Controlled by Love

I feel a little dazed. I'm lying face down on the bed. He sighs as he whispers, "why do you never listen." His breath on my ear sends goose bumps prickling over my skin. My cheek feels warm and there is a dull ache when I open my mouth. I feel a tightness on my wrists. He's tied them behind me. His tongue licks my ear. Fuck. I actually whimper. His hand strokes soothingly through my hair as he sweeps it off my back. He kisses the back of my neck. I jolt at the sudden pain as he bites me. Fuck it actually feels good. His tongue sweeps a little lower and he bites me again. I'm crying and I don't even know why. I'm so full of emotion. Fucking drugs.

His tongue moves lower and he bites me again. His hand sweeps through my hair and moves it to the other side. He licks my other ear. I bite the sheet as he kisses then bites me. His tongue licks slowly down as he leaves his brands on the other side of my body.

He grips my hips and pulls me on to my knees. A knee forces my thighs further apart. His warm hands hold my ass cheeks apart as his tongue gently runs down the groove and over a highly sensitive entrance. I lift my head and moan out a sigh of pleasure. His hand tauntingly rolls under my balls as he licks me again. He squeezes them and my whole-body jolts. He releases and rolls them in his hand. His tongue continues to lick and circle. I feel myself drip. I'm so hard and aroused I don't know if I can hold out much longer.

I move my body against him as his tongue licks and prods my entrance. I'm pleading for more. His tongue plunges inside and curls and the sensation jolts my body to orgasm. My body jerks again as fluids spurt from me. Fuck. He didn't even need to touch the front of me.

An icy cold liquid runs between my cheeks and I feel his finger trace it around my entrance. I feel the hardness penetrate me and the icy wetness flows inside. He slides and twists it for a moment before he pulls it out and I hear the bottle drop on the floor. His tongue is warm in comparison as he licks the wetness that runs from me.

His fingers gently probe then slide inside. Slowly turning and twisting. It sends pleasurable shivers racing up my spine. As they twist my whole body reacts to his touch. I like the spot he's stroking and circling and my hips rock back forth against his fingers. Fuck it feels good. This is a different type of pleasure. My wrists strain against my restraints as his fingers slip out. I beg him not to stop.

I take a breath as I feel his cock push against my entrance. He grips my tied wrists and pulls me back against him. I exhale and relax. He slides completely in with one smooth movement. I gasp as he pulls completely out then pulls me back as he slides fully back in. Again he pulls completely out. I whimper as his grips tightens on my restrained arms as he thrusts back in. He releases my hands and grips my hips as he slowly and deeply continues to slide the full length of his cock in and out of me.

The song restarts. I feel like I'm fading out with the lyrics as he sinks into me again and I feel the jolt as his balls hit mine. He pushes me flat. As he leans over me, my fingers brush his abdomen as his body steadily slides back and forth against me. I whimper as his hips thrust his cock deep inside me. He pulls nearly out before thrusting quickly back in. His movements are getting faster and deeper. He pulls nearly out then thrusts quickly back in. My body jolts as he dives deep inside again. The constant force has pushed me up the bed and I feel the headboard against my head.

I feel him untie my wrists and he turns me on to my back and repositions me. I try to rub and soothe my wrists, but he grips them and reties them above my head. I can feel his breath on my face. I want to feel and taste his kiss. I lift my head towards him, but he moves away. "Ben?" His finger briefly touches my lips to silence me. I feel his kiss on my neck. I bend my knees. I feel his hips between my thighs. I clench them around him as his teeth sink into my neck. My back arches against the pain. Curses escape my lips.

Bastard when I get free, I'm going to bite him, just so he knows how much it hurts. My heart races as his tongue runs down my chest. "Ben please no." I'm scared of what is to come as his tongue circles the first nipple. I don't even recognise my own voice. His tongue licks and soothes my pain. He moves to the other. Again, I cry out and my back arches. Is it possible to love and hate the same person at the same time?

My fingers twitch in my restraints. Fuck how many times is he going to play this same song. I pause from squirming as his bites cease and I feel the warmth of his hands grip my knees. His hard cock presses up against me. I moan as he enters me again in one movement. My cheeks flush. He has found that spot again. His movements are shorter and quicker. I feel myself harden. He catches my ankles and moves my feet onto his shoulders and my knees rise against my chest. Fuck the pressure is intense.

My hands pull against the restrains as I moan and call his name. I can feel my hips riding up to meet him. My feet slip off his shoulders and his full weight forces my knees into my shoulders. Fuck he is rough as he pounds against me. I can hear the creaks of the bed. My dick is like an iron rod. I can feel it rub against his abdomen. He orders me to come and rides me even harder.

I can't get the words out. I'm coming. He shouts at me. "Come!" My full fucking body explodes and I'm gasping and moaning as I spurt my juices over him and myself. I hear his vocal groans of pleasure as he comes. What the fuck. I'm trembling and can't stop. His pace slows to a halt and he collapses on top of me. His breathing is fast, and I can feel the rapid beat of his heart against my own. I don't know how long we lie like that for. The song has restarted several times.

I nudge him with my knee. "Don't fall asleep." He releases my bonds and I remove the blindfold. I can see the beads of sweat on him. As my hand reaches for him he kisses me. I firmly grip him and roll him onto his back. My tongue pushes into his mouth. I love him. My kisses trail down his neck. His arms wrap tightly around me. Fuck I don't get a chance to sink my teeth in him before my back hits the bed. He looks down at me with a curious smile as he shakes his head. I accept defeat. He's never going to give up control.

I look up at him. "I need to pee." He kisses then releases me.

I stand up and wobble, but I'm good. Afterwards I head through to the fridge to get some water. As I wander back, he's sound asleep face down where I left him. I stand in awe. He's so fucking beautiful. I love him and adore him. I lean on the bed and let my fingers trail down his back. He doesn't even flinch. He's like a corpse. I switch the music off and blow out the candles. I climb on the bed and lie on top of him. I wish he would let me top him at least once. I let my hands run down his perfect body. I smile as he turns, and I slide off. I'm pinned under an arm and a leg. I smile at the eyes staring at me. He tells me to "Go to sleep." I close my eyes.

I'm walking towards the living room with two cups of coffee when he knocks the coffee table over and pages float before scattering across the floor. What has happened now? Our relationship is either really good or really bad. I jump as my phone hits the wall. Fuck. I stare at him. He's furious. I retreat with the cups as he walks towards me. "How can I trust you when you go behind my back." I sit them on the closest work surface as he grabs my shoulder and turns me to face him. "You lied to me."

I take a deep breath and try to stay calm. "Can you tell me what's happened." His eyes narrow to slits. "I want your word, your promise, you will not go behind my back and see those sick fuckers again."

I assume Peter or Tony has phoned or messaged. I look at him. "I can't do that. I won't give up my friends." I see his fist clench and I close my eyes. He releases me. I open my eyes as I slide down and land on the floor. My heart's racing. Fuck I thought he was going to hit me.

He knocks the two cups off the work surface instead. I watch him walk over and pick up my phone. He crouches before me. "Unlock it." I place my finger on the pad. I watch him press buttons. I assume he's deleting their contact details again. His hand touches my still bruised cheek. "I won't let them use or hurt you." He stands and grabs his jacket and I hear the door slam as he leaves. I feel anxious. What the fuck is he going to do?

I clean up the spilled coffee. I don't know what else to do. I turn the coffee table over and put it back the way it should be and lift the papers and put them on it. Dinner time has come and gone, and he still hasn't returned. I can't eat. I feel sick with worry. The tv is on but I'm not watching it. I get up and check the drawer under the phone. It's locked and so is the apartment door. Where is the phone he gave me? I finally find it in his bedside table. I message him. 'I'm worried, when will you be home?' He doesn't reply.

I'm sleeping on the couch when he returns. I sit up. It's 3am. He's drunk. He goes to the bathroom. It's as if he's forgotten I exist. I pick up the shirt he's tossed on the floor. I can smell the perfume. I see the lipstick on the collar. He comes out and undresses in front of me. I raise my hand and halt him as he walks towards the bed. I look at the lipstick and love bites on him, and they aren't on his fucking neck. I look away. He walks around me and crawls into bed. I'm devastated. I've never experienced this feeling of hurt, disappointment, frustration and anger all rolled into one.

I lie in one of the other rooms. I can't sleep. I get up and go back to our room. He's sound asleep. I can hear his drunken snoring. I lift his jacket and look for my phone. I find it and retreat to the other room. I check it. When I look at the logs, I realise he's phoned Peter. I call Peter but there is no answer. He's probably sleeping, it's now 5am. I message that I think Ben's cheated on me. Twenty minutes later I receive a message. 'If you choose to stay with that paranoid delusional fucker, I don't want to hear from you again.' I decide I'm leaving Ben tomorrow. I delete the messages and put the phone beside the bed.

When I wake up Ben's gone and so is my phone. I see the shirt in the kitchen bin. The drawer with my wallet and keys is locked and so is the apartment door. I'm furious. How dare the cheating bastard keep me trapped. I look over the balcony. The window of his office should be directly below. I take two priceless signed electric guitars off the wall and let one drop thirteen floors followed by the other. Who needs a phone to send a message! Fuck, I then realise he's going to kill me.

I refuse to come in off the balcony when he appears, even when it starts raining. Fuck I'd rather die out here than in there. He stands in the doorway staring at me. I shout at him. "Let me go." He slams the door shut. I sit on the wooden slats and hug my knees. I'm shivering. This is a fucking nightmare. I just want to fall asleep and never wake up. Why won't he let me leave.

The suns gone and it's dark. The living room is in darkness. I wonder if he's gone out or went to bed. I stand. I need to pee. I slide the door open. I don't see him anywhere. I use the bathroom in the hallway. He's standing across from the door with folded arms when I come out. He points in anger. "Get in the shower."

Fuck I do want he says. I've lost the will to put up a fight anymore. He pushes me towards the en-suite. He undresses and washes me. I refuse to let him kiss me. He pushes me backwards onto the bed and lies on top of me. I feel his hard cock push up against me.

I glare at him. "This is rape Ben."

He looks at the blank space on his wall. His face is livid as he growls at me. "A crime that comes with a lower sentence than murder which is what you did to my fucking guitars!"

I cry out as he enters me. He glares at me. "I fucked up and you punished me. After I make you come this argument is over."

I glower at him as he moves inside me. "And if I don't come?"

He smiles but his eyes are full of rage. "I'll drive you home."

I narrow my eyes at him as he looks down at me. "You better take me home Ben."

"And you better be an obedient wife after you gush all over me."

I fucking hate the bastard. There is no way he can get me hard. I scrunch my face as he suddenly pulls out of me. I worry slightly as he smiles and gets off the bed. I watch as he opens a drawer and shakes a bottle. I narrow my eyes. What the fuck is he looking so smug about. I watch his hand slip over his cock. He's using a lubricant. How kind of him. I still fucking hate him, and this is still rape. I close my eyes as I feel him slide his cock between my butt cheeks. My eyes open as I feel the tingle. He roughly enters me. I expected no less.

His hands land either side of my shoulders as he lies on me. I ignore him as he whispers in my ear. "Can you feel it."

I put my hands behind my head. It feels like's he's sprayed one of those muscle relaxing heat sprays in my ass. I feel the warm glow but I sigh in relief it's doing nothing to inspire my cock. Until he moves. Fuck. My face flushes. No. I can feel myself getting aroused. I close my eyes. I try to think of something repulsive. Nothing is coming to mind. It actually feels like a mixture of hot chillies and sand in my butt. Its fucking uncomfortable but it's making me extremely sensitive to his movements. Fuck. I try to think of old ugly naked fat people. But even they are getting me aroused.

This is shit. I'm hard and he isn't even moving fast. Bastard. I don't want to be his obedient wife. Anger hits me and my desire fades. I sneer. I've got this. I slowly recount in my head everything he has done that's pissed me off and I put it on a loop. I feel the weight release from my cock. I'm going home.

He lifts my knees to my chest. I look at the sweat and determination on his face as he leans over me. "I will die if I lose you."

I glower at him. "No you fucking won't." He moves against that spot. My eyes wander down his chest and I clamp my eyes shut as I feel the twitch in my cock.

"I love you Greg. I love you. I love you."

Fuck I want him to shut up. His voice is messing with the hate signals between my brain and my cock. I try to move my hips to avoid him touching that place inside but he clamps me in place. I glance at him. He is looking into my eyes. I close my eyes. Fuck I'm hard.

"I love you."

He needs to shut up. I put my hand over his mouth. I feel his tongue lick my palm. I pull it away. He smiles at me.

"I love you Greg." I can see the love in his eyes as he increases the speed of his cock against that fucking spot. Fuck I can feel blood and desire raging through me. He kisses me and his tongue sinks into my mouth. I wrap my arms round his neck. I hate him but my body wants him so badly.

The music changes and our Radiohead song plays. I'm forced to release my hold on him as his hands tighten their grip on my hair and I have no choice but to raise my chin. I feel his teeth bite into my neck and my back arches. "Ben for fucks sake." He still has a tight grip on my hair as he rides me harder and faster. I wish he'd just fucking finish already. I feel his body lift off my chest as his hands clench around my throat. Shit I can barely breathe.

He moans. "I'm close." I don't give a fuck if the four horsemen of the apocalypse are close the bastard is about to suffocate me. I clutch at his hands and wrists. I can't even call out his name. He moans "I can't live without you Greg." His pace quickens. I can tell he's about to come. My legs tighten their grip as I cling to him. Fuck, so am I.

He suddenly releases the pressure on my neck and as I gasp for air my load shoots from me. I feel the shudder as he cries out and releases his love into me. He smiles as he looks down at me. I turn my head away as he tries to kiss me.

I feel my tears as he grips my chin and kisses me. I've lost. I'm never going home. "I have never loved anyone as much as I love you Greg."

I look at him. "Get the fuck off me." My throat burns when I speak. He pulls out of me, but he grips me as I try to escape.

He turns me onto my stomach. "We are not done."

What the fuck. He holds me face down and enters me again. How the fuck is he still hard. I shout at him. "You won. I came. Enough Ben, please." I realise the fucker has taken something. This nightmare isn't going to end anytime soon.

I must have passed out. When I wake I can't move. He's sound asleep on top of me and still inside by the feel of it. Fucks sake I don't have the strength to get him off me. Every drug I find in this apartment is going in the waste disposal. "Ben. Ben move!" He snorts but falls asleep again. "Move you heavy motherfucker. Move!" I use my elbow and dig it into his ribs. He flinches. I finally wake him. My ass burns as he pulls out of me and I actually shed real tears. Fuck my back feels broken. I don't even attempt to walk as I crawl to the toilet. I have to pee sitting down while I bite into the back of my hand. Man sex sucks. I want to be with a woman again.

In the morning he pushes me face down and has sex with me as usual before he leaves for work. He kisses my cheek and tells me he loves me. I don't reply and he hovers over me. I finally say it "I love you too."

"You better." He kisses my cheek and leaves for work. I pull a pillow over my head and hope I suffocate in my sleep.

It's been another month. I haven't been outside these four walls. I think he intends to keep me trapped in this bloody apartment forever. Every night he finds something to criticise. Yesterday's argument was because I had my hair up. The day before I said I was bored. The day before, I'm not eating enough.

I don't understand his moods. I tell him I love him. His face is unreadable as he looks back at me. I fall to my knees in defeat yet again. It's the quickest way to end it. The anger disappears from his eyes. He kneels before me and hugs me. I hug him back. It's the same fucking routine every time.

He apologises. "I love you so much even though you drive me crazy."

I feel the warmth of his mouth on mine. I'm reluctant to open my mouth but he forces his tongue onto mine. I hate fighting one second and having sex the next. I want him to stop but it's not worth the effort of saying no to him. He pushes me down on to my back on the living room carpet. "Ben. I don't want to."

He ignores me as always. "Do you love me?"

"Yes I do." He enters me. I hold his gaze as he roughly thrusts his love into me. I almost growl. This isn't fucking love. I turn my head away from him. Today the wind is battering rain against the windows. It's exactly how I feel. I close my eyes. What did I do wrong in a previous life to deserve this? I accept my fate. He won't stop till I come. I open my eyes to look at him. "If you're going to do it, do it right."

His eyes narrow for a second before he sits up and pulls my hips over his own. I feel him hitting my spot and my mouth opens in a moan. I can see the beads of sweat on him and his flushed face as he arouses my insides. He grips my thighs tightly and I glance at him with half closed eyes and he smiles back at me. Fuck I hate how my traitorous body bends to his will. "I'm close."

My eyes look at the blond of his hair that makes the blue of his eyes shine. That perfect face that turns the head of every woman and man. And his body. He has a physique I will never have. I can see the contour of every muscle as it tenses and strains as it pounds into me and I hate every fucking inch of it. My orgasm hits me in a blast and a warmth sears through my body as my fluids release and run across my abdomen and chest. I feel the sudden deep thrusts followed by a couple of jerks as he releases the remainder of his controlling love inside me.