him online later. I get out the car. I'm relieved my door keys are still in my car. I'm mystified why Ben would drive my car home and not tell me. I don't even want to think about it. He's a dysfunctional, lying, manipulating prick.

A bottle and a half of wine later Peter rage blocks me in game and says he can't deal with me until tomorrow. I get kicked from my guild for player killing everyone that crosses my path. My controller gets thrown against the wall before I fall backwards and lie on the floor. This has to be the worst torture known to mankind, being completely head over heels in love with a crazed psycho bastard! I grip the half-filled wine bottle. I'm about to send it flying as well. I sit up. This isn't me. I'm losing it. I carry it through to the kitchen, cork it and put it in the fridge. Alcohol and violence are not going to help me get over him.

At midnight the messages start. Fuck, I forgot I'd unblocked his number. Everything in my head is screaming don't read, block the number, but my finger disobeys logic and clicks read anyway.

'I know I should have confessed sooner, I didn't throw them away, I can't believe I've lost you, I'm fucking distraught, I love you so much, you are the best thing that's ever happened to me and I fucked up, I wish I was dead.'

Silence and no more messages. Bastard. I know that last message is emotional blackmail, but I can't sleep. He's obviously drunk. He wouldn't do something stupid. Would he? Fuck. I want to kill him myself. I sit up and grab the phone. Can't believe I'm giving into this. I type, then delete, then type, then delete. What the fuck am I supposed to say to him? I'm still fucking pissed at him, but I want to know he is okay. 'What you did was wrong.' It remains unread. I message again 'I want to know you are okay, respond when you read this, please.'

Fuck I jump at the loud thuds on the door. The message shows as read. The door thuds again. I know it's going to be him. I get up and go downstairs before he wakes my neighbours. I open the door and stare at him.

His words a little slurred. "You wanted to know I was okay."

I nod. "And now I know." I try to shut the door, but he blocks it.

"I'm sorry. I know I have some serious making up to do." He drops his car keys.

I shake my head as I pick them up. Can't believe he drove in this state. I can see his car parked outside. I should order him a taxi before he kills himself or worse, someone else.

He pushes the door open. "Is it too soon to take you upstairs and fuck you until you forgive me?"

"What?" My cheeks flush as I stare at him in disbelief. "Yes!" He's an absolute moron if he thinks sex is going to fix this.

My eyes widen as he pulls his t-shirt off in my doorway. He grins at me. "Yes, it's too soon? Or yes, you want me inside you?" Fuck, I swallow as my eyes look at him. I glance behind. Anyone walking past will see. He looks directly at me "In or out?" I hear a dog bark and one of my neighbours shouting at the racket. I drag him inside. I realise my hands are on his chest to steady him. He smiles before he kisses me.

I've made it too easy for him by answering the door in only boxers. As I shut the door, I find my chest pressed against the cold of the glass. This is like the first time we fucked all over again. Minus a condom. My head leans against the cool of the glass as his cock edges its way up inside me. His fingers curl inside mine against the glass as he slowly and deliberately rolls and slides his hips up against mine. I feel his breath against my ear. "I didn't want you to go. I fucked up. I'm sorry."

He lowers me and fucks me on my hands and knees in the hallway. Over my kitchen table. I straddle him on a chair while we drink water. We manage three different ways on the stairs before we reach my bed. I must have passed out from exhaustion because I don't even remember him pulling out of me. In the morning I turn to look at him and I realise he's gone. I raise my head. "Ben?" I check the bathroom and downstairs. But he isn't in the house. I check my phone. No messages. What the fuck? I end up messaging him. 'Where are you?'

Two hours later he finally replies, 'are you missing me?'

I chuck the phone down. He's supposed to be making things up to me. Is he so fucking arrogant that he thinks one night of sex is going to atone for his psycho behaviour? I decide that last night was a moment of weakness and I'm never ever, absolutely never, messaging him again.

I glare at him at lunch. "I don't want a new watch." I push the box back across the table. I'm mortified as he lies on the floor in the middle of the restaurant. A woman stops to ask if he's okay. He tells her I slept with his wife and now she's left him. She's taken their three children, pet dog, three adopted cats and the goldfish died this morning. I smile as I cover my scarlet humiliated face with my hand. She looks at us as if we are both crazy. One of us definitely is!

Fuck. I give in and growl at him. "I'll wear the fucking watch." He gets up and unfastens my perfectly good Seiko and fastens his hideous gadget that does everything but wash the dishes. Ben corrects me, apparently, I can link it to the dishwasher. I press the buttons to look as if I'm impressed. He tells me a funny story about Brian, and I end up smiling. Fuck I hate how easily he wins me over.

The next day we go clothes shopping together. I order him to stop buying me things. Ben is consuming my every waking hour. I've given up trying to tie my hair up as he continually pulls the hair ties out and tells me he finds me more attractive with it down. It's not that I don't enjoy being with him. I love the attention. But I'm feeling guilty because I haven't met up with Tony and Peter in weeks. I feel like one of those annoying people who abandon their friends when they get a new boyfriend. It doesn't help that they detest him.

Ben and I are cuddled up on the sofa at my place watching tv when I take a call from Peter who starts cursing at me and ranting about a guy keeping you from your friends as a sign to get the fuck out. I glance at Ben, I'm not sure if he can hear what's being said. I excuse myself to take the call in private. I push the door over in the kitchen and tell Peter he's worrying over nothing. As I hang up, I turn and notice Ben leaning in the doorway. He then starts telling me Peter's intentionally trying to break us up because he wants me for himself. He tells me to get rid of him. When I refuse and say I'm going to meet him for a drink it ends in an argument and he walks out.

I meet with Tony and Peter for drinks but I'm miserable. I've messaged Ben a dozen times during the week but he's not responding. Peter and I end up in another argument. He accuses me of being an idiot for not seeing that Ben is manipulating me. I try to defend him. He's jealous because he cares about me. Tony tries to salvage it, but Peter can't be shut down when he's on a bitch fest about something. I end up walking out. I message Ben one last time and tell him Peter and I have fallen out and I miss him so much and I'm sorry.

I can't believe it. He's sitting on my doorstep when I arrive home. I immediately apologise but he won't let me hug or kiss him. Is he here to formally break up with me? I'm not sure if I can handle falling out with my best friends and being dumped by my boyfriend on the same night. Fuck it's hard to read him when he has that unreadable look. He refuses to come in and stands on my doorstep. He finally speaks. "I've missed you."

He holds his hand up to halt me from hugging him. I'm so fucking confused. I tell him I've missed him too. He looks at me. "Do you love me?"

Fuck can't he tell? I slide down the wall and sit on the ground. "Yes." He kneels to look at me. I glance at him. I can feel the tears fall. I tell him again. "Yes, I fucking love you."

He holds his hand out. "Then come home."

I take his hand and he pulls me to my feet. He hands me my jacket and locks my door as I follow him to his car. "What about clothes and stuff?"

He opens the car door for me. "You don't need anything." I pull my seatbelt on as he gets in. He looks at me. His fingers touch my hair and I smile at him. Has he finally forgiven me? He starts the engine. I stare out at the darkness and streetlights as we drive home. He doesn't speak. We stand in silence, side by side, going up in the elevator.

I swallow as I enter. The drawer is still lying open under the phone. He hasn't closed it. I feel a shiver run down my spine. He glances at me and then at the drawer. Fuck. I take out my door keys, wallet and phone and drop them in and close it. He asks if I want a beer and I nod. We lean against the work top and silently drink together. He picks up the remote and puts some music on. He places his empty bottle in the trash. I watch as he pulls his t-shirt over his head. "I'm going for a shower." I glance at his attractive half-naked form. I've missed him so much. He takes a few steps then pauses and turns back to look at me. "So are you. Come"

I follow him. I close the bathroom door and sip my beer as I watch him turn on the water before he begins to undress. He glances at me as he pulls off his socks then unfastens his belt. I don't think I've ever just stood and appreciated him before. I watch him push his trousers down and step out of them. He leans in and checks the water. All his muscles ripple with the stretch. I sip my beer again as I smile at him. He glances at me as he lowers his boxers. I can see he is partially aroused but not fully. He steps under the water and I feel myself stiffen.

I watch shampoo slide down his perfectly toned muscles. Fuck he's like something off a male model calendar. Not that it's right to objectify your boyfriend in such a way. He turns and looks at me. He smiles as he turns away. He likes being admired. His hand leans against the wall as he looks at me. "Will you get in here."

I smile. "Maybe." His eyes flick to mine. I sit my bottle down and undo one button. I take another sip before I undo another button. He's staring at me. I have his full attention. I step a little closer to the shower as I undo another button. I finally pull my shirt over my head. I turn my back towards him as I unfasten my trousers and push them down. I kick them over beside his. Wet arms wrap around me. Patience is not one of Ben's virtues. I'm still wearing boxers as he drags me backwards into the shower.

I can see his eyes wander from my hair, to my chest and down my abdomen. He lowers to remove my boxers and I close my eyes as his hand squeezes around my cock for a brief moment. My cheeks blush. I know I'm hard. No one has ever had the effect on me that Ben does. My desire ripples through me at the look of want in his eyes as he stands to look at me.

He moves me under the water, and I place my hands against the wall and completely surrender to him as he washes me. I gasp a little in pain as two fingers slide between my cheeks and thrust up inside me. I glance behind at him. Is he punishing me? I turn to face the wall. Fuck he's going to be rough. I close my eyes as he forces his fingers deeper inside me. I feel them twist.

I apologise. "I'm sorry." I don't know if my words will make any difference. His fingers slide out. I look at the hand that grips mine and slides it higher up the wall. Fuck. I take a breath. His cock suddenly enters me. A whimper escapes. I feel him thrust again to get completely inside me. His other hand grips my free hand and places it also on the wall. His feet move my feet further apart. Fuck, he thrusts upwards. His fingers curl around my own as his hips thrust upwards again. "Ben it hurts." He thrusts again. He's deep inside me. He thrusts again. I feel myself on my toes, but his arms wrap around me to stop me moving away from him. He thrusts again and then again as his pace quickens.

I finally buckle under the force of his movements and he lowers me to my knees before he continues fucking me again. My knees keep sliding on the shower tray. I feel his chest on my back as his arms grip around me tightly to stop my hips from escaping his thrusts. I yelp as he pulls out of me too quickly. He turns off the water and pulls me to my feet. We don't even dry as he pushes me on my back onto the bed. His eyes are angry as he forces my knees apart and lies on top of me. I finally cry at the pain as he roughly fucks me, his eyes finally soften, and he eases up as he watches me. Fuck I've missed his tongue and I welcome it into my mouth. As he kisses me, I kiss him back and I know everything is good again. He releases his love inside me.

After I brush my teeth, I crawl into bed. I feel like I've been caught in a venus fly trap. No woman has ever suffocated me in body parts the way Ben does when he sleeps. In the weeks that follow I soon learn, as long as my arm or leg is on him, all is well. Fuck me if I break contact, I end up with over 200 pounds of hot sweaty hard muscle pinning me down.