All Comments on 'Crush'

Like your first “pool” piece, this short story is a highly erotic scene — actually two scenes. The first on the couch, the second in the bedroom. The first is more intense, better scripted than the second — you could have easily played out the intensity you created on the couch (but as you say, she is not an exhibitionist :) ). The bedroom scene does not flow with same rising intensity; it comes in fits and starts, including some of her thoughts/observations that bring down the mood a bit. I recognize that the use of metaphor is invaluable in good writing, including erotic storylines, but I feel there are too many in this story, which tends to detract rather than enhance the erotic scene(s) you create. When I reflect back on your first piece, you do not hesitate to use metaphors and their use enhanced the scene and to your credit almost all were water related, as I recall. I do like your writing and urge you to keep sharing your vivid imagination.

Great story. Short but it still worked.

5-stars.

Thanks so much for the feedback, everyone.

Sorry about taking so long to respond. I'm constantly behind what goes on with the site and my stories. But greatly appreciative of the feedback.

I can get lost in my head with a scenario, and I've started writing them down. However, I don't want to throw them down on paper. I want people to see and feel the scene just as I experience them in my head. The pointers help me express myself to others too.