All Comments on 'Date Night with Him'

Can’t wait to see where this leads!!

I liked your story. It was a basic plot but you kept the story simple which was what it needed and I thought it good for a first attempt.

I would suggest shorter paragraphs. Reading on a laptop, tablet or phone is very different from reading a book. There needs to be plenty of white space.

I thought that there were instances when you could have used longer sentences to slow the pace down. The more I got into the story the faster I read and I think the story begs to be read at a slower pace.

There are only two instances of dialogue and again I feel that the introduction of dialogue would improve the story’s presentation. Remember to make each piece of dialogue a separate paragraph. As long as you make it clear who is speaking you don’t necessarily have to use he said/she said etc.

Final comment is that two pages (6k words) tend to be better received than three one page chapters. Working on 6k to 9k is a good idea (in my opinion). I made a mistake with my story BiBi and Will. I submitted it as five chapters and it crashed. Nothing more than 4.00. Submitted it again as one story, which is how I had originally written it, and what a difference in the rating.

I hope my comments help. They are intended to be constructive criticism.

Very good, I liked where you lead me.

Great start. I loved it.

Well done, had me on the edge of my seat and hard in no time.

Off to read part 2.

Cheers

A great beginning....keep going