Dangerous Liaison

"God forbid," David deadpanned.

"Only I've passed out on the floor and no one can bring me round. I wake up in hospital three days later."

"What the hell was it?"

"The doctors called it FUO. Which is doctor speak for they don't know!" I laughed when David rolled his eyes. "I wouldn't have gotten so sick if I had stayed hydrated and rested, but that wasn't really an option with my grandparents, so it really took me down."

I held up a hand to indicate a pause and went and got some cold San Pellegrino, passing one to David I sat and took a deep breath.

"Thanks," he considered me. "I'm not going to like the next bit am I?"

I shook my head, took a sip and then faced him.

"My grandparents didn't like the doctor who was in charge of my care, mainly because she was black, but I had been so sick at one point they had the crash team on standby and the hospital didn't give them a choice. I couldn't be moved. A couple of days after I came round, Dr Harris comes into my room and sits down. She was acting really odd. But she very carefully explained that they had done many tests, including genetics, to try and find the source or cause of the infection."

David nodded, no doubt he could have listed most of the tests.

"And she asked me, very gently, if I was aware of my African-American heritage."

"What!"

"I had African-American bloodlines on my paternal side."

"Wow. Did your grandparents know?"

"They knew."

"So how far back? Were they able to tell you?"

"Not far back," I admitted, and picking up the photo from the table I handed it to him. "Lee Franklin wasn't my step-father. He was my father."

David gazed from me to the photo and back. A look of absolute shock on his face. "They lied to you?"

"My whole life. And he wasn't responsible for the crash. My Mom was driving, and the drunk driver was coming the other way."

"Jesus!" David just blinked and shook his head, placing the photo carefully on the table and pulling me in. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry."

"Just in case it ever comes up, once we're official. Frankie knows all of this. And what I'm about to tell you."

"What?" David pulled back and stared at me. "How. Why?"

"I'm a huge fan of his dad's music. I vaguely knew Frankie for two or three years before I found out who his dad was. I was hanging around Rome for a gig, after a competition, there's this obnoxiously loud whistle and then my name being called. I look up and it's Frankie, like, come over. I reach the table and he's sitting with Juan Vega-Perez. I had never put it together."

"How does that lead to Frankie knowing your family history?"

"I joined them for lunch. We had starters, then as the pizza is arriving." I smiled as David mouthed 'Pizza?' and looked shocked.

"Yea, yea. When in Rome! Anyway, Mr Vega-Perez asked me. Straight out. 'Are you like my Frankie? One of your parents is black?' Frankie was stunned, but so was I. No one had ever asked before, but somehow, his dad saw it."

"I'm ashamed to admit it," David said quietly. "But I would never have thought to ask you."

"Of course not. Frankie's dad is literally the only person who ever has."

"But I'm a doctor. I'm trained to be observant." His brow was furrowed as his eyes darted over me. Average brown hair, average brown eyes, average features. I had always considered myself averagely, average.

Grinning, I leaned forward and gave David a quick kiss. "I don't think there's a human being on this planet who doesn't judge to some extent, in some circumstances, on skin colour."

David was staring at me like he was trying to X-ray me, and I laughed. "Don't look so worried. It's fine."

He shook his head slightly. "I'm never going to assume again. I'm going to ask all patient's their background regardless. There are some instances it could have an impact on diagnosis."

"Lesson learned," I teased him, then laughed when he reached over and dug his fingers into my hair.

"The texture's weird," he mumbled.

"Oh thanks!"

"I mean, different to mine."

"So therefore weird?"

"No, it's just," he broke off when he saw me laughing at him. "Oh, fuck off!"

It just made me laugh harder, but then I calmed. "Where was I?"

"Rome."

"Oh yea. Mr Vega-Perez is one of those people who you just tell all your secrets to. And he's really wise. That's why Frankie knows."

"Frankie's wise as well," David said. "Robbie spends more time with him than me, and he said people make assumptions because he's so bubbly, but we know he's got a good head on his shoulders."

"I can see that," I nodded. "So, Dr Harris called in Drew and his parents, even though it was 11.30pm, and we brainstormed and came up with the most likely scenario being that Lee was my dad and they had lied for some reason. Drew stayed the night and the next day a hospital lawyer and Drew got busy, and by the time my grandparents came in that afternoon we had a copy of my birth certificate. A series of letters regarding the fact that my dad had been forced to do a blood test before they would let him be named as my father, because I was so light-skinned, and that was instigated by an anonymous letter sent to the registry department."

I took a drink and cleared my throat. "No surprise I recognized my Grandma's writing."

"Oh, for Christ's sake!"

"And a copy of the report of the crash. They walked in and it was me, Drew and his parents, Dr Harris and the lawyer."

"Bet they weren't happy," David suggested.

"Immediate reaction. We did nothing wrong, and they're gonna sue Dr Harris. The lawyer was like, 'Bring it on, he's an adult.'" I shrugged. "They have never apologized or admitted being in the wrong. Because in their eyes, raising me white was the right thing to do."

David reached out and took my hand, smiling slightly as he considered the difference in our skin tones. "Wow! And how do you feel about it now?"

I considered, "I'm lucky it was Dr Harris who found out and told me, because she was super cool and handled it really well. Really like it was no big deal. Being mixed-ethnicity and light-skinned. She said loads of her family were quite light-skinned. And she made it clear that the lies, that was the really big deal, she was like my champion."

"Mixed-ethnicity? Is that your preferred term?"

I laughed, "Wow, well that's a can of worms! If it comes up in conversation, I would normally say mixed-ethnicity or mixed-heritage, but also clarify my dad was black. Otherwise people just get confused. I hear mixed-race a lot, especially when I'm in the States, but it's hard. And a lot of people aren't comfortable with that. Most people I know in the UK and in the States with a similar background to me, identify as black."

David nodded, "Yea, I do. Dad's white, but he's never had an issue with me and Robbie identifying as black."

"My personal feeling is, why the hell does it matter, but I suspect my upbringing has given me a rather simplistic view," I admitted. Then moaned in pleasure when David grabbed me and kissed me deeply.

When he pulled back a little, I mumbled against his lips. "Don't you want the rest of the story?"

"What? There's more?"

"Yea," I smiled. "We're getting to the best bit now."

David shifted us around until he could both see my face and cradle my hand and lower arm in his lap, his fingers massaging my skin gently. "Okay, go."

"A few days after being discharged, I had been helping Drew study for his final exam, and when we were done he asked me if my grandparents had spoken to me yet. I admitted, not one word. I told him I had withdrawn all my money from the bank and I thought I had enough to get to Toledo, via numerous buses, to see if I could find my dad's family."

"Toledo? Spain?"

"Toledo, Oregon. Turns out that's where I was from." I could see David bringing up a map of the US in his head.

"Wait, that's about as far from Fort Lauderdale as you can get!"

"Yep. They couldn't have got further away with me unless they left the country."

"And you bused it?"

"Well, Drew asked me to wait until he had done his exam, which was two days away, and said he would come with me. He said I wasn't well enough to travel alone, I was still quite weak. I said, 'Closet, you can't travel across the States on a bus with me.' He said, 'Yes I can.' And a voice behind us, the window was open, said 'No you can't.'"

I grinned, "We sit there, like 'Oh Shit!' and Malcom comes out to join us with this look on his face."

"Dad-look? I know that one."

"Total Dad expression. So stern, and he told us that I would wait until Drew did his exam, and then we would travel together, but he would get us on the train." I shook my head, still amazed so many years later. "I wasn't allowed to fly for a few months, which Malcom knew, so he sent us on the train. Me and Drew, across the States. It was awesome."

"How long did that take?" David looked fascinated.

"About three days, with a dinky little bus at the end. Getting off that bus in Toledo, so surreal. Talk about small town America!"

"I can't believe your grandparents let you go."

"They didn't! I left a note in the kitchen, said I would be back in around ten days. We already had the return train. Drew's parents were generous, but it was camping and fast food. Malcolm told them that Drew had left them a similar note and was going to be grounded until he was forty when he got back."

David squeezed my hand and laughed from his belly. "I have to meet Malcolm. I LOVE him."

I grinned, "He's great."

"So Toledo. What was it like?"

"Well, you can probably picture Fort Lauderdale."

"Yea, I've been there. Conference."

"Hmmm. Well Toledo probably has about five-thousand people in total, on a really busy day at the height of tourist season." I smiled as David's jaw dropped. "Yea. It's a river based port, under ten miles from the sea. Pretty river, forests, old buildings, a quirky slightly olde-worlde-pioneer vibe and everyone knows everyone's business."

"Bit different."

"Hell, yea. And there's the two of us, both raised in a massive city. I'm exhausted, and Drew's all, 'Look how pretty, we can go hiking, we'll take it easy. Ohhh, look kayaking, are you strong enough to swim if you fall in. Where is everyone?' His eyes everywhere. We agreed as it was nearly lunchtime to try and find city hall before a cheap hotel or campsite, in case it only opened half a day or something. Seriously, it was like going back in time!"

"What did you find?"

"I spot this older lady watching us, shopping bag, leaning on a stick and eyeballing us. Strangers from out of town," I semi-whispered in a suspicious voice. "So I gave her my best smile, and asked, 'Ma'am, can you tell us how to get to the town hall, or city hall?' She narrows her eyes at us and goes, 'What do two young boys like you want with city hall?'"

"Local busybody?" David nodded knowingly.

"The worst," I grinned. "And the best. I told her I was hoping to find some records as I maybe had some family in the area and she tells me I need to talk to 'young Lily' at the library. She shoves her bag at Drew, pushes her arm through mine and we start walking. I tell her she can just point the way, but she's insistent. She's going to introduce me to this Lily, who will be able to help. 'I'm Ma Perkins, you just come with me.'"

I sipped some water, smiling at David's impatience.

"When we walked into the library, I see a young woman, bending down to reach something, just the top of her head, and an older woman, who's mouth is open, eyes wide staring at me. It's weird. 'Got a young man here looking for records to try and trace some family hereabouts,' Ma Perkins announces. 'Told him he needs to speak with Lily.'"

I rubbed my chest with my free hand. "The older lady is like, 'Ma, you are unbelievable.' Then the young lady looks up and, Jesus, I swear I nearly collapsed again."

"Why?"

"It was like looking in a mirror," I told him. "Apart from the fact Lily is a girl and about a foot shorter than me. We could have been brother and sister."

"Who was she?" David asked, eyes wide.

"She froze for about ten seconds. Then she's smiling and crying and she comes around to me. 'Are you Armenia? You must be Armenia.' Then she's hugging me. 'I'm Lily. I'm your cousin. We tried so hard to find you.' It was insane."

"Oh, that Ma Perkins is a right one."

"She was super pleased with herself. She has a flair for dramatics. Heart of gold though."

David tugged my hand, a silent plea for what happened next?

"Ma Perkins took control and spoke to Lily's dad on the phone. Quarter of an hour later these two black guys walk in. Clearly father and son. The younger one just grabs me in a bear hug, but he can't really speak, too emotional, and I don't know, it was weird. I don't have any memories from that time, before my grandparents took me away, but he felt so familiar."

I smiled at David. "Ben was born six weeks after me. We shared a crib, played together. Close as brothers until the day my grandparents disappeared me."

"Shit, that's so sad. Can he remember?"

"Yea, but he grew up with photos and grainy video and the family's frequent attempts to find me. Private investigators and such."

"Seriously?"

"Uh huh. When he lets me go. Lily and Ben's dad. My Uncle Tay. He just cups my face and looks at me. 'You've got Lee's eyes,' he said. 'You've got my brother's eyes.' And we're both crying. I can't talk. AT ALL! He asked me, 'Where were you?' but I just couldn't speak. I ended up sobbing all over him as Drew gave them a quick rundown. Nineteen years in five fast minutes, Drew-style. He left off the gay-thing though. We hadn't discussed it, so he wasn't sure what I wanted to tell them. I mean, we never expected to walk off a bus and find my family less then ten minutes later!"

"My God, Armenia. You must have been reeling." David said. "So Lily is like you. Very light skinned with mixed parentage?"

"Yea, but she had it harder than me. I was raised white and didn't know any different. Everyone in Lily's family is black apart from her and her Mom. So her background culture was different. She had a lot of, I guess you might call it backwards racism. People asking her why her parents were allowed to adopt a white kid, or she's got it easy because she's white. Really intrusive hurtful questions."

"Is she okay?"

"We've talked a lot about it over the years. When I met her she was only seventeen and things were hard, she was struggling. But she's grown into an amazing women. She lectures, and specializes in unconscious racial bias. She talks about her experiences and mine. Really pushes people to look at how they view the world, but she's also really kind. She doesn't expect anyone not to think or have unconscious racial bias, she just wants people to be aware of it and more aware of things they do or say."

David pursed his lips. "I would say I'm as guilty of that as anyone else."

"We all are. What Lily teaches is not to judge yourself, or others, but to be more aware of it."

He looked at me, ready for the rest of my story.

"The five of us drove to my Grammy and Pops house. Uncle Tay and Lily went in to try and lessen the shock a bit. Ben was filling me in, how close we were as babies. How Lily was born on my birthday, but two years younger. How the family had never stopped looking for me. But he only had a few minutes. The door crashes open and this tall, youthful, beautiful woman comes out calling my name. She's like crying my name out, it was desperate. Armenia, Armenia, over and over. Heart-breaking. I was out of the car in a flash. We just grabbed each other and clung. It took them about twenty minutes to separate us."

"Your Grammy?" David said. Not really a question as he gently swiped tears from my cheeks.

"My Grammy," I confirmed and made use of some more tissues.

"Well," I continued. "We settled inside and talked and talked. I told them I was gay. I didn't want to like them and then get thrown out. Drew being a dick told them I was worried they would turn me away. That was after Pops asked if he was my boyfriend and the two of us nearly laughed up a lung!"

David semi-gasped. "The picture in your hallway. That one with the amazing light and what looks like miles of forest behind you, and a river. You, a black guy and you're leaning in together, your heads close, smiling. And another guy, light brown hair with amazing green eyes, really popping in the light. Laughing at whoever is behind the camera. Is that Drew?"

"Yea, that's right. His eyes are gorgeous. They tend to pick up colors around them. Lily took that picture, it was sunset. We were a little tipsy and telling lies about girls, or boys, depending. Yea that's Drew and Ben."

"I take it they didn't turn you away!"

"HA! No. We stayed a week, before we had to head back. Talking and hiking. So many questions to answer, and Grammy's an amazing cook. Ben and Drew were thick as thieves. It was idyllic. There was so much to learn, so many photo's to gaze at. Stories about my dad, and when he met Mom. It flew by. Didn't seem real when I got back to Fort Lauderdale."

"How did that go? Not well I guess, as you're estranged from your grandparents."

I blew out my lips. "Hmm. Well we got back late afternoon. I sent the photo albums and stuff that Grammy had made for me, home with Drew. I really didn't trust my grandparents. They were spectacularly unimpressed with me. On their way out, 'We'll talk later'. Yea whatever."

"You were still pissed?"

"Wouldn't you be?"

He squeezed my arm. "Sure, of course."

"They came back about 11pm. Very stilted conversation. Had I learned what I needed to know? Was I ready to get back to normal now? But David. Normal for me was coldness and total lack of concern or respect. How could I be satisfied with that after the warmth of my other family?"

His eyes closed briefly in pain. "They asked you to chose didn't they?"

"Yea. Put it behind me and move on, or leave their house and I would be dead to them."

David shifted closer. Wrapping his arms around my waist and holding me tight. Squeezing when I grabbed a shaky breath.

"I went and packed a couple of bags of basics and clothes. I didn't have a mass of stuff. Made sure I had my dance medals. Then I went back down and it was like I was already invisible. But I told them it wasn't my choice to cut off contact. I would always be grateful for the fact they clothed and fed me. Gave me dance. I mean they worked hard to pay for that and travelled all around the east coast for competitions and stuff." David just grunted.

"Yea well. I thanked them for all they had done, and told them I would always be willing to talk. Drew's parents would know how to find me. Then I left." I rested my cheek against David for comfort. "I'll never know why they took me. It certainly wasn't for love. Duty maybe. They were the legal guardians."

"You went to Drew's?"

"Yea. Nineteen, kicked out of the house, no money, and it's nearly midnight. I was terrified. Drew's parents had already done so much, what if this was a step too far? I was numb. Anyway, Drew's mom opened the door in her dressing gown. She knew immediately what had happened. She was really angry and really sad at the same time. I asked if I could borrow their couch for a couple of nights, and she slapped my head, like a don't be stupid slap and then hugged me. Then took my bags to their spare room, Drew's sister had moved out by then, and Malcom pulled me into his den."

"His den?"

"Yea. He seemed to know I wasn't ready to talk. He has this little couch in there that looks over the garden. Even at night it's pretty and peaceful. He went and poured two short glasses of whiskey. Sat next to me and handed me one. Told me to breathe it in. Then a tiny sip, let it wet my mouth rather than swallow."

"The man knows his whiskey."