All Comments on 'Cuckolding - Fantasy vs. Reality'

Really? Stop pushing your agenda. Live your life as you sed fit. But stop trying to convince other people to live the way you hsve lived for the past 40 years.

Not my cup of tea, but I’ve wondered about the reality of it. Interesting read. Thank you

A dictionary is a dictionary and what you describe is the same as the identity politics we are assaulted with from both sides today. Both are bogus and disingenuous. You can’t change the meaning just because you are trying to soft serve it.

The fantasy of cuckolding is a good thing, as my old cell mate used to say. And that was a joke, in part. I am female and I am getting old, but alas I never had the opportunity to meet a real prison dyke. My loss, I’m sure, and my favorite all time fantasy.

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I’m a social anthropologist with a masters in policy development, which was fun for awhile. It beats the hell out of migration studies, I’ll tell you that much. Over the last dozen years or so my real specialty has been studying trends in mental health, interpreting the data, and jumping to wild conclusions. In particular, I get paid to look closely at family health and counseling/therapy, which is fun if you’re a sadist. Or a genuine masochist, oddly enough. Interesting.

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Anyway, I just want to say that I have seen literally thousands of married couples struggling to get past adultry, and it’s incredible how often both partners were at some point willing participants. And I’m not talking threesomes or wife swapping, this is one person having sex outside a marriage or long term relationship with the permission, and not uncommonly, the active encouragement of his or her partner.

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What’s the punchline? If we determine that a successful treatment plan results in the couple remaing together for 36 months post-treatment, the rate is a little over 42 percent. That is, four couples out of every ten stay together for at least three years after counseling or joint therapy. If we extend to 60 months, the success rate drops by more than half to a flat 20 percent - one in five. At ten years the measurable success rate approaches five percent, but the interesting thing is that those couples have over a very high probability of remainging together indefinitely. That’s not a hard number though, the data available is largely unreliable before about 2006 and there are so many other significant factors that should be included, but I’m ignoring, such as children, for example. Please forgive me for that, but my point is very simple in any event.

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It occurs to me that I should also point out that unlike the fantasies here, almost never does one partner cheat for the sole reason that he/she desires more-better-kinkier sex. There is almost always underlying factors such as finacial problems, substance abuse, domestic abuse etc. which may not necessarily cause, but certainly enable the decision to seek emotional support outside the marriage. And that support is often self-actualized, meaning one time “emotionless” sex with a perfect stranger does in fact stimulate an emotional response, whether desirable or not. The law of unintended consequence rules all human interaction.

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So...Bottom line? Cheating, even with permission, is best left to fantasy. There are success stories out there, I’m sure, but the odds are woefully stacked against most of us finding any real satisfaction or success in anything but the short term, and even then it tends to create lasting conflicts which inflate over time. People, even the most well adjusted among us, tend to feed their anger, even as they pretend it doesn’t exist.

Good little write up. Thanks for posting; it was interesting.

Very interesting perspectives. I would be interested in hearing if Polyswinger's husband has the same feelings about the subject. And one thing I would 100% agree with her on, is if her and her partner find happiness and meaning in the relationship they enjoy, why is it anybody else's business?

That being said I would like to take her to task on a few points.

First, in her essay she is as guilty of throwing out commonly accepted sterotypes as she is accusing others of having. She has offered no support for her accusations. I understand it is a short essay and there really isn't room for a lot of supporting detail, but to prove a point by saying a wife would rather have a lover than a new vacuum cleaner is just silly. I would rather have my wife bring me home Pamela Anderson than a pepporoni pizza even though I really do like pizza!

Secondly, she has convenienty ignored a truth about cuckolding's definition. While she is right that cuckolding has been going on for centuries, porn and other polyamorous groups have perverted its definition. Which is still a wife cheating on a husband. You could look it up. At the risk of being guilty of my own charge, I am willing to bet that there are FAR more wives cheating on their husbands than have lovers with the permission and assistance of their husbands. I have tried to find reliable statistics to do an analysis, but the pct. of folks involved in cuckolding or other group relationships is so small that reliabel statistics can not be found.

Third. (and we all have a tendency to do this) because she is involved in the lifestyle and enjoys it she assumes everyone else would to. She has let her personal life influence the perspective she is trying to establish.

Sorry to be repetitive, but I do believe what consenting adults do among themselves is nobody elses business, period. And I don't see her essay as trying to "push" her agenda. I think she genuinely believes if others tried it they might like it, and has a sincere desire to help that along.

I am in strong opposition to her lifestyle as it applies to me and my wife. However to be completely fair a while back I read a white paper titiled "Does Monogamy Hurt Women?" It was written by admitted feminists, but I was impressed that they made no apologies for it and were quite upfront about their point of view. The report was fairly lengthy and frankly some of it was dry reading. The authors did provide supporting data for their arguments and it gives anyone who would be intellectually honest with themselves at least pause to think.

I truly commend poly for being a rare writer that finally got cockolding correct ...so many get wife sharing turned into wife loaning..like the article said..this should be done together ..communicate ..and always be together ...great job

Interesting perspective. Valid points and agree that it is first and foremost built on trust and transparency between the couple.

I do think that people strive to achieve their fantasy, whether it's feasible or satisfactory for both is another question.

Personally, seeing my girl have sex with other men and being denied in chastity and being humiliated is a big turn on. Of course, this is not forced on her and she enjoys her dominating side.

In the end I think it's a conversation with each other on how to achieve both person's fantasy.

@mletrout I hesitate to comment given your status as a social anthropologist you said 'the odds are woefully stacked against most of us finding any real satisfaction or success in anything but the short term, and even then it tends to create lasting conflicts which inflate over time. People, even the most well adjusted among us, tend to feed their anger, even as they pretend it doesn’t exist.'

What evidence do you have for this claim?

For our own part, my wife and I have enjoyed sharing our bed with others (always one at a time) for over three out of the last four decades, the most recent decade being not possible only due to totally unrelated health issues. We are in our mid-70s, I have had a prostatectomy and my wife is no longer able to enjoy penetrative sex. That's the kind of thing that can come along at our age. There has never ever been any anger or recrimination on either side. I am not pretending there haven't been a few minor ups and downs, of course there have over such a long period of time, but nothing of any consequence. Our marriage has always been a happy one, the only time it wasn't was before we started sharing.

Your claim that 'people tend to feel their anger even if they pretend it doesn't exist' I find offensive. For a start, it sounds like an assumption rather than anything based on scientific evidence. Going by my own experience I find it insufferably patronising and hardly the measured comment I would expect from an academic who claims to be a social anthropologist.

Congratulations PSW for successfully unravelling the cuckold narrative for the myth that it is in relation to how partner sharing is really likely to come about. I would say every point you made applied to us.

Interesting, I enjoy my wife knowing pleasure more than anything, and our personal sex life is wonderful. She is eager, often initiates, and willing to try anything that does not hurt. I am above average size, very virile, and do not enjoy being humiliated at all.

I just love to watch a man that is nice enjoy her and her enjoy him. It does not have to be huge, just nice and firm. Watching it penetrate, watching her lips spread as it goes in, watching them as they both orgasm is incredible, by then I am hard as a rock and I take her next. Often watching gets them going and he gets seconds, sometimes I do also. Your article makes me realize that maybe I am not all that different.

You are so dead on with your perceptions of cuckolding , I am a 67 year old male that wears a chastity device , I used to be a chronic masturbater , my wife has no involvement , but knows I am wearing a cage daily , she is my age with zero libido . I won't cheat on my wife so self imposed chastity gets me through a no sex marraige ........works for me. I started with a cb2000 in 2000 . More often than not I'll go 2-4 weeks locked up , just to see how far I could go a few years back I went 5 months , no orgasm . It was tooooo long and the resulting release at the end was not worth it . We used to play with others 15 years ago but then she found God again and all that came to halt , she even confessed to her priest what she had done . I don't know about most men my age but every single friend of mine that are my age all got shut down on sex from their wives once every one hit their sixties. All of my friends are now in sexless marriages not because they can't get hard it's because the wife says NO . I believe it's due to their extra weight at 66 and don't want the husband to see them naked anymore along with low hormones so no sex drive.

I'm not sure you have any real facts to back up your claims. I will say this however anytime you invite someone else into your marriage and bed you run the risk of destroying your marriage.

You make claims about the men in these relationships saying they are very secure in there ability ko keep there wives happy but you have 0 prof of this. Since you like to generalize I will do the same. Many women equate sex and love. I have some personal experience with this my ex wife was guilty of it and it is at least in part why we are no longer together.

I have no problem with anyone who would like to try this lifestyle. However be aware there is a very good chance one of you are going to end up falling out of love with the other. Weather it be the wife who falls for a bull or a husband who can't keep his jealousy in check. If you try this set very clear rules. Weather it be no kissing or no anal or must wear a condom. Men will feel betrayed if your rules are broken and the chances of fixing your marriage after the are close to 0.

Honestly as someone who was betrayed and my marriage ended be very very careful you are playing with fire.

Good job. You're right, a real-life relationship can be much different than the fantasy, porn, or all the memes we see everywhere. It's also different between couples. For example, it doesn't have to include male chastity for the husband. Or, the husband doesn't need to be a shrimp down there, he just might get off on seeing his having fun with other men. 5-stars!

"Wife sharing has been going on for centuries. And that's what cuckolding is, essentially."

The problem with this definition is EVERY relationship other than a monogamous one makes the husband a cuckold or the wife a cuckquean. An open marriage or when they are in a foursome makes these terms apply to all involved.

If the term cuckold offends you, then this definition makes it apply to the vast majority of the stories posted on Literotica. And that begs the question: why would people knowingly read stories very likely to offend them?

It is a fetish, it is not mainstream sexual behaviour by any stretch of the imagination. Even you try to make more of the practice than what it is. You are wrong. Simple as that.

You are entitled to your opinion, good luck with that.

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Well, everyone has an opinion, especially when they are not burdened with facts. I believe that what consenting adults do in private is of no concern to me. Any man that is an unwilling cuckold will feel humiliated, angry, betrayed and deeply disrespected. Guys who get off watching their wives fuck other men are a rare breed. I guess I’d lump them in with the other fetishes. Again, I say to each his own, but I have to wonder why these guys and swingers bother to get married? Maybe they get off by debasing the concept of marriage? Makes little sense to me and certainly provides no erotic stimulation.

I still say that a cuckold is a mentally ill man, abused by an equally sick woman. Both are used by a parasitic male, self styled “bull”, who is too immature and damaged to sustain a normal human relationship.

You have spent considerable time and words trying to convince people that this a choice of lifestyle and not a form of prostitution. You are a free whore, not even worth paying, the difference between you, and a an actual streetwalker is the height of your soles. The tricks come to street walker, you go to yours.

Any male who subscribes to this is lost and weak. Any female who wants this isn't worthy of a real man. She can have the monkey constantly in his birthday suit.

Great information well written, and we'll thought out. I have read a few it the comments, I see many being critical, trolling. Having experienced most of the good and bad in this article in real life I can say she nailed it. This is what it is like to bring another man into your bed. You have to communicate every possible detail before, and after.

I was involved with a couple many years ago, and you are absolutely spot on with your comments. It was him that persuaded her to take up the swinging lifestyle and he enjoyed her being pleasured by other guys. I'm not saying that it was all plain sailing and in the end they split, but not because of the lifestyle.

one idiots opinion is not the basis for a civilization. Note the fall of the current civilization? Because too many idiots have been let loose on society!

I liked your essay. In my opinion, it is very constructive. While my wife and I have never been involved in this lifestyle, I did stumble across the subject when stuck in the house due to strokes. The only thing that really bothered me was the humiliation aspect. I read of a few guys writing on Reddit that they enjoyed being deliberately humiliated. Some cuckoldresses and one cuck wrote that it was just role playing. However, a cuckoldresses who was a psychologist wrote to me that she doubted that many ducks were being totally honest. Like I said, it was the humiliation that bothered me. My mom frequently humiliated my dad. I discussed this with my sister. We agree that this humiliation a couple times a week for years caused Dad to lose his will to live. He stopped taking his meds and died of a stroke. Mom humiliated Sis and me when we were kids, again 1- times a week. We left home as soon as we could. In the Navy and Corps of Engineers, we were taught that deliberate humiliation is bad. It reduces self esteem of humiliated people. The only exception was if someone was humiliated for doing something really bad or of making false accusations, etc. Keith Ranker

While recovering from strokes I foolishly read postings that defined “real men” as those who are well endowed and good in bed. My life experience told me that this isn’t true. Out of curiosity, I checked the definition of “real man” online. Everything I read said that being a real man has absolutely nothing to do with being well endowed, etc. It is all about being faithful to his wife and family, integrity, etc. Keith Ranker

You got some right, but you white washed the fact that cuckolding puts you marrige at risk. You white washed most of the negatives that can occur. Im sure that most people who enter this lifestyle do not intend to leave there spouse. But to say it rarely happens is disingenuous at best.

My wife once ask me if I wanted to bring someone else in. I said it's a great fantasy but was not sure I would like the reality. I found out years later she had been cheating for year and only asked if I would like to do it to ease her own guilt.

Frankly most men could never handle the reality of watching there wife have sex with someone else. The reason cuckold stories trigger people I'd most people instinctively understand this. It's a great fantasy but the reality suck for most people

Wow that was Really Insightful you seem to know what you're talking about. And Not Only that but Everything that You've side could be Applied to a 'Cuckqueen' Relationship for those who don't know a 'Cuckqueen' is Basically the Lesser Known Version of a 'Cuckold' but with the Reverse where the Husbands are the ones having the sex while the Wives Watch Instead so basically a 'Cuckqueen' basically the Revers of a 'Cuckold'. But on another note I guess it's just like the Fantasy BDSM and the Reality of BDSM where the Reality BDSM not only Communication is Key but also the Slave is the one in control of sorts by telling the Dominate of what they want out of it and if things get too far they have a Safe Word, but in Fantasy BDSM it is the Dominates that are in control and the Slaves Opinions are Worth Shit to them. And if the Slave Doesn't like what is being done to them than too Fucking Bad for the Slave have No Choice in the Matter and it's all about the Dominate anyways and not the Slave. Unlike Reality BDSM it's all about the Slave and Less about the Dominate. And what I mean by that is that in Realty BDSM it is about Turning On the Slave and Not The Dominate Unlike Fantasy BDSM where it is the Opposite.

Thank you so much...

Outstanding.

A very interesting and insightful bit of writing, and I,m sure will get many people: male and female, to think long and hard before going down the cuckold road.

Excellent article with real life info. It’s refreshing to see someone who knows how the real thing works out it out there so people know how this works in real life. It seems like 99% of the stories on Literotica with cuckolding as a theme are so blown out of proportion, it gets exhausting. Thanks for setting it straight PolySwingerWife.

This is typical of a person in a poly-swinger-whatever lifestyle trying to sell her lifestyle and recruit new people to their ways. They know that their numbers aren't enough and they need more variety than they currently have. They are all "salesmen and saleswomen. They care nothing for problems swinging may cause. In my "club girl" years, many of us were invited regulars to many northern California events. It was always disappointing. Older men with wannabe diva wives, more sag than brag, and lots of booze and boobs. And there were always one or two big-dicked douche bags walking around like they were the chosen ones. They made us cringe. Now every now and then we would meet a couple and have fun but every time I met a couple, they were new there as well and they were never coming back. I also saw on occasion, a veteran couple working to separate the wife from the husband in order to have her to themselves and keep the husband occupied elsewhere. Ugh, they were like predators. It wasn't as sexy as I had hoped and we kept hoping that it would be better the next time, but it really wasn't and never better than the hot guys at the clubs. Not even close. This article leaves out all the bad stuff and only pushes the fantasy because only in fantasy, is this sexy.. And most wives, at least among my peers, would lose some respect if our husbands wanted to be a cuckold. Who wants to be married to that? Trust me, if you are in such a strong, loving marriage, why fuck with that and risk losing something that is, in of itself, rare these days. And for the record, I have no religious or spiritual moral compass. These words are just what I know, so there.

women who cuckold are the worst assholes one could ever know. They have no integrity and without character and are horrible women and bad for our society.. They should be avoided at all cost men.

if my wife ever did this i would nor even say a word about it to her as i would on a day she would never expect I would wait for her to go to sleep like any other night and once she is in a deep sleep i would go get my baseball bat and beat her brains in then I would put her in a SUV and take her whore ass into the desert and set her ass on fire and then dig a ft hole and throw her whore ass in and driver off and live my life. I always say women make sure you know your husbands real well because some men do not play this stupid cuckold thing. I am a old time Italian /Sicilian and we do not play this shit

women who actually do this are in their hearts is what is called a whore and slut. Seriously wives who do this are the worst kind of women. and POS women