All Comments on 'Dancing With the Stars'

I was getting aggravated with the continuous focus on her breasts (we get it, they're large), and the too often repeated phrase "at length," but then you came through with this and turned my frown upside down:

"'Aahhhhh!' If her exclamation during the previous round had been of the breathless variety, this was more in the area of a scream, or at least a very loud shout."

Thank you, thank you, thank you for not having everyone screaming and shrieking, "I'm cooommmmiiing!" all over the place. It's a ridiculous and overused trope, and you thought enough of your readers to not feed us that garbage. At least by the second page. I had to stop reading to tell you this in my excitement. Back to the story. I'm very much enjoying it so far. The sexy sequences are actually sexy and not stomach-churning displays of grossness. Kudos.

Aaand only five paragraphs into page three and we have another "at length." It's been used so often I stopped reading to look up the definition to make sure it meant what I thought it meant.

"'What a dickhead.' Karen's bright red curls bounced as she emphasized her indigence." I think you were going for indignance. Indigence is poverty.

"maintained the seal" "a slight pop when she released him" are tropes that need to die. I was so happy you avoided writing "every last drop."

Overall a good story. Excellent job with describing the sex scenes. I felt the sex with Chris and Charlie were hot, and the sex scenes with Maria and Mario were a bit tedious and long. I found myself trying not to skim those passages. I suspect that has to do with Chris and Charlie's lack of enthusiasm or interest in having sex with them.

The sex between Chris and Charlie was hot. I greatly appreciated that you didn't have them screaming and shrieking, "I'm coommiing!!" at every turn. Describing their orgasms is much more erotic than telling us they're occurring.

The sex between Chris and Maria and Charlie and Mario were a little tedious. I suspect that's because Chris and Charlie weren't enjoying it and both Maria and Mario are annoyingly verbose during sex, not because it was poorly written.

Fyi: a little typo. "'What a dickhead.' Karen's bright red curls bounced as she emphasized her indigence." My guess is you were going for indignance. Indigence is poverty.

"Maintained the seal" and "a slight pop when she released him" are tropes seen way too often. Thankfully you did not spring too many on your readers. "At length" is peppered a bit too liberally throughout the story. The continuous focus on her breasts (we get it, they're large) quickly became monotonous.

It's a well written story. Chris and Charlie are likable and sympathetic characters, the story moves along nicely, and the ending is satisfying without being unrealistic or cloying.

Well done! Two strong characters. A very well developed love story. A super job with your first Erotic Coupling story. K

great storytelling. thank you!

I liked this far more than I expected. I always get disturbed by the kind of cold-hearted sex that you describe between Mario and Charlie. So happy in this case that the attractive characters find a way to be sexy, hot AND humanly engaged at the same time.