All Comments on 'Dad Dies Ch. 01'

Excellent story 5 Stars I can't wait for the next chapter.

Interesting concept, you come up with great ideas 5/5

Great start your punctuation is getting better 5 Stars

A great read.

Looking forward to future chapter

Wonderful story, I am looking forward to reading the next chapter!

Bravo, but...the dialogues are stilted, not like people communicating in real life; the two characters are talking like automatons, not like mother and son. Where is the mourning for a dead husband/father? Sorry, jd but I don't think this story has earned an 'H' so I hope your other contributions, and the next part of this tale are better - I'll check them out.

The story is fine and it leaves me waiting for the next chapter

Begging for approval is crass, poor taste. You cheapen my appreciation of your story.

Bravo, but...the dialogues are stilted, not like people communicating in real life; the two characters are talking like automatons, not like mother and son. Where is the mourning for a dead husband/father? Sorry, jd but I don't think this story has earned an 'H' so I hope your other contributions are better - I'll check them out.

So far, So good. Written with a British Flair. I like it so far. Waiting for following chapters.

Addressing the composition aspect of your story first, the dialogue is fairly well done and consistent throughout--if a little stilted. All the Writers' Workshop issues pass muster though the sentence construction will, I hope, begin to flow a little more naturally in the chapters to come. (The chapters that I hope are to come.)

It's a given that most incest stories call for a suspension of belief in order for the "serious business" of emotional transition (that between mother/son as familial mother/son to that between mother/son as lovers) to take place rapidly so that a story doesn't stagnate. This story assumes (or at least HINTS strongly) that there had been a pre-existing understanding between the mother and the father that the son would step into the father's sexual role after his death. With that as a given, then the plot setup unfolds as expected.

Two things generate a negative reaction in me (as a reader and a man who loved and lusted after my own late mother): 1) There seems to be NO sense of emotional pain in either of the two protagonists at the loss of the man who'd been the emotional rock of both their lives to this point; and 2) the superficial conversation between the mother and son regarding the widow's clothing choices for going OUT to eat a fine dinner on the VERY DAY of her husband's death is off-putting as it totally disrespects the deep meaning he supposedly had in their lives--serving up blatant disregard of any serious recognition of the husband/father's death.

It's all very well and good that the mother/son recognize their physical attraction to each other--that's the whole point of this story--but SOME perspective as to the meaning of that attraction and whether it would have met with approval from the late husband/father would have made the budding relationship considerably more erotic and posed greater anticipation of events to come.

As I re-read my comments they sound overly critical--which I do not mean them to be. This has the makings of a good, long, and erotic tale, and you've made a good beginning. I am looking forward to seeing how you develop the relationship. Please keep writing.

MLJ

All backstory and no story. Wait until you have written a full story to submit. This was just boring.

Good build up. I can't wait to read more. 5 Stars.

Like the story but 10% is a cheap tip...just saying

Over the moon is used too frequently, the dialog is stiff and stilted. But there's a good foundation there to build on so keep at it, please.

I too think the storyline is disrespectful. I cannot believe that an ex-nun could behave in such a way on the day of her husband's death. It really doesn't ring true. Whilst I can perhaps believe that they would go out for dinner because they didn't fancy cooking, I doubt that a) the bedroom scene would ever take place - especially with the comment about showing respect to her dead husband whilst flashing her son and b) the conversation over dinner definitely couldn't have happened.

And what was the bit about the credit card about? I just can't work out what that had to do with the story.

You need to tone it down. At this rate they will be having sex on top of the coffin as it goes into the furnace.

Not a bad story, a little jumpy at the beginning but has good potential. I look forward to a part 2 very soon

A tender story that is filled with love and mystique.

Reminiscent of my mother and I during my father's illness.

10% is a sign of a cheap tipper. 20% is the norm.